A kind of moral dilemma (WARNING: Drug related)

[SinisterPledge]

Wanna start of by saying I have been allowed to post this topic by the site staff, however if it is deemed too... mature (or suggesting) it will be closed down. I also want to point out I do not endorse marijuana use in this thread, please keep that in mind when you post. See this as a moral dilemma.

Okay so here's the story:


Okay so yesterday was kind of a weird day. My mom used to be a superbig reggae fan and she just tuned 40 so I figure this is just her mid-life crisis talking but she said today that she wants to try smoking marijuana again (She used to smoke when she was about my age, I'm 19). She asked me if I wanted to do it with her, and I was like... Ummm...

Thing is, I love smoking, but smoking with my mom, really?

This could be a trick to get me to confess to using but I'm gonna wait till she smokes until I spill my guts about my previous usage.

I don't know how to feel. I sorta dreamt of this moment but now I don't know if I feel like it's wrong or if it's awesome...

Has anyone of you had a similar experience? What did you do? If you haven't, what do you think you would do? Is it morally wrong of her? Studies show that pot is less harmful than tobacco and especially alcohol, so in a sense it is better of her to offer me a joint than a glass of wine...

Anyway, I wanna hear your opinions on the matter. Don't bother with the legal stuff though (some people suggested contacting the police/social services but I'm just not gonna do that).

 

[Nix]

Personally speaking I find it wrong of her to encourage you let alone starting herself again. As you say smoking and drinking are bad enough but adding drugs to the mix is just wrong. Just my opinion.

 

[sisterofmercy]

Depends. I've encountered that situation before at festivals and have always declined as I don't feel comfortable doing that with my family (more of a friends thing). Besides which, I'm very anti-smoking so it would seem a bit hypocritical of me to accept weed in their presence when I've made such a fuss about them smoking in the past.

I would say it depends on how you feel about it. It's not immoral imo as you're an adult and it's not a hard drug and you can make your own mind up about it. If she's being sly about it then it could be a trick, but I think you are the only one who could know if she was lying or not. If you have that kind of relationship with her where you feel like you can do those sorts of things then go for it. You don't necessarily have to spill about your previous usage if you don't want to.

 

[derose1973]

I would skip that one if i was you.

 

[Robb Stark]

I've never had anything like that happen to me, but if it did happen, I wouldn't do it. I understand that it's an odd situation though (a really odd one). Both my parents have told me that they've smoked weed when they were younger, but they haven't done it in years. So to have one of them suddenly take it up would be a little...perplexing, to say the least.

I'm not that into weed. Have I smoked it? Sure, and I don't find it "bad" or anything, and I certainly don't understand why it's illegal, but it's just not really my thing. Maybe I'm not the best person to ask then.

However, from whatever wisdom I do have, I would say no.

 

[BuffyElevated]

Well, this is a tricky one... I have been drinking with my family at holiday gatherings and things for years, but none of my family is into illegal drugs, so I've never been approached to do something like that with family.
I agree with Nix that I think it's wrong that your mother would encourage you to smoke pot with her. As a mother, I can't fathom ever encouraging my kids to get into something that could be harmful to their bodies and minds.

 

[SinisterPledge]

Depends. I've encountered that situation before at festivals and have always declined as I don't feel comfortable doing that with my family (more of a friends thing). Besides which, I'm very anti-smoking so it would seem a bit hypocritical of me to accept weed in their presence when I've made such a fuss about them smoking in the past.

I would say it depends on how you feel about it. It's not immoral imo as you're an adult and it's not a hard drug and you can make your own mind up about it. If she's being sly about it then it could be a trick, but I think you are the only one who could know if she was lying or not. If you have that kind of relationship with her where you feel like you can do those sorts of things then go for it. You don't necessarily have to spill about your previous usage if you don't want to.

Sorry I accidentally pressed Enter, I wasn't finished writing the reputation thing. What I meant to say is that I've found that it's pretty much 50/50. Some people say it was awkward smoking with their parents, while others say they bonded on a whole new level.

 

[BuffyElevated]

Frooley agrees: Will I understand where you and Nix are coming from, I think I should add that she was very happy, joking a lot etc. It's not like I was forced. She knows I'm very interested in the subject, that's probably why.

I definitely understood that she wasn't trying to force you... I just think a parent shouldn't be encouraging their kids to indulge in drugs or alcohol. I grew up with a mom that was a big enabler and it got me pretty addicted to alcohol for a long time. Sometimes I think about how much I used to drink and am amazed I'm alive today. And I blame my mom for getting me started because she was the one who bought it for me in the beginning.

 

[SinisterPledge]

I just wanna ask a follow-up question to those of you who said it's wrong. Why? I mean, like I said there are a lot of studies showing that alchohol is far more dangerous than marijuana, still I THINK most of you wouldn't mind it if she asked me to take a drink. Why is that? Is it simply because it's illegal, or do your opinion on something else? I've found (not saying this is the case with you guys) that many people have misconceptions about cannabis, due to many years of anti-drug propaganda and the infamous War on Drugs.


EDIT: Didn't see your reply there HisMrs!

