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Did Xander ever really get over Buffy?

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#1
Simple question. Did Xander ever really get over his love for the Slayer?

She was the first girl he seemed to truly love (on the show anyway) and he held a torch for her for long time while not noticing Willow's affections for him. He later moved on, but both Cordy and Anya made reference to his past feelings for Buffy and suggested that they might still be there. Certainly he remains close to the Slayer throughout.

In the end I think he does get over his past feelings for her, and just sees her as a really good friend, but it takes I would say a good three or four years for this to happen.
 

thetopher

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#3
S3 'Revelations'- in the intervention scene Buffy seems to think that Xander still has a thing for her but I don't think he does. One- He's with Cordelia and two- he's cheating on her with Willow. Buffy is at the bottom of a very short list at this time.

Add to that him later sleeping with Faith and getting pettily jealous of Cordelia crushing on Wesley and I'd say his romantic feelings for Buffy are fairly distant compared to those two girls.
And then in S4 he has his weird thing with Anya and his reaction to Faith's awakening makes it obvious that he still has conflicted feelings about her- again, no Buffy.

Maybe Angel and Spike should go and ask his advice or something- compared to them he's some kind of guru when it comes to moving on.:)
 
PassionBecoming
PassionBecoming
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#4
S3 'Revelations'- in the intervention scene Buffy seems to think that Xander still has a thing for her but I don't think he does. One- He's with Cordelia and two- he's cheating on her with Willow. Buffy is at the bottom of a very short list at this time.

Add to that him later sleeping with Faith and getting pettily jealous of Cordelia crushing on Wesley and I'd say his romantic feelings for Buffy are fairly distant compared to those two girls.
And then in S4 he has his weird thing with Anya and his reaction to Faith's awakening makes it obvious that he still has conflicted feelings about her- again, no Buffy.

Maybe Angel and Spike should go and ask his advice or something- compared to them he's some kind of guru when it comes to moving on.:)
Disagree a bit here. Because I think it is possible to be conflicted between feelings for girls especially at the age Xander is at. Also, because Buffy made it clear at the end of S1 that she didn't feel the same way about Xander then it would be naturally for someone to try and move on while still having hidden feels for the other person. But I do tend to think that by about mid-S3 than he has maybe gotten over Buffy.
 

thetopher

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#5
Disagree a bit here. Because I think it is possible to be conflicted between feelings for girls especially at the age Xander is at. Also, because Buffy made it clear at the end of S1 that she didn't feel the same way about Xander then it would be naturally for someone to try and move on while still having hidden feels for the other person.
I agree, and that's what Xander in S2 is; conflicted. We see it, it's there for all to see and comment on- Xander is one of those characters that doesn't obfiscate his emotions.
He doesn't really move on from Buffy until right at the very end of the season, and even then I think it was Buffy leaving Sunnydale for months that kinda knocked the 'she's perfect' awe he felt for her out a bit, he started seeing her as a person rather than as some sort of unattainable ideal.
 

brinkster130

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#6
I don't know that Xander was ever truly in love with Buffy, I saw it more as a crush on his new very hot and badass friend. I think Xander's ego was a bit hurt by some if Buffy's relationships but his jealousy had more to do with his own self confidence, or lack thereof, rather than him still being into Buffy.
 

Fuffy Baith

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#7
I don't think Xander really moves on from Buffy until s5. Any time between S1-4 f Buffy had shown interest and made a move he would have dropped whoever he was with and went for her. After s5 he seems to really want to be with Anya. Although SMG and NB wanted Buffy and Xander to get together in S7, but that was dropped as an idea. And now that he's with Dawn in the comics I think it would be weird if he and Buffy ever got together.
 
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#8
I don't think Xander really moves on from Buffy until s5. Any time between S1-4 f Buffy had shown interest and made a move he would have dropped whoever he was with and went for her. After s5 he seems to really want to be with Anya. Although SMG and NB wanted Buffy and Xander to get together in S7, but that was dropped as an idea. And now that he's with Dawn in the comics I think it would be weird if he and Buffy ever got together.
Him and Dawn? Thats interesting!
 
Fuffy Baith
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Yea it's kind of creepy imo.
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#9
I think Xander has an ability to have feelings but not let them control him. He might have harboured residual feelings for Buffy throughout the show but it didn't stop him moving on with his life.

A couple of lines from the comics suggest to me that there might have been an opportunity for a Buffy and Xander relationship between season 7 and 8 if she was interested.

