A
Altoz
Guest
Buffy was silent during the ride back to Sunnydale. Lindsay held her for most of that time, rocking backward and forward with her in his arms. Truth was, he was hurting too. Angelus had been a monster, but Angel had been a friend, He was also the first man to love the woman whom he cherished more than life itself, more than his newfound immortality. He'd always thought Angel would outlive them all, except him. now. But that wasn't going to be. He risked a glance sideways at Oz, who was cradling a sobbing Doug on his lap, as he stroked his partner's hair and held him. Even if he hadn't known Angel as well as the others, Doug and the vampire formerly known as Wesley-Wyndham-Price had been good friends, until the re-emergence of Angelus after Connor's death and the fatal assault on Wes that had led to Drusilla turning him and the subsequent odyssey that led to a confrontation between Price, Drusilla and their darkmage 'adopted' daughter Hekate against Doug, Oz and Willow in the foyer of the Hyperion, as Buffy and Lindsay fought Angelus on the top floor. Doug had no other choice but to stake Price, before a backsurge of darkmagic killed Hekate in her turn. Willow activated the Kalderash spell, but with a new and unforeseen twist- Drusilla had been caught in the vicinity and ensouled too as a result. But there was another, less desirable aspect to the spell, as Willow realised when she, her covenmate and his lover joined Buffy and Linsdsay. Willow saw it at once- the Kalderash spell had been invoked one time too many in Angel's case, and within ten minutes, he would lose his soul permanently and Angelus would return unless...
Unless the original vampire with a soul ended his own existence. And so, Angel said his goodbyes to the others, embracing a sobbing Buffy one last time, asking Lindsey to look after her after he was gone, embracing a grief-stricken Willow and telling her none of this was her fault, there were finite aspects to the spell that not even the most gifted wiccan could have overhauled, shaking Doug's hand as he commented what a good and worthy Watcher he was for Buffy and that he shared Doug's own pain and grief for his dead friend Wesley and that he was glad he'd found a good man like Oz. And then, resolutely in his final death as in his previous existence, he had opened the curtains to the sunlight streaming in, his face beatific and at piece as his vampire body disintegrated, shattering into dust and ash and minute flames,
After Doug had shunted Drusilla's ensouled memories and guilt at her existence as a vampire into a side passage of her mind, enabling her to deal with her new feelings and grief so that she would not return to the insanity from which her relationship with Price had rescued her, the Scoobies took themselves away from the Hyperion.
As soon as they saw the stricken faces on Buffy, Willow and Doug, Tara and Dawn realised something was badly wrong. As the pregnant witch kissed her partner, Willow sobbed:
"Oh baby, it didn't work. It didn't work this time. Angel ended himself so that Angelus wouldn't come back. What sort of sorceress am I? I should have been able to do something, but I couldn;t and now,,,:
Dawn stepped forward: "Buffy?"
"He's gone, Dawn. He's gone and this hurts so damned much. Xander was my best male friend, I loved Spike for a while and Giles was like a father to us both, but... how many more will have to die before this damned year is over? I don't think I can take this any more. I'm supposed to be the Chosen One? What a joke! What does any of it mean if I can't save the lives of any of the people we love most in the world? First Mom. Now this."
"I think the best thing we can do is hold a remembrance service," Doug said through his own tears. "to mourn the loss of the man you loved, to say goodbye to him and to move on. I know it hurts, Buffy. For the first few months after we lost Giles, I kept expecting him to walk through that doorway and provide crucial insights that one of us or the other had missed. But then, after the denial stage had passed, I realised that my friend and mentor, the man who gave me a sense of purpose and meaning in my life, was never coming back and that I'd never see him again. I know it feels like someone's branded you, but you will get through this. You are not alone. You are never alone."
"Thanks, buddy. For bein' the compassionate, whole and lovin' dude you are, and for being there for her, even when your own heart must be breaking. Buffy, I would have given anything to spare you this pain," Lindsey grasped Doug;s shoulder.
"Come on. Things will look different in the morning."
"Except Angel will still be gone in the morning."
All through the night, Lindsay MacDonald lay in bed alongside the woman he loved, being there for her when the tears and sobbing returned. Dawn typed messages to Jonathan in Westbury until she was too tired to tap the keyboard any further. Oz cradled Doug in his arms, as Tara did for Willow. Later that night, they reassembled near what had once been Angel's crypt when he was based in Sunnydale. Forcing the words out, Buffy said, stammering:
"Liam. You were the first man I ever loved, gentle, kind compassionate. I may have fought your dark mirrorside Angelus to the death, but then you were restored to me. But things were different and you feared what might happen if you lost his soul to the curse again and endangered me, so you took yourself to Los Angeles and rebuilt an existence away from me. I never expected it to end like this, I expected you to be the one at my deathbed, stroking my head and telling me not to be afraid of the darkness where we all go. For however long I have, I will never forget you. I will honour your memory and I will never let anyone forget all the lives you saved."
