About overwhelm-distraction (procrastination) cycle

[whatdBuffyDo]

This is not about mental health advice. This is asking if people went through something similar and would like to share their ways out of it.

When I encounter some important task that overwhelms me emotionally, be it its future implications or its relation to past triggers, I get emotional and can’t get it done. In order to regulate myself, I distract myself, and I do it in seemingly harmless ways such as watching movies or taking a stroll etc. After I cool down and come back to the problem, I once again get overwhelmed or triggered and have to regulate myself, therefore I distract myself once again. And the thing that is not dealt with brings damage in the long term.

Has anyone been in a similar position and got out of this procrastination cycle?

 

[HowiMetdaSlayer]

I try to think about my goals or something I'm looking forward to (like vacation plans).
Sometimes just try to get thru whatever (usually J.O.B) day/shift I'm doing at the moment.

 

[NotASlayer]

I don't always manage it, but sometimes I can force myself to do it, usually by giving myself a reward at the end, so the promise of the reward can be motivating. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

 

[ILLYRIAN]

As it happens I am about to do as you are asking, I am rewriting a Tale of the Slayer fan fic story I am writing, it will include developing the power of the mind, not to help but to cause a person to be a better person into helping ones self be a better person. Hopefully to promote the power of the mind to do the impossible.
That is something I have lived through yet I became lax about it and now need to promote myself again, by the sounds of it call it what you will, be that the power of the mind, or the Powers That Be or even Gods Will? If the end result is to be your benefit, call the journey by what you will.

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

I usually close my eyes and breathe deeply for about 10-15 minutes. When I've calmed down, I tell myself that I can do what I need to do...and just take things slowly. Then I remember that once I complete the task, I'll feel SO much better. (This works for me about 8 times out of 10)




Man: Wow, I just found there's a club for procrastinators!

Woman: Cool! You should go sign up.

Man: I'll do it tomorrow...

 

[Stake fodder]

I am like this, too! I don't know if this would work for your specific task, but I find breaking tasks down to smaller bits can help. Also, you can set a timer for 15 minutes, or whatever you think you can handle, and just work at it for that amount of time, then have one of your distractions as a reward. Sometimes these things work for me.

 

[November]

I dissociate and do the thing on auto pilot.

 

[Ethan Reigns]

I was a project manager at several jobs and the first thing is to figure out what has to be done. I was the executor to my wife's estate, which I suppose counts as an emotional issue, but I kept in mind that the cremation, the ownership of the house, the bank and credit card information, the investments, the taxes and all the little things that come up are separate tasks that can be done independently. Once you understand that the work is finite, it becomes easier to adopt a mindset that everything you do reduces what remains to be done.

We might be able to give you better advice if we knew what is so traumatizing about implications and past triggers you have in mind.

 

[Moptop]

I would just buck up and dive in. Having the thought in mind that getting the task at hand completed would result in a large weight lifted off my shoulders is enough motivation for me to get it done quickly but correctly. Then I would never have to deal with it again.

 

[November]

When I encounter some important task that overwhelms me emotionally, be it its future implications or its relation to past triggers, I get emotional and can’t get it done. In order to regulate myself, I distract myself, and I do it in seemingly harmless ways such as watching movies or taking a stroll etc. After I cool down and come back to the problem, I once again get overwhelmed or triggered and have to regulate myself, therefore I distract myself once again. And the thing that is not dealt with brings damage in the long term.

To add to my answer, having a house has really helped me with this as well. Turns out a lot of things I thought were really important to do right now, can be put off until I am able to manage it. I put a lot of pressure on myself and that makes the things I need to do harder, but also makes it easier to dissociate because that's the only way that I can push through it.

So much that I thought I needed to keep on top of, didnt really matter. Like keeping the house tidy, and the garden pristine - just broke me. Letting stuff go and taking the pressure off, taught me that its not all that important. Some stuff can be dealt with later and there isnt any problem with that. Taking the pressure off to do the thing, made the thing easier to do.

I will say this technique has made me lazier. Like, now I will do the one load of washing straight away, rather than the 4 on the weekend to avoid the harder work of doing 4 loads of washing on a weekend, even if that was a more efficient choice. Haha. This is just a simple example of what I am trying to say, I dont know, but hope you can relate it similarly in your situation. Taking the pressure off helped me go with the flow.

Of course there are some times I cant cope and do rely on auto pilot. Recently I had to buy a new car and that was so stressful for me, I didnt sleep for 4 days and barely remember the process, but it had to be done so I had to do it highly distressed. I didnt find that process exciting or fun, and never want to do it again. But the fact I got a new car hopefully means that I wont have to for another 20 years. I took the short term scary (and expensive) choice over the ongoing stress of maintaining an old car. It took the pressure off. I hope some of this makes sense to you!

