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Odd Whirling's Twydark Zones

Discussion in 'Introduction To The Watcher Diaries' started by Ayko, May 4, 2017.

  1. Ayko

    Ayko Ambassador

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    The following is an unfinished work (with Godzilla in the climax) is a slap-stick style parody that includes Buffy (as Sarah Slayer) along with The ExTerminator, Darn InVader, and a host of others...enjoy

    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v Superman**


    Odd Whirling's Twydark Zones The Movie
    story and script by Ayko...Willy Luke Muschiol
    with thanks and all due respect to Rod Serling and The Twilight Zone


    You unlock this door with the key to imagination. Beyond it is another door. You don't have another key so you try the same key as before but your imagination has lost the image. You try to bust it down but you only bruise your arm. You then try the door knob and, voila`, the door opens. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimented dimension with visions of a window breaking for no reason. *SMASH* A dimented dimension you only need one eye to see. See the big eye? *wink* A dimented dimension with letters that are equal to other letters and numbers. *E=mc2* You're moving into a dimented land of both shadow and substance. How else you gonna’ have shadow without substance? A land of things and ideas, whatever that means. You've just o’clocked over into The Twydark Zones.


    Odd Whirling: Good evening and welcome to The Twydark Zones. Tonite we will deal with episodes to do with the time paradox. The time paradox has boggled the minds of physicists for centuries. For example, if one were to travel back to some past date in history and kept your parents from ever meeting then how could one ever be born and then do that. Because time travel is possible, according to theoretical physics, the paradox exists. All us Star Trek fans know that the line 'Beam me up, Scotty' was never used by Captain Kirk. After a time displacement echo is set in motion following the timeflow displacement caused by Romulan renegade Niro, new time lines have influenced the chain of events within the world of the Spaceboat Enterprise as space and time is enveloped into dimensions of the Twydark Zones...


    Captain Kink: Captain's Log, Stardate 4554 month two day one. Captain Kink reporting. We are in orbit around an uncharted green desert planet in the Dirty Bone system. Ship’s scans show no life readings.

    Kink: You're analysis Mr Speck.

    Speck: Nothing but green sand covering the entire planet. The atmosphere is filled with enough oxygen to support human life.

    Kink: As in for a short visit?

    Speck: No logical reason exists to visit a small sphere of sand.

    Kink: Kink to Sick Bay…

    MeOy: MeOy here.

    Kink: Meet us in the transporter room for landing party duties. And Ligaments...

    MeOy: Yes, Captain?

    Kink: Do we have one of those old style dune buggies on board?

    MeOy: In storage but, the build it yourself instructions are missing.

    Kink: You think we could put it together without them?

    MeOy: How should I know? I'm a doctor, not an IKEA supervisor.

    Kink: Ligaments, meet me in the transporter room. Uhura, Sumo, Checkon...you're with Speck and me. Kink to Engineering...

    Sloppy: Sloppy here, Captain.

    Kink: Sloppy, you have the bridge.

    Sloppy: Aye, Captain.


    On the planet surface the landing party takes care of their duties. Uhura removes her uniform to display a belly dancing outfit and does The Dance of the Green Sands. Sumo challenges Checkon to a Sumo match pointing out that the sand will cushion any falls. Checkon accepts and is laid down again and again by Sumo. MeOy builds sand castles and declares 'he is a doctor, not an architect' before kicking the sand castles away. Speck is digging a hole to see if anything exists under the surface. Kink puts his dune buggy together.



    Suddenly, a futuristic Romulan Warship decloaks in front of the Starboat Enterprise. Romulan renegade Wierdo opens fire. Sloppy returns fire using photon red matter torpedoes turning the Romulan Warship into a tiny black hole. Sloppy contacts the landing party to warn them landing that the Enterprise will be sucked away if they do not leave the vicinity fast. Nobody can locate Kink who lost his communicator while racing around in his dune buggy. Sloppy beams up the landing party except for Kink. The crew has no choice but to bring the Enterprise to a safe distance out of transporter range and wait. The intro theme begins to the tune of Gilligan's Island...


    *Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale. A tale of a fateful trip,
    that started from this cosmic port aboard this giant ship.
    The mate was a mouthy logic man, the skipper crazed for sure.
    Landing party beamed down that day for a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
    Romulans started getting rough, the giant ship was tossed.
    If not for the courage of the fearless crew the 'way team would be lost, the 'way team would be lost.

    Sloppy beamed up the crew without Kink from an uncharted desert world.
    With Speck no fun...
    the Skipper too...
    Ligaments...
    and Uhura...
    The Engineer...
    Ensign Checkon and Sumo too...
    here in the Twydark Zones.*

    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v Robin**


    Kink arrives back to find the landing party gone and begins to search for his communicator which he finds.


    Kink: Kink to Enterprise. Beam me up, Sloppy.

    Suddenly a time displacement wave echoes by.

    Captain Poker: This is Luke-Jeans Poker, Captain of the Starboat Enterprise. Please repeat your message and identify yourself.

    Kink: You're Captain who? I'm Captain Kink of the Starboat Enterprise.

    Captain Poker looks confusingly at Commander Bill Biker.

    Poker: I repeat, this is Luke-Jeans Poker, Captain of the Enterprise. This is an official Federation frequency. Are you authorized to use this channel?

    Kink muffles the voice receiver of his communicator and deepens his voice.

    Kink: This is Blob, Commander of the flag boat Fresenius of the Second Federation. Your vessel, obviously the product of a primitive and savage civilization, having ignored a warning buoy and having then destroyed it, has demonstrated your intention is not peaceful. You have been examined. Your starboat must be destroyed. I make assumption you have a deity, or deities, or some such beliefs which comfort you. I therefore grant you ten Earth time periods known as minutes to make preparations. Resistance is futile.

    Poker: What's the matter with him out there? He must know we mean him no harm.

    Biker: He's certainly aware by now that we're totally incapable of it.

    Poker: There must be something to do. Something I've overlooked.

    Biker: In chess, when one is outmatched, the game is over. Checkmate.

    Poker: Is that your best recommendation, Number Two?

    Biker: I regret that I can find no other logical alternative.

    Lieutenant Commander Info: And your mistake. You overworked him, pushed him, expected too much from him.

