A
Altoz
Guest
Westbury: November 2001
No-one was quite sure how it had happened, but Sweet the impressario demon had also afflicted Westbury at the same time as Ravello Drive, over in Sunnydale. Much to his horror, particularly given the complete non-existence of the amino acids within the gay gene that gave conventional gay men complete mastery over song and dance routines, Doug Mercer found himself doing his own musical routine:
DOUG: This isn't me
I cannot sing and dance
This ain't in my job description
I'd rather be workin' out
Something's got control of me
and I don't like it
Because I don't like not being in control
(except in bed with the right bloke)
I am not the ice prince
I do not have problems committing
Try explainin' the dark side of my night life
to the average gay punter and see him check out-
fast
So I live for the cause
So I'll fight alongside the Slayer
And one day, I might die too
But that's okay.
Because life's not what you expect sometimes
Once a scrawny rent boy in Kiwiland
Now a wiccan warrior man
Working for the Watchers
Protecting the weak and vulnerable
From the razor sharp incisors from hellspawn
What is it with this slayer anyhow?
She must be damned good, she's lasted twice as long
as India did, and how I miss her.
Wish I could've saved her.
And poor damned Kendra.
And Giles. He's like the sort of dad
I never really had.
He's devoted to her
So she must be disciplined and hard.
And Wes. What the hell's gone wrong there now?
How does my best straight mate get himself into
these situations? There's growing darkness there
and I dunno if I can save him. Come on, mate, call.
ALESSANDRA:
I watch Douglas muse about his life and his times
Wondering how long he'll last and when he'll enter
the field.
Be patient, good friend. Your time will come.
And I'm dreading it, because the hourglass sand will
start to flow.
And he will probably give his life in battle against darkness,
because that may well be what he thinks he wants.
Does he really think his life's that worthless?
Not to Giles and not to me.
He's more than an agent,
He's almost a son.
Nikki, what would you have made of this?
Back in '78, back in New York, when Giles and John and you and I
were a brash group of newcomers illuminating the night.
When you gave birth, I was rapt
And I was his godmother.
And then that bastard ripped the throat out of that year's Chosen.
And Giles blamed himself and John was heartbroken.
Giles. What I could have had with you.
Doug. What you are, what you could be
Just stay safe. Just stay with me.
But I suspect that's impossible.
DOUG:
Doctor Norton, Alessandra
Fine woman, brilliant mind
She doesn't deserve the shit Quentin gives her
Bloody Council, it's almost gone to wrack and ruin
And one day it'll make one mistake too many
I just hope she's not there when it finally happens.
What was it between her and Rupert?
Whatever it was, they still work well together
Alessandra.
One day, I'll have to say goodbye
You've been a good friend
But warriors are destined for war
and to protect and serve
And to fight alongside the slayer
is my choice.
I've been coolin' my feet far too long.
Time to take wing, time to fly.
And just as abruptly, the surrealist demonic dance routine ended. Doug looked up:
"Nikki Wood? You knew that slayer? You were her son's godmother?"
"Giles and I were meaning to tell you sometime."
"Yeah, I know. From what you sang there, it ended badly. One more reason to kick Spike in the 'nads the next time we meet."
"You do realise that he's on the slayer's side now?"
"Or says he is. All right, there may need to be a truce. But if that wanker steps out of line..."
"Doug, what if you do die in the line of battle?"
"Then my life won't have been a complete waste."
"I don't want to be at your funeral."
"But you may have to be, because that's the sort of decent, good person you are. At least you and Giles will mourn me."
As Doug left for his flat, he thought he saw 'Lessa crying over a deck of tarot cards, but he couldn't see which ones. Across her desk was spread a specific configuration. Doug Mercer's photograph was there, as was that of Rupert Giles. And between them, two cards.
The Tower.
Judgement Day.
And Death.
THE END
No-one was quite sure how it had happened, but Sweet the impressario demon had also afflicted Westbury at the same time as Ravello Drive, over in Sunnydale. Much to his horror, particularly given the complete non-existence of the amino acids within the gay gene that gave conventional gay men complete mastery over song and dance routines, Doug Mercer found himself doing his own musical routine:
DOUG: This isn't me
I cannot sing and dance
This ain't in my job description
I'd rather be workin' out
Something's got control of me
and I don't like it
Because I don't like not being in control
(except in bed with the right bloke)
I am not the ice prince
I do not have problems committing
Try explainin' the dark side of my night life
to the average gay punter and see him check out-
fast
So I live for the cause
So I'll fight alongside the Slayer
And one day, I might die too
But that's okay.
Because life's not what you expect sometimes
Once a scrawny rent boy in Kiwiland
Now a wiccan warrior man
Working for the Watchers
Protecting the weak and vulnerable
From the razor sharp incisors from hellspawn
What is it with this slayer anyhow?
She must be damned good, she's lasted twice as long
as India did, and how I miss her.
Wish I could've saved her.
And poor damned Kendra.
And Giles. He's like the sort of dad
I never really had.
He's devoted to her
So she must be disciplined and hard.
And Wes. What the hell's gone wrong there now?
How does my best straight mate get himself into
these situations? There's growing darkness there
and I dunno if I can save him. Come on, mate, call.
ALESSANDRA:
I watch Douglas muse about his life and his times
Wondering how long he'll last and when he'll enter
the field.
Be patient, good friend. Your time will come.
And I'm dreading it, because the hourglass sand will
start to flow.
And he will probably give his life in battle against darkness,
because that may well be what he thinks he wants.
Does he really think his life's that worthless?
Not to Giles and not to me.
He's more than an agent,
He's almost a son.
Nikki, what would you have made of this?
Back in '78, back in New York, when Giles and John and you and I
were a brash group of newcomers illuminating the night.
When you gave birth, I was rapt
And I was his godmother.
And then that bastard ripped the throat out of that year's Chosen.
And Giles blamed himself and John was heartbroken.
Giles. What I could have had with you.
Doug. What you are, what you could be
Just stay safe. Just stay with me.
But I suspect that's impossible.
DOUG:
Doctor Norton, Alessandra
Fine woman, brilliant mind
She doesn't deserve the shit Quentin gives her
Bloody Council, it's almost gone to wrack and ruin
And one day it'll make one mistake too many
I just hope she's not there when it finally happens.
What was it between her and Rupert?
Whatever it was, they still work well together
Alessandra.
One day, I'll have to say goodbye
You've been a good friend
But warriors are destined for war
and to protect and serve
And to fight alongside the slayer
is my choice.
I've been coolin' my feet far too long.
Time to take wing, time to fly.
And just as abruptly, the surrealist demonic dance routine ended. Doug looked up:
"Nikki Wood? You knew that slayer? You were her son's godmother?"
"Giles and I were meaning to tell you sometime."
"Yeah, I know. From what you sang there, it ended badly. One more reason to kick Spike in the 'nads the next time we meet."
"You do realise that he's on the slayer's side now?"
"Or says he is. All right, there may need to be a truce. But if that wanker steps out of line..."
"Doug, what if you do die in the line of battle?"
"Then my life won't have been a complete waste."
"I don't want to be at your funeral."
"But you may have to be, because that's the sort of decent, good person you are. At least you and Giles will mourn me."
As Doug left for his flat, he thought he saw 'Lessa crying over a deck of tarot cards, but he couldn't see which ones. Across her desk was spread a specific configuration. Doug Mercer's photograph was there, as was that of Rupert Giles. And between them, two cards.
The Tower.
Judgement Day.
And Death.
THE END