Holding Buffy close to him, Lindsey continued:
"Angel, the first time we met, I was insanely jealous of what I believed was your arrogance and power. Then I hated you because of Darla's place in your heart, which I could never replace or hope to share. And then I left Wolfram and Hart, went on the road and en route, the Quickening happened to me, I stopped driftin' and came to Sunnydale and met this lady here. Buffy Summers. And one night, in shared grief for those we had loved and lost, we fell for each other. And for the last few months, I've fought alongside her, shared her life and found my heart again, with all these fine people. Goodbye, Angel. I'll look after her for as long as we both shall live. I will protect her with my life itself. I will never forget you."
Doug got to his feet: "Angel, we met for the first and only time back in England when you needed the Institute's help. You were a class act, mate and it's easy to see why the slayer loved you. You taught me that black and white human and vampire distinctions were pointless and meaningless. You had more grace and beauty and compassion in your life than most human beings. You were loved and respected and are cherished and missed. I will be there for the slayer, I will be her ally and friend for as long as we both guard the night together. Your end was untimely and undeserved but noble and self-sacrificial. Wes, I am so sorry, mate. I let my life and work here in Sunnydale overcrowd and diminish our friendship. We never kept in touch as much as we could have. One day, I woke up to the news you were a vampire and I dreaded the moment we'd meet on the field of battle because you shared Drusilla's vendetta against Angelus and it was too late. So the fates ground to their inexorable conclusion and the consequence was the stake that I had to plunge through your unded heart. I will never forgive myself for that."
Finally, it was Willow's turn to talk: "I restored your soul to you three times, Angel, It was my duty and my responsibility and I'm glad that you had those years with the rest of us that would otherwise have been wasted. I wish you could be here when Tara has our baby- we're going to name her Alexandria, in honour of a certain other big lug who died an untimely death earlier this year, Her second name will be Lianne, because of what you meant to all of us. Thank you, my dear friend, For teaching us what it means to be really human, and that with great power must come humility and responsibility. I miss you so much and I will never forget you.: Unable to continue, Willow had to be helped down the podium by Tara.
Oz finished the memorial with a tribute: "To Liam Gerald Forster. Angel. More than human, more than vampire, with a rich and textured soul. Wherever you are now, buddy, know that you were and are loved and that your grievous loss will be forever remembered and mourned. To Liam."
"Liam."
And elsewhere, a soul felt clean and whole and at peace, having taken a long journey during its extended existence.
THE END
In memory of Marie Helen Sukhi Young (1934-2019). I will love you and miss you forever, Mum.
Unless the original vampire with a soul ended his own existence. And so, Angel said his goodbyes to the others, embracing a sobbing Buffy one last time, asking Lindsey to look after her after he was gone, embracing a grief-stricken Willow and telling her none of this was her fault, there were finite aspects to the spell that not even the most gifted wiccan could have overhauled, shaking Doug's hand as he commented what a good and worthy Watcher he was for Buffy and that he shared Doug's own pain and grief for his dead friend Wesley and that he was glad he'd found a good man like Oz. And then, resolutely in his final death as in his previous existence, he had opened the curtains to the sunlight streaming in, his face beatific and at piece as his vampire body disintegrated, shattering into dust and ash and minute flames,
After Doug had shunted Drusilla's ensouled memories and guilt at her existence as a vampire into a side passage of her mind, enabling her to deal with her new feelings and grief so that she would not return to the insanity from which her relationship with Price had rescued her, the Scoobies took themselves away from the Hyperion.
As soon as they saw the stricken faces on Buffy, Willow and Doug, Tara and Dawn realised something was badly wrong. As the pregnant witch kissed her partner, Willow sobbed:
"Oh baby, it didn't work. It didn't work this time. Angel ended himself so that Angelus wouldn't come back. What sort of sorceress am I? I should have been able to do something, but I couldn;t and now,,,:
Dawn stepped forward: "Buffy?"