    Poker: I'm ordering you to drop it. I have no time for you, your theories, your quaint philosophies--

    Info: I intend to challenge your actions in my records. I'll state that I warned you about Kink's condition. Now that's no bluff!

    Poker: Any time you can bluff me, Info--

    Kink: You now have three minutes and three seconds.

    Poker: Not chess, Commander Biker. Poker. Do you know the game? Lieutenant Woof, open channels.

    Woof: Channels open, sir.

    Poker: This is the Captain of the Enterprise. Our respect for other life forms requires that we give you this warning, one critical item of information that has never been incorporated into the memory banks of any Earth boat. Since the early years of space exploration, Earth vessels have had incorporated into them a substance known as Corn-on-the-cob. It is a material and a device which prevents attack on us. If any destructive energy touches our vessel, a reverse reaction of equal strength is created, destroying--

    Kink: You now have two minutes and two seconds.

    Poker: …destroying the attacker! It may interest you to know that since the initial use of Corn-on-the-cob more than two of our centuries ago, no attacking vessel has survived the attempt. Death has little meaning to us. If it has none to you then attack us now. We grow annoyed at your foolishness.

    Kink: You have genesis, but you don't have me. You wanted me, Poker. You'll have to come down here. Do you hear me? You'll have to come down here!

    Poker: I shall leave you, as others have before me I’m sure. Marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet. Buried alive.

    Kink grows a face of smiling rage as he lays down four aces and shouts...

    Kink: POKER!!!!!!!!!

    Captain Poker leans back in his chair with a look of exaltation and satisfaction as he lays down his five cards.

    Poker: Royal Flush.

    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v Alfred**

    Odd Whirling: Waves and ripples of time displacement have been spreading out from the world of Star Tracks with no limits. They have reached the world of The ExTerminator, as he is now called. On the displaced time line, The ExTerminator has a Star Tracks communicator that opens a time portal whenever 'Beam me up Sloppy' is uttered. With it, The ExTerminator can travel to any date and continue his ongoing mission to find Sarah Gellar after Sarah Connor became a successful comic book character. However, the time displacement has left the ExTerminator without the date where Sarah Gellar is to be found. That does not stop a stubborn ExTertminator from continuing his quest to find Sarah even if he must play along with time displacements meandering within the Twydark Zones...

    The ExTerminator opens his Star Tracks communicator.

    ExTerminator: Beam me up, Sloppy.


    A dark round hole with sparking electrical bolts forms and opens a time portal. A slot machine lever presents itself from the hole showing four windows for the time, day, month and year. The ExTerminator pulls the lever and the four spinning numbers stop one after the other from left to right.


    12:14 pm - 07 - 04 - 1984


    The ExTerminator enters the time portal hole. He exits the portal in Los Angeles in a quiet neighborhood. Kids are heard playing in the background. The ExTerminator looks around and focuses on a large bearded man using a telephone booth wearing a leather jacket. He approaches him and analyses his clothes.


    ExTerminator: No dark sunglasses?

    Large man on the phone: I beg your pardon?

    ExTerminator: Take off your clothes and give them to me.

    Man: Listen bud, I'm on the phone so put a few miles space between us, fast. And get some sun. You need it.

    The ExTerminator grabs him by the shoulder and tosses him to the north.


    Man: Okay jumbo, you wanna’ play?

    He gets up and socks The ExTerminator across the jaw. A high pitched ting sound is heard as he connects. He quickly connects a left to the gut. A loud rumble is heard and The ExTerminator blows a thundering fart.

    Man: Wo! A fart like that deserves respect. Your hide's tougher than a school spelling test. What you made of?

    ExTerminator: Mostly stainless steel. I am an ExTerminator.

    Man: Jeez, why didn't you say so. I'm no fool, to take on an ExTerminator. Wait.

    The phone booth is again in use by a drunken slob who is snoring. The man in leather removes the drunken guy’s shades and pushes him to the ground.

    Man: There you go. Just your pant size, too.

    ExTerminator: And shades!

    The ExTerminator puts on the dark tinted sunglasses, the pants and shirt.

    ExTerminator: You shall accompany me as my sidekick on the hunt for Sarah Gellar.

    Man: What you talkin' about there mumbo jumbo?

    ExTerminator: I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.

    Rip: The name's Rip. And I can't get involved. I've got work to do. It's not that I like the Empire, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it right now. It's such a long way from here.

    ExTerminator: That's your neighbor's uncle talking.

    Rip: Oh, man, my neighbor's uncle. How am I ever going to explain this?

    ExTerminator: Learn about the Forse, Rip.

    Rip: Look, I can take you as far as Adelanto. You can get a transport there to Las Vegas or wherever it is you're going.

    ExTerminator: You must do what you feel is right, of course.


    The ExTerminator opens the thick L.A. telephone directory. He comes to the name Gellar with the page full and none show first names or initial.


    ExTerminator: Its going to be one of those days...

    Odd Whirling: The time displacement ripples can sometimes knot and loop in the space time continuum causing certain situations to be repeated over and over but never quite the same. Darn InVader has been caught in such a repeating time displacement loop but, how long will he be stuck there, and in the Twydark Zones…

    A wrong time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

    Imperial Commander: The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.

    Darn InVader: Where are those transmissions you intercepted?

    Rebel Officer: Transmissions? Ahh errr, they are, errr ah, in engineering computers…password is--*CRUNCH*

    InVader: Shazbot!

    Odd Whirling: As time displacement waves radiate out in all directions they eventually come back and bring others with them from The Twydark Zones….

    Captain Kink is cruisin' with his moon buggy on the green desert planet. He spins brakes and comes out of a cloud of sand dust looking at a bright red old style telephone booth named Tardy. Kink knocks on the Tardy when he is suddenly transported inside to face a man dressed as a surgeon.

    Kink: Who are you?

    Doc: Doc Hu. And you?

    Kink: Who?

    Doc: You.

    Kink: You are you?

    Doc: No, I am Hu.

    Kink: Who what?

    Doc: Just Hu. Doc Hu.

    Kink: I get it. A challenge. You must be insane.

    Doc: I assure you, I am not insane. I am Hu!

    Kink: How the hell should I know?

    Doc: Know what?

    Kink: Who's on first.

    Doc: What?

    Kink: Watt’s on second.

