trustno1
the good girl gone bad
Thanks I'll keep that in mind, but I'm pretty much over the fact that my family's a bunch of idiots
Any one ever just wake up one morning...
- Thread starter Angels baby101
- Start date
Willow Rosenberg
I might be just like you!
Oh God, where to begin! I don't know about waking and thinking your life sucks, I never get to sleep in the first place. I've become very good at bottling things up and not showing people how I really feel. It's pretty much been a bad year for me.
Since February I have discovered my father has terminal cancer, which when initially diagnosed his life expectancy was 5yrs + providing they could perform an operation to remove the cancer and that he could undergo chemo. I was also pregnant when I found out - it was like deja vu as when my nan died, whom I was very close to, of the same cancer 4 yrs ago, I was also pregnant with my youngest son. Whilst I was in hospital giving birth, the only positive event in my life this year, my dad underwent surgery, where they discovered that the cancer had spread, it is all around his heart, in his lymph nodes, basically it has totally invaded his body. His life expectancy was now down to 12-18 months. I get a phone call about a week ago Sunday from my dad, who tells me that due to the cancer spreading more rapdily than had been anticiapted, they will not give him any more chemo because it destroyed his blood cells last time, and that he is now looking at 6 months maybe more and then he will die. It's bad enough to cope with this at any time, but straight after giving birth - definitely not a good time. My daughter was 10 weeks this Monday gone, and to think my dad may not be here for Christmas or to see her first birthday is just horrible.
Whilst I have all this going on, I also have my mum who is sick and has been on medication for a long time due to high blood pressure and arthritis of the spine. She informs me last week that she has had some blood tests done, to test for diabetes/high cholestral/kidney & liver faliure as the medication she takes can cause all or any of those problems - she gets the results back and she has all of them! Geez, it never rains but it sure does pour!
On top of all this I have been suffering after having Evie, due to a drawn out labour which has caused problems with my back, bones shifting etc I have been to the doctors today, under sufferance I might add, my hubby forced me to go because of how I have been lately. I have been having very bad mood swings, and my emotions have been up and down like a yo-yo on speed! I had a feeling that it may be post-natal depression, which fortunately I have never suffered from before - turns out I was right, I have to see my doctor again in 2 weeks and may end up on anit-depressants if I'm no better. I really don't want to become dependant on medication to make me feel better.
Thankfully I have a very loving and supportive partner but even he is finding it hard to cope with me as he is just not used to it. The worse thing is, I know how I am being and I cannot stop myself, it's quite daunting but I have had such a crappy year this year. Each time I have to look at Evie and remind myself that one good thing has happened, otherwise I would wonder whether it was really worth it all.
Still, I manage to put on a brave face and hide it all, but I knew the time had come to open up and tell someone how bad I was really feeling, some people weren't even aware of what I was going through..........😉
Since February I have discovered my father has terminal cancer, which when initially diagnosed his life expectancy was 5yrs + providing they could perform an operation to remove the cancer and that he could undergo chemo. I was also pregnant when I found out - it was like deja vu as when my nan died, whom I was very close to, of the same cancer 4 yrs ago, I was also pregnant with my youngest son. Whilst I was in hospital giving birth, the only positive event in my life this year, my dad underwent surgery, where they discovered that the cancer had spread, it is all around his heart, in his lymph nodes, basically it has totally invaded his body. His life expectancy was now down to 12-18 months. I get a phone call about a week ago Sunday from my dad, who tells me that due to the cancer spreading more rapdily than had been anticiapted, they will not give him any more chemo because it destroyed his blood cells last time, and that he is now looking at 6 months maybe more and then he will die. It's bad enough to cope with this at any time, but straight after giving birth - definitely not a good time. My daughter was 10 weeks this Monday gone, and to think my dad may not be here for Christmas or to see her first birthday is just horrible.
Whilst I have all this going on, I also have my mum who is sick and has been on medication for a long time due to high blood pressure and arthritis of the spine. She informs me last week that she has had some blood tests done, to test for diabetes/high cholestral/kidney & liver faliure as the medication she takes can cause all or any of those problems - she gets the results back and she has all of them! Geez, it never rains but it sure does pour!
On top of all this I have been suffering after having Evie, due to a drawn out labour which has caused problems with my back, bones shifting etc I have been to the doctors today, under sufferance I might add, my hubby forced me to go because of how I have been lately. I have been having very bad mood swings, and my emotions have been up and down like a yo-yo on speed! I had a feeling that it may be post-natal depression, which fortunately I have never suffered from before - turns out I was right, I have to see my doctor again in 2 weeks and may end up on anit-depressants if I'm no better. I really don't want to become dependant on medication to make me feel better.
Thankfully I have a very loving and supportive partner but even he is finding it hard to cope with me as he is just not used to it. The worse thing is, I know how I am being and I cannot stop myself, it's quite daunting but I have had such a crappy year this year. Each time I have to look at Evie and remind myself that one good thing has happened, otherwise I would wonder whether it was really worth it all.