 

[ILLYRIAN]

What type of car did you get? Was it an electric car? If not do you really think it'll keep for 20 years?

 

[whatdBuffyDo]

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences 💗

We might be able to give you better advice if we knew what is so traumatizing about implications and past triggers you have in mind.

I didn’t want to go into personal or mental health territory, but since the question came up, here’s a more general take.

This isn’t a “big T” trauma situation and it’s probably something many people experience at some point. I don’t see it as a dramatic or exceptional problem, but rather a common pattern that, when left unaddressed, can lead to long term difficulties.

At its core, it seems related to tying self worth too closely to productivity, usefulness or achievement. In some cases this leads to overachievement; later on, it can have the opposite effect, making even simpler tasks harder to initiate. This often comes with shame or difficulty tolerating uncomfortable emotions. Over time, larger goals may feel less clear, not necessarily due to lack of desire, but uncertainty about direction and difficulty committing to a single path. Avoiding commitment can also create anxiety, especially when it feels like circumstances will decide for you instead.

Interestingly, externally structured environments (like work, where there’s responsibility toward others) tend to function better, while self directed responsibilities and personal development are more challenging. External routines help, but they’re not always available.

From what I’ve read, this overlaps with concepts like perfectionism and burnout. When this state persists, it seems less like temporary exhaustion and more like a system problem: unclear direction, perfectionist standards and difficulty tolerating uncomfortable emotions reinforcing one another. In that sense, motivation alone doesn’t seem to be the solution; better systems, routines or ways to maintain momentum through small, repeatable actions may matter more.

Lifestyle factors (nutrition, caffeine intake, exercise, etc.) likely support resilience, but the challenge is making them consistent. That’s why I’m interested in how others manage to take action when things feel mentally heavy, especially strategies that work even without strong motivation.

Hope these make sense.

 

[The Bronze]

Take a shot every time you get distracted. You'll either relax and get on with it or forget about it completely. Win win.

 

[NotASlayer]

Interestingly, externally structured environments (like work, where there’s responsibility toward others) tend to function better, while self directed responsibilities and personal development are more challenging. External routines help, but they’re not always available.

I function better with routines. If something is part of my routine, it gets done. The problems arise when something isn't part of my routine; if you check posts on here, I first mentioned needing a new mobile in December 2023. I finally bought the phone in September 2025. 😀

 

[DeepBlueJoy]

Mostly reality forces my hand. I am sitting here reading instead of packing to travel tonight. Mostly, time organizes me. Sometimes i crash and burn. I too am looking for solutions.

 

[nightshade]

I think a time deadline helps too, if I got visitors coming then I have to clean by that time!

 

[Ethan Reigns]

I understand the situation. You said it yourself - you have tied your concept of self-worth to accomplishments, usefulness and productivity and your mind is telling you that this is not what really animates you. I resisted the same conditioning, probably more than I should have, but I was always more motivated by creativity. As an electrical engineer, I always preferred the conceptual and initial stages of a design - actually completing the design was more of a chore. I have written music and stories of novel length and that is what really turns my key.

When I was in my forties, I went into Tae Kwon Do and the benefit wasn't just having the discipline to defend myself, it was that all the minor fears and nameless, faceless anxieties were transmuted into work. If someone attacked me, I didn't fear it, I just treated it as another task but I can say my time in martial arts was time well spent in conditioning my mind to treat everything I feared into work that carried no emotion. There is a reason the last line Angel says is "Let's get to work."

One thing I can tell you is that the kind of perfectionism you are talking about was instilled in you at an early age as a means of pleasing other people and that is a false god - pleasing other people is not essential or even desirable. What right do they have to demand perfection? Were they perfect? What right do they have to give you your opinion of yourself? Everybody is born different and they diverge from there. Your path in life will probably be different from the people you think would be judging you. But one secret that you may learn in old age is that people don't think about you or any other people much at all. So why develop behaviour patterns designed to catch their attention?

By the way, are you actually Buffy from Season 6? She had similar problems. It sounds like you need Spike to occupy your mind and keep you from the doubts you have about yourself. That is, unless the house falls down around you and you can't fix it.

 

[Bop]

I don't know if anyone has heard of this technique before but you basically attempt to convince yourself that you're actually excited rather than anxious about the situation at hand, because both anxiety and excitement produces a similar reaction to the body- e.g. increased heart rate, sweating- those things happen when you're excited or anxious.