unspokenwords
Bitesized
Title: Always and Forever
Chapter: 1/?
Author: Chia Sano chia_sano@yahoo.com
Fandom: BTVS/ATS
Spoilers: Everything from BTVS
Pairing: Xander/Andrew (a tiny bit) Xander/Jesse
Rating: PG-13 and up
Summary: You wonder what kept Xander grounded for so long, why when Willow got caught up in her darkness he got the will to carry on. How through all the apocalypses and other dangers that filled his teenage years he stayed strong. Perhaps a Memory, Perhaps a Dream...perhaps knowing that somewhere, somehow he was watching.
Archive: If you want it. Just let me know..and well durr Credit mwah.
Feedback: Yes, Gimme. I like.
Status: WIP
Disclaimer: Joss owns his, and the OCs...come from my brain.
Note: Thank you Gracie for helping me with Enigma, this plot baby was created with you in mind.
~*~*~*~*
Prologue
Sometimes if he listens very carefully, he can hear the soft and teasing voice of a ghost of his past. Whispering and sometimes murmuring 'Xaaaaaander' and when he's about to do something stupid 'What the **** is wrong with you?'. So directly to the point, it makes him smile and yet...it is a painful remainder of an age of lost innocence. Alcohol dulls the voice, he has too many ghosts these days. It's best to leave the past in the past. At least that's what he tells himself.
No need to help the Slayer out, because let's face it...a **** load of hot super powered chicks, some badass wiccas, the influx of watchers and other professional demon control specialists...they really have no need for a carpenter with messed up depth perception and a smart mouth. The pirate jokes get annoying, and he gets tired of being the 'normal' one who is kept around for Nostalgia purposes. Buffy is too caught up and in awe with having a somewhat normal life, being able to share her duty with more than a ex-convict...she told him the other day that she's finally free. Oh that's nice, really. Forgive him for really not giving a damn, even though deep down he's glad that she's finally found her peace, but if she wants to talk and squee to somebody about her new manicure...she should talk to somebody who could appreciate the view with both their eyes. He's just saying.
Of course this display of somewhat cruel sarcasm earns him teary eyes and 'Xander...I'm so sorry-'. Sorry...a word he's starting to hate, but it describes his current state so well. Willow pats his hand and tells him that he doesn't need to feel useless now that it's all over. She's earnest, he can see it in her eyes. But Willow isn't the same Willow, she earnestly doesn't know him anymore. He gives the expected 'I'm sorry' and they nod sympathetically but he doubts they know that he really means it.
He's sorry. From his head, to his toes he is sorry. Everytime he looks in the mirror, he sees the dark stubble, shaggy too long hair, dark and raw looking indention of where an eye once existed, and the aged glaze his features have seemed to acquired. All in all, he looks like ****. A sorry, pathetic, and half dead piece of ****.
He tells Andrew that he looks like a hobbit with helmet hair, and they share a laugh when Andrew responds that he'll gladly be Frodo if Xander is Aragorn. They bicker back and forth about the sexual orientation of Middle Earth dwellers, and beer is produced. He learns that Andrew is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, and then he learns that Andrew likes brunettes, preferably taller than him and male. One lesson in his life that he really enjoyed.
So he's not completely straight. Recovering in the after glow of mad, sweaty, geeky, monkey sex...he manages to make Andrew roll his eyes with this tentative announcement. Apparently Tucker's brother could see that even before he knew Xander. He doesn't ask how.
Andrew doesn't let him mope and sulk around. No the little mouse keeps him engaged, probes him about his past, annoys him to no end...and they also sleep together. If he *****es, Andy *****es right back and they get stares. So they're a couple..sorta.
Probing into his past...that's how his oldest ghost is released from his prison once more.
It takes hours, how many he's not quite sure, to get to the gaping hole in the ground that is now a monument. Curious tourists listening to uniformed officials telling draaawn out tall tales involving plates shifting and earthquakes, and other geologic crap. He buys a ticket and keeps his head down. In conversation with a tour guide, waiting for the gates to open, he lets it slip that he grew up in the no longer existent town. This gets him the typical 'Aww dude, that sucks' and 'Man, I'm sorry to hear that'.
He wanders away from the group, he's got things to do. Anya has a tomb stone near the new Slayer HQ, he leaves her flowers regularly. His journey takes him to the rocky rubble and boulders that mark where The Bronze used to stand.