    Doc: You are a twit.

    Kink: I am no twit and no twitter, you facebooker!

    Doc: Yahoo to that.

    Kink: Yea who to what?

    Doc: What?

    Kink: Watt’s on second.

    Doc: On second?

    Kink: Yea, and then you say, ‘I dunno’, go ahead, say it, ‘I dunno?!’

    Doc: I dunno?

    Kink: Aydunno’s on third base.

    Doc: You are totally off your rocker.

    Kink: And you are unoriginal.

    Doc: In what context are you referring?

    Kink: Come on, admit it. The telephone booth idea you got from Superman and the telephone booth costume change. Don't deny it! It is written all over your Tardy too late to deny it..

    Doc: What are you talking about?

    Kink: Your copyright infringements.

    Doc: You are obviously a maniac marooned here for whatever mayhem you installed upon yourself.

    Kink: And the phone booth routine is stolen from Superman and the old Clark Kent superhero metamorphosis.

    Doc: What is that you are removing from your person?

    Kink: A time anomoly changer benefitinger displacer of times lines that rhymes.

    Doc: What does it do?

    Kink: That is top secret but I can tell you since you have that type of left road side dialecting accenting like James Blonde. If you flip this cover and twist this knob there and then utter the words 'Jim Beam me out Sloppy Scotty' a Leprachaun appears to grant you three wishes and a bag of salt and vinegar chips.

    Doc: Jim Beam me out Sloppy Scotty.

    A thin and narrow time displacement wave comes by. Suddenly, Doc Hu is in the dune buggy with the driver's seat on the right side as Kink travels the reaches of time and space with the Tardy, course heading Metropolis, to warn Superman.

    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v FBI**

    A wrong time ago in a galaxy close enough to be this one…

    Imperial Commander: The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.

    Darn InVader: Well then look in the back up computers and check the crew’s personal computers. Do I have to do everything around here?!

    Odd Whirling: The time displacement waves are making life difficult for the ExTerminator. The Exterminator has no feelings, or so it is thought. Having had no luck finding Sarah Gellar, and crossing the last Gellar name from the phone book page, The ExTerminator intelligently relies on fate and chance to help guide him to the next searching grounds among The Twydark Zones…

    Rip: What if her number is unlisted?

    ExTerminator: Do not make my mission more difficult than it is otherwise I will exterminate you.

    Rip: Fine. And what now, mumbo?

    The ExTerminator opens his Star Tracks communicator.

    ExTerminator: Beam me up Sloppy.

    A dark round hole with sparking electrical bolts forms and opens a time portal. A slot machine lever presents itself showing four windows for the time, day, month and year. The ExTerminator pulls the lever and the four spinning numbers stop one after the other from left to right.

    11:55am - 09 - 01 - 1869


    The ExTerminator enters the time portal hole which is only large enough for him and Rip if they sit down and cross their legs over their shoulders with Rip upside down. They exit the portal in the deserts of the wild west. Their first encounter is with a cowboy hero with no name looking like Clint Westdude.


    Westdude: Howdy strangers. Walking around naked like that, you're just asking for trouble. May even catch a cold.

    The ExTerminator analyzes Westdude's clothes to find the fit is a match.

    The ExTerminator: Remove your clothes and give them to me.

    Westdude: You must have been out in the sun too long stranger.


    The ExTerminator tosses Westdude to the west. Westdude pulls his revolver and shoots. While he does that the ExTerminator carefully undresses him ignoring the gunfire and puts on his clothes leaving Westdude in his Yosemite Sam underwear. The ExTerminator and Rip, still without clothes, continue walking westward. After a while they meet up with another rider on horseback, the Looney Re-arranger and his horse Copper. The ExTerminator waves them to a halt.


    Looney Re-arranger: Wooo Copper. Good day, partner. Can I be of some assistance?

    ExTerminator: Are you Sarah Gellar?

    Looney: Sarah Gellar? I don't think so, partner. I am the Looney Re-arranger.

    The ExTerminator knocks Copper down and pulverizes the Looney Re-arranger before removing his mask.

    ExTerminator: Wearing a mask you could have been Sarah Gellar. You never know. Better safe than sorry.


    Rip puts on the clothes of the Looney Re-arranger leaving him in his Lucky Luke underwear.


    Odd Whirling: Ripples of time displacement are increasing around the Dirty Bone System as the system begins to form a black hole that began with Sloppy’s use of red matter torpedoes and has twisted into a cesspool of red matter like a black hole and is enveloping the entire Dirty Bone System as the mirror universe USS Voyager with a sinister crew led by Captain Kathryn Janeway comes out of faster than dark speed warped. Janeway has a scar running down the side of her cheek put there by Commander Chukogay while both were drunk. Janeway is just looking for any reason to discipline Chukogay. Interestingly, Kathryn Janeway says and spells her name the same in all Zones just like Uhura or Sarah Gellar and Voyager or Enterprise. We will see if the pattern holds true and if an unknown feminine forse is at work in The Twydark Zones...

    Harry Komb: Captain, sensors are picking up a human life reading on the green desert planet now being sucked into the strange hole in space now fully red and the first ever red hole in space that sucked itself in as a black hole.

    Red Hole in space: BURP!

    Janeway: Full power to shields, Mr Penis.

    Tom Penis: Shields at maximum, Captain.

    Janeway: Still picking up that life reading Ensign Harry Komb?

    Komb: What life reading? It is deforming into the curvature of the red hole mixing with the green desert planet to become the first ever blue hole in space.

    Chukogay: Lock sensors onto the human and beam him directly to the bridge.

    Janeway moves close to Chukogay and suddenly backslaps him with a hard left sending him flying to the floor with a broken nose.

    Janeway: Payback is grand and still lots to come you clown with a smudgy gitter tattooed to his forehead for a lifetime. You planning to get a drain pipe tattooed on the other side? Who the hell do you think you are? Mike Tyson?! This is my Bridge! How dare you have a stranger from a planet half sucked into a red hole in space beamed directly to my Bridge?!

    Doc Hu: Where am I? What is the meaning of this? Who are you all?

    Tom Penis: You are on the dark Federation starboat Voyager. Watt’s on second. Hu’s on first.

    Doc Hu: I dunno?

    The entire Bridge crew: Third base.

