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Prisoner Of Humanity

Chosen Enemy

Losing my soul
Aug 11, 2010

There's always been one chosen girl in the whole world, at the same time. Until one chosen girl has changed reality. It didn't only change the Slayers line, it also showed that there is darkness in every hero. We got a Slayer who was dark, fierce and strong. But was she really all that? We must remember that a Slayer is also human. She has human feelings, human smile and human crying. Therefore, Faith couldn't just be the evil, dark and back stabber. She had a heart of a human just like any human who seeks love and appreciation.

Faith is an incredibly deep character that isn't even a regular on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She was deeper than some other characters who have majored the show. Yet, it seems that there's still a lot to explore about her.

From the beginning, Faith's life was very human, rather than a Slayer's life. She got burnt many times. By family, friends, etc. Things she didn't even really have. Things that she wanted so bad. Was that her fault? Or the cruelty of destiny? Was she meant to suffer? Was it her fate, just like the Slayerness?

It seemed that she had a burden that many Slayers don't have. Some Slayers through the history have been taken away from their families and trained their brains out, preparing for the moment where they'll be called, to be official Slayers. Like Kendra, who didn't even carry a last name, who didn't know her family, didn't have a life except for the Slaying, even before she was called. Faith, on the other hand, was given the gift of humanity. She wasn't just a Slayer, she was human. She wanted what she knew existed. She knew what she was missing. And it hurt. Can't help thinking that maybe if she didn't know what she was missing, family and friends, she could have turned out differently. Less human, just a Slayer, all about stakes and holy water.

Buffy is another example of a Slayer whose humanity was so great that it made her a very human Slayer. But as opposed to Faith, she didn't have things to miss. She had family, friends, school, boyfriends"¦ That was what might be the reason why Buffy didn't really get Faith. She expected her to be like her, a good girl. But Faith fought back. Not Buffy, but the fact that life has screwed her. And that's how she felt, that everybody screwed her up. She did try to be more like Buffy, so she could gain all the things Buffy had. She was jealous of her, so much. Because Buffy had even more humanity than she had. But Faith's feelings were much more human than most Slayers who grew up on the fact that they're Slayers and nothing more. Faith had the chance to be the Slayer who everybody loves, the hero. But there was something missing. The human life (as opposed to the Slayer life). Her drunken mother, her dropping out of high school. All that, that had prevented her from achieving the life that she wanted.

She did try to make her life happier. To be the hero. But her past was haunting her. All the things she's been through. History teaches us that it doesn't matter how much you're trying, you can't always make people like you. Faith has tried that. I believe she tried too hard, that she even came out of her own shell, she wasn't herself. She wasn't the cute little girl in a blossomy top. She wasn't Buffy. She tried to be Buffy, but it wasn't who she was. And she hated it. She hated the fact that she needed to pretend to be like Buffy, just so she could have all that Buffy had. And if what you do has no effect, that no matter what you do it doesn't get you what you want, why try?
That led her to the other side. She wasn't against Buffy, by doing that. She was against herself. Against her destiny. Not only the Slayer destiny, but the other things she's meant to be and have. That way, it would hurt less. Because she was hurting, she got burnt many times. In the beginning she hid it under her dark eyeliner. She acted all five by five, everything is cool and alright, and life is fun. But underneath all that, she was in fatal pain. She wasn't alright. How could she be, when everything she's ever wanted, she couldn't have? She even tried to steal it. From Buffy. She tried stealing her friends, her watcher, her mother, her boyfriend, even her fries. Faith was desperate for Buffy's life. Once she realized she couldn't have it, she turned against it all. Sort of a "you don't want me, I don't want you" kind of thing. But she didn't do this out of evil. She did it out of humanity, despair. It looked like it was her only option.