"Hey man...long time no talk to." The flowers in his hand gestured to almost sheepishly.
"Brought you some flowers, heh...kinda stupid idea, I know. But, I was going to bring you like some comics...or maybe some porn but, they'd get nicked faster than Voyager at warp speed." He grinned slightly. "That's, what Andrew said anyhow. He's like my boyfriend."
He stares at the rock before him and runs a hand over his face."Heh, guess you didn't know I was gay then? Well, I'm gay now...or maybe Bi, I don't really know. But, I have a boyfriend. He's the one that made me come to see you, told me that I was being a sucky best friend."
The flowers are set down, and the brunette rocks back on his heels."Um, so...how are things? Up there?"
If he concentrates he can imagine the 'Pretty ****in' boring, but thanks for asking!' The way Buffy described heaven, it would be. At least for Jesse.
"Heh, okay...so stupid question. Things here are better I guess. Did you know Willow is a lesbian now? She's even got a girlfriend, and you'd be proud of her...she's grown into a very sexy woman. Don't worry though, she's still scary and her resolve face is even more effective now. Scary thought isn't it?"
He tells him about Buffy, and becoming all hyena boy. He tells him about becoming a demon magnent, all his mishaps associated with that status. The Mantis lady, The Mummy girl...
"-I dated Cordelia. Yeah...hard to believe hunh? Then she dumped me for making out with Willow after we got kidnapped by a vampire. So, not...a big success there. Me and Willow never hooked up though, she was dating Oz. Then later on she was a lesbian so...you know...would've worked out."
A warm breeze ruffles his hair, like a soft chuckle and it makes him smile as he tells him about Oz being a werewolf, and Willow becoming a witch and about becoming a soldier and actually getting to rescue Super Buffy. He can imagine Jesse's 'Really? That's awesome man...' when he gets to the part about blowing up the school.
He thinks about how Jesse would've loved the whole Slayerette gig thing, and he makes sure to make the stories interesting, painting pictures with his words. He tells him about the road trip that he took, the one that they planned to take together when they graduated. He tells Jess not to feel left out because he didn't get further than Oxnard.
The breeze wraps around him and ripples once more, if he strains his mind he can picture the full body shake that Jesse would do when he was holding in laughter. He grins and flips the picture in his mind the bird and hugs himself.
"-I got engaged. Before you start complaining...the wedding didn't go through. I was an idiot and left her at the alter. You would've kicked my ass and I would've deserved it. You would've liked Anya, she was like...a female you, just prettier and with more curvy assets. Oh, and the sex...yeah, the sex was really good. I think I loved her. No, I know I loved her."
He sits now, cross legged...talking to a rock. He should question his mental stability but he doesn't. Instead, he talks to Jesse about Anya. He tells him about all her quirks, her love of money and severe hatred of bunnies. He tells him about how she used to be responsible for hurting men in creative ways...about how she was way older than him but still new to the whole human experience. He goes on and on about the one woman he came the closest to loving with all his heart.
"You probably do know her now...funny thing that is, all the people I love end up dying. I- I can imagine you two playing poker. Tip for you, don't use money. She's very good, really good...maybe a bit eccentric at first but she grows on you."
It's amazing how time flies when you're telling your dead for 8 years best friend about everything that's happened in your life. The sun starts to set, but he cannot leave because he's just getting to the part where he saved the world...with his mouth. When he gets to the end of his tale, saving the world yet again and burying the whole of Sunnydale...he falls silent. The night around him awakening and the soft music of the nightlife creating a sound track to the cracking voice.
"Everything screwed up when you left man, everything...You know, you lied to me right? You promised me you'd be with me Always and Forever. You remember that? We- We were supposed to be...we've always been...it was supposed to be always and forever...."
The tears slide down his cheeks and his voice is hoarse from emotion, but he cannot stop the rush of disappointment, fear, anguish, and anger that tears him up from the inside out.
"Do you remember..." It is a plea and a question, weighted with desperation.
Somewhere beyond the confines of humanity and finality, another brunette closes his eyes to check the ghosts of tears that should fall down his cheeks. Murmured and carried on a breeze that wraps around his friend like a hug, is a quiet response. "I remember.."
Title: Always and Forever
Chapter: 2/?