 

[Robb Stark]

One thing I just thought of, is the correlation to drinking alcohol. I just don't like drinking personally, so I hardly ever do it (I think I drink about once a year), but both my parents like a glass of wine or a rum and coke at dinner. I've never felt awkward around them while they're drinking.

Also, my youngest sister just got out of high school and both my sisters and my older brother drink around my parents now, which at first felt a little strange but now just doesn't seem to matter. It's interesting how there's a big distinction between drinking and smoking.

Also, I should amend my last post a bit. I've smoked with my uncle, and I didn't really like it. On the rare occasions that I do smoke pot, it's to sit back and relax. Hell, I find it helps me sleep more than anything (and I rarely sleep easily). I just wasn't...at ease with him around. My cousin smokes a lot (and I mean a LOT), so the only times I really do are when I see him. When his Dad came around one time, it was just...I don't know...off-putting.

Interesting thread though. It's got me thinking now.

 

[Kenimowy]

I have never been in that situation but I disagree with the idea of it. As a mother myself, I don't want my children to do anything at all that can potentially harm them. I have done it, I used to be a cigarette smoker and a party drinker too, but just because I did it, doesn't mean I would encourage my children to do it. Chances are if they want to do it one day they will, no matter how much coaching I do, but I still won't advertise, or encourage it.
I am in no way saying your mother is a bad parent though. There are lots of parents who feel that if their children drink, smoke, etc with them, then at least they know where the product is coming from and that you are safe, and will keep them in the know of what is going on in your life. I think it depends a lot of the parenting style of the parent.
However, I would not take the offer because I think that more than likely, it would create a weirdness before it would create a closeness.

 

[SinisterPledge]

I have never been in that situation but I disagree with the idea of it. As a mother myself, I don't want my children to do anything at all that can potentially harm them. I have done it, I used to be a cigarette smoker and a party drinker too, but just because I did it, doesn't mean I would encourage my children to do it. Chances are if they want to do it one day they will, no matter how much coaching I do, but I still won't advertise, or encourage it.
I am in no way saying your mother is a bad parent though. There are lots of parents who feel that if their children drink, smoke, etc with them, then at least they know where the product is coming from and that you are safe, and will keep them in the know of what is going on in your life. I think it depends a lot of the parenting style of the parent.
However, I would not take the offer because I think that more than likely, it would create a weirdness before it would create a closeness.

Yeah I guess you're right about the parenting thing. I guess either way has it's benefits.

I don't like drinking, and I learned the hard way through horrible hangovers and I don't smoke tobacco. None of my friends smoke pot and some actually tried to get me to quit. What I made was a concious choice to try it, and I found out that I actually liked it. So in that sense I do feel comfortable about this, I mean it's not like she's trying to push me to take coke or anything.

About what you said Always Bangel, with your parents drinking and stuff. I think it all comes down to culture. We and many of our previous generations have grown up with the idea that alcohol is something social. That it's nothing wrong with drinking a glass of wine at the dinner.

But the truth is, this is just prejudice and misconceptions. I mean, cannabis is most likely going to become a larger part of our society, and as people become more used to the substance, so will the acceptance increase. I really do believe it all comes down culture and tradition.

 

[Enemies]

my rule is if you're not 100% sure about doing something, whether it be drugs or buying a new par of jeans, then don't do it. If you thought it was a good idea to begin with you wouldn't be doubting whether or not its a good idea, if you get me.

I hear what you're saying about tobacco and alcohol being more harmful than marijuana but there's more of a stigma attached to taking drugs. I think wat your mom chooses to do is completely up to her but I do think there is something a little wrong in asking your child if they want to do it too. I don't think it's very responsible parenting.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I don't think it's bias against cannabis, [MENTION=11961]Frooley[/MENTION]. I know a lot of our members smoke (even though we don't encourage open discussions about who uses what around here, since we're a family-friendly board), so I don't think it's about being misinformed or biased against the drug.

For me, it's knowing that smoking even a little bit of marijuana alters your mindset. My husband used to smoke all the time and he has told me lots of times that it's not something he'd ever want our kids to do, because even a small amount is dangerous. I have smoked in the past, but I didn't enjoy it because I didn't like the taste and/or how it made me feel. To each their own, but I just don't think it's as "harmless" as people make it out to be.

 

[Pike]

When I was about the same age (19,20) I did the same thing with my parents. Now I am a bit older and have kids of my own. I am kind of disappointed in their decisions then. While I love my parents, I frown at them for doing things like that with me. People can do what they want. I even lean towards the legalization of marijuana HOWEVER I still hate that my parents brought me up this way. I have zero plans of doing this with my kids. IMO, even when everyone is adults, its just bad parenting.

I know when people are younger it seems different.. It's a bit sad than she offered. While I am disappointed in my parents, I think my mother is NOW embarrassed that this happened. So if you see no consequences, possibly decline for her sake.

Me, personally, I would decline your mother's offer. She can smoke her own time and you the same. There might be a time later down the road where either one of you dislike this act or choice.

Drugs or alcohol for recreational reasons is one thing. Doing them with your parents is something completely else 😛 Keep family and illegal substances separate!
All, in my opinion. Hoping I am not stepping on toes of anyone in the boards.

