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Question about the episode The Harvest: why did Xander and Willow not get upset about their friend Jesse's death?

katmobile

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I think it's that our focus is on Buffy not Willow or Xander. Also it's in season one where as a show Buffy is working out what it is I think that Xander projects a long of his grief onto vampire hate and I've just realised why he mentions Jenny at the drop of a hat against Angelus is because her death and Giles's reaction to it reminded him of his own about Jessie's.
 

DeadlyDuo

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I'm not so sure why he wasn't brought up again in the later seasons. Oz, Anya, and Tara seemed oblivious of him. Jesse was obviously a real close friend with Xander and Willow before Buffy came into the picture. It doesn't make sense to me.

[QUOTEHave Xander&Willow's parents ever spoken to Jesse's parents anymore? It just seems more bizarre.
It's possible that Xander and Willow's parents never spoke to Jesse's parents in the first place especially if Xander and Willow only met Jesse in high school. Plus Willow and Xander's parents were rarely shown.

Also why would Oz, Anya or Tara know about Jesse? They didn't appear until long after Jesse was dead and it's not something that just gets casually brought up in conversation.
 

katmobile

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Because it's natural for spouses to tell their partner the previous people in their lives. It's common sense.
Unless Xander just found the subject too painful. Let's face Xander didn't tell Anya about his doubts about their wedding and Anya isn't perceptive or empathetic enough for it to occur to her to ask if his hatred of vamps comes from something apart from the obvious. Communication isn't Xanya's strong suit.
 

sosa lola

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Unless Xander just found the subject too painful. Let's face Xander didn't tell Anya about his doubts about their wedding and Anya isn't perceptive or empathetic enough for it to occur to her to ask if his hatred of vamps comes from something apart from the obvious. Communication isn't Xanya's strong suit.
I don't think Anya cares one way or another.
 

FaithLehane16

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Unless Xander just found the subject too painful. Let's face Xander didn't tell Anya about his doubts about their wedding and Anya isn't perceptive or empathetic enough for it to occur to her to ask if his hatred of vamps comes from something apart from the obvious. Communication isn't Xanya's strong suit.
I still talk about painful stuff to my partner, so I strongly disagree with that.
 

nightshade

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Black Thorn
Let's stick to talking about the topic.
 

DeadlyDuo

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Because it's natural for spouses to tell their partner the previous people in their lives. It's common sense.
Not really. Partners don't go talking about their exes to each other unless there is a very specific reason to, and again in regards to Jesse, he died long before Anya, Oz or Tara showed up on the scene. Unless there is a conversation going on that can relate back to Jesse eg something Xander was doing that he used to do with Jesse, then there is no reason to bring Jesse up.

ANYA: I'm going shopping to spend some of my hard earned cash! Do you need anything?

XANDER: No thanks, but on a completely unrelated note, I used to have a friend called Jesse who was killed by vampires. I thought you should know.

ANYA: Why?

XANDER: I don't know. It's not relevant to you in any way but I thought I'd tell you about the previous people in my life. When I was in 5th grade, I met a kid called Bob and we used to get milkshakes after school. He moved away.
 
Athene
Athene
These things should come up in serious relationships tbh

DeadlyDuo

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@Athene Nobody wants to hear chapter and verse about their partner's ex. If there's kids involved and the ex is still in the picture in that regard then that's different as it's a shared custody thing and there's going to be contact. There's a few other reasons for discussing an ex with a current partner, but generally the rule is don't talk about your ex to your current partner.

As for previous dead friends, again it's not something you bring up randomly. You don't list all the (sadly deceased) pets you've had in your life despite the fact that you loved them dearly, unless it either comes up in conversation or it's somehow relevant to your current situation. Given that Jesse was never mentioned again by Xander and Willow for the rest of the series TO EACH OTHER, I doubt their going to inform their romantic partners about a dead friend that even they don't seem to remember.
 

Athene

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As for previous dead friends, again it's not something you bring up randomly. You don't list all the (sadly deceased) pets you've had in your life despite the fact that you loved them dearly, unless it either comes up in conversation or it's somehow relevant to your current situation. Given that Jesse was never mentioned again by Xander and Willow for the rest of the series TO EACH OTHER, I doubt their going to inform their romantic partners about a dead friend that even they don't seem to remember.
It’s not about ‘informing’ their partners like they have to know about Jesse, it’s just that trauma always bubbles to the surface somehow and people share those things with people they’re emotionally close to and people they let their barriers down with.
 