Author: Chia Sano chia_sano@yahoo.com
Fandom: BTVS/ATS
Pairing: Xander/Andrew (a tiny bit) Xander/Jesse
Rating: PG-13 and up
Summary: You wonder what kept Xander grounded for so long, why when Willow got caught up in her darkness he got the will to carry on. How through all the apocalypses and other dangers that filled his teenage years he stayed strong. Perhaps a Memory, Perhaps a Dream...perhaps knowing that somewhere, somehow he was watching.
Archive: If you want it. Just let me know..and well durr Credit mwah.
Feedback: Yes, Gimme. I like.
Status: WIP
Disclaimer: Joss owns his, and the OCs...come from my brain.
~*~*~*~*
Prologue 2
There is something to be said about dying twice. It sucks. In fact, it sucks both times. He often times tries to think back on what was going through his head during the momentous events. First time he died, his only thought was 'Oh ****, I'm going to die...sorry Xa-' And then the darkness closed in. Second time he died, his only thought was 'Thank you and sorry Xa-' and then he was dust.
He's still somewhat surprised that he ended up in heaven. Turns out that if the Powers that Be **** up, you get a free admission to paradise and they get contrite-ish. Seriously, they have to have some sorta cosmic obligation to keep potential good guys out of hell, because it sure isn't out of sympathy. He doubts they even have emotions, the chick that shows up to give messages AND her brother both have two-by-fours up their asses...or maybe glaciers.
If he strains, he can remember first arriving. The twins glowering at each other and telling him something about cosmic hiccups and blah blah blah...he didn't pay to much attention. He was still A. Traumatized ( turns out that having your body taken over by a demon is quite a nerve wracking experience) B. Freaking out ( demon vampire **** aside, wanting to eat your best friend is also disturbing) and C. Feeling Guilty (back to the topic of wanting to eat your best friend...oh and also the stuff he told Xander while planning on eating him , and there is the tiny clause of never getting to say sorry).
He doesn't strain often.
He wanders the endless halls, it takes up time. Sometimes spends time playing and laughing with the children and babies...they get neglected sometimes and now he's known as Mr. Playswithus guy, or Jessess. He'd rather play hide and seek than work in arrivals any day. Seriously yo, you can only say 'Sorry but you go to hell' so many times before it gets uberly irritating.
So he wanders, and he meets people and exchanges stories about life with them and if the Ice Twins are feeling charitable, sometimes they'll be able to catch a match. He's got wandering buddies, first one was Larry.
Larry's arrival was kinda unexpected. He showed up and just started apologizing for every wedgie, locker slamming, punch in the gut, and any other type of bullying he had ever done targeted to Jesse. It was kinda amusing, and really embarrassing seeing as half the host of heaven was watching at the time. Apocalypses are kinda like the Superbowl of higher and lower planes. He racked up alot of imaginary heaps of cash over his predictions.
Second one was Doyle. The Irish man and him hit it off from the get go.
"So you died too hunh?" The Bracken had asked. "Yeah, vamped and then staked. You?" He had replied. "Burned to death, prevented humanwide holocaust." The Bracken shrugged."Bummer." He had replied again."Yeah."
They were close ever since. Had alot of things in common, mutual liking of Cordelia for instance. Only difference was, Doyle got to kiss her and He tried to kill her...but hey, it was just a minor difference seeing as he was a horny and souless creature of the night at the time and Doyle was a world saving champion.
Occasionally they are accompanied by a very beautiful Gypsy lady named Jenny. He's not sure how long she's been there, but she knew Xander and told him about his bravery and sense of knowing...his shaping up to grow into a very strong young man. It makes him proud, the information about Willow concerns him...too many of the friends he's made have been killed by experimentation with the dark arts and they were only innocent bystanders.
They have a mother figure, one that spends time talking with Jenny and watching over him and Larry and Doyle as well. She's beautiful in a 'maternal don't make me use the Mommy voice' way. Miss Joyce keeps him in line, and tells him about her daughters and their band of world saving friends.
For a while, even Buffy was around. The blond avoided people, preferring to spend her time alone and enjoying her freedom in death. If he asked, she'd tell him about Xander's antics and Willow's lesbianess. Really threw him one when she told him he was engaged. The tale's of their exploits makes him wistful, and every story includes the phrase 'And then Xander' at least 10 times.
Then she was ripped, violently, out of heaven. Something never done before, Willow...meant well he feels but she might as well have ripped Buffy's soul to shreds. He hopes she heals.
