- Nov 3, 2016
Well, I may not agree with what you have posted, but I think it’s very well put and I can see where you are coming from. I may not agree, but it certainly isn’t an invalid opinion. Xander, along with Spike, tends to be a very divisive character. I guess it just depends on what perspective we choose to see them.Perhaps she did, but I still feel her points about Xander's behavior are true.
Agreed, with what you've stated thus far.
Yes, but he has also, on multiple occasions, made a point of acting petty about it too. His heroics are never really without selfishness, and that's okay because it's fine to want recognition for the crap you do that others don't. But he's not the only one doing the crap others don't want and he thinks that just by being a normal guy fighting off baddies without superpowers makes him entitled to the recognition and sympathy he denies others.
Like when Buffy, to quote from the article, "suffering from the aforementioned trauma of killing the love of her life at the exact moment his soul gets restored, runs off to another town to try and recover.....but when Buffy returns, Xander takes it upon himself to berate her and generally try and make her feel like shit."
He further humiliates her by insensitively stating things like, "Look. I’m sorry that your honey was a demon, but most girls don’t hop a Greyhound over boy troubles."
And again to quote from the article, "he’s calling her “selfish and stupid” and is dismissing Buffy’s emotional trauma of killing a loved one to save the world as “boy troubles”.
I just don't see how in this moment and many others through the series he can be thought loyal or a good friend. When someone has a traumatic experience and they have to go away for a little while before they can return, and regardless of the way they left, you don't say stuff like that. It's not supportive, it's not okay, and in my opinion that's not what a true friend would do. Doesn't matter if he or others were worried, you don't beat down on someone who has already taken a major beating (no thanks to his own actions to lie to her about what Willow said). And I know that if it were me and someone said something like that after I had been through hell I would have dropped them like a hot potato.
As for him getting over Buffy, he sure is quick to criticize every relationship she's ever had with another guy for someone that is "over her". Guys who are friends have no right to get up in your face over the relationships you have with other men, especially considering the types of relationships he's been in. And you don't see Buffy obsessing over who he dates like he does with who she dates. And despite his valid feelings about vampires, guys who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I mean, he's been attracted to and dated various demonic women. Again, what right does he have to criticize Buffy's choices?
No, he acted condescending towards her. Was impatient with her. Didn't seem to get that for over 1,000 years she's been a vengeance demon against men. That's not something you can quickly change or morally educate, and in fact it's amazing that she trusted a guy enough after having seen the crap that they do to women for over 1,000 years to be in a relationship and get married to one. And what does said guy do? Leaves her standing at the alter. What makes him shitty was the way he constantly talked down at her whenever she said something awkward. He never just tried to gently correct. His words and his tone always held an air of condescension. Like, "I know you're to thick to understand, but listen to what I'm saying Anya" sorta feel to it.
And no, it doesn't excuse the fact that she killed men. But she was a vengeance demon and he went into the relationship KNOWING she had been a vengeance demon. Knowing she had a history of killing men. If he couldn't accept that and couldn't be patient with her as she learned how to reintegrate herself into society and her occasional slip-ups, he shouldn't have went into the relationship to begin with. And he definitely should not have taken it as far as the wedding day only to abandon her and then later be criticizing her choices to go find comfort and solace in the arms of another man when the one she wanted to marry left her.
I guess when it comes down to it, the way I see it is that there are different levels of misogyny. Warren is a blatant upfront misogynist whereas Xander has more subtler elements woven into his behavior. The petty statements he makes about other female character's love lives, his criticism of their choices, his undermining of their decisions and dismissing of their feelings, his own ego, failure to recognize his own hypocrisy, and his unapologetic overbearing and at times obsessive behavior towards the women in his life just don't come off as exactly friendly, loyal, or non-chauvinistic. Maybe he can be a good and loyal friend at times, maybe he has grown in some ways, but I feel like for the most part his character in this series has been left wanting. And yes, I agree every character is certainly flawed and has at one point or another been really shitty to each other.
I also apologize for escalating this and for the impoliteness of my own speech and character. I respect and acknowledge the fact that you have a right to a different opinion than me and that your personal views on Xander are no less valid than mine. But I don't think I personally can ever like his character. For me, his good points don't outweigh his bad. Especially when it takes seven seasons to get there. But in any case, thank you for the debate. You've made some good points.
Best just skip to the bottom. I tend to write like I do college essays, long in depth analysis with a summary at the bottom. Lol.