All the merrickans know what is to follow this sentance... i just thought i should sharewith the rest of the boards since some of you may be wondering about my baby... and why i no longer have the sig or anything and its hard for me to actually say all this but apparently its the best thing to do.. to accept and move on
went to get an ultrasound yesterday (June 27th) and the news wasn't good.
They saw no heart beat, no fetal movement no nothing. My baby apparently stopped development at 7 weeks of pregnancy. My body just hasn't been able to let go, in order to carry out the needed miscarage. So i was given 3 choices after being told my baby was dead and that all my hopes and dreams about my child would never be fullfiled <<< in the dr's almost exact words, my choices are 1. To wait like a week to see if my body takes control on its own and starts the miscariage its self.....2.) to take pills to enduce a miscariage..... or 3.) to go to the hospital, be given stuff to knock me out and they go in and scrape my uterus of all evidence of the baby.....
The news and choices given to me practically broke my heart, i couldn't move or talk hell i couldn't even feel my legs, i forced myself not to cry, that lasted till i reached that hallway outside the drs office. I have decided along with the help of my boyfriend who is being extremely supportive while trying to deal with this himself, along with my mom, his mom, and my dad. I've decided to go wtih the 3rd option, This whole thing is real enough and something i will never forget and will carry with me the rest of my life...I just cant deal with a normal type of miscarriage... I cant dela with seeing blood and knowing, this way i dont bleed i dont do anything... everything gets taken at once. . I just wanted you all to know you guys are just like a second family and i just wanted everyone to know
Also i want you all to know i had the surgery, this morning actually i went to the hospital at 8, they gave me a wrist braclet thing then called me back for registration and questions then they had me sit for practically forever till around 12 in the waiting room then they took me back, put me under... the last thing i remember is them telling me to breath deep and that they were injecting the stuff to put me out in my IV that it would burn and before i knew it everything would be over and they were right, next thing i knew the nurses were waking me up and the moment i realized where i was and what had happened i broke down
all i could say was i lost my baby, and that it was my fault i wasn't good enough, i kept asking for a phone to call my boyfriend and appologize that i'd put him through so much heartache that i wasn't even good enough to protect a innocent baby...
Of course i was also comming down off of the stuff they put me to sleep with so i was extremely emotional and it was the hardest thing i've ever had to face in my life so far.
The doctors assured me it wasn't my fault, that something at the time of conception just didn't divide right or click correctly, that there was nothing i could have done, The sac the baby was in was irreguarly shapped and there was just nothing that anyone could do.
Right now i'm on bed rest, with permission to eat saltines, and easy food along with drinking like ginger ale, i am taking tylenol 3 with codine for pain along with antibiotics so i dont catch infection. The doctors also let me know that this miscarriage should not affect any of my future pregnancy's if me and my boyfriend choose to try agian...
But needless to say that probley wont be for a good while things like this just take time right. Too bad i dont have any go to the future powers and things are all better...
But agian i juust wanted to let you all know so your not wondering.
-AB
