A kind of moral dilemma (WARNING: Drug related)

[brinkster130]

I've never been in a situation like this, but if I were, given my relationship with my parents I wouldn't do it. I don't smoke, but it's something I'd imagine I'd rather do with my peers as that would be a more comfortable environment for myself. Interestingly enough, I have no problem drinking in front of my parents; not that I get drunk around them.

IMO, whether or not this is something you should do depends entirely upon the type of relationship you have with your mom. If you guys have a relationship where you can do this without the lines between parent (authority) and child (subordinate) being blurred then I don't see the danger in it, other than the drugs standard risks (health wise and legally).

This could be a trick to get me to confess to using but I'm gonna wait till she smokes until I spill my guts about my previous usage.

This part of your post really stood out to me. Is this something your mom would do? If it did turn out to be a trick to catch you doing something she doesn't approve of and you go into it thinking you will be having a bonding experience with her, then I'd imagine that could cause a lot of resentment and trust issues between the two of you.

 

[SinisterPledge]

Hey guys!

No I didn't OD on coke with my mom (bad joke sorry), I've just been so buried in settling down at home (back from LA) and trying to find a job... It's exhausting!

No progress on this matter, we haven't talked about it for a while, and to be honest, I'm kinda happy to just let it go.

This part of your post really stood out to me. Is this something your mom would do? If it did turn out to be a trick to catch you doing something she doesn't approve of and you go into it thinking you will be having a bonding experience with her, then I'd imagine that could cause a lot of resentment and trust issues between the two of you.

Well, I am sort of a cynic, and I don't really trust people (including those closest to me) so yes, that is what I suspected at first. To answer your question more directly, yes I think she could've tried to fool me, it's unlikely, but not impossible.

 

[Bluebird]

This is a weird one for me, as I'm one of those people with a very different upbringing than usual. My parents smoke a lot of weed, and have done for years. When I was a kid I knew that things they did were illegal in the eyes of the law, but to me they were fantastic parents. I was never encouraged to do drugs or anything, but it was explained that this was a thing that adults choose to do, but that it's against the law. I'd even get into trouble for bringing up the discussion of drugs - it wasn't what a child should talk about.

I came to weed from a very different angle, from a new big social group of mine, and it gradually just extended to my mum and dad, because I remembered 'aw yeah, that's what they do too'. It wasn't an influence to my smoking, other than me knowing that just because something's illegal, it doesn't make it morally wrong per se.

Growing up with it made it dull in my eyes. Every day. I didn't rebel and become a teenage stoner, it was just another thing people did - nothing special. So in that sense, my upbringing had a good influence on my attitude, in my opinion. Although I totally understand why people would be against it.

 

[SlayerFest]

Why would someone tell you to contact social services? You're an adult. I wouldn't smoke weed with my mom because that's too weird. I know people who smoke it with their parents and like it but I just wouldn't. I also find it...odd that people are saying not to do it with your mom because it's an illegal substance. Drinking alcohol in moderation is not bad and neither is smoking weed, imo. Neither of them are 100% harmless. Although I know people who smoke a ridiculous amount of weed and they're not addicts. I know that smoking marijuana can lead to an interest in doing other drugs but it really is less harmless to smoke "too much" weed than to drink too much.

Weed is illegal so it's "bad". You shouldn't do it with your parents because it's "bad". That's just the impression that I'm getting. My mom doesn't want me to drink, smoke, or do drugs. She knows that I have smoked weed, maybe 3 times in my life, and she got mad when I told her. I told her that I drank one time and she didn't really seem to care...yet her mother is an alcoholic. Alcoholism runs in my family and the fact that I smoked weed ticked her off but she didn't care that I drank alcohol...I do not get that at all. People have this "it's illegal for a reason!" mentality and it's just...kind of annoying.

Anyway to answer your question haha if it feels weird/makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. But no I do not believe that it is morally wrong to smoke weed with your mother.

Also, I don't believe that getting drunk with your mom and smoking weed with her is a fair comparison. I know people who casually drink with their parents all the time and it isn't deemed "immoral" or weird. I would honestly feel weird drinking around my parents, but I don't find it weird, at all, when other people do it.

 

[BananaBuffy]

Without reading any of the previous comments, here is what I have to say.

I grew up/am growing up in a family where I have simply been taught that doing drugs and drinking alcohol is wrong. I am seventeen years old and am legally underage (the legal age for drinking is eighteen here) but that hasn't stopped me from drinking and my parents are sort of okay with that. But I have most certainly been taught that drugs are wrong. This befuddles me a little bit but I think the majority of it is that drugs are illegal and that is just that. This is how I grew up so I believe that it is wrong for your mother to do this just because it is how I have been bought up.

