Motherly comfort

A

Andy Poppens

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Dec 9, 2015
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31
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27
Buffy and her mommy Joyce are at the park Joyce sits on a bench reading a book while Buffy plays suddenly Joyce hears a scream she recognizes it as her little girl Buffy she runs over to find her Buffy on the ground crying her knee scraped and bleeding Joyce comforts her and takes her home when they get home Joyce cleans the scrape while whispering comforting things to Buffy next she puts a band aid on the scrape finally she kisses her knee to make it feel better and gives Buffy a gentle kiss and a hug and it's something Buffy will experience no more because Joyce is dead
 
That's a sweet drabble. I love Joyce and think she was a realistic portrayal of a mother.

I think you need to put a full stop after each sentence, though.
 
sosa lola said:
That's a sweet drabble. I love Joyce and think she was a realistic portrayal of a mother.

I think you need to put a full stop after each sentence, though.
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Thanks what do you like about it what do you mean sweet drabble and what you mean put a full stop after each sentence
 
That is one of the things I found with what you wrote, there is only one item of punctuation and that is for ' it's ' there isn't even a full stop at the end of what you wrote. Had you used some punctuation you could have increased the dramatic effect to the reader and probably given yourself more ideas.
You've used past and present tense which added to my confusion, did you mean to use past and present tense and if so, why?
 
Is it stream on consciousness? Very James Joycey Ulyssesy. I liked the surprise ending
 
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