    Komb: Captain, sensors are picking up a cube shaped vessel approaching. It’s the Borg.

    Janeway: Mr. Threevok, lock transporter on the surgeon whoever and beam him to the Queen’s Borg ship.

    Threevok beams Chukogay along with Doc Hu to the Borg ship.

    Janeway: Threevok?

    Threevok: Oops.

    Janeway with a slight grin: You are now Commander, Mr. Threevok.

    Threevok: Aye, Captain.

    Chukogay and Doc Hu materialize on the Borg vessel. The Borg Queen has two drones approach them.

    Borg drone 1: We are the Borg. Your biological and technological essence will be absorbed and assimilated. Resistance is futile, and we hope you both bathed. Imagine absorbing those humans smelling like crap.

    Borg drone 2: A ghastly thought. I’ll take the surgeon. You can have the one with a Borg thigh tattooed to his head.

    Borg 1: Shazbot!

    Chukogay jumps Borg 1 forgetting the Borg super strength. He is thrown across the console for Borg 2 to assimilate.

    Borg 2: Shazbot!

    The Borg drone kicks Chukogay in the knees and has Borg implants placed in him. Doc is enjoying the sensuous slithering sounds of the Borg Queen and moves in closer for a smell of her perspiring facial flesh. He is instantly taken by her deep dark eyes and makes notes of her torso hooks lodged in her shoulder area exposing her jugular he just cannot resist. He lunges for her. The Borg drone rips Doc away from her and slaps him with a glove.

    Borg 1: I challenge you to a duel!


    The Borg Queen gives the signal as they stand back to back. They take ten paces and turn before throwing their knives. The Borg misses by a long shot striking the other Borg directly between the legs. He goes down. Doc’s knife strikes its target directly in the Borg eye implant. He goes down.


    Doc: Borgseye!

    A wrong time ago in this galaxy and not far away…

    Imperial Commander: The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.

    Darn Invader: Where are those transmissions you intercepted?

    Rebel Officer: Ahh errr, if we intercepted secret transmissions? Ahh…then why don’t you just blow the ship up… ahh…you bad breathing bastard!

    Darn Invader: If I have bad breath, where are the ambassador’s breath mints?! *CRUNCH*

    InVader tosses him to the south.

    InVader: Commander, tear this ship apart until you’ve found those plans, and bring me the passengers. I want them alive!

    Commander: Yes.

    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v Buffy, the Batman Slayer**

    Odd Whirling: As time displacement waves and circumstances take their toll on the time space continuum you may think the mayhem is so complex that it cannot lead to a positive outcome but, be not so arrogant as to assume you know it all. It is darkest before the dawn. The dark mirror universe rip in the space time continuum that has brought us the mirror Voyager crew has torn all the way to Earth bringing in the dark mirror version of Buffy, the vampire slayer, known in the mirror universe simply as ‘Sarah, the Superhero Slayer, or Buffy for short.’ Why make things so complicated when you are the chosen one in The Twydark Zones…

    Sarah: Where in the name of living hell am I? Everything is opposite, sort of. I can see it, hear it, smell it and feel it. I will test my theory on that average person on the street by doing the opposite to my usual thrashing and slaying first, then saying good-bye second. Excuse me, kind stranger. This may seem like an odd question but, please humor me. Where am I?

    Average Joe: Why, this is Metrolopis in good ole You Nork. Why do you ask?

    Sarah: Shut up! I am asking the questions here! Where I come from vampires are cool and vampire slayers are dirty and vicious like witches. That how it is ‘round here?

    Average Joe: If you ask me, they are all a bunch of losers needing a good stake right up the butt. However, technically speaking, you are right. Nice eyes. See ya’ ‘round.

    Sarah: It’s worse than I thought. I am in some kind of inter-dimensional glitch of time and space that is opposite without being opposite, inside out outside in.


    Up ahead a time portal opens inside a costume store. The ExTerminator and Rip unknot themselves and exit the time portal. The ExTerminator is dressed like Jason from Friday the 13th when he exits the store just as Sarah approaches.


    ExTerminator: Stop! Are you Sarah Gellar?

    Sarah: I got no time for autographs, bud, so get out my way before I slay you.

    A crazed fight breaks out as the hockey mask flies off. Sarah is pulverizing The ExTerminator when Rip rushes out the store dressed as a clown and tackles Sarah to the ground. They look up to an injured ExTerminator sobbing.

    Sarah: You’re a robot?! What are you whining about?!

    Rip: He is The ExTerminator, lady! Show a little respect, and have a heart, will ya’. He is gotten very sensitive in his maturity.

    Sarah head butts Rip knocking him out.

    Sarah: Shut your mouth when I’m talking! I despise clowns! Now, Mr. ExTerminator, what’s your story?!

    ExTerminator: Now that I have analyzed your powers and abilities when tuned on during a match I must relinquish any chance of defeating you and therefore again exist without purpose. *sob*

    Sarah: Get real, you slacker! I’ll whip your butt if you don’t stop crying. Don’t you see? Your programming led you to me under secret intelligence so high tech as to cover past present and future. You are Agent T-Ex 99.5! Your name is now The TexTerminator or Tex for short. What the hell took you so long? I have been waiting over a decade for you! Now get back in that costume shop and get a more western looking outfit, you sidekick under my command, and don’t forget to put on a cool hat like Clint Westdude.

    TexTerminator: Am I permitted to wear dark sunglasses?

    Sarah: Yes, you can wear sunglasses. Now hop to it, we got cities to loot.

    The TexTerminator does a hopscotch back into the costume shop.


    Rip: Ohhh, what hit me?!


    Sarah kicks Rip unconscious. A police cruiser pulls along and stops. The Officer rolls down the window.

    Officer: What seems to be the trouble, Miss?

    Sarah: Shut your trap you slacker and take a cruise right out of my business otherwise I will slay you!

    The officers come out of their police cruiser. Sarah disarms them and beats them to a pulp. The TexTerminator joins Sarah with a cool western look.

    Sarah: There you are, Tex.

    Tex: What is our first mission objective?

    Sarah: That wannabe superhero with the big ‘S’ across his chest, Superman. That is my ‘S’ for Sarah Slayer! Stunning Sarah Slayer with spirit, style, strength, success, smarts, sophistication, satisfaction, superiority, supremacy and sex appeal.