All of this aside the illegal fact and the fact that I have been raised a certain way hasn't stopped me from smoking marijuana myself. Obviously my opinion here is mixed. I think perhaps telling her about your previous usage is a good idea but I also think declining her offer is a good one also. I'm going with my gut and my gut says it doesn't feel right. I have never been in this situation. To be honest if either of my parents knew I had smoked weed I would be in so much trouble it would be shocking. But if I was in this situation I like to think I would tell my mother about my previous usage to get it off my chest but decline her offer. That's just what feels right to me.

Excuse the garbled nonsense of this post.

 

[Robb Stark]

[MENTION=8356]HisMrs[/MENTION], true, it does impair your judgement, but the same can be said, if not even more so, about alcohol, and a number of other things.

Plus, if you dig into the history of why marijuana was made illegal in the U.S. back in the 1920's, it was hardly for purely altruistic reasons. William Randolph Hearst, one of the slimiest figures in media history, ran a smear campaign against weed because the hemp it was derived from was being used as a cheap substitute for regular pulp paper, which Hearst sold to most major newspapers. Sorry for digressing a bit, but it's worth mentioning after reading how many people have cited it being illegal. Plus, when you consider that it's now legal (pending appeals of course, which will probably be in court for the next decade) in two states, it's hardly a cut and dried case.

Just out of curiosity, and this is more of a general question, if [MENTION=11961]Frooley[/MENTION] was located in Colorado or Washington state, where weed is now legal, would your answers be different?

 

[patriot1123]

When I was a few years older than you, Frooley, I smoked pot with my mother on a few occasions. I thought it was cool and it didn't change our relationship or cause any problems. I was at an age where, by that time, my mother and I were more friends than parent-child.

Now, I have a son about a year older than you and I wouldn't smoke pot with him for anything. I don't smoke pot anymore and haven't in years, but that's not the reason. The reasons are that (1) it's illegal and I don't want to encourage him to break the law, get caught, and ruin his life; (2) it's unhealthy; (3) it's dangerous if combined with activities such as driving; and (4) I'm not prepared to be "friends" with my son yet - it's still a mother-son relationship (though a close and happy one), and smoking pot is too much like being "friends."

Your posts are filled with doubt about whether you should do this. On that basis alone, I say don't do it. But be prepared to revisit if you feel, in the future, that you are ready to be more of a peer with your mother.

 

[BuffyElevated]

[MENTION=8356]HisMrs[/MENTION], true, it does impair your judgement, but the same can be said, if not even more so, about alcohol, and a number of other things.

Plus, if you dig into the history of why marijuana was made illegal in the U.S. back in the 1920's, it was hardly for purely altruistic reasons. William Randolph Hearst, one of the slimiest figures in media history, ran a smear campaign against weed because the hemp it was derived from was being used as a cheap substitute for regular pulp paper, which Hearst sold to most major newspapers. Sorry for digressing a bit, but it's worth mentioning after reading how many people have cited it being illegal. Plus, when you consider that it's now legal (pending appeals of course, which will probably be in court for the next decade) in two states, it's hardly a cut and dried case.

Just out of curiosity, and this is more of a general question, if [MENTION=11961]Frooley[/MENTION] was located in Colorado or Washington state, where weed is now legal, would your answers be different?

If you read what I said, I said even a small amount can impair your judgement. This isn't true with alcohol... You can drink 1 normal-sized glass of wine or beer without feeling out of it or unable to function. I realize that alcohol in large amounts can be more dangerous than marihuana. But it doesn't change the fact that even a few hits off a joint can be dangerous for someone.
That being said, I would not change my answer if Frooley lived in another state, where the drug was legal. Smoking pot is just not healthy or safe, so it's not something I would ever endorse.

 

[KellGreen]

When I was a young teen, my mom offered both (alc & MJ), but I declined, and still didn't after I was an adult. Since my (essentially sole) sense of self is tied in to my intellectual abilities (which still are FAR, FAR AWAY from where I wish I was), I have zero inclination to do anything that impairs my ability to think clearly. I have drank before and smoked, and I didn't like it at all, but hey, my BF and other friends were always grateful to have someone sober around to assist them 😛 As you can likely tell, neither of my parents were really into "parenting" so I may not be the best at advice here...

Additionally, there was a great local article I would recommend to anyone who says MJ is harmless (it was in the Stranger a few months back, about a girl who killed herself after a psychotic incident likely triggered by her recent and frequent MJ use). MJ is known to trigger and/or exacerbate various mental illnesses, in addition to causing documented decreases in memory function.

Aside from legality, it really is like anything, and comes down to choice. Morally, I don't really see a wrong or right here, but just your inclination to look for other opinions makes me think that you probably shouldn't: if you were sure, you would have just done it without needing a lot of consideration, maybe?😕

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

Personally? I think it was very ill-responsible of your mother to offer you marajuana. It's illegal. She could have gotten both of you in trouble. I'm assuming it is not legal in your state?

