- Nov 26, 2007
What if these two losers had gotten together while being roommates in the basement of doom? What changes would have happened to the storylines and the characters on the show?
Since both Xander and Spike are assholes, I imagine that their relationship would be completely physical for a long time. It'll take more than one season for them to admit that they like each other. Xander would surely hide the relationship from his friends because a) he's gay and b) he's being gay with SPIKE!! (Spike would totally use Xander's shame to amuse himself)
Tony Harris would walk in on them one day (yep, they're doing it day and night) and would kick Xander out of the house. Unable to tell his friends that he was kicked out because he was a) gay and b) with SPIKE!!!, Xander finds a cheap room in a very poor and unsafe neighborhood and demands that Spike helps him with the rent.
Spike suggests scaring people for money, but Xander gives a firm no, so Spike ends up scaring Willy into hiring him in his demon bar - which doesn't go well at all after Willy and the other demons find out about Spike's fangless situation, and Willy finally makes up for years of being bullied and ridiculed by Spike by bullying and ridiculing Spike - who quits on the spot because he's a proud vamp.
That doesn't sit well with Xander who tells Spike that he himself endures humiliation as well as pizza delivery dude. They end up fighting and Spike leaves Xander - who gets kicked out by the landlord for his inability to pay the measly rent on pizza delivery salary.
Xander ends up on the street, still not ready to come out to his friends and has no place to go to. He tries to trick Giles into letting him stay at his house, but it doesn't work (will be revealed to you soon!)
Xander ends up in the cemetery where he finds Spike. He's living in a crypt now. Spike offers to let Xander stay in his place only if Xander agrees to be the solo provider. Poor Xander is too desperate and agrees.
The crypt sucks! It's got no bed, no bathroom, no TV... it's no place for a human to live in. Xander eventually builds a bed for himself and manages to make the place human-friendly via carpentry - that's when he realizes he's skilled in that area.
Spike ends up admiring Xander's work. The boy has managed to put a fridge and a TV in the dank crypt. They have different tastes in TV shows, as Xander is more into Science Fiction and Spike is more into soaps. It's a constant battle over the remote, so they try to find a show they'd both agree on watching. It was disastrous - Xander made a dig at a character reading poetry and how much he hates poetry, to which Spike made a half assed dig at Xander's floppy hair. Spike's least favorite Friends character is Chandler. Xander believes that Joey should have ended up with Dawson and not Pacey... etc
But then, the unthinkable happened: They both despise Captain Planet, and for an unexplainable reason he reminded them of Angel, and for hours they were mocking Angel's speech patterns and face and walk and telling stories about Angel's epic fails, and stupid hair, and stupid leather jacket. Their laughs and smiles were real for the very first time, and they slept huddled together on the couch.
------ (I just realized gay Spander gave Xander more storylines than S4, S5, S6 and S7 combined.)
What happened to Anya?
Anya walks in on Xander and Spike having sex in the basement. She's undecided whether she wants to join or feel betrayed. She chooses the scorned woman card, hoping it'll get her her job back. She screams at Xander for cheating on her! And then summons D'Hoffryn. She makes a wish: Xander's balls in place of Spike's eyes and Spike's balls in place of Xander's eyes.
Xander and Spike are horrified.
D'Hoffryn ain't impressed. He argues that Anya shouldn't have dated Xander in the first place for "once a cheater, always a cheater" and disappears.
Anya is devastated. Xander tries to explain and offers her some comfort but she ain't hearing it. She doesn't know where to go or who to confide in. She goes to Willy's bar to try to appeal to the demons - 'cause humans are untrustworthy - but the demons have never really been that trustworthy.
She ends up being saved from a demon feeding on human hair by one dashing Rupert Giles. Anya is captivated and she misses sex. Last time she had sex was last night for God's sake!
Giles isn't sure if he should since she's Xander's girlfriend. She waves it off and tells him that they broke up. Besides, she was wasting her time with an inexperienced teenager. She wants a real MAN!!!
Anya falls in love with Giles' muscular arms and also his mind - she can have intelligent discussions with the man and actually feel her real age which is 1954. Giles also discovers that Anya is more than Xander's annoying blabbermouth girlfriend and falls in love with her gruesome stories (they compare and contrast between their dark pasts).
All is well in the land of Ganya until a homeless Xander shows up one night, and Anya opens the door. Xander freaks out when he sees her and runs away. Anya stands there, shocked and confused, the wounds from his betrayal make her snap the door shut. "Who was it?" Giles asks. "No one," she answers solemnly.
She hadn't slept that night. She headed towards Xander's house to tell him that she found a better man and that the Giles sex is much, much, much better. But Xander's drunken mother tells her that Xander's father kicked him out after he found out he was playing for the other team.
The annoying human feelings of sympathy won over her hurt, and she told Giles everything.
What about Willow?
Willow could go gay as well, or remain straight. Either Oz sticks around, or she ends up with Riley.
What about Buffy?
Instead of Spike, Buffy could fall in love with a wizard (who is in Willow's wicca group). It'll be a new relationship (we already did the slayer/vampire dance) and he will be human, but with powers.
I wanna write lengthy Willow and Buffy sections but I'm very tired. So, what's your version of what the show is gonna be like if Xander and Spike had hooked up in S4.