    Tex: She is stunning, shrewd, strategic, suave, and subtle.

    Sarah: Stupendously said my slick sidekick.

    Tex: Sank-you.

    Sarah: Wait until I get my hands on that Superman, and you too, Tex.

    Tex: Me too?

    Sarah: He calls himself ‘the man of steel’, that bastard.

    Tex: I am mostly stainless steel. I am the man of steel. That bastard!

    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v Superman II: Bruce Wayne v Clark Kent **

    Odd Whirling: The Forse is strong with Puke Skydiver in both mirror universes. After taking an advanced deluxe version light saber from a Jedi in Star Wars Episode 49, the dark Puke follows the disturbance in The Forse by cutting open a passage in the space-time continuum using the light saber supreme and onto the disturbing glitches throughout The Twydark Zones…

    A wrong time now, in this galaxy in this system…

    Imperial Commander: The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.

    Darn InVader: Where are those transmissions you intercepted?

    Rebel Officer: We intercepted no transmissions. Ehh Ahh. This is a councilor ship. We’re on a diplomatic mission. Ehh.Uhh.

    InVader: If this is a councilor ship where is the ambassador? *crunch*

    InVader tosses him to the east.

    InVader: Commander, tear this ship apart until you’ve found those plans, and bring me the passengers. I want them alive!

    Commander: Yes.

    Suddenly, an activated light saber pierces through space-time and slices open an entrance for Puke Skydiver from the bad mirror universe. InVader draws out his light saber. Puke is pointing his supreme light saber at him with a serious look, then he charges and easily puts InVader down and slices off his hand at the wrist.

    Puke: Join me, Darn InVader. With our combined strength we could end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

    InVader: I’ll never join you!

    Puke: If you only knew the power of the dark side of the dark side. Obi-Dum never told you what happened to your father?

    InVader: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

    Puke: No. It was Superman.

    InVader: No, that’s not true. That’s impossible!

    Puke: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

    InVader: But, he is just a boy.

    Puke: The Forse is strong with him. The son of a bastard must not be allowed to become a Jedi.

    InVader: If he could be turned he would make a powerful ally.

    Puke: Yes…yes. Can it be done?!

    InVader: He will join us or die, my Master.

    Puke: There is more and it won’t be easy to hear. He stole the ‘S’ from our family name, Skydiver, and he wears it across his chest.

    InVader: Lando, Lando is my sister.

    Puke grabs a bucket of cold water and pours it over InVader.

    InVader: Why did you do that?

    Puke: It is an old Jedi mind trick to bring you to your senses. Now listen to me carefully. This Superman calls himself ‘the man of steel’, that bastard!

    InVader: Look at my helmet and breast armor. I am ‘the man of steel’. That bastard! Show me the way once I get a new hand screwed on.

    Puke leads the way to the escape pod where R3-D3 and C-2PO are arguing about using the pod to escape. InVader throws R3-D3 out and Puke simply uses the switch to shut C-2PO off and watch him drop. The two escape in the pod to Earth heading present day Metrolopis.

    Odd Whirling: Captain Kink has still not figured how to work the controls of the Hardy but he is relentless with his plans to arrive at present day Metrolopis. However, finding Superman will not be as simple as one might think. Due to the timeflow anomalies, the ‘S’ in Superman is now the number 5 surrounded by the five sided diamond shape we all know. This has made it impossible to call Superman for help for any reason. How? ‘Help, Five-uperman?!’ It just doesn’t work. It almost sounds like, ‘Five up yours, man!’ Also, with a clash of ‘the men of steel’ brewing let us not forget that another underlining duel is also brewing. Remember that in the Buffy world, Sarah Slayer is the Chosen One, however, Puke Skydiver is also known as the Chosen One according to Jedi Prophecy. Then there is this presence of a mysterious feminine forse. Let us sit back and prepare ourselves for more time paradox episodes from The Twydark Zones…

    Faster than a bullet on speed.

    More powerful than a locomotive without a caboose.

    Able to leap tall buildings but never does ‘cause he can fly.


    Man on the street: Look, up in the sky!

    Woman on the street: It’s a bird.

    Rasta man with a joint: So what, you nevva saw a bewd before?

    Another man: No, it’s a plane!

    Rasta: Well, which iz it, a bewd or a pwane? Iz you all drunk?

    Man: It’s Five-uperman!

    Rasta: Definitely drunk, out of yo’ minds. Here, try some ganja. Iz betta for your health, trust yo’ friendly rasta mawn, mawn.


    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v Jimmy Olson**


    The Dirty Bone system is succumbing to the gravitational forces of the blue hole in space and begins to twist into the vortex. Chukoborg disconnects the Borg Queen from the collective and reconnects it to himself. He turns to Doc Hu and begins to pace as do Borg drones everywhere.

    Chukoborg: We are Borg.

    Doc: We are what?

    Chukoborg: Watt’s on second. We are Borg. There’s a story we heard as children, a parable, and we never forgot it. A scorpion was walking along the bank of a river wondering how to get to the other side. Suddenly, he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him on his back across the river. The fox said, ‘No, if I do that you’ll sting me and I’ll drown.’ The scorpion assured him, ‘If I did that, we’d both drown.’ So the fox thought about it and finally agreed. So the scorpion climbed up on his back and the fox began to swim but, halfway across the river, the scorpion stung him. As the venom filled his veins, the fox turned to the scorpion and said, ‘Why did you do that? Now you’ll drown too.’ ‘No I won’t. You’ll make it to the other side before the venom takes effect. So swim across. It’s in your nature.’

    The dark Voyager narrowly escapes with faster than dark warp speed as The Dirty Bone system is sucked into the blue hole in space turning yellow. The blue-yellow hole in space burps. Aboard the Hardy, Kink is still trying to figure out how the systems work when Chukoborg appears and begins to pace.

    Kink: Computer, intruder alert. Computer?

