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On the topic of women....

HoppyHippy

My arse is not pansy!
Joined
Jan 20, 2008
Messages
5,691
Location
Australia
Sineya
How many others out there were taught to behave like a lady? Told to be polite and say thankyou and never make a fuss or misstep? How do you think this influenced the world, and do you think it is changing now?

Feminists appear to be seen at two extremes, either over the top with their freedom of voice or excessively strict in social standing. If you have girl bits, where do you fit? If you don't, what are your expectations of women, specifically young women- do you want them to be sugar and spice and all things nice, or individuals with the choice and chance to be heard? Even if you don't like what they say?
 

Bluebird

two by two, hands of blue
Joined
May 17, 2008
Messages
5,849
Black Thorn
I was woefully unprepared for how strict and rule-based the rest of society is in comparison to my upbringing with my parents. The only rule growing up was don't be a dick, and I was taught to value empathy.

Society is a load of silently agreed upon rules and regulations (which seems to me very strict on gender roles) that we are born into, not one that we choose.

Both me and my sister have this sense of self that I feel is lost in some people, because they are so defined by how others see them. But then it's not always a blessing to have an polar opposite alternative upbringing, since it gets frustrating when your brain naturally questions 'why?' to every expectation of you.
 

ILLYRIAN

Druish Pervonian Wizard
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
5,771
Age
63
Location
Toodyay
Black Thorn
Both you and your sister have a sense of self! What? You I can believe but even your sister the Haggis murderer!
I don't feel my respect for you or the Haggis murderer are confined in any way to my view of you. Mainly as I have no idea what either of you look like. Though you do have several things going for you:
You are both Scottish.
You both have conversed with me in words other than bog off.
Oh, yeah, and you are both in Black Thorn.
 
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Bluebird
Bluebird
I certainly don't look like my avatar lol. I have more hair for a start

ILLYRIAN

Druish Pervonian Wizard
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
5,771
Age
63
Location
Toodyay
Black Thorn
Bet you got that sun tan on a weekend trip to Edinburgher.
PS who cares if I spelt the city name of Edinburger wrong?
 
Buffy Summers
Buffy Summers
Faith :p

brinkster130

Riley's BFF
Staff member
Joined
Oct 28, 2010
Messages
5,903
Location
Los Angeles
Sineya
I was taught to be polite, say please and thank you, not to make a scene or fuss in public; but it was never taught in the context of act like a lady. I can't remember a single time anyone ever said anything about being "ladylike" to me. My parents just didn't want me or my siblings to be rude.
 

ILLYRIAN

Druish Pervonian Wizard
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
5,771
Age
63
Location
Toodyay
Black Thorn
Do you hold your pinky up when having a drink or do you hold your middle finger up having a drink?
 

RachM

I'm busy. I'm brooding.
Joined
Nov 8, 2017
Messages
753
Location
Australia
I was taught to be polite, say please and thank you, not to make a scene or fuss in public; but it was never taught in the context of act like a lady. I can't remember a single time anyone ever said anything about being "ladylike" to me. My parents just didn't want me or my siblings to be rude.
This was pretty much my upbringing too. I was taught to be polite and mind my manners but never in the context of "being a lady" more just "being a decent human being."
 
DeadlyDuo
DeadlyDuo
Same here.

WillowFromBuffy

Extra flamy candles!
Joined
Apr 18, 2017
Messages
4,468
Age
30
I really need some pushback from people, because I have tendency to get hung up on my own ideas. Therefore, I am grateful to the women I've met who've had the strength of their convictions. Also, timidness and tact are just boring and mostly useless qualities.
 

HoppyHippy

My arse is not pansy!
Joined
Jan 20, 2008
Messages
5,691
Location
Australia
Sineya
Thanks for the replies. This is interesting to me, I was asked to "act like a lady" frequently. Or told "That's not very ladylike!". Every single time I go out lately someone wants to hook me up with a man, because "You're such a pretty girl and shouldn't be alone". Is it rude to say I would rather spank men than bed them? Within the last 10 hours I have been told to "smile more, you're a pretty girl when you smile" which makes me want to never go out ever again, cos sometimes half my face is numb and I don't know what it is doing lol.

Society is a load of silently agreed upon rules and regulations
Yeah and they are so different everywhere. A lot of my anxiety comes from not knowing the rules. If I act in the ladylike manner I was trained to, I get patronised frequently. And then I get mad, but that's breaking to rules too. The expectations of the society I am in now is that it is wrong to choose to live alone and wrong for a woman not to like/want children.

sense of self that I feel is lost in some people,
Defo lost in me haha. I am constantly trying to act normal so I don't get locked up. It is exhausting!

not to make a scene or fuss in public
What is considered making a scene? I remember dancing in David Jones when I was young, the aisles were so big and empty, it was the perfect place! I got in a lot of trouble for being an "embarrassment". And I cried, which got me in more trouble. Now when I dance, or do qi gong in public I get yelled at by strangers - is it them making the fuss or me? Life is so confusing!