Still, I manage to put on a brave face and hide it all, but I knew the time had come to open up and tell someone how bad I was really feeling, some people weren't even aware of what I was going through..........😉
Angels baby101
I hath Returned! MWhaha
LOL i meant zander cause thats a very touchy subject.... but i'll talk to anyone who wants to talk 🙂 The reason it was directed at him is cause i've been through almost the exact same thing but My listening skills is for anyone
A
Angelic
Guest
OMG Cordy!
I'm sorry!
My Aunt has cancer too so I know how you feel!
My Aunt and I are very close (like sisters really I can tell her anything).
To The Male Slayer
lol I've been there!
Remember if anyone ever needs to talk PM or E-Mail me I'm allways ready to listen!
I'm sorry!
My Aunt has cancer too so I know how you feel!
My Aunt and I are very close (like sisters really I can tell her anything).
To The Male Slayer
lol I've been there!
Remember if anyone ever needs to talk PM or E-Mail me I'm allways ready to listen!
Angels baby101
I hath Returned! MWhaha
Jacklyn
Now a Scapenerd too...
Oh my God! i am so sorry to hear about this Cordelia...if you need to talk, feel free to pm me. You'll be in my prayers tonight, hon.
About the depression you have been going through, while I don't have any children, I've had a screwed up past, and it has led to occasional bouts of depression on my part. My poor husband is as understanding as possible in these circumstances, but sometimes he can get put through the ringer. It feels terrible, but you can't help it. it's a terrible feeling. just wanted to tell you I understand..at least that part.
About the depression you have been going through, while I don't have any children, I've had a screwed up past, and it has led to occasional bouts of depression on my part. My poor husband is as understanding as possible in these circumstances, but sometimes he can get put through the ringer. It feels terrible, but you can't help it. it's a terrible feeling. just wanted to tell you I understand..at least that part.
Nix
🤪
Willow
ELChica
Well firstly, how can a nut job keep you sane, and any way, I failed didn't I 😛
Hon I know it doesn't need saying from me, cos you do the same for me, but you know I'm only ever on the end of the phone, even when I momentarily retire from this place to move half way cross the country again 😉
Nix
🤪
Sorry to hear that, both of you. My grandpa died about a year ago from cancer of the osopogus(?). It was so difficult because he was ill for so long. I used to get really upset every time I saw him. When he died though I was upset at the funeral and then I felt nothing. Untill about six months later when I was cleaning the cooker in my flat and I remembered the conversation we had had about it before he died.
It was so stupid, he had been round at my flat about eight months before he died. He was telling me how I should make my flatmate clean the cooker.
I don't know what was going on in my head that meant I didn't break down for so long, but I have the best best friend in the world who helped me grieve properly.
I hope you all feel better and have some one like my buddy that they can to turn to when things get too much to handle.
Hugs and a huge cup of tea for you all.
trustno1
the good girl gone bad
wow, all of you guys have had deaths in the family. I've only had one, but I was too young to remember. I was 3 when my grandma(on my mom's side) died. I always feel bad when I go through old pictures with my mom, for my scrapbook, and point at who I now know was my grandma and say "Who's that?" I could tell my mom took it hard, but I didn't know.
Angels baby101
I hath Returned! MWhaha
My great grandma died when i was 3 but i remember perfectly i had a dolly i wanted to show her and they wouldn't let me go back it took my mom and my uncle to hold me down but i was so determined to get back there never did though after they held me down 🙁
Oh dear. That does sound terrible.
I try to block all negetive energy out of my life and try to live my life to the fullest each and
every single day.
I think before I act, think before I speak and think before I sleep.
Your mind is the most powerful tool you own,
use it and I assure
you that days like this will soon become a thing of
the past. Follow your heart because it will always lead you to saftey.
Apreaciate your life, the rest will fall into place. Your day is only what you perseve it to be. Make it a good one.
Your life doesn't 'suck' go outside and enjoy it.
Peace be with you. 🙂
trustno1
the good girl gone bad
That's cool. I wish I could remember my grandma, But I think I now know why I can't. My mom and my grandpa never really got along. After she moved out, they never spoke until my grandma went into the hospital. I'm thinking that I might not have saw much of her. But I don't really know for sure. Anyway, before my grandma died she made my mom promise to try and forgive my grandpa for all the bad things he's done. I think if my mom hadn't made that promise to my grandma, I probably wouldn't know my grandpa as well as I do now. So I guess something good came out of it
Zander8472
Boomer/Canadian
My Great Grandma died when I was 5. I have a metal baseball and a hand knitted blanket from her. Don't remember it much though......
Angels baby101
I hath Returned! MWhaha
I'm kinda glad i remember my grandma cause even though i never knew her when she was healthy... I was the only one she remembered she knew i was her great grand-daughter but she never remembered who my dad was or even her own daughter... but i remember sittign on the swing outside under some pick flowered trees with her and sharing her lunch lol..... thoughs we're some good times 🙁