A friendly note from VH to Drogyn

[Buffy Summers]

It didn't need to be a big deal in the first place...

 

[caitaintdead]

I've said my piece and had the answers I wanted. I'm happy to look through all my old banners and wear some of those and I've already requested a Shane/Ricks banner so I'll be wearing that for awhile anyway 🙂

Thanks for the explanations and I appreciate everyone keeping level headed in the discussion.

 

[Willow My Love]

Darla agrees: Wasn't us that made it one...

So then who was it? I tried to defend my dorm and assure that this was all in jest. I wasn't trying to start anything.

Honestly, it's aggravating me that something so small has been blown so out of proportion. I'm really considering just leaving BB all together if something this small is going to be made into something this big.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I'd just like to point out That Miki and I were discussing the issue when a mod stepped in and less than insinuated that I wasn't being truthful when I said that Drogyn harbored no malice toward VH and that the banners were meant as a lighthearted joke.

Well THAT is pretty untrue and I think unfair. You frankly weren't listening to Miki at all, who only wanted you in future to bring up in the discussion of such themes that it could be hurtful, and the mod was trying to explain to you why VH people might think it was coming from a nasty place. She told you that she would agree to disagree with you that the theme felt like it had some nastiness to it. That is not calling you a liar.

You were also told multiple times that no one was asking for the banners to be taken down.

 

[Willow My Love]

No offense, but saying, "I'm not asking you to take the banners down," when unprovoked makes one feel like that's exactly what they're asking.

I asked for them to be taken down to be done with all of this. Can we move on? I'm so tired of discussing it! In fact, I'm not coming back to this thread, or the one in the prefect forum.

 

[Buffy Summers]

So then who was it?

Frankly, all you needed to do was tell Miki, "Sure, if it comes up again in the future I'll mention that it might hurt someone's feelings." Done, end of discussion. Other than that, the rest of the discussion was based on trying to get you to see the problem, which you refused to, and refused to work with Miki on, which is your job as prefect, and you blew it out of proportion. None of the rest of your dorm needed to ever hear about this, especially as Miki told you even that she didn't want you to say anything to them about it.

 

[Washburne]

1. As I feel it in general it's not the banners themselves that are thought as "bad". Even if not everyone see them as funny as Drogyn intended. People are different. Everyone loves a good joke but we don't all share the same kind of humour. That'll be the case with everything, not just banners. What you think is funny might not be funny to others. If that's so difficult to understand we do have a problem.

2. It's the repeating that bugged me the most. You meant to be targetting all dorms and if that had happened at least I hadn't seen it the same way. Once again what was intended wasn't what came through to the ones "targeted".

3. We didn't and still don't think you did it to be meanspirited. We just wanted you to know how we felt as it wasn't the way you intended. It certainly wasn't done to make things worse.

4. If anyone think we're too sensitive they're free to feel that. You have the choice to chose between "It's not my problem that others didn't like what I said/did. That's their problem." and "Oh, ok. That didn't go as I planned. Maybe I should stop doing it to them." I know we got members that'll go with the first. I think we have some in VH as well. In general it's not my view though.

---------- Post added at 07:02 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:00 AM ----------

No offense, but saying, "I'm not asking you to take the banners down," when unprovoked makes one feel like that's exactly what they're asking.

Maybe this is just another example of "What was inteded isn't what was recieved."

 

[This Year's Girl]

Honestly, this isn't a "thing", and it never was intended to be one. As it has been mentioned, I approached [MENTION=10498]Willow My Love[/MENTION] in the prefect common room about it. I didn't ask her to take the banners down. I said that everyone in VH got that it was a joke, but it could still hurt/make people uncomfortable. I said that she didn't have to talk about this to her dorm since I didn't want to make this any bigger than it was, but when they were planning themes in the future I asked her to keep in mind that even if the intent was not mean it could still hurt. Willow my love then explained to me that the theme was not meant to target VH, but that the other houses hasn't had any themes. She also said she was sorry VH had got the brunt of it.

My plan was that if the banners were brought up again in our dorm I would explain this to my dormies. It wasn't brought up, so I let it go, as I think everyone else in my dorm has. Maybe I should've explained this to you anyway VH:ers, I apologize if this was a bad decision. I didn't want to cause any unneccesary drama and bring it up again.

