Originally posted by Nabila
I also thought that this episode has a good example of the wrong concept of friendship. For me, Xander and Pat illustrate this the most.
Pat was just a new acquaintance of Joyce, and yet she seems to have considered herself a close friend, and proceeded to abuse that title she bestowed upon herself. I was very annoyed with the way she spoke to Buffy, and all the innuendos that Buffy is not a good daughter, when she had absolutely no idea what the real situation was between Buffy and Joyce. I don't think Joyce told Pat that Buffy is a vampire slayer when she herself could not deal with it.
And dear Xander at the peak of his insecurity which really made him obnoxious in these early years. I'm not bashing Xander, I like the guy but this is the way he was. As far as friendship is concerned, he really just abuses the title of friend as well. He had no right to jump into the argument that Joyce and Buffy were having at the party. He was posing as a defender for Joyce and Willow when he just blatantly lied in Willow's name at a crucial time in Buffy's life. He did that without considering the consequences it would have for Willow and Buffy's friendship.
And as far as Joyce is concerned,well, she's Buffy's mother, not his. It was their fight, not his. Did he wish to score future points with Buffy by showing off his concern for Joyce? But of course since Joyce made it public, maybe Xander felt he should contribute. What he contributed was more humiliation for the already confused Buffy.
I totally agree with everything you said about Pat. The woman was totally invasive. My Mom used to have a friend like that- except this friend was more likeable- and they just believe they know everything about the situation and that they know best. You're this close to going 'SHUT UP!!! AND GO AWAY!!'. I mean when Pat first speaks to Buffy and is all 'You go be with your Mother. You two need to rebond', Buffy's expression is priceless. It's like 'Erm...okay?'. I mean if someone had ever spoken to me like that in that patronizing tone about mine and my mother's relationship I would have...well, I don't think I would have been able to hold back a witty and/or cutting retort.
As for Xander I thought he was just showing that his loyalties aren't just to Buffy. He's a friendly guy in general and always sticks up for his friends whether it's Buffy, Willow or even Joyce. Plus, I think it was always implied that Xander was the one of the group that spent most time with Joyce that summer. Especially with the 'You should have seen what you put it through'. It just seems to imply that he was there to see what she was put through and after seeing her, presumably a complete wreck, he felt the need to say something.
Plus Joyce was getting just as upset as her daughter in that argument- they were throwing all sorts of defences and attacks at one another after all- and Xander saw this and stepped into the argument to back her up.
But I do agree on some level that yeah, this was between Buffy and Joyce at the moment and it should been left to them two to yell it out. However, Xander also had his issues with Buffy at that time and so as well as backing up Joyce, he felt he needed his say too.
I like this episode for that because it made me think of friendships, in general, and what limitations should we have or should there be any. Did Buffy really owe them an explanation while she was away and trying to make sense of it all herself? So far, I'm still convinced that if you are a true friend, you will wait and let your friend deal with her issues in private. If you're really close then that friend would know you will be there when that friend is ready to share.
I hear what you're saying and I do agree but sometimes a situation calls for a confrontation like this. I had a very similar situation with a friend in High school (Last year of high school actually, so wow, was the same age as Buffy and co at the time. Freaky, haha). I mean she hadn't run away after killing her boyfriend with a sword or anything but she was moping about rather a lot, Depressed Queen but no share time whatsoever, but she'd snap and get all upset if we weren't constantly paying her attention. In the end I told her we'd all had enough and that she needed to either tell us what was the matter or get over it. The argument did escalate with my other friends joining in which I did NOT agree with as it made it a bigger deal than it was (Which is why I do have my partial agreement with your whole Xander-shouldn't-have-joined-in point) but the confrontation was needed. I told my friend that we were always here for her, cared about her but what are we supposed to do if she just keeps shrinking in on herself and not telling us anything.
After that she did start sharing her feelings and what was going on and ended up being a lot better for it. And I don't think, without that confrontation, she would have ever been able to get out of that funk.
So I guess what I'm saying is it depends on the situation. Sometimes a big shout-out confrontation is required...
