That isn’t what this episode is about for me. It’s not about getting some approbation from Riley aka the perfect man with a perfect life. It’s about making Buffy realise she is in a destructive relationship that is not good for her, it’s killing her and she says it herself at the end. She was living a life she wasn’t happy with and Riley helped her to find strength to move on.So the takeaway is : Riley was the one who got away, Buffy was completely wrong and is a mess, but now that she got the validation of role model Riley Finn (
who totally didn't cheat on her and put the blame on her), she can get her shit together.
About Briley, Buffy and Riley have each theirs flaws about theirs relationship. I get that you feel that the show never adressed or not correctly Riley for his flaws but « As You Were » wasn’t the good episode to do it as it is in my eyes an episode where Buffy realize she needs to move on for the better and stop looking at the past. Plus, the cheating affair was already solved on « Into the woods » no need to talk about that again. Buffy running after that helicopter doesn’t mean she is the only responsible in all of that, Riley sure has a biggest part of responsibility, it’s just her realizing that she has her responsibilities too and she acknowledged that.
The only thing unresolved between Riley and Buffy is that he didn’t know that she was there when he left town. He believed she let him go, that isn’t true and he needed to know that.
Also, on the DMP scene are you talking about the sex scene between Spike and Buffy behind the wall ? I don’t get the comparison.