Frenchy Faith
WMMWM *poke* :)
That's very great how you react trustno1! I wish you good luck & I hope she will learn how words can hurt & that she won't use them the same way one day.
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abusing or absent parents?
- Thread starter The_DarK_Puppet
- Start date
elmo
Anyone here speak Whale?!
Frenchy Faith said:Soz to take long but I all you said guys made me wanna say something so ...
elmo : I already knew but each time you talk about it I'm like dumbfounded. I respect you so much for the way you reacted to it all, in the past & for how you take it now, willing to help other & all.
I'm very glad that you found a way to lead a great life despite all you went through & I wish you the best luck with Mike !!! *hugs*
Awwww... you get sweeter everyday Frenchy. Thanks for your kind words as always. 🙂 You are a true friend. Listen to this girl everyone... she's wise beyond her years. And a very good person to talk to when you're down. 😀 LoL. And honey, I had no idea your mother put you down and said bad things to you. No wonder you're very self-conscious. I noticed that. Remember when I told you to stop putting yourself down? I meant it. Don't let the things your mother says get to you. You're a very special girl and you're clever. 🙂 Remember that.
Angelsbaby, honey, these things do make you stronger. And I'm glad that you look on it that way. You're step-Dad sounds like a real @ssh0le and that must have been hard for you.
Jacklyn, I'm sorry to hear about your Mother. It's very rare to hear of a Mother abusing her children but I've read "A Child Called 'It'" and it was very graphic and horrifying. And obviously it's not that rare if you had to endure it. Sadly, not all Mother's have the necessary Maturnal instinct to look after their children.
I think it would be a brilliant idea to assess who is fit to be a parent and who isn't. But that would be an impossible thing to do. Unless you made coupling illegal without a license!
The_DarK_Puppet, I hate to hear about violent Father's and Husbands.
This is normally the case. People who abuse their families are usually very insecure and feel they have to have power over people close to them so they can prove themselves. That's the reason why they pick on their children or their spouse. They are the only ones weaker than them in the world and they feel that they have to force them to stay (physically) because they are afraid that they'll leave them. Does that make any sense? I'm glad that you aren't mad at him, although you have every right to be, because it means that you are mature enough to realise that he's not worth the tears or the anguish. Good on you!The_DarK_Puppet said:i don't hate him anymore, i just feel sorry, because he was a sick, stupid, and lonely guy who blame the only people who liked him for the mistakes he'd made.
YvBaBy, You are a very mature young lady as well. Your outlook on your Father's behaviour is clearly not misguided. You know what he was like but you still love him. In a strange way, I still love my Father. But I still never want to see him again.
xtrustno1x, Mental abuse can be just as scarring as physical abuse. I feel very bad for you. But your still very mature to realise that she isn't like that all the time. I'm glad you don't hate her, although she shouldn't have said those things to you.
polexia
always been barely alive
dark puppet-good thread!
my mother can be mentaly abusive, and for about ten uyears my real father was absent... and what your teacher said about haveing probs being close to people: true, at least for me... meeting my boyf really helped make things better though, and i had to buildt down some walls. tall tall walls.
my mom has her good days, and her bad days, and bad days used to be the worsed, and we would fight a lot -A LOT! a sad thing thouigh is that my great grandma was though on my grandma and my grand ma though on mom and mom is so broken down herself-inside- that i think she has totaly lost controll of who she wants to be and should be... i have acually gotten to a point where i feel sad for her, that she feels like she does.... ::bsad::
i have contact with my father, i acually saw him yesterday.... but my mom hasn't changed-sadly- but she doesn't have the same afect on me mentaly like she used to, i moved out of her house so that i could attend university in another city... which was very good for me.
FF: you are such a sweet person!!
elmo: i have to agree with FF, LOT of respect for you!! 🙂!! i thik it's great that you want to break the cycle!! 🙂
my mother can be mentaly abusive, and for about ten uyears my real father was absent... and what your teacher said about haveing probs being close to people: true, at least for me... meeting my boyf really helped make things better though, and i had to buildt down some walls. tall tall walls.
my mom has her good days, and her bad days, and bad days used to be the worsed, and we would fight a lot -A LOT! a sad thing thouigh is that my great grandma was though on my grandma and my grand ma though on mom and mom is so broken down herself-inside- that i think she has totaly lost controll of who she wants to be and should be... i have acually gotten to a point where i feel sad for her, that she feels like she does.... ::bsad::
i have contact with my father, i acually saw him yesterday.... but my mom hasn't changed-sadly- but she doesn't have the same afect on me mentaly like she used to, i moved out of her house so that i could attend university in another city... which was very good for me.