Xander: “Hey, that’s a big deal! I’m a potential romantic interest! I’m on the list—right afterbeing gay.”

Xander: “I rate almost as good as trying to change your sexual orientation. You went—through gay—to me.”
 
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#10
I think Xander has an ability to have feelings but not let them control him. He might have harboured residual feelings for Buffy throughout the show but it didn't stop him moving on with his life.

A couple of lines from the comics suggest to me that there might have been an opportunity for a Buffy and Xander relationship between season 7 and 8 if she was interested.

Xander: “Hey, that’s a big deal! I’m a potential romantic interest! I’m on the list—right afterbeing gay.”

Xander: “I rate almost as good as trying to change your sexual orientation. You went—through gay—to me.”
Its odd, as time goes by I find less and less of a credible reason why Xander would see Buffy. Just feel like if it was going to happen it would have done so by now. Its like their friendship is too strong to risk it with a romance.
 
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#11
Yeah I agree. I don't think anything will happen now either. I'm just not so sure it's as cut and dry as has been stated above. I don't believe he simply got over during any particular season. More just put it to the back of his mind and moved on.
 
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#12
Yeah I agree. I don't think anything will happen now either. I'm just not so sure it's as cut and dry as has been stated above. I don't believe he simply got over during any particular season. More just put it to the back of his mind and moved on.
Thats what I thought too. Yes over time it became less likely, and Xander himself moved on, but if you consider that Buffy was likely the first crush of his life and remained a special part of his life then I think that somewhere he still had a torch for her for quite sometime.
 
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#13
In one of the late season 8 comics issues (written by Joss himself), Buffy actually tries to strike something up with Xander... but he's with Dawn by then. It's made pretty clear that he is in fact over Buffy.
 
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#14
In one of the late season 8 comics issues (written by Joss himself), Buffy actually tries to strike something up with Xander... but he's with Dawn by then. It's made pretty clear that he is in fact over Buffy.
That's the issue I was quoting from above. Like you say he's with Dawn and over her by then but by referencing Satsu it gives the impression that there was a window of opportunity before then.
 
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#15
Xander dropping the girl he's with for Buffy... I don't see it happening unless it's S1 and S2, but by S3 Xander was clearly moving on. Usually when Buffy's dating a guy, Xander is intensely jealous, but we didn't see any jealousy when Buffy started dating Scott Hope or any other guy after, even Angel. His gripe with Angel was the crimes done in S2.
 

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#16
I can't personally say when it happened, but the moment I noticed it, as in had a moment of 'oh, he's over his feelings for her', was Entropy/Seeing Red. His reaction to Spike/Anya is rage and violence, but his reaction to Spuffy is disappointment, not jealousy. Coupled with his words to her on the bench in her backyard, and their friend moment, I realized that he, now, truly just saw her as a best friend and nothing else.
 

Athena

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#17
I would have said it was more a crush than romantic sexual love. I mean sure, he fancied her; she was a cute peppy blonde who could kick ass (who wouldn't!) but actual grown-up feelings wise I never saw it. He loved her as his friend, and would do anything for her as his friend, but that's about it.

I can't personally say when it happened, but the moment I noticed it, as in had a moment of 'oh, he's over his feelings for her', was Entropy/Seeing Red. His reaction to Spike/Anya is rage and violence, but his reaction to Spuffy is disappointment, not jealousy. Coupled with his words to her on the bench in her backyard, and their friend moment, I realized that he, now, truly just saw her as a best friend and nothing else.
This, basically. ;)
 

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#18
I always thought Restless was the writers telling us that Xander's romantic/ crushing feelings for Buffy are officially over. She calls him big brother. In seasons 5, 6, and 7, Xander is very much like a protective older brother toward Buffy, whether involving Spike, Dawn, or Buffy herself.
 
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#19
I'd say it began since he started dating Cordelia in S2. Notice that he stopped being jealous at the boys Buffy notices or dates from the moment he began a relationship with Cordelia.

S3 was mostly him having feelings for either Willow or Cordelia. He didn't care that Buffy was dating Scott Hope or Angel later.
 
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#20
Yes, he does. Because he knows Buffy and he knows Faith. Buffy has all the emotional issues of a slayer, and the emotional issues of a distant father, and the emotional issues of having really two bad relationships with Vampires. Not to mention, the whole coming back from the dead trauma. At this point, Buffy is really just Sweet Dee. So, yes. Xander would get over her.
 
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