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If you want to say 'thank you' don't say 'sorry'

Spanky

Scooby
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Aug 12, 2008
Messages
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Black Thorn
I came across this and thought someone might like it..
1-6.jpg



We often apologise assuming that people will appreciate our politeness and good manners. But in most cases, the other party is much more pleased to hear words of gratitude from you rather than an apology. Talented illustrator Yao Xiao, using everyday situations as inspiration, helps to explain why «thank you» is sometimes better than «I’m sorry» in this cartoon.

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Blaze
Blaze
There I fixed it!

Blaze

Let it Burn
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The one reason I don't like this is that most illustrations on the right would apply with someone with social anxiety or depression, and sometimes you can't really just switch it up to be more positive.

Overall good idea to say thank you instead of sorry, but that's not easy for some people.
 
@Mr. Pole The left, the right, I dunno I'm French!
 
S
Spanky
The left? or the right?
thetopher
thetopher
True. If somebody is saying 'sorry...this' all the time then you should give 'em a cuddle. :)

Fuffy Baith

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Sineya
Pretty interesting. I think I say both Thank You and Sorry a lot. It just depends on the situation for me. If I can tell someone is not enjoying my company then I apologize, but if we're doing good then I say thank you. But like Blaze said there's more to it for people. If someone is consistently saying sorry, I try to reassure them and tell them they don't need to apologize.
 

brinkster130

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Sineya
I dig this. I say sorry all the time; I don't even realize I'm doing it, and most of the time I'm not genuinely apologizing for something, yet it is so ingrained in my everyday speech.
 
S
Spanky
Yes, that's me. Or it was, I noticed it a few months ago and been working on it.

Mr Trick

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I dig this. I say sorry all the time; I don't even realize I'm doing it, and most of the time I'm not genuinely apologizing for something, yet it is so ingrained in my everyday speech.

Its kinda the same with me, sometimes I just do it out of nerves.
 

Taake

I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too.
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Black Thorn
Yeah, I felt like I wanted to like this, like there was a good idea in there somewhere, but bottom line for me was pretty much what Blaze said. The more positive is not necessarily directly applicable to everyone or even possible.


For me this comes across a bit like a nicer way of saying "well maybe you should just try harder"/"have you tried not being sad/depressed/insert whatever here", to people who truly struggle with these things.
 
@Mr. Pole I just dont see the connection..

Well plenty of people who say stuff like "Sorry I'm rambling/take up space/a disappointment" actually feel that way. If you do, it's not like flicking a switch and going "oh wait, no I don't, I'm thankful for this person here listening to me, how kind of them. I should say that." It's not like it's a conscious thought-process most of the time, it's just how you feel.

While it may be more socially desirable, as well as possibly (maybe... if it becomes genuine) positive for the person apologizing, it's hard to re-train your brain to go into "thankful/appreciative mode".
 
S
Spanky
I just dont see the connection..

Spanky

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Black Thorn
Ah. So not like it said being said because it's thought of as being the polite thing to say, but because they actually feel sorry or remorse dramatically. I see what you mean now.
 

Blaze

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For me this comes across a bit like a nicer way of saying "well maybe you should just try harder"/"have you tried not being sad/depressed/insert whatever here", to people who truly struggle with these things.

That's kind of how I feel too. The comic has a nice message in the sense that we should be grateful for our friends and appreciate them. But also, as a friend/family etc, if someone is always saying sorry, even for things that they shouldn't be sorry for, you should probably ask them why they feel that way. Not ask them to be thankful instead. Phrases like "sorry I take up so much space" are usually phrases you hear people with anxiety/depression say. Telling those people, well you should be thankful instead of saying sorry, really is the same as saying, well you should be happy instead of being depressed. It just doesn't work.
 

Spanky

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even for things that they shouldn't be sorry for, you should probably ask them why they feel that way.
Because it was habit. Because rather than saying 'traffic was backed-up and I couldnt get there on time' easier to say 'sorry i'm late' when I am brainstorming and throwing out random ideas as quick as they get in my head, easier to say 'sorry i'm rambling' to let the person know it's okay to ignore half of what I say.

I used to say sorry multiple times a day. Especially when I worked at Hell, inc. Since I have gone into business for myself I've noticed how much I would apologize for things that were not my fault and no longer feel compelled to.

When you are conditioned to apologize for any perceived 'wrong doing' it is difficult to see it happening and how often you do actually say it.
 
Blaze
Blaze
I also think it was the point the author wanted to make, I just think maybe they didn't think how this might affect people with issues beyond that

Blaze

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Because it was habit. Because rather than saying 'traffic was backed-up and I couldnt get there on time' easier to say 'sorry i'm late' when I am brainstorming and throwing out random ideas as quick as they get in my head, easier to say 'sorry i'm rambling' to let the person know it's okay to ignore half of what I say.

I used to say sorry multiple times a day. Especially when I worked at Hell, inc. Since I have gone into business for myself I've noticed how much I would apologize for things that were not my fault and no longer feel compelled to.

When you are conditioned to apologize for any perceived 'wrong doing' it is difficult to see it happening and how often you do actually say it.

I agree in situations like this where it is conditioning. It's in situations where there person is legitimately sorry and feels like they need to apologize because they are doing something wrong where it goes beyond conditioning that it becomes a problem.
 
S
Spanky
I thought that was the point of the article.. where it was conditioned and viewed as socially acceptable and good manners to always apologize. I didn't think beyond that until now.

GwenRaiden

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When you are conditioned to apologize

That's exactly it. I think it's a societal problem. I also think telling people who are depressed, not sad, to "cheer up" etc is being pushed out there more and more, and normalised. I think people with mental illness are becoming targets much more often in society - be it in welfare cuts, physical violence from fellow humans, verbal abuse, and generally not respected. So I can see why comics like this could sting a bit for those who suffer from mental illness, it could be considered part of the problem in manipulating attitudes.
 
Blaze
Blaze
Agreed on both counts

ILLYRIAN

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Continuing the mental illness theme, a politician will quite use the first part of the example but they should use the second part of the example.
 
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