Oz expected Willow to wait for him?

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

I ADORE Oz...but wasn't it a bit arrogant of him to expect Willow to be available when he returned?
However, I do think she should've told him about Tara as soon as humanly possible. When Oz said, "I talked to Xander. He said there's no new guy in your life," Willow should've told him.
Still...he had no right to go all psycho-wolf on Tara! He left. Willow was devestated. How DARE he expect ANYTHING.

 

[Blaze]

I don't think he did expect Willow to wait, I think it was more of a holding out hopes kinda thing. He did ask Xander if Willow was dating anyone, so clearly he saw the possibility. That being said, it was really unfair of Oz to show up unannounced after so long. A letter, or a phone call, would have been a better alternative. What if Willow didn't want to see him again? Willow should have had a say in whether they saw each other again or not.

As far as Willow not telling him about Tara right away, I don't really blame her. The fact that she had just found out she was into girls is already a stressful time as it is. Not only does she have to come clear about seeing someone new, she also has to come out of the closet. And I don't really blame her for not wanting Oz to be the first person she tells. Willow was confused enough as it is, she didn't need the added pressure.

And again, about wolf Oz, I don't think Oz meant to do that either. He clearly tells her to run because he can't control himself, it's not like he wanted to hurt her. Up until that point, Oz thought he had full control over the wolf.
 
@Mr. Pole Does she ever tell Oz he's the love of her life? To me they always felt more like highschool sweethearts, key word highschool. I never really got the feeling that Willow thought of Oz as the one and only.

 

[cryptwarmer]

I get really confused on how much time has gone by during events. Chronic issue for me in RL and on tv shows. How long was Oz gone?

I didn't get the feeling he expected Willow to wait, but clearly some part of him thought she might have. Maybe the fact that he was her first serious relationship...he figured it would take a long time before she got involved again. I got the sense that it was less that he thought she was waiting for him than simply that she probably hadn't gotten involved with someone else.

Then when he found out there wasn't a man in her life...he did assume that he still had a chance with her.

Yeah, just showing up out of the blue felt unfair, but realistic. I know lots of people that has happened to.

I think too much had happened between them etc for them to have gotten back together even if Willow hadn't gotten involved with Tara. I don't think it was a case of Oz vs Tara, or man vs woman. I think it was the quality of the relationships and the amount of trust and security she felt in them.

 

[white avenger]

wasn't it a bit arrogant of (Oz) to expect Willow to be available when he returned?

No more arrogant than for Angel to continue thinking of Buffy as "his" girl, even after he found out about Riley, and later, Spike. No more than Xander thinking that he and Faith had a "connection" after a very brief one night stand. No more than Angel being jealous of Groo and his relationship with Cordy. It's simply one of several common themes that Joss likes to keep coming back to.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I don't think he expected it, but I do think it hurt Oz to see that Willow had moved on. As I think it would hurt anyone who still cared for their ex.

 

[FaithLehane16]

I ADORE Oz...but wasn't it a bit arrogant of him to expect Willow to be available when he returned?
However, I do think she should've told him about Tara as soon as humanly possible. When Oz said, "I talked to Xander. He said there's no new guy in your life," Willow should've told him.
Still...he had no right to go all psycho-wolf on Tara! He left. Willow was devestated. How DARE he expect ANYTHING.

He was still holding out for her. He didn't really want to leave. He only did it because he had to.

 

[Octavia]

Willow should have told him. Being "gay now" is more of a shock to an ex than the act of moving on. I don't feel Oz expected her to wait and mop for him, I think he would have been upset if he had returned to that. But he returned to false hope once he was told there was no man in her life (and she appeared happy).

 

[NeddaSai]

he had no right to go all psycho-wolf on Tara

Wolfing out surprised him too. He clearly didn't want to lose control like that.

 

[punchkicker15]

I don't think Oz was arrogant, but I think it was pretty unrealistic for Oz or anyone else to expect Willow to wait for him given that.