He huddles together with Doyle, Larry, and even Jenny is there with tears in all their eyes as they watch Willow's reaction to her girlfriend's death. Tara arrives and keeps muttering 'Willow no...oh Willow no...' and they can only watch as she folds further into darkness. He laughs and cries and sobs in relief at the beauty of Xander as he stops the world from ending with love. Xan always had a way with words.
He can watch, but that is all he can do. Sometimes, he curls up and follows the life of his friend for months at a time. Yelling at his stupidity, crying at his pain, laughing at his typical Xanderness, and wishing...wishing he was there. They leave him alone during these times.
They do not mention how Xander avoids his grave, or how...in the past years Jesse has never received an offer of Dream visitation. They seem scared of bringing the truth to his attention, but no need he already knows.
Cordelia arriving was...more than a surprise. Apparently he wasn't the only person shocked, she squealed and rushhugged both him and Doyle before slapping them soundly and hugging them once more. She walks with them when they wander now.
Another Apocalypse has the entire host of heaven on the edge of their seats, even the Twins are there watching and slightly panicked. It takes divine soothing to calm him when Xander's eye is gouged out. But again, the Sunnydale crew pulls through, and Sunnydale is no more. Which is more than alright with most.
Xander's ex-fiance arrives, and seems in shock at first but when she recovers, she loudly announces that she will not wear Birkenstocks, and the first person that tries to make her wear a sheet will get their harp shoved so far up their ass that their throat will be able to pick out 'Joyful Joyful'. They get along well.
Anya is scary, and can tell you stories that makes your balls want to run and hide. She talks about humans like they are annoying pests. Well, all humans except Xander. She can go on for hours about Xander's faults, but every word of beloved admiration and love she utters about the man seems to carry on for days.
He watches over Xander with Anya now, and they both shed tears. Their mutual love for him creates a bond that nobody can understand. Anya holds him when he's sobbing now, because he's broken the one promise he's ever made and can do nothing but watch.
Xander finally comes to visit him, and it's nice...and heart wrenching at the same time. Andrew's good for him, but Xan's still so broken inside. It hurts him, and Doyle tells him it's not his fault, but it is...because he remembers.
Chapter: 1/?
Author: Chia Sano chia_sano@yahoo.com
Fandom: BTVS/ATS
Spoilers: Everything from BTVS
Pairing: Xander/Andrew (a tiny bit) Xander/Jesse
Rating: PG-13 and up
Summary: You wonder what kept Xander grounded for so long, why when Willow got caught up in her darkness he got the will to carry on. How through all the apocalypses and other dangers that filled his teenage years he stayed strong. Perhaps a Memory, Perhaps a Dream...perhaps knowing that somewhere, somehow he was watching.
Archive: If you want it. Just let me know..and well durr Credit mwah.
Feedback: Yes, Gimme. I like.
Status: WIP
Disclaimer: Joss owns his, and the OCs...come from my brain.
Note: Thank you Gracie for helping me with Enigma, this plot baby was created with you in mind.
~*~*~*~*
Prologue
Sometimes if he listens very carefully, he can hear the soft and teasing voice of a ghost of his past. Whispering and sometimes murmuring 'Xaaaaaander' and when he's about to do something stupid 'What the **** is wrong with you?'. So directly to the point, it makes him smile and yet...it is a painful remainder of an age of lost innocence. Alcohol dulls the voice, he has too many ghosts these days. It's best to leave the past in the past. At least that's what he tells himself.
No need to help the Slayer out, because let's face it...a **** load of hot super powered chicks, some badass wiccas, the influx of watchers and other professional demon control specialists...they really have no need for a carpenter with messed up depth perception and a smart mouth. The pirate jokes get annoying, and he gets tired of being the 'normal' one who is kept around for Nostalgia purposes. Buffy is too caught up and in awe with having a somewhat normal life, being able to share her duty with more than a ex-convict...she told him the other day that she's finally free. Oh that's nice, really. Forgive him for really not giving a damn, even though deep down he's glad that she's finally found her peace, but if she wants to talk and squee to somebody about her new manicure...she should talk to somebody who could appreciate the view with both their eyes. He's just saying.