DeadlyDuo

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It’s not about ‘informing’ their partners like they have to know about Jesse, it’s just that trauma always bubbles to the surface somehow and people share those things with people they’re emotionally close to and people they let their barriers down with.
Xander and Willow weren't acting traumatised over Jesse's death. The writers forgot Jesse even existed thus so did the characters. But again, it's all relevant to the situation, it's not something you just bring up out of the blue. For example, if you're in a pub and your partner asks you why you're not drinking, you might tell them that you don't drink because you had a friend who died after being hit by a drunk driver or you knew someone who was an alcoholic and you watched as the drink killed them slowly. You have spoken to your partner about someone you used to know because it is relevant to the situation. You don't just suddenly go "by the way I had a friend who died" without any lead in to that particular conversation.

Anya, Oz and Tara aren't likely to ask about Jesse because they don't even know who he is, plus they all hang around Buffy so they know vampires kill people. If anything, Jenny and Kendra are more likely going to be the ones who spring to mind in any discussion of "death by vampire", not Jesse.
 

Athene

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Xander and Willow weren't acting traumatised over Jesse's death. The writers forgot Jesse even existed thus so did the characters.
From a writing perspective I see why no partners mentioned Jesse (because as you said even Willow and Xander didn’t) but thinking about Willow and Xander as people, it should have traumatised them and while there would have to be a lead-in, conversations work in such ways that it wouldn’t have to be greatly connected to vampires. It’s definitely not because it was before their time or it’s not to do with them, if Xander shared it with Anya it’s for the purpose of unloading and bonding, people do it all the time, we all know things about our close ones that were way before us or aren’t related to us.
 

DeadlyDuo

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From a writing perspective I see why no partners mentioned Jesse (because as you said even Willow and Xander didn’t) but thinking about Willow and Xander as people, it should have traumatised them and while there would have to be a lead-in, conversations work in such ways that it wouldn’t have to be greatly connected to vampires. It’s definitely not because it was before their time or it’s not to do with them, if Xander shared it with Anya it’s for the purpose of unloading and bonding, people do it all the time, we all know things about our close ones that were way before us or aren’t related to us.
Jenny's death would've been the perfect time for Xander to bring up Jesse since they were both "death by vampire". Even when Willow is in the hospital after Drusilla's attack on the group, we could've seen him worried that he was going to lose another friend because of a vampire.

Also I don't think Anya would've been the best choice for Xander to unload, particularly in Season 4.
 
Athene
Athene
Yeah it would have made sense :)

thrasherpix

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Xander should've brought Jesse up, especially on his attitude about vampires (even if jealousy was his prime motivation at times, he'd still be angry over Jesse's death and have that to fall back on to show why he was so distrustful), and also when Joyce died, and even when saving another life (though admittedly it would've been quite weird, script wise, if when Xander saved Willow from Ampata he said "losing Jesse was bad enough, I couldn't lose you, too").

But the only way I could see him telling Anya is if she asked why he fought (wanting him to stop), or if Anya bragged what he did to one guy's best friend for Xander to talk about losing Jesse (to avoid metaphorically taking off Anya's head, or explaining why he just did).


Still, I've heard of more than one relationship where someone claimed to be "in love" and yet did not know even basic details (which makes it hard for me to believe they were really in love unless they practice Joyce level denial skills for convenience), including say some guy being 30 years older than he claims, a girl being a minor when she claimed she was adult (I repeat, the guy fooled in this case claims to be in love with her and drives her around a lot, though I heard about this one from the guy's sister and it may be his sister's desperate denials about her brother), to even things like the other person is married.

I'm not talking about online relationships, but where they interacted face to face everyday. Even without being suspicious I pick up on a lot of things because I'm observant (which Anya was not though she was prone to suspicion, odd that). The longer I'm around someone face to face (especially visiting apartments and the like) I'm going to glean a lot about their life, and if they're willing to share I'll get their life's story even before I'm in love with the person. And it just strikes me as odd to want to marry someone without that (for both practical and sentimental reasons), but I'm aware many people marry for different reasons, and I won't share my thoughts about their marriage compatibility in this thread.
 

Ethan Reigns

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Xander was the one who accidentally killed vamp!Jesse when he held the stake up and someone pushed Jesse onto it. He may feel he was responsible for the last vestige of Jesse disappearing in s cloud of dust and can't face the idea that he was the one who finally eradicated Jesse.
 
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