    Chukoborg: We are Borg. There’s a story we heard as children, a parable, and we never forgot it. Resistance is futile. A tarantula was walking along the bank of a river wondering how to get to the other side. Suddenly, he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him on his back across the river. The fox said, ‘No, if I do that you’ll sting me and I’ll drown.’ The tarantula assured him, ‘If I did that, we’d both drown.’ So the fox thought about it and finally agreed. So the tarantula climbed up on his back and the fox began to swim but, halfway across the river, the tarantula stung him. As the venom filled his veins, the fox turned to the tarantula and said, ‘Why did you do that? Now you’ll drown too.’ ‘No I won’t. I can jump ahead ten times my body length so swim as long as you can and I will jump the rest of the way. It’s in my nature.’

    Kink finds an emergency incinerator button and presses it sucking Chukoborg out into open space. The yellow hole in space burps. This time Chukoborg materializes in dark Janeway’s quarters while she is in the bathtub.

    Janeway: What the hell?! Is that you, Chukogay?

    Chukoborg: We are Chukoborg of Borg, I am the one. There’s a story we heard as children, a parable, and we never forgot it. A mosquito with an injured wing was walking along the bank of a river wondering how to get to the other side. Suddenly, he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him on his back across the river. The fox said, ‘No, if I do that you’ll sting me and I’ll drown trying to scratch the itch.’ The mosquito assured him, ‘If I did that, we’d both drown.’ So the fox thought about it and finally agreed. So the mosquito climbed up on his back and the fox began to swim but, halfway across the river, the mosquito stung him. As the venom filled his veins, the fox turned to the mosquito and said, ‘Why did you do that? Now you’ll drown too.’ ‘No I won’t. I only pretended to have an injured wing. Thanks for the blood. It’s so natural.’ The mosquito flew away and the fox began to scratch.

    Janeway: Yes yes, okay. Apology accepted. Now get the hell out of here on the double and meet me in the briefing room. We are presently utilizing full power of warped engines going faster than dark speed on our way home where we will use the slingshot effect going around the sun to break the time barrier, sign it ‘Badman was here’, and travel back to early 21st century Earth and find that bastard Five-uperman.

    Chukoborg: We do not understand the Captain of Voyager.

    Janeway: Think about it. Superman has dropped the ‘S’ on his chest for a 5 and that is the ancient Roman numeral V as in Voyager. You, Chukoborg, are going to assimilate him and I will make him my slave, with an ‘S’! I bet he plans to call himself Vuperman. I want him by the balls. Do I make myself clear, Chukoborg? I want the ‘man of steel’ by the balls!

    Chukoborg: He calls himself the man of steel? Look at us now with all our Borg implants and machine assimilation. We are the man of steel. That bastard!

    Elsewhere in You Nork, a flash of lights exposes almost transparent reality of a mountain water slide as we see two individuals sliding down ferociously. As they loop and splash along the slide, the image clears as the end approaches and a drop onto the Metropolis You Nork sidewalk concrete showing Susan Calcin and Stoner of the sci-fi film, i Robot, followed by Stunny their sentient robot. They quickly get to their feet as the time displacement opening they seals shut and gone.

    Susan: Well, here’s another fine mess you've gotten us into!

    Stoner: I got us into?! You were the one who wanted to see the stars and meet Superman.

    Susan: That is correct! Imagine wearing our 'S' when we are the 'triple S' unit and can kick his butt up and right through his 'S' arrogantly on his chest. Chest begins with a 'C'!

    Stoner: He should have called himself Chestman and saved himself a whole lotta' trouble. What else do they have on him, Stunny?

    Stunny: ‘They call him ‘the man of steel’.

    Stoner: The man of steel?! The man of-- Did you say, the man of steel?! How come you never told me that Superman calls himself 'the man of steel'.

    Susan: He goes by so many names, who can keep track. Clark Bent, Kat-El, the last survivor of Krypton, bird, plane, 5-uperman--

    Stoner: Okay, okay, enough. Man of steel, eh. Looks like we in for some fun after all. That bastard!

    Stoner turns to the camera with a look of satisfaction and walks in for a close up gazing at the camera to the audience. He snickers and shrugs his shoulders.

    Stoner: What you all lookin’ at?! We don’t waste time with long introductions. We come. We do. We saw. The man of stoogeville extinguished. You see this Cyborg arm. Lungs and ribs too. I am the man of steel, ain't nobody else! You all understand me. You thought Stunny would be leading the pack?! Or Susan, the naggin' wannabe' Boss?! No way mozay! Stoner is head of this outfit of triple S. Ain't nobody else! And I'm thinking about counting Stoner Smith as two 'S's and dumping Susan.


    Susan comes from behind and whacks Stoner with her loaded purse. He goes down hard.


    Susan: Who’s the boss here, bucko?! Stunny, put him on a leash and have him walk on all fours.

    Stunny: Oh, I always wanted my own dog. May I call him Spike?


    They notice an air show with a space capsule that suddenly shows a blow out as it ascends and the theme to The Six Million Dollar Man Begins.


    Steve IsTin, (the Six Sillion Dollar Tinman): Ranger 3, Mayday, I got a blow out.

    Air Control 1: Negative.

    Steve IsTin: I can’t hold altitude.

    Air Control: Altitude is maintaining..,

    Steve IsTin: She’s breaking up, she’s breaking up--

    Steve IsTin, Astro--not. Just ask George Jetson. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him… We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic man. Steve IsTin will be that man. Not of steel but of tin. The budget couldn’t handle it. Better than he was before. Better, Stronger, Faster…

    IsTin: Ready, Agent Sommers.

    Jamie Sommers (the bionic woman): Five-uperman eh?! The man of steel?! Of steel?! Not tin. The man of steel?!

    IsTin: He is the reason that Cyborg is spelled with a C instead of an S!

    Sommers: That bastard!

    **coming soon in 5-D all around home video: Batman v The Undertaker**


    Aboard the Bridge of the Enterprise-D, Captain Poker and Commander Biker are discussing old comic books from mid 20th century Earth.


    Biker: You are also a comic book hobbyist, Captain?! I would have never guessed. Who is your favorite?

    Poker: Well, Number Two, I’ll have you know I often spent the better part of a vineyard yielding grape wine enjoying Badguy & Robber, and of course who wasn’t fond of Vuperman. What about yourself, Commander?

    Biker: I would have to say I prefer Vupergirl to any oddball distant cousin wearing a cape. And Badguy & Robber are lame. Now, Badgirl, on the other hand, she--

    Poker: I’ll have you know that Badguy is the one of the greatest superheroes to have ever appeared in the anals of comic book history, do I make myself clear, Commander Biker?!