FF: you are such a sweet person!!
elmo: i have to agree with FF, LOT of respect for you!! 🙂!! i thik it's great that you want to break the cycle!! 🙂
Frenchy Faith
WMMWM *poke* :)
elmo : I already said it but thanky very much *hugs*
I don't think I deserve so much rewards while I did nothing really but what you said made my month, lol
polexia : Thanky very much as well.
I'm very glad that she doesn't have the same affect on you. That's so great that you have a contact with your father, & I hope it'll work out :: tu ::
& yeah, moving out is definitly the best solution & I guess distance enabled you to see things with another point of view, hence now you feel sad for her. The thing is that it's prolly been so long that she had lost control that it's very difficult, even if you wanted it, to help her. I wonder what it would be like if some ppl were given another chance to start a new life, with the experience of the past. Maybe they wouldn't make the same mistakes.
I don't think I deserve so much rewards while I did nothing really but what you said made my month, lol
polexia : Thanky very much as well.
I'm very glad that she doesn't have the same affect on you. That's so great that you have a contact with your father, & I hope it'll work out :: tu ::
& yeah, moving out is definitly the best solution & I guess distance enabled you to see things with another point of view, hence now you feel sad for her. The thing is that it's prolly been so long that she had lost control that it's very difficult, even if you wanted it, to help her. I wonder what it would be like if some ppl were given another chance to start a new life, with the experience of the past. Maybe they wouldn't make the same mistakes.
elmo
Anyone here speak Whale?!
polexia, you are very good to see the mature side of what your mother is like. Although there shouldn't be any excuses for the things she said (whatever they were). You've obviously grown stronger since you moved away from home. And i'm happy that you managed to break down the barriers cos they can be very hard sometimes. i hope you and your boyfriend are very happy together.
Note-to-self: Add one more to the list of strong and respectable people on this forum. 😀
Note-to-self: Add one more to the list of strong and respectable people on this forum. 😀
polexia
always been barely alive
elmo said:polexia, you are very good to see the mature side of what your mother is like. Although there shouldn't be any excuses for the things she said (whatever they were). You've obviously grown stronger since you moved away from home. And i'm happy that you managed to break down the barriers cos they can be very hard sometimes. i hope you and your boyfriend are very happy together.
Note-to-self: Add one more to the list of strong and respectable people on this forum. 😀
Elmo thank you!! 🙂 that means alot to me!!
we are very happy!! 🙂
we are even better friens now... we never got along ever. but now we can talk- like normal people LOL
but yeah- i have grown alot.. i would not have had this insight 2 years ago... not even one year ago 🙂
once again thank you Elmo 🙂
Keenangelus
Angel-o-holic
Wow. Just wow... you're all so strong and so brave to tell your stories like you have... i commend you all that you made it through to the other side....
I have problems with my dad. I always have done. I'm married with a family of my own now but i have days when i have difficulty getting past what he got up to in my teens.
He was mentally abusive, a sad excuse for a human being and a worthless, useless father. Though he's nowhere near on the scale of what you guys have described.
My dad has control issues, in that he has to control everything around him. It doesn't work with me now, but when i was still at home, we had to do what he said or he's fly into a terrible rage, screaming abuse and generally being unpleasant. Screwed my nerves something awful to the extent that today i still have problems with people (especially men) in authority, they make me nervous and almost child like. We would be in bed, he'd come into our room (my sister and I) and start screaming over some trivial thing we hadn't done. He'd make up rules on the spot and scream at us for breaking them, we weren't allowed out of the house outside of school, apart from the library. I had no friends, i still find it difficult to make friends, i am quite shy and have serious self esteem problems, namely that i don't have any. At my worst i think that no one could possibly love me, or like me and i think i'm being talked about.
I could go on and on, but i won't. Suffice to say i tolerate him. My sister has cut all ties. I haven't because he dotes on my two children and they love him (though i'm waiting for the day when they finally see him for what he is, and they will, mark my words). But i don't suffer his rages, since my children were born, i've stood my ground. He accused me of being a bad mother once (my eldest is autistic, something he has never come to terms with) and i almost took his head off. He realised he'd overstepped the mark and pulled back, but i don't let him get away with anything like that. I would never use them as a weapon, but he knows that if he puts another step seriously wrong, he won't see them.