I think Taakes intent with this thread was good. Sometimes it's good to let you all know what is going on "behind the scenes". 🙂 Noone in VH was mad, but maybe it's a good thing that people now know that it can hurt a little even though the intent was only jokingly. 🙂

Thanks to everyone for being understanding and sweet about this. I hope noone feels bad about this now, regardless if you're a drogynite and VH:er and that we can all move on now. 🙂 Also, I really think we should put this whole "rivalry" stereotype between Drogyn and VH to rest, I don't know what happened a couple of years ago, but let's make this a clean slate and just admit that we are friends! 😀

(But just to be clear, VH is totally going to win the house cup this year, so we also encourage a little friendly competition 😉)

 

[BuffyElevated]

WOW. Well let me come forward to say that I am one of the people who was bothered by the banners. Yes they were funny, and if Drogyn hadn't already "parodied" our stuff before I would have laughed it off and kept going about my business. But as Washburne said, because Drogyn has made fun of our dorm before on several occasions, I sighed and went "Really?? Seriously?? Why can't they just get their own damn theme?" But I wasn't the only member who felt this way, and I'm not going apologize for feeling how I felt/feel.
Miki has been working really hard as prefect to set a new tone in our dorm. Before she took over, house morale was really down and there wasn't a lot of participation, so she's been trying to get things back to the way they used to be, and she's doing a marvelous job at it. I, personally (and this is just ME, no one else) felt like making fun of the theme she came up with was kinda like a slap in the face to her.
I got involved when Miki told WML that a few members in our dorm were put off by the banners. I tried to explain why people felt the way they did, and kinda remind the prefects of what their role on the board is, since I've done the job myself before, and it went over like a turd in the punch bowl. I was met with INSTANT defensiveness and increasingly rude comments.
So for Willow My Love to say what she has said in this thread is not true, and I wanted to clear that up. I don't appreciate being made to look like I did something I didn't.

 

[Washburne]

I'm not overly offended, I guess I was bought up in a household and country where people joke and make fun of each other. As I've said in the past where there have been tears over Big Damn Villains - I come from a country where we call strangers mates, yet call our mates c*nts. If I cried every time one of my friends gave me shit I would be severely dehydrated.

The following isn't to say what's wrong or right. It's how it felt to me. Me and no one else.

I know which country I come from but I honestly can't say that we do or don't use the c word to each other. I would never dream about it now but I'm sure some are using if not that exakt words something close to it. In my younger years I could talk to my friends in a way that I wouldn't to someone else. Especially not written down for anyone to see. But that's me and I know that not everyone is the same.

As for tears and crying. Being meant as a joke or not. It can (can, not saying it is. Ok?) be seen as calling people getting offended by "jokes" cry babies. Which some may be happy to be called but not sure that goes for everyone. As been shown in this thread the intention isn't always what's recieved. Take that as you will.

I know that some of my intended jokes both online and offline has been seen as mean and offensive. When that happens I try to apologize and explain that I tried to be funny but obviously failed. Sometimes they accept it, sometimes they don't. Do I continue to joke with them the same way again? I hope not. I try not to. I guess I could have just ignored how they felt and decide that "They can't take a joke. Why should I bother?" I have been told on more than a few occasions that I can't take a joke, need to get thicker skin or just lighten up. Meaning I have to change, not the other person. I don't deny that I can be too serious at time or not getting when someone is making a joke. So yes I could try and change a bit. But shouldn't it go two ways in that case.

It's my uppbringing that have made me see things that way. I know not everyone will agree with it. Which is fine. As I pointed out in the beginning it's not about right or wrong.

 

[SlayerFest]

Miki has been working really hard as prefect to set a new tone in our dorm. Before she took over, house morale was really down and there wasn't a lot of participation, so she's been trying to get things back to the way they used to be, and she's doing a marvelous job at it. I, personally (and this is just ME, no one else) felt like making fun of the theme she came up with was kinda like a slap in the face to her.

You say that as if we knew what was going on in your dorm...like we were being intentionally disrespectful. Again, this wasn't even about VH. Why would we leave you guys out if we planned to mock all the dorms? We had no clue that this would be a no theme month for everyone else...talk about crappy luck.

Also, the last time Drogyn mocked you guys (I'm really not sure what happened) did you make it clear that you didn't find it funny? I mean if I had known that, I probably wouldn't have agreed to go along with this. Ugh. I'm so tired of the drama. Two of our members have left so I guess you guys will be winning that cup after all! Haha...:cry2:

Drama aside, we still love you guys and we hope you still love us 🙂. We weren't trying to imply that you aren't allowed to feel how you feel, we didn't know what was going on in your dorm. Maybe we shouldn't have assumed that you all would have just laughed it off. Most of us in Drogyn have an...odd sense of humor haha so I'm sorry if we have seemed somewhat insensitive, it was just surprising to us that you were offended. We just wanted you to laugh with us! We weren't laughing at you.