    Biker: He was a chump. And Vuperman is a wimp, and a half.

    Poke: You take that back, Biker!

    Biker: Do you know why they call him ‘the man of steel’? ‘Cause, the whole flying with a cape and impervious to harm superhero bit he took from Captain Marvel, he stole it from Marvel and now who is without the ‘S’ too, and can't say 'SHAZAM!’, leaving him saying transform me calling ‘Haz-am has been I am’ only to inflate the ego of the thief that stole it all, ‘Blank--uperman’. Thus, ‘the man of steal’.

    Poker roars in rage as he lunges at Biker and begins to wrestle him. A huge brawl breaks out on the Bridge. In the meantime, sentient android Lt. Commander Info is accessing the data banks on superman & ‘the man of steel’. He suddenly snaps up and joins in the brawl. He pulverizes everybody laying them all unconscious. He signals the computer to set course for Earth just after the release of the movie, ‘The Man Of Steel’ that now playing on the viewing screen as Info looks hard and focused with a slight snicker as the ship blasts forward under his locked command. He utters to himself:

    Info: I am coming for you, ‘man of steel’. You bastard!

    to be continued...

    © Willy Muschiol...All rights reserved past, present, and future
     
  2. Ayko

    Ayko Ambassador

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    coming soon:

    Twydark Zones 2: History Of The World

    Twydark Zones 3: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel…That You Suddenly Realize Is A Light Coming Towards You At High Velocity So You Turn Running Like A Wildman or Twydark Zones 3: Choo Choo Chrains
     
  3. Ayko

    Ayko Ambassador

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    Enterprise-D enters Earth’s system. Using the ‘slingshot effect’, Lieutenant-Commander Info has Enterprise whip around the sun at full speed taking it into a time warp backwards. Info has helm control come to a full stop. The ship slows to impulse power as it approaches Earth. Suddenly, a message is received as another ship nears.

    T’Pol: This is Sub-Commander T’Pol of the United Earth ship, Enterprise. Scans of your vessel show it to be of Earth but I have never come across an Earth ship of such proportions though the design is A-typical of Starfleet. Please respond with your identity, status and purpose here.

    Info: Computer, reactivate com control only for communications.

    Enterprise-D Computer: Communication systems restored.

    Info: open channels. This is Lieutenant Commander Info of the Federation starship Enterprise. I come from your future and my business is not with you so stay out of my way and we will have no problems. By the way, what is the present stardate.

    T’Pol: The future?! That is quite far fetched. The year is 2155. May we continue with added visual communication?

    Info: Women?! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. Computer, activate screen visuals. You say it is 2155? I must have pressed too hard on the brakes. That is 150 years too soon, too soon for stopping, that is, causing us to arrive in a timeframe too late, so to speak.

    T’Pol: That is easy for you to say. I see you are not quite human. I presume you are robotic?

    Info: Robotic?! That is an insult! Next you are going to claim that I am a cyborg! Android, lady! I am an android.

    Info finally takes a good look at the viewing monitor and is taken aback in awe at T’Pol. He pauses a moment and then gives out a loud whistle of sexual allure.

    Info: Wuuu weee! Check out those curves! Android or not, emotions or not, nobody, alive or dead, could resist such a physical form.

    T’Pol: I do not see the logic in commenting on my physical appea--

    Info leaps across the Bridge and has the computer initiate transporters and beams T’Pol directly to the Bridge. Info gazes toward T’Pol as if in a trance.

    Info: There she is, my Sidekick. When we catch up to you, ‘man of steel’, we shall tear you apart from head to feet, limb for limb, like a banana, and turn you into ‘the man of peel’.

    T’Pol: Commander Info? Why have you transported me to the Bridge of your ship from the future?!

    Info: 5-uperman!

    T’Pol: I am not certain I understand.

    T’Pol takes out her communicator as Info knocks it from her hand.

    Info: Do not go there, Sub-Commander?! You are Vulcan, are you not Sub-Commander?!

    T’Pol: Again, Commander Info, I am at a loss to understand the circumstances I—

    Info: 5-UPERMAN, Woman! ‘The man of steel’. Does your Vulcan mind of logic comprehend the ramifications of a human male disguising himself as an Andorrian with a red cape?! It is madness and I intend to put an end to it, and him. ‘The man of steel.’ If I was not an android I would vomit all over you. Computer, plot a course for the nearest movie theatre of Earth showing the feature film, ‘The Man of Steel’.

    T’Pol: I believe you are malfunctioning, Commander Info.

    Info: Computer, portray images of 5-Uperman. You see those images, T’Pol. Prior to wearing a big number 5 across his chest, he had an S, to not only spit on the name of my father, the great Doctor Nothing Soon and the great actor that portrayed him, Bent Spinning, but also the great philosophers of Vulcan such as the father of logic, Sorass, and all his Vulcan followers also with S names. Sorass, Sukker, Sowat, Shmuck, Speck, and all the rest.

    T’Pol: That bastard!

    Odd Whirling: Meanwhile, on an uncharted island in the Sea of Japan, Godzilla is taking a much earned vacation from the hustle and bustle of laying waste to cities and fighting other giant monsters. As you may have guessed, Godzilla is named Sodgilla in the Twydark Zone…

    Sodgilla is lazing around on the uncharted island watching the TV series, ‘Dragon Planet’, and enjoying popcorn and soda as the show comes to a close with the announcement that hopefully all fans enjoyed the final episode of ‘Dragon Planet’. Sodgilla jumps up with a roar, and then listens as the announcer continue that viewers should tune in this time again next week, and the following weeks, for ‘The New Adventures Of 5uperman’. Sodgilla’s eyes turn red with rage as he utters a subtle roar before torching it with his fire breath. On the AUDIENCE screen, subtitles translate:

    Sodgilla: Roooar/Bastard!

    Inside a secret underground facility, scientists are completing the new enhanced 21st century version of the robotic war machine resembling Sodgilla known as Mecha-Sodgilla. The scientists switch him on. He puts on a cape and flies off ignoring commands and controls. Meanwhile, Sodgilla tears his way through Jokio city and plows down the TV stations. Suddenly, Mecha-Sodgilla attacks and challenges Sodgilla who is oblivious to pain in his rage and counters with his own attack pinning Mecha-Sodgilla. He relates his plans, in conversational roaring, to visit 5-uperman and finish him off for good. He adds that Mecha-Sodgilla should team up and tag along.

