Age Differences in Relationships

From what I've heard the divorce rates for couples with a large age gap are smaller than average. My guess is that it's got something to do with the fact that these couples have to overcome so many obstacles that when they get married they are really sure about what they're doing.
 
Kryptonite said:
Does anyone think that the acceptance of large age gaps in relationships has had any effect on the divorce rate?
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The rate has gone up right (= more divorces)? At least I´m pretty sure that´s the case here. And so my answer is no. The "problem" as I see is that people rush into marriage. "Oh, lets get married. That seems fun and I do 'love' you." And then they realize that marriage isn´t all fun and games so they get divorced. Things have changed so quickly. Then I was little (Oh, it´s time for feeling old again) divorces was unusual, but now it seems like half of the kids have divorced parents.

Of course not everybody rush things or get divorced as soon as they "feel" like it. I just feel it´s more common and that "we" don´t look at marriage as seriously as we used to. But I don´t believe it´s due to age gaps.
 
Heh. I'm 8 years older than my husband. We met when he was 21 & I was 29. Been married for 15 years now.

I think it's the people involved; not the actual ages.

Side note: my mother in law is 13 years older than her husband (my husband's stepdad) and her husband is 3 years older than me. We put the FUN in dysFUNctional. 😀
 
In many cases, I don't see the big deal. Though there are two problems with it:
1. When a 50-year-old man dates a 20-year-old woman, there's nothing wrong with it, but when a 20-year-old man dates a 50-year-old woman, it's wrong. It doesn't make sense to me.
2. How said 20-year-old and 50-year-old can date, and yet it's illegal for a 16-year-old and a 19-year-old to date. I could understand if it was a 14-year-old dating a 19-year-old; that's all about maturity, both physically and mentally. But 16 and 19? That's only a three-year age difference! It just seems a bit ridiculous to me.
 
well technically its not illegal for a 16 year old and a 19 year old to DATE, but illegal to have sex. Or at least, the older person can be held accountable for statutory rape, which often the younger counterpart can claim say, after a bad breakup, even if it was consensual but they lie to make the other person look bad. Sad but true.
 
I
InsaneMystic
yip, 16 is age of consent here too... and there's a "gray zone" as low down as 14, so 14-19 wouldn't AUTOMATICALLY be illegal in Germany either as long as certain conditions are kept (e.g., parental/guardian consent)
Little Miss Likes To Fight has just made me think, What is the age of consent in America? I'd just presumed it was 16 everywhere.

On another note, I've ended the seeing the younger man because the age thing came to a head this weekend, where I realised that really he is too young for me...

There are some things that he's mature on but OH MY GOD!!!!! He needs to grow up over other things.

He thought it was OK on Fri night, because I didn't answer my phone, or the door whilst he was banging on it.... at 4am by the way, to climb through my front bedroom window... at 5am! Suffice to say, I nearly had a heart attack... went mad and he doesn't see what he did wrong.

For those who don't know I live on my own, so it scared the hell out of me... especially as I've only been seeing him 2 weeks. Most normal people would have just gone home after 10 mins of knocking and getting no answer, but he reckons he really wanted to see me, so banged on the door, windows, shouted through the letter box, rang my phone 7 times, left me numerous messages, threw stones at my window and after an hour decided to climb through it.

So I'm now looking for someone my own age.
 
B
Blondie Bear
Look for someone who's not psychotic while you're at it. o.O
R
randiann
The age of consent varies by state over here....And that boy is crazy!
Summers Blood said:
He thought it was OK on Fri night, because I didn't answer my phone, or the door whilst he was banging on it.... at 4am by the way, to climb through my front bedroom window... at 5am! Suffice to say, I nearly had a heart attack... went mad and he doesn't see what he did wrong.
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Ok, I might be stupid but does anyone think that´s ok at any age? And don´t see what he did wrong? I think you did the right thing.


Summers Blood said:
So I'm now looking for someone my own age.
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Hi! Can I buy you a :cocktail:?
 
Just so you guys know, you can get a driving permit when you're 16 and a license when you're around 16 and a half (or at least, in my state...I'm pretty sure the age is younger in most states!), the age of consent is 18 (and it's also the year where you can legally buy cigarettes and go to war), and the age where you can drink and gamble is 21. Which I find is completely ridiculous- you can get killed in a war at 18, but you can't use a slot machine, buy a beer, or play a game of Black Jack?

And we set pretty ridiculous limits, too. I'm pretty sure it's illegal for a 17-year-old and a 19-year-old to have sex, but once you're 18, you can have sex with a 50-year-old and there's nothing wrong with it.
 
R
randiann
You can't stay in most hotels by yourself if you are under 21 either...have to have someone older with you
A
Aethra
Here, we can legally drive with someone 25 or older in the passenger seat at 15 and a half, and get a license at 16. No permits here! It's so much more convenient.
Kryptonite said:
Does anyone think that the acceptance of large age gaps in relationships has had any effect on the divorce rate?
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I'd have to say probably not. Of the divorced couples I know nearly all of them are roughly the same age as one another so I'd be hard pressed to assume that age difference is why the divorce rate is being forced up. I'd agree with those that said it's simply a matter of people rushing into marriage because it's the "fun" thing to do and then realising they were never meant to be together. Age difference isn't much to do with it.

Summers Blood said:
He thought it was OK on Fri night, because I didn't answer my phone, or the door whilst he was banging on it.... at 4am by the way, to climb through my front bedroom window... at 5am! Suffice to say, I nearly had a heart attack... went mad and he doesn't see what he did wrong.
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Just so you know, what he did has little to do with his age and a lot to do with him being a dick. I know guys of all ages and I can't imagine any of them doing what he did and thinking that the girl would be cool with it.