She thought that that's it. She can never have what she seeks. Then why try? It would be easier to turn to the other side, instead of turning her other cheek. She got bitch slapped way to many times, that her last resort was evil. But was she really evil? No, she was so human. The love she didn't get from the good side, she got from the dark side. The Mayor has given her what others never gave. He's given her family, love, friendship. All she needed. And an apartment of course, that assured her that she had somewhere to go to, a thing she never had. The Mayor has given her so much love, that she did what he wanted. But she didn't feel quite complete about it. When he wanted to kill Buffy, she paused. That made us clear that she's not completely on the dark side. She's confused as to where she belongs to. As a Slayer, she's supposed to be good. But that life has turned on her, betrayed her. So turning to evil was sort of a defensive move. She was defending herself like she always had. She felt betrayed by the side she belonged to. That got her to the conclusion that she didn't really belong there. But she didn't belong to the dark side either. So she was torn.

Faith has always wanted to be Buffy. But she's not Buffy. She's her other side, the yin to her yang. Buffy is the bright side, Faith is the dark side. They complete each other. Therefore, Faith shouldn't be looking to be like Buffy. Shouldn't be trying to be what she's not. That's why she failed. Not because she's bad and isn't worth a thing. But because she's yet to understand her destiny. Not Slayer destiny, but human destiny. Once she realizes and accepts who and what she is, she will be able to be happy.

She had that realization On "Angel". After all she's done, she starts to accept herself. And that led her to turn herself in and spend some time in jail, where she's found some redemption. Up until then, she hated herself. Because she didn't want to be who she was. She didn't accept herself. It hurt her, it hurt everybody.
When she took Buffy's body, she saw how Buffy's life was like. Perfect? No. It wasn't what she thought it was like. But she still wanted it, because anything was better than her own. She couldn't even stand looking in her own face. Saw a horrible person, who doesn't even deserve to breathe. She punched it. She wasn't punching Buffy in the face, she was punching her own, saying she worth nothing, that's what she believed. She said it to Buffy, but she was talking about the face she saw "“ her own. She didn't hate Buffy. Faith hated herself. Then why did she do all those things that would make her hate herself even more? Because that's all that's left. She had nothing to begin with, so nothing to lose. And when she tried to gain something, she failed. With every step forward, she was actually making one step backwards. It became so bad that she turned to evil. But she didn't really want that. She didn't want to be evil, and even felt bad when she did it. All that girl had ever wanted was to be accepted. To be loved. When she didn't get it, she didn't know how to react. Her reaction, which might have been the wrong call, was revenge. Fighting back, like she got used to. Faith was everything Buffy never wanted to be, and Buffy was everything Faith wanted to be. For Buffy, looking at Faith was like looking in the mirror and seeing her other side. What she could have been, if things were different. She could have turned out to be like her, in other circumstances. And she knew that. That's why she had a hard time accepting Faith from the beginning. She pushed her away so she wouldn't see her other side, her darker side. The other people in Buffy's life, accepted Faith from the beginning. Because they couldn't understand the Slayer aspect. They didn't see the Slayer's yin-yang. They were under the impression that Slayers are always good. They couldn't even grasp the fact that a Slayer has a dark side. After all, Slayers have a demon essence in them.

After Faith and Buffy killed the Deputy Mayor, Faith acted as though she didn't care that she just killed a human being. Didn't she? She cared, she felt guilty. It was eating her from inside. But she was also scared. Her life was screwed up enough even without jail. But it wasn't just the fear of jail. It would mean her facing up to what she did, therefore give her even more reason to believe that she's worth nothing, that she doesn't deserve to live or be loved. Facing the truth would give her more reason to hate herself. She was in denial, because she was scared to find out more badness about herself, more things to bitch about. It's not that she didn't feel remorse. It's that she felt so much remorse that she was afraid it would break her, make her weak. She didn't want to be the person she thought she was. She wanted to be strong, better. Better than anybody else, even Buffy.

When will Faith find happiness? When she finally starts loving herself and accepting who she is. Accepting her life. Trying to be something that you're not would hurt you in the end. It hurt Faith. But she's slowly stepping back into a better zone. Where she feels contained with herself. Because she does want to be a good person. And she's working hard so she herself will see all that. Faith is not an evil Slayer. She's a human being seeking love and acceptance.
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A great and brilliant thought on Faith, and her reasons for embracing her darkside, I will past a better reply when I have a little more time.
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