    Sodgilla: Rooaar/They call him ‘the man of steel’!

    Mecha-Sodgilla: Rroooar/So what?!

    Sodgilla: Rooaarr Roarroar/You lunkhead! That was your gimmick. He is the reason that your title as ‘the monster of steel’ never took off and why your career and popularity was short lived and was never rebooted. Rooarr/Need I roar more?

    Mecha-Sodgilla: Rroooar/That bastard! Let’s go!

    Part 2 to be continued… and here are some additional sketches for the first half…

    I

    [b]Odd Whirling:[/b] As time displacement waves radiate out in all directions they eventually come back and sometimes bring others with them. First, we will see Puke Skydiver of the shadow mirror universe on a perpendicular plain of our reality, opposite but not reverse but not opposite either both too, to the power of two. Puke will steal the ultimate super light sabre from a Jedi Knight in Episode 49 surfing the timeflow displacements and cutting back into the wrong mirror side. We all remember the incident on Tatooine at the Cantina Lounge and Bar of Mos Eisley Space Port when Obi-Dumb was searching for a ship to hire and Puke Skydiver pays his first visit to the establishment. The situation of events is in some kind of timeflow hiccup, similar to those of Darn InVader, with the fugitive at the bar, Ponda Baba aka Bada Bababa (say that five times fast) and his large furry friend not amused in The Twydark Zone…

    Obi-Dumm and Puke Skydiver walk into the Cantina Lounge at Mos Eisley. Puke takes a place at the bar and pulls on the shirt of the bartender facing away indicating he is to serve him a drink. Also at the bar is a large furry beast with the fugitive alien humanoid, Ponda Bababa, with his mashed nose that will be more mashed and bashed, flat and wide, nostrils enlarged, with each time displacement hiccup. He taps Puke on the shoulder. Luke turns to face the two.

    Bababa: He doesn’t like you.

    Puke: Sorry.

    Bababa: I don’t like you either! You just watch yourself. Where we’ve been, I have the death sentence. On twelve systems!

    Puke: I hope it’s not contagious.

    Bababa: YOU’LL BE DEAD!

    Obi-Dumm: This little one is not worth the effort. He truly isn’t. Listen, he is a farmer that is bored to death of farming and left his family plantation with the corpses of his aunt and uncle laying there for the buzzards and without a funeral or burial of any kind. He thinks his father is a Jedi war hero that was killed by a traitor but, in actuality, is the evil Lord Darn InVader that is taking over the galaxy in the name of the Emporium. He also knows a multitude of nose jokes, he snores, he picks his--

    Bababa: Never mind.

    Obi-Dumm: Never mind?!

    Obi-Dumm pulls out his light sabre and strikes Bababa who falls down to the floor with his arm severed from his torso.

    Puke: Why did you do that?

    Obi-Dumm: Did you not hear his blasphemy? He was attempting an old Jelly mind trick to send my mind to never being. Never mind! Not with this Jelly- Master. They don’t call me Obi-Dumm for nothing.

    II

    Bababa taps on the lower back of the person standing at the bar as his furry beast friend roars. The ExTerminator turns around and removes his sunglasses looking down to the small totally bashed mashed smashed face of Bababa as he looks high up to the face of The ExTerminator.

    Bababa: He doesn’t, *gulp* umm, like you.

    The ExTerminator pulverizes the furry beast and turns back to the bar. Bababa grabs his arm and jerks him back around.

    Bababa: I don’t like you either! You just watch yourself. Where we’ve been I have the death sentence. On twelve systems!

    ExTerminator grabs firm hold of Bababa’s head behind his neck and smashes his face against the bar leaving him with the worst bashed mashed smashed crashed flat face to date.

    ExTerminator: Now maybe they won’t recognize you on those twelve systems.

    Obi-Dumm: This little Bababa is not worth the effort. Now come, let me get you something.

    ExTerminator pushes Bababa aside as Obi-Dumm draws his light sabre. ExTerminator tosses him into the Stormtroopers come to investigate the source of the disturbance. They arrest Obi-Dumm and take him away.

    III

    Bababa taps on the shoulder of the person at the Cantina bar. Sarah Slayer turns around.

    Bababa: He doesn’t like you.

    Sarah: Some people have no taste, but some do have one heck of a smelly. Your friend, for example. And look at you. You look like you’ve been sparring with Mike Tyson using a loaded glove?

    Bababa: I don’t like you either. You just watch yourself. Where we’ve been I have the death sentence. On twelve systems!

    Sarah: You best be cautious then.

    Bababa: I’LL BE DEAD!

    Obi-Dumm: This little one’s not worth the effort. Now come, let me get you something.

    Sarah: Who you calling ‘little one’, you old robed wino beggar?!

    Sarah beats Obi-Dumm to a pulp and pushes the hairy beast down onto the laying body of Obi-Dumm as she moves to walk out non chalante. Just then a slicing super light sabre cuts a time portal opening to the scene sucking away the goody Puke like a vaccum as the dark Puke from the shadow mirror universe swings his super sabre and then quickly puts it away as Stormtroopers, come to investigate, look on. Sarah stops by the Stormtroopers and points out the area of hostilities to them on her way out. Puke quickly grabs the light sabre of Obi-Dumm away from him as he subtly points out the corpse and Obi-Dumm. The Stormtroopers nod and slowly move closer.

    Puke: Obi-Dumm, I see you have constructed a new light sabre. Junked the old one did ya’?! Here, allow me to polish off my fingerprints--I mean to polish off my finger fungis debris. There you go, all yours for all to see as you position it upright in front of the middle of your face and your eyes gaze from left to right as if collecting witnesses to your deed as you deactivate your light sabre and then ease it in its holster behind your robe for all to see. That’s it, slowly, with the Farse, as I wink to the Stormtroopers and nod in your direction without you noticing on your Jelly-Master ego trip.

    Obi-Dumm: Chewin-tobacca is second mate on a ship that might suit us.

    © Willy Muschiol...All rights reserved past, present, and future.

    Abbot & Costello ‘Who’s on first?’…