 

[Taake]

Hm, tricky, reading through the thread I would have to say that for me the legality of marijuana or whether or not it's not as bad for you as tobacco or alcohol becomes irrelevant fast for me it just seems so incredibly irresponsible. With my brother or nephews I never drink etc because I'm the adult so I should be the one in 'control'. I grew up in a family where it was the other way around and that to me is what's wrong in the equation.

I realize that you're not a small child and I might be speaking from feelings of experiencing this as a much younger child myself, but at the end of the line for me it comes down to the parent/child relationship and under those terms I don't think age matters. You will always be your parents child and even if you're an adult they are responsible for taking care of you and doing what's best for you... and doing any kind of drug together seems questionable to me.

What's best is highly subjective of course, perhaps this is what's best for you but since you're hesitating I would say that it might not be... it might just rob you of some respect for your mother 🙁 It's hard to say but since you asked for advice I would tell you to think long and hard about it, in the end only you can decide what'll be best for you... perhaps talk to your mother some more about it... sorry if it wasn't much help but that's all I've got. 🙂

 

[SinisterPledge]

Hm, tricky, reading through the thread I would have to say that for me the legality of marijuana or whether or not it's not as bad for you as tobacco or alcohol becomes irrelevant fast for me it just seems so incredibly irresponsible. With my brother or nephews I never drink etc because I'm the adult so I should be the one in 'control'. I grew up in a family where it was the other way around and that to me is what's wrong in the equation.

I realize that you're not a small child and I might be speaking from feelings of experiencing this as a much younger child myself, but at the end of the line for me it comes down to the parent/child relationship and under those terms I don't think age matters. You will always be your parents child and even if you're an adult they are responsible for taking care of you and doing what's best for you... and doing any kind of drug together seems questionable to me.

What's best is highly subjective of course, perhaps this is what's best for you but since you're hesitating I would say that it might not be... it might just rob you of some respect for your mother 🙁 It's hard to say but since you asked for advice I would tell you to think long and hard about it, in the end only you can decide what'll be best for you... perhaps talk to your mother some more about it... sorry if it wasn't much help but that's all I've got. 🙂

Well I agree. The main reason why I'm hesitating is because of what effect it might have on our relationship. I mean, for good or bad, it will change, and you don't really know which way. Do I really want to take that chance? The only positive thing about this is that now I can stop feeling so insecure about my use of marijuana (which is NOT regular, I basically use it when I feel like it). She said she was gonna do it with her workmates, but offered to do it with me if I wanted to. As I said in the OP, I think it's mostly the mid-life crisis speaking. She's not like this usually. She's actually kinda overprotective. I'm quite well educated on the subject so I know there's nothing majorly harming GENERALLY. However, as we all know, people are different and as such they react differently to pot. Some hate it, some love it, some can handle it, others trip every time.

I basically see it as getting drunk with my mom, which is kinda weird too. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. It was a lot of nice input on this thread, and there are no right or wrongs, but I can definitely agree to some of your concerns.

I think there's big difference between a mother saying it's okay to smoke pot, and actually doing it with her child.


Is there anyone who has another opinion on this? So far it's been pretty one-sided.

 

[Nix]

I just wanna ask a follow-up question to those of you who said it's wrong. Why? I mean, like I said there are a lot of studies showing that alchohol is far more dangerous than marijuana, still I THINK most of you wouldn't mind it if she asked me to take a drink. Why is that? Is it simply because it's illegal, or do your opinion on something else? I've found (not saying this is the case with you guys) that many people have misconceptions about cannabis, due to many years of anti-drug propaganda and the infamous War on Drugs.


EDIT: Didn't see your reply there HisMrs!

I personally agree alcohol and smoking are drugs too so don't get me wrong there. I think if your parents asked you to get smashed on alcohol I would have the same reply to be honest. It's just wrong as you should not in my opinion encourage your kids to potentially do harm to themselves with any situation/drug. You should promote a healthy lifestyle where possible. I have drug experience from my younger wilder days and all drugs including alcohol should be approached with caution. They are all dangerous to an extent in some way or another and may lead down the addiction path and do alter your reaction time to danger and alter your perception of situations etc. Just my opinion.

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

Since I live in the Netherlands, I can happily ignore the legal stance, as this isn't a problem in this country.

That said, I personally wouldn't do it. I can't really look at my parents as examples, because they don't smoke or drink, but I would never really want to smoke or drink together with anyone I don't look at as one of my peers. It just seems a bit awkward. It really is a generational thing. It's like your grandparents making sex jokes in front of you. Age isn't necessarily the variable here, but there are just certain groups of people (like parents or other older generation relatives, or teachers, or your boss) I would not want to get to know on a level like that.

 

[NY State of Mind]

I do not endorse drugs of any kind but I dont see the big difference in me having drinks with my father so I say if you both wanna do it then go ahead but if youre not sure then its best you just avoid it all together....sure the difference is its illegal but i'm not gonna speak on that cause youre both adults to know what you consider wrong and right.....just be safe either way