Of course this display of somewhat cruel sarcasm earns him teary eyes and 'Xander...I'm so sorry-'. Sorry...a word he's starting to hate, but it describes his current state so well. Willow pats his hand and tells him that he doesn't need to feel useless now that it's all over. She's earnest, he can see it in her eyes. But Willow isn't the same Willow, she earnestly doesn't know him anymore. He gives the expected 'I'm sorry' and they nod sympathetically but he doubts they know that he really means it.
He's sorry. From his head, to his toes he is sorry. Everytime he looks in the mirror, he sees the dark stubble, shaggy too long hair, dark and raw looking indention of where an eye once existed, and the aged glaze his features have seemed to acquired. All in all, he looks like ****. A sorry, pathetic, and half dead piece of ****.
He tells Andrew that he looks like a hobbit with helmet hair, and they share a laugh when Andrew responds that he'll gladly be Frodo if Xander is Aragorn. They bicker back and forth about the sexual orientation of Middle Earth dwellers, and beer is produced. He learns that Andrew is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, and then he learns that Andrew likes brunettes, preferably taller than him and male. One lesson in his life that he really enjoyed.
So he's not completely straight. Recovering in the after glow of mad, sweaty, geeky, monkey sex...he manages to make Andrew roll his eyes with this tentative announcement. Apparently Tucker's brother could see that even before he knew Xander. He doesn't ask how.
Andrew doesn't let him mope and sulk around. No the little mouse keeps him engaged, probes him about his past, annoys him to no end...and they also sleep together. If he *****es, Andy *****es right back and they get stares. So they're a couple..sorta.
Probing into his past...that's how his oldest ghost is released from his prison once more.
It takes hours, how many he's not quite sure, to get to the gaping hole in the ground that is now a monument. Curious tourists listening to uniformed officials telling draaawn out tall tales involving plates shifting and earthquakes, and other geologic crap. He buys a ticket and keeps his head down. In conversation with a tour guide, waiting for the gates to open, he lets it slip that he grew up in the no longer existent town. This gets him the typical 'Aww dude, that sucks' and 'Man, I'm sorry to hear that'.
He wanders away from the group, he's got things to do. Anya has a tomb stone near the new Slayer HQ, he leaves her flowers regularly. His journey takes him to the rocky rubble and boulders that mark where The Bronze used to stand.
"Hey man...long time no talk to." The flowers in his hand gestured to almost sheepishly.
"Brought you some flowers, heh...kinda stupid idea, I know. But, I was going to bring you like some comics...or maybe some porn but, they'd get nicked faster than Voyager at warp speed." He grinned slightly. "That's, what Andrew said anyhow. He's like my boyfriend."
He stares at the rock before him and runs a hand over his face."Heh, guess you didn't know I was gay then? Well, I'm gay now...or maybe Bi, I don't really know. But, I have a boyfriend. He's the one that made me come to see you, told me that I was being a sucky best friend."
The flowers are set down, and the brunette rocks back on his heels."Um, so...how are things? Up there?"
If he concentrates he can imagine the 'Pretty ****in' boring, but thanks for asking!' The way Buffy described heaven, it would be. At least for Jesse.
"Heh, okay...so stupid question. Things here are better I guess. Did you know Willow is a lesbian now? She's even got a girlfriend, and you'd be proud of her...she's grown into a very sexy woman. Don't worry though, she's still scary and her resolve face is even more effective now. Scary thought isn't it?"
He tells him about Buffy, and becoming all hyena boy. He tells him about becoming a demon magnent, all his mishaps associated with that status. The Mantis lady, The Mummy girl...
"-I dated Cordelia. Yeah...hard to believe hunh? Then she dumped me for making out with Willow after we got kidnapped by a vampire. So, not...a big success there. Me and Willow never hooked up though, she was dating Oz. Then later on she was a lesbian so...you know...would've worked out."
A warm breeze ruffles his hair, like a soft chuckle and it makes him smile as he tells him about Oz being a werewolf, and Willow becoming a witch and about becoming a soldier and actually getting to rescue Super Buffy. He can imagine Jesse's 'Really? That's awesome man...' when he gets to the part about blowing up the school.
He thinks about how Jesse would've loved the whole Slayerette gig thing, and he makes sure to make the stories interesting, painting pictures with his words. He tells him about the road trip that he took, the one that they planned to take together when they graduated. He tells Jess not to feel left out because he didn't get further than Oxnard.