 

[SlayerFest]

HisMrs disagrees: Annoying or not, it IS illegal for a reason. Even a small amount of weed impairs your judgement and can make you do things you wouldn't do otherwise.

I wrote this really well thought out response to this but my computer backspaced somehow and it all got deleted 🙁 but I basically said that alcohol impairs your judgment too! I know people who have done some extremely embarrassing things whilst under the influence of alcohol and when they smoke weed they are so chill and not...annoying. I mean most people I know who drink get kind of loud and obnoxious when they overdo it. I just don't feel as if you can really "overdo" it when it comes to weed. I feel as if it's fine in moderation but you're obviously entitled to your opinion.

 

[SinisterPledge]

Why would someone tell you to contact social services? You're an adult. I wouldn't smoke weed with my mom because that's too weird. I know people who smoke it with their parents and like it but I just wouldn't. I also find it...odd that people are saying not to do it with your mom because it's an illegal substance. Drinking alcohol in moderation is not bad and neither is smoking weed, imo. Neither of them are 100% harmless. Although I know people who smoke a ridiculous amount of weed and they're not addicts. I know that smoking marijuana can lead to an interest in doing other drugs but it really is less harmless to smoke "too much" weed than to drink too much.

Weed is illegal so it's "bad". You shouldn't do it with your parents because it's "bad". That's just the impression that I'm getting. My mom doesn't want me to drink, smoke, or do drugs. She knows that I have smoked weed, maybe 3 times in my life, and she got mad when I told her. I told her that I drank one time and she didn't really seem to care...yet her mother is an alcoholic. Alcoholism runs in my family and the fact that I smoked weed ticked her off but she didn't care that I drank alcohol...I do not get that at all. People have this "it's illegal for a reason!" mentality and it's just...kind of annoying.

Anyway to answer your question haha if it feels weird/makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. But no I do not believe that it is morally wrong to smoke weed with your mother.

Also, I don't believe that getting drunk with your mom and smoking weed with her is a fair comparison. I know people who casually drink with their parents all the time and it isn't deemed "immoral" or weird. I would honestly feel weird drinking around my parents, but I don't find it weird, at all, when other people do it.

The reputation thing decided to post half of my sentence for some reason. What I wanted to say was I totally agree with you on that "it's bad because it' illegal thing".

And I also want to tie that in with what Always Bangel said. There are many reasons as to why cannabis was deemed illegal in the first place, and health concerns was far from the main reason.

Like I said before (I think, cba to read my posts again) I don't care about the legality of it. That's not a factor I'm counting in when I make the judgement. Others do, but not me. Since I've tried both drinking and smoking pot I know how each of them makes me feel. Pot makes me feel great, helps me with my anxiety, while alchol just makes me feel like shit. I would definitely rather provide my child with marijuana rather than alcohol, because of my experience. That may sound like something horrible, but if you read the facts, the numerous studies, I think you'll realize it has more to do about our upbringing and societies view on marijuana than rational thought.

Personally? I think it was very ill-responsible of your mother to offer you marajuana. It's illegal. She could have gotten both of you in trouble. I'm assuming it is not legal in your state?

Well to some the illegal factor is important, to me that has nothing to do with it. No we wouldn't have gotten into trouble because we'd smoke it in our home, but yes, it is illegal here.

 

[SlayerFest]

The reputation thing decided to post half of my sentence for some reason. What I wanted to say was I totally agree with you on that "it's bad because it' illegal thing".

And I also want to tie that in with what Always Bangel said. There are many reasons as to why cannabis was deemed illegal in the first place, and health concerns was far from the main reason.

Like I said before (I think, cba to read my posts again) I don't care about the legality of it. That's not a factor I'm counting in when I make the judgement. Others do, but not me. Since I've tried both drinking and smoking pot I know how each of them makes me feel. Pot makes me feel great, helps me with my anxiety, while alchol just makes me feel like shit. I would definitely rather provide my child with marijuana rather than alcohol, because of my experience. That may sound like something horrible, but if you read the facts, the numerous studies, I think you'll realize it has more to do about our upbringing and societies view on marijuana than rational thought.

Yes. Also...how many people have killed people while driving under the influence of marijuana? I personally don't know of any cases, whereas I hear about horrible drunk driving incidents all the time. I just don't see how weed is worse than alcohol...alcohol impairs one's judgment and I know people who become violent when they drink. I have never in my life seen someone become violent after smoking weed, haha it's actually the total opposite. And freaking prescription drugs are legal and they are 10 billion times more dangerous than weed will ever be. A nurse recently told my aunt that she could take valium and she went into cardiac arrest because she was also taking another medication (the doctors/nurse knew this but they're idiots I guess)...my aunt is better off smoking weed.