"He's gone, Dawn. He's gone and this hurts so damned much. Xander was my best male friend, I loved Spike for a while and Giles was like a father to us both, but... how many more will have to die before this damned year is over? I don't think I can take this any more. I'm supposed to be the Chosen One? What a joke! What does any of it mean if I can't save the lives of any of the people we love most in the world? First Mom. Now this."
"I think the best thing we can do is hold a remembrance service," Doug said through his own tears. "to mourn the loss of the man you loved, to say goodbye to him and to move on. I know it hurts, Buffy. For the first few months after we lost Giles, I kept expecting him to walk through that doorway and provide crucial insights that one of us or the other had missed. But then, after the denial stage had passed, I realised that my friend and mentor, the man who gave me a sense of purpose and meaning in my life, was never coming back and that I'd never see him again. I know it feels like someone's branded you, but you will get through this. You are not alone. You are never alone."
"Thanks, buddy. For bein' the compassionate, whole and lovin' dude you are, and for being there for her, even when your own heart must be breaking. Buffy, I would have given anything to spare you this pain," Lindsey grasped Doug;s shoulder.
"Come on. Things will look different in the morning."
"Except Angel will still be gone in the morning."
All through the night, Lindsay MacDonald lay in bed alongside the woman he loved, being there for her when the tears and sobbing returned. Dawn typed messages to Jonathan in Westbury until she was too tired to tap the keyboard any further. Oz cradled Doug in his arms, as Tara did for Willow. Later that night, they reassembled near what had once been Angel's crypt when he was based in Sunnydale. Forcing the words out, Buffy said, stammering:
"Liam. You were the first man I ever loved, gentle, kind compassionate. I may have fought your dark mirrorside Angelus to the death, but then you were restored to me. But things were different and you feared what might happen if you lost his soul to the curse again and endangered me, so you took yourself to Los Angeles and rebuilt an existence away from me. I never expected it to end like this, I expected you to be the one at my deathbed, stroking my head and telling me not to be afraid of the darkness where we all go. For however long I have, I will never forget you. I will honour your memory and I will never let anyone forget all the lives you saved."
Holding Buffy close to him, Lindsey continued:
"Angel, the first time we met, I was insanely jealous of what I believed was your arrogance and power. Then I hated you because of Darla's place in your heart, which I could never replace or hope to share. And then I left Wolfram and Hart, went on the road and en route, the Quickening happened to me, I stopped driftin' and came to Sunnydale and met this lady here. Buffy Summers. And one night, in shared grief for those we had loved and lost, we fell for each other. And for the last few months, I've fought alongside her, shared her life and found my heart again, with all these fine people. Goodbye, Angel. I'll look after her for as long as we both shall live. I will protect her with my life itself. I will never forget you."
Doug got to his feet: "Angel, we met for the first and only time back in England when you needed the Institute's help. You were a class act, mate and it's easy to see why the slayer loved you. You taught me that black and white human and vampire distinctions were pointless and meaningless. You had more grace and beauty and compassion in your life than most human beings. You were loved and respected and are cherished and missed. I will be there for the slayer, I will be her ally and friend for as long as we both guard the night together. Your end was untimely and undeserved but noble and self-sacrificial. Wes, I am so sorry, mate. I let my life and work here in Sunnydale overcrowd and diminish our friendship. We never kept in touch as much as we could have. One day, I woke up to the news you were a vampire and I dreaded the moment we'd meet on the field of battle because you shared Drusilla's vendetta against Angelus and it was too late. So the fates ground to their inexorable conclusion and the consequence was the stake that I had to plunge through your unded heart. I will never forgive myself for that."
Finally, it was Willow's turn to talk: "I restored your soul to you three times, Angel, It was my duty and my responsibility and I'm glad that you had those years with the rest of us that would otherwise have been wasted. I wish you could be here when Tara has our baby- we're going to name her Alexandria, in honour of a certain other big lug who died an untimely death earlier this year, Her second name will be Lianne, because of what you meant to all of us. Thank you, my dear friend, For teaching us what it means to be really human, and that with great power must come humility and responsibility. I miss you so much and I will never forget you.: Unable to continue, Willow had to be helped down the podium by Tara.
Oz finished the memorial with a tribute: "To Liam Gerald Forster. Angel. More than human, more than vampire, with a rich and textured soul. Wherever you are now, buddy, know that you were and are loved and that your grievous loss will be forever remembered and mourned. To Liam."
"Liam."
And elsewhere, a soul felt clean and whole and at peace, having taken a long journey during its extended existence.
THE END
In memory of Marie Helen Sukhi Young (1934-2019). I will love you and miss you forever, Mum.