So probably less to do with maturity and more to do with utter stupidity. You did the right thing with the dumpage. 😉
 
Just want to say that I don't want it to sound as though I'm saying that younger people do this all the time, it wasn't the act of climbing through my window that made me think he's immature, it was his attitude afterwards. The fact that he cannot comprehend that he has done something wrong. He kept on saying "It's ok, no one else can do that.... I'm a marine!" as if that makes it better!!! I've spoke to a few of his friends, one of which is training to be a marine at the mo, and he thinks it's weird too!

Blondie Bear agrees: Look for someone who's not psychotic while you're at it. 😵
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Yeah, I know... thing is I've known him a while, not as if he's a stranger, it's just I think he goes weird where girls are concerned.

randiann agrees: The age of consent varies by state over here....And that boy is crazy!
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Crazy is an understatement! lol

The Kinslayer said:
Hi! Can I buy you a :cocktail:
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Haha, yeah sure.... as long as your not some pyschopath! lol
 
Age of Consent in America varies by state; it's 16, 17, or 18 depending on state. The state I live in is 16.

The age of consent is the age when the law says you can agree to have sex. In most countries it means until you reach this age you can not legally have sex with anyone, regardless of their age old. In the United States and Canada this is the same situation. Sometimes the law is different if you are female or male.

Laws also vary for male/male & female/female relationships.

Statutory rape is quite bothersome to me. RAPE in general is a secondary crime only to murder (IMHO) but statutory rape? Ha! -I know many a 14 year old girl who knows EXACTLY what she is doing, & some poor 18 year old schmuck can go to jail over sex with her. EVEN if she consents! - because she is not "consentual age", her parents can decide they don't like the girl's boyfriend, & have him incarcerated for statutory rape.

...other than AoC, I see no reason why an older person & a much younger person can't/shouldn't be together.
 
I'm 21 and I'm dating a 26 year old. Now my family doesn't see any problem with this since it's only five years older. I think that as long as you're within a reasonable age range, you're fine. But when you start getting to be like 18 dating 30 year old, I think thats a bit wrong.
 
I think it's more acceptable when men date younger women whom are 5 or 10 years younger.
If a woman dated a man 10yrs younger than herself, she will be classed as "desperate".

I'm 26 & most of my bf/gf have been younger than me.
Not by many years. Mind you.

I don't think that I will date someone more than 3/4 years younger than me.
But that's just me.
 
Age in itself is irrelevant. However with age often comes authority and power. Any relationship that is unequal on those terms I frown upon. There's a difference between being a submissive part of a relationship and being without power. A 14 year old girl will seldom hold as much physical, emotional or social power as her 18 year old boyfriend, which in my view can cause problems. In my opinion a relationship should be a partnership and an equal one at that. However as long as there is an equality between both parts, age really should be of no concern.

That said, there's something damn attractive about older women with power.
 
I agree that the double-standard here sucks. You see plenty of older men dating younger women or girls. But then when you see the older women do it, you're like... eeeewwww. 🙂 What's up with that?

I am older than my husband. By 6 months, but we were separated by a grade in school. Even then, people were always like, why are you dating a junior? You're a senior, you should be dating someone who's your age or already graduated high school.

But then, when you move onto college and then the real life, it doesn't really make a difference. I always feel like he's older than me because he's more mature. 🙂
 
I can't say I'm AGAINST it, because I'm not. But, I DO tend to be a bit more skepitical about large age gaps in relationships.
Mainly, is it a HEALTHY relationship?

In general, people who are in certain stages of life are looking for a certain thing in a relationship. And those differences in age, plus the differences in the sex of the people in question can lead to some bad situations.

For instance, an average 45 year old man looking to date a 20-24 year old girl is looking for something different in a relationship than the normal 24 year old girl is.

Your average college aged girl is more focused on her life in general than just dating. If she's not in college, she may well be looking for something more financially stable than a girl who IS in college.

Men don't have the same biological clock was women either. I've seen many women date or marry someone younger than them and at the time the men were saying, "I don't want kids, I'm happy just with you" but 10 or so years pass and suddenly they're saying, "Hmmmm, maybe something more is what I really want".

This can lead to DEVASTATING break-ups where both feel like they've been cheated and lied to without either really doing anything overt to cause it.

I think I would raise an eyebrow to a 32 year old dating a 19 year old. My main question wouldn't be to the relationship as much as WHY hasn't your life changed much since you were 18? There are many cases where this isn't a bad thing, but there are also many cases where it IS. And if this 19 year old was a friend or family member of mine, my first instinct would be, "Uh....what are you doing and what's wrong with this guy that you're the person he's the most attracted to?"

Granted, over time, if it seemed healthy, I'd calm down. The eyebrow would be less raised if the age difference were 10 years or less. And, of course, age differences matter less the older you get. A 60 year old dating a 50 year old isn't as scandalous as a 30 year old dating a 20 year old or a 20 year old dating a 10 year old.
I think the bulk of it has to do with the age grouping of young people. 20 year olds dating 10 year olds, OBVIOUSLY wrong. Bump it up 10 years and you still have the stigma (at least in the US) of a 19 year old being fresh out of high school and still being 2 years away from being able to drink. At 40 and 30, you're doing better, however, there is still a small part of a 30 year old can easily have a baby where at 40 it gets more dangerous, at least for the woman.

These are BIG milestones in people's lives. Crossing these milestones almost a decade apart (certainly more) leaves others wondering if both parties can possibly REALLY WANT the same things or if they are in the relationship for selfish reasons.

I DO believe it can happen and does happen often. But, I think it's also normal for the loved ones of the parties to be, skeptical about it at first.
 
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