 

[Washburne]

Yes. Also...how many people have killed people while driving under the influence of marijuana? I personally don't know of any cases, whereas I hear about horrible drunk driving incidents all the time. I just don't see how weed is worse than alcohol...

I'm curious (when am I not?), how does alcohol stand versus marijuana when it comes to amount? How much weed to you have to smoke to compare it to drinking one beer? Or ten? Overusing anything isn't good. Kind of obvious with the name I know. Be it drugs, alcohol, water, food etc. I have absolutely zero experience when it comes to marijuana so I really have no idea. I know there's no definitive answer since people's tolerance levels differ but maybe some general comparisions can be made.

 

[SlayerFest]

I'm curious (when am I not?), how does alcohol stand versus marijuana when it comes to amount? How much weed to you have to smoke to compare it to drinking one beer? Or ten? Overusing anything isn't good. Kind of obvious with the name I know. Be it drugs, alcohol, water, food etc. I have absolutely zero experience when it comes to marijuana so I really have no idea. I know there's no definitive answer since people's tolerance levels differ but maybe some general comparisions can be made.

I know people who can smoke a ton of weed and drive, safely. They aren't swerving or anything. I personally would never drive under the influence of...anything. I don't have much control when I drive sober. I mean I really have to focus because I'm constantly thinking of other things, ugh. I don't know how much weed would equal a beer. And I agree, smoking weed everyday all day isn't the best idea. However, I don't see why smoking it in moderation should be an issue. Which is why I believe that it should be legalized. And no I don't believe this because I want to smoke it, I've just never really seen the harm in it. Alcohol is worse, in my opinion, and making alcohol illegal didn't work.

I mean doesn't the fact that smoking cigarettes, something that kills tons of people every single year, is legal kind of making the whole "if it's illegal it's bad" thing seem obsolete? I could care less if people smoke cigarettes. What does that have to do with me? I'm sure there are parents who smoke them with their adult children. I know some who do and no one finds that odd. But if a parent wants to smoke weed with their adult child it's seen as a bad thing. I do not understand that, at all. Smoking cigarettes does not impair your judgment, it just destroys your lungs.

If anyone honestly believes that weed is illegal because the government is oh so concerned with our well being, they are seriously mistaken.

 

[Crazy Flakes]

I'm curious (when am I not?), how does alcohol stand versus marijuana when it comes to amount? How much weed to you have to smoke to compare it to drinking one beer? Or ten? Overusing anything isn't good. Kind of obvious with the name I know. Be it drugs, alcohol, water, food etc. I have absolutely zero experience when it comes to marijuana so I really have no idea. I know there's no definitive answer since people's tolerance levels differ but maybe some general comparisions can be made.

The only way to really answer this question is to describe the experience to you. Disclaimer: I am not condoning marijuana use and I will not confirm or deny whether or not I am a user of this particular drug because it is illegal in my state of residence and illegal things are very bad.

I think it depends on the person/the method of ingesting marijuana. If...ah, the experiences that have been described to me are the norm, smoking weed isn't really comparable to drinking because it doesn't really debilitate you. Both give you a similar spinning sensation when you close your eyes and can make you feel a bit out of it so one certainly shouldn't drive while high (or ever be high, because, y'know, illegal), but if you smoke more, you'll never get to the point where you're violently ill or sloppy or aggressive/impulsive. If you're not smoking an absolutely excessive amount you can still think and speak coherently (in fact, it can even help you think about things more clearly and in interesting new ways, which is why a lot of people end up using it as a crutch for their creativity), but the main thing it does is that makes everything seem distorted and more present - music is more intense, flavors in food are amplified, etc. It can definitely make you feel tired and unmotivated for a while and some people find the experience really unpleasant, but it's very doubtful that it's going to make you a danger to anyone.

Edibles/liquids/(to a much lesser extent) vaping can (allegedly, because marijuana is VERY ILLEGAL) be a bit more like drinking because they can make you feel really out of it or giggly, but they don't make you a complete mess like drinking a lot can. Edibles in particular can make you feel REALLY out of it and make the world feel like it's spinning really quickly and unpleasantly, but even in the worst circumstances it'll just make you want to lie on the floor until it goes away - it won't make you act impulsively or vomit profusely and it certainly won't kill you.

So yeah, the crux of it is that they're very different in moderation so you can't really compare them, but they can both affect you negatively in excess. Drinking too much alcohol can make you sloppy, aggressive, and impulsive; smoking too much marijuana can make you lazy or can compel you to use it as a crutch when you're trying to think creatively.

Now, regarding the original poster's issue: If the main reason why you're considering it is because you want to be able to tell her you smoke marijuana and she's established that she's okay with it, why not just tell her? I don't see any harm in just explaining that you don't know if you're comfortable smoking with her. Also it's illegal, boo hiss bad things are illegal.