 

[Buffy Summers]

Also, the last time Drogyn mocked you guys (I'm really not sure what happened) did you make it clear that you didn't find it funny?

That's what people were trying to do this time 🙂

 

[Bexieh]

Wow this thread went a little woaaah. I honestly think it's just boiled down to a misunderstanding. It was just extremely bad luck like you said that no one did a theme that month and it accidentally brought up old tensions. I don't think anyone was really meaning to be mean to anybody on either dorm side! The only reason I was a little "wha?!" at first was because I hadn't a clue about the rivalry thing! But now that it's been brought up out in the open we can all keep it mind for future reference and continue on! I don't think this thread was intended to get at anyone, just a friendly pointing out of some peoples feelings, not an attack. I'm new to this, but I hold no grudge against Drogyn and hope we can continue to get along and I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy. Ahem. 😀

 

[PassionBecoming]

Yeah, this is getting blown way, way out of proportion. There were some of us in VH (myself included) who were offended simply because 1. We were the only ones being mocked and 2. A lot of us are new-ish to the dorm and had no idea why you were doing that. Both issues were explained. No one was all that upset about it, no one was saying nasty things about Drogyn, no one was talking behind anyone's back about it. Some of us just had "What the heck??" moments and I actually asked one of my friends from the chat what was up with it. After it was explained it was a joke and has been done before I was just like, "Oooh" and found the banners amusing. Not one person in VH asked that the banners be taken down, and most of us wanted to see them!

It was bad luck/timing/whatever. I am glad Taake said something to clear it up and I think it was well put. No fur off of anyone's back. Everyone be calm and smile. 😀

 

[BuffyElevated]

You say that as if we knew what was going on in your dorm...like we were being intentionally disrespectful. Again, this wasn't even about VH. Why would we leave you guys out if we planned to mock all the dorms? We had no clue that this would be a no theme month for everyone else...talk about crappy luck.

I didn't say that as if you guys should have known anything... I just said it based on my own personal feelings.
MY point to Willow My Love was that it felt like VH was being singled out. If the other dorms weren't doing anything, then no one's theme should have been parodied. If you can't be fair about something then you shouldn't do it, and that is the point the staff agreed about when I brought this whole deal to their attention after Willow My Love got defensive with me over it.
Our intention was never to create drama over this; we were simply trying to state that even though we knew it was supposed to be a joke, not everyone was finding it funny.

 

[Jules]

If the other dorms weren't doing anything, then no one's theme should have been parodied. If you can't be fair about something then you shouldn't do it, and that is the point the staff agreed about when I brought this whole deal to their attention after Willow My Love got defensive with me over it.

I just wanted to say that by the time Drogyn realised that no other dorms were doing a theme the VH parody banners had already been put in some people's sig. There were a number of requests in our Drogyn thread about the other dorms themes but Willow My Love was still waiting to hear back from the other prefects 🙂

Like many of us have said, it was all meant as a joke and apologies if people were offended 🙂

 

[BuffyElevated]

Well thank you to the ones who apologized to us. Apology accepted as far as I'm concerned. 🙂

 

[Taake]

Yes, this topic has been vented and explained, and indeed - somewhat blown out of porportion - which was not my intention with this thread. I'm however glad that we have this all out though and I hope that we can move on from now, it feels as pretty much everything that can be said has been said on this topic

🙂

 

[SlayerFest]

I didn't say that as if you guys should have known anything... I just said it based on my own personal feelings.
MY point to Willow My Love was that it felt like VH was being singled out. If the other dorms weren't doing anything, then no one's theme should have been parodied. If you can't be fair about something then you shouldn't do it, and that is the point the staff agreed about when I brought this whole deal to their attention after Willow My Love got defensive with me over it.
Our intention was never to create drama over this; we were simply trying to state that even though we knew it was supposed to be a joke, not everyone was finding it funny.

We had no idea that no one else had a theme. Jenn asked the other prefects what their theme was and Miki's the only person who got back to her. We didn't realize that no one else had a theme until it was way too late.

EDIT: Haha Jules and I both wrote our responses at the same time, I just posted mine way too late 😉 sorry!

 

[Jodast]

Everyone, please chill a little and think how this would have worked out in a face to face conversation.

Member of VH: Hey tone it down with the banners, some of us are offended by them.
Member of Drogyn: Really? Sorry, that was never the intention.
MoVH: Ok, just bear it in mind fr the future, OK?
MoD: Sure, we're still cool, right?
MoVH: We're cool.

*group hug*