1) As far as Willow knew, he might NEVER come back. "Wait for me for six months" is an easier ask than "Wait for me for an indefinite period of time, possibly forever".
2) His abandonment meant Willow was left to process a pretty traumatic situation (cheating plus nearly being murdered) on her own, and people often change after living through trauma.
3) He made a unilateral decision to end the relationship. "Don't I get a say in this?" "No." He had every right to make that decision, but in doing so, he essentially told her that her feelings about the relationship were irrelevant. Choosing to move on from a relationship after being told your feelings didn't matter seems reasonable to me.
4) His actions after the breakup (sending for his things without telling her) sent a far stronger message of "we're breaking up permanently" than "I hope we can get back together."

I also think that showing up unannounced at Giles' apartment was a crummy move on Oz's part. A letter or email would have been the most thoughtful way to broach the subject, since it would give Willow some time to get over the initial shock, with no pressure for an immediate reaction. That said, I don't attribute it to arrogance, just to Oz being a 19-20 year old guy who doesn't completely understand how his words/actions affect other people.

And I don't fault Willow for not immediately coming out to Oz. This was a completely new situation to her (she says in The Killer in Me that she'd never been interested in women before Tara.) She hadn't even come out to Buffy prior to Oz's arrival. I don't blame her for wanting someone other than her ex-boyfriend be the first person she came out to.

 

[punchkicker15]

Also, the more I think about it, the weirder I find it that Willow gets a fair amount of flak for not immediately sorting out her conflicting feelings for Oz vs. Tara, and not immediately coming out, when Oz gets relatively little flak for going SIX MONTHS without a word to Willow. She didn't even know whether he was dead or alive, much less whether he was still harboring feelings for her. Apparently Oz can go incommunicado, leaving Willow in limbo for six months, and that's understandable, but whenever Oz deigns to show up, suddenly his need for relationship communication is screamingly urgent.

 

[DeadlyDuo]

@punchkicker15 Oz told Tara that he and Willow had talked all night and she'd never mentioned being in a relationship. Either she deliberately avoided the question, or he asked if she'd met a new "guy" and she said no. I don't think Oz expected Willow to wait for him, but I think her lack of telling him she was in a new relationship may have gave him false hope that they could reconcile.

Also, the fact that Oz hadn't been changing probably impacted things. If the "normal" thing was for Oz to wolf out on the full moon and he hadn't been doing so, then he was just building up wolf energy, which could explain why he turned without it being a full moon. If the secret to not changing was to remain calm and happy then the slightest negative emotion could've sent him over the edge, unfortunately he was hit with a big surprise. I don't think Oz held any ill will towards Tara, it was just the shock of finding out that she and Willow were "involved" caused him to turn and the wolf went after her as the nearest target.

 

[AlphaFoxtrot]

Yes, he would. Consider, Oz is basically a less grusome version of the Fly. He is slowly being consumed by the beast, and he does now believe on an instinctual level that his mate would wait for him, and if she didn't, he would fight and kill this rival and take her back. That's why he went after Tara outside the full moon. That's what I think how the Veruca arc would have gone, Oz finds out Veruca is not wrong, he is lying to himself to think that he's only a monster three days a year. That's why he also never contacted them, werewolves are sociopathic, Oz cannot feel things like loneliness or friendship anymore. Eventually, everyone is just food to him.

 

[WillowFromBuffy]

Xander tells Oz that Willow does not have "have a new guy." Willow lies by omission by not mentioning Tara. Oz then says: "I know what I put you through, and I'm not gonna push. But I am... a different person than when I left. And I can be what you need now. That's what I want. That's why I'm here." He's earnest, he acknowledges the pain he has caused and he makes no demands. I don't see him as arrogant or entitled in any way.

And it is not as though Willow hasn't had time to make up her mind. She's been seeing Tara for quite a while. She has told Tara about Oz, but she has not told Tara what she will do if Oz comes back. When Tara tells Willow, "I am you know ... yours," Willow does not respond, which leads Tara to assume that she is simply the rebound and that Willow will return to Oz when he gets back.

I don't want to make it seems as though I'm judging Willow for her actions. It's not an easy situation she's in, especially when Oz suddenly comes back. However, other characters can't know what Willow does not tell them. When Oz comes back, it would appear to him that Willow is willing to forgive him and take him back. She doesn't do anything to make him think otherwise.