I spent my formative years trying to please him, until i realised that that day would never dawn. He thinks life owes him a favour, that he should have everything without earning it. He demanded respect, but didn't get it and never will. His main problem is that he has always, always put himself first and foremost, when as a parent myself, my children always come first, my husband and I would happily do without if it meant our children would get it all. My parents weren't demonstrative, but i tell my children that i love them and are proud of them constantly, to see their faces light up when i tell them makes me feel good inside.
I have inherited my father's temper, but i don't lose it like he does. Funny enough, the only time i do lose it is with him and then its batten down the hatches!.
Okay, i'm rambling now, so i'll draw it to a close.
Sending *hugs* to all the brave posters here 🙂
I have problems with my dad. I always have done. I'm married with a family of my own now but i have days when i have difficulty getting past what he got up to in my teens.
He was mentally abusive, a sad excuse for a human being and a worthless, useless father. Though he's nowhere near on the scale of what you guys have described.
My dad has control issues, in that he has to control everything around him. It doesn't work with me now, but when i was still at home, we had to do what he said or he's fly into a terrible rage, screaming abuse and generally being unpleasant. Screwed my nerves something awful to the extent that today i still have problems with people (especially men) in authority, they make me nervous and almost child like. We would be in bed, he'd come into our room (my sister and I) and start screaming over some trivial thing we hadn't done. He'd make up rules on the spot and scream at us for breaking them, we weren't allowed out of the house outside of school, apart from the library. I had no friends, i still find it difficult to make friends, i am quite shy and have serious self esteem problems, namely that i don't have any. At my worst i think that no one could possibly love me, or like me and i think i'm being talked about.
I could go on and on, but i won't. Suffice to say i tolerate him. My sister has cut all ties. I haven't because he dotes on my two children and they love him (though i'm waiting for the day when they finally see him for what he is, and they will, mark my words). But i don't suffer his rages, since my children were born, i've stood my ground. He accused me of being a bad mother once (my eldest is autistic, something he has never come to terms with) and i almost took his head off. He realised he'd overstepped the mark and pulled back, but i don't let him get away with anything like that. I would never use them as a weapon, but he knows that if he puts another step seriously wrong, he won't see them.
I spent my formative years trying to please him, until i realised that that day would never dawn. He thinks life owes him a favour, that he should have everything without earning it. He demanded respect, but didn't get it and never will. His main problem is that he has always, always put himself first and foremost, when as a parent myself, my children always come first, my husband and I would happily do without if it meant our children would get it all. My parents weren't demonstrative, but i tell my children that i love them and are proud of them constantly, to see their faces light up when i tell them makes me feel good inside.
I have inherited my father's temper, but i don't lose it like he does. Funny enough, the only time i do lose it is with him and then its batten down the hatches!.
Okay, i'm rambling now, so i'll draw it to a close.
Sending *hugs* to all the brave posters here 🙂
Jacklyn
Now a Scapenerd too...
Thank you guys for all of your positive comments!
Polexia, my mother lies too. For example, my mother used to make up guys and say she was dating them. We didn't realize this until one day-my mother told us that this guy couldn't call the house until, like, 5 in the AM because he worked a weird schedule. Me and my bro was suspiscious and one day, we stayed up late too see if she got a phone call. When she didn't, my brother called the house from his cell phone. She picked up the phone with a tone of voice that practically said, "Who the hell?!" and my brother immediately hung up. Meanwhile, when I left my room to go to the bathroom (She didn't realize we were still awake), she tells me, "Oh, I hope the phone didn't wake you up. That was Vinny. He just wanted to let me know he got home from work okay."
Yeah, my mom is a psycho.
Polexia, my mother lies too. For example, my mother used to make up guys and say she was dating them. We didn't realize this until one day-my mother told us that this guy couldn't call the house until, like, 5 in the AM because he worked a weird schedule. Me and my bro was suspiscious and one day, we stayed up late too see if she got a phone call. When she didn't, my brother called the house from his cell phone. She picked up the phone with a tone of voice that practically said, "Who the hell?!" and my brother immediately hung up. Meanwhile, when I left my room to go to the bathroom (She didn't realize we were still awake), she tells me, "Oh, I hope the phone didn't wake you up. That was Vinny. He just wanted to let me know he got home from work okay."
Yeah, my mom is a psycho.