"being a decent human being."
I don't think I have that one figured out. What are the rules for that?
 

spikenbuffy

You hurt her&I'll beat you to death with a shovel!
Joined
Jul 31, 2018
Messages
797
Age
24
Location
France
I don't have a father since I was born, my mother doesn't really behave like a lady, she doesn't see to behave like a lady to be important, she doesn't like to cook...
So she never said to me to behave like a lady, since I was a child, I can do what I want.
But that can't be said that when I was in school, I was never seen weird by my schoolmates (girls themselves) because I didn't wear make up or didn't dress girly...
 

brinkster130

Riley's BFF
Staff member
Joined
Oct 28, 2010
Messages
5,903
Location
Los Angeles
Sineya
Every single time I go out lately someone wants to hook me up with a man, because "You're such a pretty girl and shouldn't be alone". Is it rude to say I would rather spank men than bed them? Within the last 10 hours I have been told to "smile more, you're a pretty girl when you smile" which makes me want to never go out ever again, cos sometimes half my face is numb and I don't know what it is doing lol.
Ah, I've been asked about my relationship status so much. Mostly by strangers; which is so odd, because what do they expect me to say? "No one is interested in me?" or "I dont like anyone?". I've never had any interest in talking about what I want in personal romantic relationships with strangers or acquaintances, nor do I think this is a great ice breaker topic. Do people think its a compliment to say out loud that they think you should be in a relationship?

And please, please tell the next person who asks you about it that you would rather spank men than bed them! I bet the look on their face would be priceless. :D

What is considered making a scene? I remember dancing in David Jones when I was young, the aisles were so big and empty, it was the perfect place! I got in a lot of trouble for being an "embarrassment". And I cried, which got me in more trouble. Now when I dance, or do qi gong in public I get yelled at by strangers - is it them making the fuss or me? Life is so confusing!
Growing up it would be considered yelling/crying/screaming about not getting my way, running into people, knocking things over in the store, deliberately disobeying instructions...that type of thing. If the aisles were empty and I danced I wouldn't be told to stop, but if I started to do cartwheels I'd be told to cut it out....probably because I would 100% end up kicking something and likely hurting myself. Oh, and burping or farting in public was frowned upon, but I guess I only thought that was cute/funny for a couple years as a child.
 
Joan the Vampire Slayer
Joan the Vampire Slayer
I get this when I'm single too. And it drives me nuts. People will say "I can't believe you haven't met anyone yet!" I'm like is that a compliment?

Joan the Vampire Slayer

Carpe Spuffy!
Joined
Jun 5, 2008
Messages
5,491
Age
33
Location
WA State
How many others out there were taught to behave like a lady? Told to be polite and say thankyou and never make a fuss or misstep? How do you think this influenced the world, and do you think it is changing now?
I was not taught to act like "a lady", but I was raised to be polite and treat people with respect.
How do I think this has influenced the world? Well, it's certainly reinforced and kept alive gender stereotypes.

Feminists appear to be seen at two extremes, either over the top with their freedom of voice or excessively strict in social standing. If you have girl bits, where do you fit? If you don't, what are your expectations of women, specifically young women- do you want them to be sugar and spice and all things nice, or individuals with the choice and chance to be heard? Even if you don't like what they say?
I'd say I'm in the middle. I am certainly a feminist, but for me, feminism is about allowing women to make a choice as to how to live their lives, whether it be in a more traditional role as wife and mother, or a more independant, non-traditional role, such as choosing not to have children and stay single (myself). Feminism, at its core, is simply the belief that woman are equal to men and should have the same opportunities and choices. That simple fact gets all muddled with all the political drama surrounding feminism. We should all be feminists.
 

HoppyHippy

My arse is not pansy!
Joined
Jan 20, 2008
Messages
5,691
Location
Australia
Sineya
I get confused as some womenly traits are rewarded while others are shamed, and described as disordered. Its well known women are emotional (at certain times) yet a woman crying is an offense enough to be locked up and drugged for. Why cant I embrace the womanly traits as much as a man embraces his penis?

The trend here seems to be taught to be polite and make no fuss, I honestly do not know many men like that. Most say what they mean and fuss about a beer bottle shrinking or a steak not being to their liking... Every man a king of his own domain while women are taught to shhh and accept it.

Sigh, life is confusing, all these silly rules. Its scary not to understand them.
 

ILLYRIAN

Druish Pervonian Wizard
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
5,771
Age
63
Location
Toodyay
Black Thorn
Does that mean the beautiful women in Black Thorn can be trusted to be emotional when they need be?


And what does that say about the women in Sineya?
 
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