The breeze wraps around him and ripples once more, if he strains his mind he can picture the full body shake that Jesse would do when he was holding in laughter. He grins and flips the picture in his mind the bird and hugs himself.
"-I got engaged. Before you start complaining...the wedding didn't go through. I was an idiot and left her at the alter. You would've kicked my ass and I would've deserved it. You would've liked Anya, she was like...a female you, just prettier and with more curvy assets. Oh, and the sex...yeah, the sex was really good. I think I loved her. No, I know I loved her."
He sits now, cross legged...talking to a rock. He should question his mental stability but he doesn't. Instead, he talks to Jesse about Anya. He tells him about all her quirks, her love of money and severe hatred of bunnies. He tells him about how she used to be responsible for hurting men in creative ways...about how she was way older than him but still new to the whole human experience. He goes on and on about the one woman he came the closest to loving with all his heart.
"You probably do know her now...funny thing that is, all the people I love end up dying. I- I can imagine you two playing poker. Tip for you, don't use money. She's very good, really good...maybe a bit eccentric at first but she grows on you."
It's amazing how time flies when you're telling your dead for 8 years best friend about everything that's happened in your life. The sun starts to set, but he cannot leave because he's just getting to the part where he saved the world...with his mouth. When he gets to the end of his tale, saving the world yet again and burying the whole of Sunnydale...he falls silent. The night around him awakening and the soft music of the nightlife creating a sound track to the cracking voice.
"Everything screwed up when you left man, everything...You know, you lied to me right? You promised me you'd be with me Always and Forever. You remember that? We- We were supposed to be...we've always been...it was supposed to be always and forever...."
The tears slide down his cheeks and his voice is hoarse from emotion, but he cannot stop the rush of disappointment, fear, anguish, and anger that tears him up from the inside out.
"Do you remember..." It is a plea and a question, weighted with desperation.
Somewhere beyond the confines of humanity and finality, another brunette closes his eyes to check the ghosts of tears that should fall down his cheeks. Murmured and carried on a breeze that wraps around his friend like a hug, is a quiet response. "I remember.."
Title: Always and Forever
Chapter: 2/?
Author: Chia Sano chia_sano@yahoo.com
Fandom: BTVS/ATS
Pairing: Xander/Andrew (a tiny bit) Xander/Jesse
Rating: PG-13 and up
Summary: You wonder what kept Xander grounded for so long, why when Willow got caught up in her darkness he got the will to carry on. How through all the apocalypses and other dangers that filled his teenage years he stayed strong. Perhaps a Memory, Perhaps a Dream...perhaps knowing that somewhere, somehow he was watching.
Archive: If you want it. Just let me know..and well durr Credit mwah.
Feedback: Yes, Gimme. I like.
Status: WIP
Disclaimer: Joss owns his, and the OCs...come from my brain.
~*~*~*~*
Prologue 2
There is something to be said about dying twice. It sucks. In fact, it sucks both times. He often times tries to think back on what was going through his head during the momentous events. First time he died, his only thought was 'Oh ****, I'm going to die...sorry Xa-' And then the darkness closed in. Second time he died, his only thought was 'Thank you and sorry Xa-' and then he was dust.
He's still somewhat surprised that he ended up in heaven. Turns out that if the Powers that Be **** up, you get a free admission to paradise and they get contrite-ish. Seriously, they have to have some sorta cosmic obligation to keep potential good guys out of hell, because it sure isn't out of sympathy. He doubts they even have emotions, the chick that shows up to give messages AND her brother both have two-by-fours up their asses...or maybe glaciers.
If he strains, he can remember first arriving. The twins glowering at each other and telling him something about cosmic hiccups and blah blah blah...he didn't pay to much attention. He was still A. Traumatized ( turns out that having your body taken over by a demon is quite a nerve wracking experience) B. Freaking out ( demon vampire **** aside, wanting to eat your best friend is also disturbing) and C. Feeling Guilty (back to the topic of wanting to eat your best friend...oh and also the stuff he told Xander while planning on eating him , and there is the tiny clause of never getting to say sorry).
He doesn't strain often.
He wanders the endless halls, it takes up time. Sometimes spends time playing and laughing with the children and babies...they get neglected sometimes and now he's known as Mr. Playswithus guy, or Jessess. He'd rather play hide and seek than work in arrivals any day. Seriously yo, you can only say 'Sorry but you go to hell' so many times before it gets uberly irritating.