The_DarK_Puppet
i'm back! \m/
woah...you girls/ladies are really stong and cool..i feel very proud by meeting you all..and thanks for all the good and positive commets you gave 🙂
i guess i'm not good around guys, coz most of the time they are jack*ss's when in a large group, and when i'm with them they always bring the worst side of me..sometimes when i get mad i get really violent..i'm trying hard to contain that now, and i prefer to be alone in that mood thatn with somebody, coz 2/3years back i'll answered really stupid and really nasty things to anybody, incluiding teachers...., and one time i broke a guys head in a fight (huge cut..lot's of blood...)..it weresn't my finneste moments, and for a while i was really scaring myself coz i was becoming my "father"...my oncle was the only one who could containe me and made me see wath i was doing to people around me...he's the guy i really considered my father whom i respected a lot.
now i' mutch better, i'm calmer, mutch more contain, and i have to skip a lot of agues too coz i'm still afraid of not controlling myself in a fight...that's the reason that i mostly prefer to hang around girls, coz i really respect them and i would never be able to act violent agaist them.
i guess i still have a long road to walk to become a nice, normal guy, but with time i hope i'll get there...my girl is very nice and calm witch is helping me a lot, coz i really wnat to become a guy that she deserves...
i guess i'm not good around guys, coz most of the time they are jack*ss's when in a large group, and when i'm with them they always bring the worst side of me..sometimes when i get mad i get really violent..i'm trying hard to contain that now, and i prefer to be alone in that mood thatn with somebody, coz 2/3years back i'll answered really stupid and really nasty things to anybody, incluiding teachers...., and one time i broke a guys head in a fight (huge cut..lot's of blood...)..it weresn't my finneste moments, and for a while i was really scaring myself coz i was becoming my "father"...my oncle was the only one who could containe me and made me see wath i was doing to people around me...he's the guy i really considered my father whom i respected a lot.
now i' mutch better, i'm calmer, mutch more contain, and i have to skip a lot of agues too coz i'm still afraid of not controlling myself in a fight...that's the reason that i mostly prefer to hang around girls, coz i really respect them and i would never be able to act violent agaist them.
i guess i still have a long road to walk to become a nice, normal guy, but with time i hope i'll get there...my girl is very nice and calm witch is helping me a lot, coz i really wnat to become a guy that she deserves...
elmo
Anyone here speak Whale?!
The_DarK_Puppet said:woah...you girls/ladies are really stong and cool..i feel very proud by meeting you all..and thanks for all the good and positive commets you gave 🙂
i guess i'm not good around guys, coz most of the time they are jack*ss's when in a large group, and when i'm with them they always bring the worst side of me..sometimes when i get mad i get really violent..i'm trying hard to contain that now, and i prefer to be alone in that mood thatn with somebody, coz 2/3years back i'll answered really stupid and really nasty things to anybody, incluiding teachers...., and one time i broke a guys head in a fight (huge cut..lot's of blood...)..it weresn't my finneste moments, and for a while i was really scaring myself coz i was becoming my "father"...my oncle was the only one who could containe me and made me see wath i was doing to people around me...he's the guy i really considered my father whom i respected a lot.
now i' mutch better, i'm calmer, mutch more contain, and i have to skip a lot of agues too coz i'm still afraid of not controlling myself in a fight...that's the reason that i mostly prefer to hang around girls, coz i really respect them and i would never be able to act violent agaist them.
i guess i still have a long road to walk to become a nice, normal guy, but with time i hope i'll get there...my girl is very nice and calm witch is helping me a lot, coz i really wnat to become a guy that she deserves...
I get what you're getting at! My sister was more like a parent to me than my parents were. She looked after me when I was a baby while my Mum and Dad went to the pub. We're really close even now.
I understand why you'd rather hang around with girls than guys too. Sometimes they can be more mature and more supportive towards their friends than guys can. It's healthy to have some male friends as well though.
I'm glad that you are making such an effort to get through your anger troubles. They can be difficult I'm sure. And I have the greatest confidence that you will be the right guy for your lady-friend. You deserve to be with her and be happy just for realising that everything in your life isn't quite perfect. It will become perfect though, in time, if you keep on putting in the effort.
Good luck to you my friend.
*hugs*
mire
procrastinator at work.
the stuff some of you posted here makes me really admire you all and really respect the kind of people you've become. 🙂
TDP: you're really a great guy, and you're gf is a really lucky lady don't ever let anyone sy the contrary.😀
TDP: you're really a great guy, and you're gf is a really lucky lady don't ever let anyone sy the contrary.😀