Agreed. Definitely. I agree that he believes he consents at the time and enjoys the experience at the time ... but the knowledge that comes after changes the whole interaction and he has a right to feel about that anyway he wants, and the only reason he doesn't seem to feel anything is the time it was written, and the decisions made in the writers room. The truth is - he consents to sex with Buffy, not sex with Faith. and consent with one person does not equal consent with anyone else. if he knew that was Faith he would not sleep with her, but he does not have that information - Faith willingly deceives him.that he doesn't think of himself as a victim, is the time it was written in, more than anything else. That's how I feel.
But Cordelia doesn't have all the information to fully consent either. She believes she is having sex with a man she likes who likes her back, he has told her as much. She believes this could be the start of something special. That is the information she has, that is the context in which she consents. However what is actually happening is she is having sex with a man who sees her as nothing but a subhuman piece of garbage, someone to use and throw away. He is having sex with her specifically to get her pregnant with demon spawn which will kill her within the next 24 hours - when she goes into labour - purely for his own profit. This is how little he values her. This is what the relationship actually is.
Once Cordelia knows all that ... how does a person just go on with life knowing that there are people out there who think your life matters so little? That they are willing to see you die just for a bit of personal gain? Who will lie to you, trick you and use you ruthlessly for their own ends because they do not see you as a person at all?
The funny thing is, Cordelia does actually say something very similar to all that. In Billy. when she confronts Lilah about the way she was used and violated in order to free Billy from hell - and how that made her feel. How being powerless and knowing there were people out there who could kill her and they would because she didn't matter is a way no one should ever have to feel. The show recognises her trauma, her anger and her need for vengeance then. But essentially the exact same thing happens to her in 'expecting' - her body is violated and her life endangered, she is harmed and injured for the gain of another party - so where is her anger then?
It comes down to the writing. They wanted to tell this dark story in season 3 so they went in all guns blazing, recognising how badly she was treated and what effect that would have on her going forward. They didn't want to write that kind of story back in season one so they gloss over it. Like Riley - she is only OK because the writers write it to be that way in a very flawed script. That is what bugs me - they have not earned the right to tell this story. They do not give it the weight it deserves.