Kitty Versus the Devil-Cat

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Altoz

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Hello, anyone reading this particular ongoing saga. For some reason, cats are more associated with the human paranormal than other companion animals. This is because we often befriend elderly female humans for the companionship and frequent feeding. If those elderly humans also turn out to be witches, so much the better. Oddly enough, there are extremely few feline demons, despite our highly abbreviated concept of the two cardinal virtues. But yes, they do exist.

One evening, my husband Patches alarm went off. I was not pleased- I was supervising hunting lessons for our five vampire kittens, but I then realised that with Buffy, Willow, Doug, Lindsey and Oz out of town, Tara and Dawn would be run ragged, so it's time for their trusty animal assistants to work our magic and tech. He armoured up and I warded, making sure that our kittens were sequestered thoroughly in the minicoffin where they slept during the daytime. As we padded toward the 'Dale's main drag, I felt the presence. Patches brought up a CCTV hack which identified our newfound visitor. He was felid, but deviated considerably from the main pattern. For starters, there were the horns. He had four elongated ears and six legs. As we watched, he incinerated a small dog who wandered far too close to him. Patches and I headed for the park entrance to confront him.

-Stop right there, you. I am Kitty Fantastico, familiar and catmage. Why are you in Sunnydale?
-I do not answer to mortals. I am Cakofeliz, dark god of the Pit of Malevili and I roam the dimensions at will.
-No, you will answer. I will not let you out of this region unless you reply to my inquiry.
Cakofeliz snarled and strained at the impervious wardwall that protected the rest of Sunnydale
-You do not deny divine will and prerogatives!
-You will reply, otherwise I will send you back down to the Hadeans. Now, why are you here?
-You are a powerful sorceress. Are you interested in consummating a coupling?
-Frankly, no. You're the wrong shape for me, for starters

TO BE CONTINUED
 
=I mean, I'm sorry, but four horns and six legs? Aren't you overdoing it a little much?
-Silence! Do not mock my terrifying immortal form!
-Sorry, is that terrifyingly badly designed? Because you are, Kaka,
-That's Kakofeliz. What's wrong with my shape?
-Look, cats are the dominant species on this planet, that goes without saying. However, we have a limit on the number of limbs and definitely no baroque antlers sticking out of our heads.
-I tire of this...what? I cannot move! What sorcery is this, most puissant?
-Well, no. I was telepathically intoning a banishment spell. And you just let me complete it. So long, Kaka
As smoke and debris blossomed around him, he hissed:
-That's Kakofeliz!
Kitty sniffed the surrounding air:
-No, I'd say caca...


THE END
 
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