So he wanders, and he meets people and exchanges stories about life with them and if the Ice Twins are feeling charitable, sometimes they'll be able to catch a match. He's got wandering buddies, first one was Larry.
Larry's arrival was kinda unexpected. He showed up and just started apologizing for every wedgie, locker slamming, punch in the gut, and any other type of bullying he had ever done targeted to Jesse. It was kinda amusing, and really embarrassing seeing as half the host of heaven was watching at the time. Apocalypses are kinda like the Superbowl of higher and lower planes. He racked up alot of imaginary heaps of cash over his predictions.
Second one was Doyle. The Irish man and him hit it off from the get go.
"So you died too hunh?" The Bracken had asked. "Yeah, vamped and then staked. You?" He had replied. "Burned to death, prevented humanwide holocaust." The Bracken shrugged."Bummer." He had replied again."Yeah."
They were close ever since. Had alot of things in common, mutual liking of Cordelia for instance. Only difference was, Doyle got to kiss her and He tried to kill her...but hey, it was just a minor difference seeing as he was a horny and souless creature of the night at the time and Doyle was a world saving champion.
Occasionally they are accompanied by a very beautiful Gypsy lady named Jenny. He's not sure how long she's been there, but she knew Xander and told him about his bravery and sense of knowing...his shaping up to grow into a very strong young man. It makes him proud, the information about Willow concerns him...too many of the friends he's made have been killed by experimentation with the dark arts and they were only innocent bystanders.
They have a mother figure, one that spends time talking with Jenny and watching over him and Larry and Doyle as well. She's beautiful in a 'maternal don't make me use the Mommy voice' way. Miss Joyce keeps him in line, and tells him about her daughters and their band of world saving friends.
For a while, even Buffy was around. The blond avoided people, preferring to spend her time alone and enjoying her freedom in death. If he asked, she'd tell him about Xander's antics and Willow's lesbianess. Really threw him one when she told him he was engaged. The tale's of their exploits makes him wistful, and every story includes the phrase 'And then Xander' at least 10 times.
Then she was ripped, violently, out of heaven. Something never done before, Willow...meant well he feels but she might as well have ripped Buffy's soul to shreds. He hopes she heals.
He huddles together with Doyle, Larry, and even Jenny is there with tears in all their eyes as they watch Willow's reaction to her girlfriend's death. Tara arrives and keeps muttering 'Willow no...oh Willow no...' and they can only watch as she folds further into darkness. He laughs and cries and sobs in relief at the beauty of Xander as he stops the world from ending with love. Xan always had a way with words.
He can watch, but that is all he can do. Sometimes, he curls up and follows the life of his friend for months at a time. Yelling at his stupidity, crying at his pain, laughing at his typical Xanderness, and wishing...wishing he was there. They leave him alone during these times.
They do not mention how Xander avoids his grave, or how...in the past years Jesse has never received an offer of Dream visitation. They seem scared of bringing the truth to his attention, but no need he already knows.
Cordelia arriving was...more than a surprise. Apparently he wasn't the only person shocked, she squealed and rushhugged both him and Doyle before slapping them soundly and hugging them once more. She walks with them when they wander now.
Another Apocalypse has the entire host of heaven on the edge of their seats, even the Twins are there watching and slightly panicked. It takes divine soothing to calm him when Xander's eye is gouged out. But again, the Sunnydale crew pulls through, and Sunnydale is no more. Which is more than alright with most.
Xander's ex-fiance arrives, and seems in shock at first but when she recovers, she loudly announces that she will not wear Birkenstocks, and the first person that tries to make her wear a sheet will get their harp shoved so far up their ass that their throat will be able to pick out 'Joyful Joyful'. They get along well.
Anya is scary, and can tell you stories that makes your balls want to run and hide. She talks about humans like they are annoying pests. Well, all humans except Xander. She can go on for hours about Xander's faults, but every word of beloved admiration and love she utters about the man seems to carry on for days.
He watches over Xander with Anya now, and they both shed tears. Their mutual love for him creates a bond that nobody can understand. Anya holds him when he's sobbing now, because he's broken the one promise he's ever made and can do nothing but watch.
Xander finally comes to visit him, and it's nice...and heart wrenching at the same time. Andrew's good for him, but Xan's still so broken inside. It hurts him, and Doyle tells him it's not his fault, but it is...because he remembers.
