best friend's boyfriend

H

Hero

Scooby
Joined
Oct 18, 2003
Messages
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I've known my best friend, Stephanie, for well over 12 years. We've been through pretty much everything together, good and bad. She's the closest person to me and we tell each other everything. She even called me earlier this week to tell me, "I won't be at school today because my vagina is bleeding and I don't feel like going..." I mean, we're like a strange married couple. We've always described ourselves of having a Will & Grace relationship. You have to like Will to date Grace. If you mess with Grace, you mess with Will too.

That's where this new guy, Dennis, comes in. This jerk is some 15-year-old loser that she's met over the internet. The first things she's told me about him were: "He likes to light himself on fire," "he likes to pick fights with random people," "he carries knives with him incase he wants to cut something." So, from the first 5 seconds of hearing about him I didn't like him. Plus, she met him off the internet! Not dissing relationships that start like that, but it's also not the best way to meet someone. You can say anything you want and whoever you're talking to would never know. I could be Mikalah Gordon right now in person and you'd think I'm an attractive and talented 17-year-old.

A week after they started dating she broke up with him because he cheated on her. He told her he wasn't interested in a girlfriend; he just wanted random sex with multiple people. Which is ok, I guess? I'm glad AIDS isn't a problem anymore or he may be in trouble... Oh wait... So, there, right away he was put on my shit list. He screwed with her emotions and that means that he'll always be a piece of shit to me.

Tonight, he went around IMing people from my school and pretended to be me. He said really hurtful things to them. Someone knew it wasn't me by the way he typed. As you can tell, I have an education... sort of... I can type a sentence like, "Hey, buddy, what's up? Did you call me before?" and he'll type a sentence like, "hay budy wuhtz ^? did u kall meh b4?" As a test to see if it was me or not she asked him, "What's the name of your Uncle that just died?" and he answered with, "I don't know. I didn't care about that basterd."

For anyone that doesn't know, probably everyone, my Uncle Ken that I was very close with recently died. [see signature] So for that little shit to say something like that pretending he's me has set me over the edge. I want to kick the holy Hell out of this kid. If he just went around talking like he was me I'd be over it in like 30 seconds, but talking about my Uncle and saying I didn't care is cruel and way over the line. If I ever see this guy, I WILL kick the shit out of him. No questions asked.

Meanwhile, my friend thinks that he's an ok guy and sticks up for him when clearly this guy has no respect for women and he has something against me for being her friend. She thinks there's nothing wrong with him talking smack about my dead Uncle. I told her I'd never make her choose over me and someone else, but I think I have too. I'm not going to put up with him saying ANYTHING about my Uncle since the pain of loosing him still very much affects me.

What do you think I should do?
 
For starters..... just breathe! Deep breath in, deep breath out. Repeat.

Obviously, this 'boy' (and that's exactly what he is, a little boy) is having some issues of his own, and probably can't be dealt with in a logical manner. It's hard to say if you should approach him or not, because I'm not sure you'd get anything but a headache.

I would start with your friend, though. If she's so close to you, she obviosly knows about your Uncle, and pointing out what he said about the sitauation and how that is making you feel might make her realize that this boy is in serious need of help. I guess that I'd start there.
 
H
Hero
[No message]
I already expressed that to her and she said, "I'll take care of it," but I know her and I know she won't do anything about it.
 
can you take him??

alright...

you can be the bigger man...warn him to stay away...

or...you can be a man...and risk your life....over some shit talking...

this is what i would do...this guy is on a path towards destruction....one day...he'll screw around with the wrong crowd...and that'll be the end of him...but...that person is not you....be the bigger man...ignore his shit talking...and let his dumb ass pass by...

but...if he starts talking to your face...you don't back down...if you back down...you lose face...
 
H
Hero
[No message]
I'm sorry about your uncle Hero.

In your place I know I would want to kick this guy's ass for saying what he said & pretending to be you but I guess it's not the best thing to do either.
About your friend, I was kinda in the same position years ago, & I nearly lost my best friend because she liked the trendy & rebel mode of her new "friends". In the end they throw her out of their group... so I guess it could be the same, you know, this guy, being who you said he was, might just end ignoring her & she'll come back to you... which isn't that great, I mean the way it goes. But on the other side it would be like impossible to stand this guy until she realizes that hanging around with him could lead to her loss (maybe not so strong but that's the idea). Err, that's a tossed up, I would wait a little bit maybe & try to tell her some more time what you think & take action if it becomes too serious like 'gasm said.
 
H
Hero
[No message]
I've only just now read about your uncle in the Raiden forum. You have my sincerest condolences, young man.


As to the situation with this child you describe, well, as we can all see he is obviously a couple of cans short of a six pack, and not worth your time or energy.
Let him play his kindergarden games, it will not avail him. Your friends in school are now already in the know, therefore he cannot hurt you through those channels.
He doesn't like you, but that's ok....some people hate for absolutely no reason, and he is simply staying true to his form in trying to incite a confrontation.
Do not play his game. At least, not on his terms.
In fact, just let his shyte roll off your back. I realize you are in a tender place right now due to your recent loss and it is difficult to just let things go, but as the others have said, you will only cause yourself a needless problem by confronting him directly. So I urge you, let it go.

If you see him in the flesh, do not approach. Go on about your business.

On the other side of the confrontation coin....I will concur with the 'Gasm. If he decides he wants to get up in your face and peddle his smack.....destroy him. Utterly. But only do it then, and ONLY then.
Let him lay there and stew in his folly of issuing a personal check that his body was not able to cash.

Otherwise, as I said, just brush him off.

What 'Gasm said is true.....people like him eventually destroy themselves. Just let him go on his merry path.

As to your friend, continue to express your feelings and concerns to her, calmly. Keep that line of communication open. Just realize that ultimately, it has to be her decision what she does. I wouldn't worry too much on that, though, as eventually (and sooner than you think) she too will tire of his shyte, and move along.

You da man, young brother. Use your head.
 
S
Soulgasm
great wisdom...
H
Hero
[No message]
I could probably take him in a fight, but the problem is he carries a knife around with him. So, I'd probably get stabbed in the chest or something... He lives a town over from mine and I'm not normally a violent person so there's no chance that I'd actually go approach him. He'd more than likely come here looking for me because he wants to make himself look big with his friends I guess. Maybe I can get Darren to kill him for me... He may be 5'3", but he has muscles the size of my head...

gasm - it is just shit talking, but what it's about is what makes it that bad. if he was just like, "You suck," or something it would roll off my shoulders, but it's the fact that he brought up my Uncle who died on the 6th and said some mean things about him. Stephanie was the first person I called when my mother told me he died and she heard how upset I was... Actually, the whole town probably heard how upset I was because I was bawling like crazy. LOL. I could let the situation pass, but what if he's one of those people who over stay his welcome? He already has, in my opinion.

Old Master - Thanks. My friends know all about the situation and Stephanie is loosing friends left and right because everyone says that he's f'ed up and she's f'ed up for being with him. And now that he's brought up my Uncle and everyone knows about that, her own cousin has turned her back on her. I don't know why he'd hate me for no reason. He's never met me before. Even after hearing he lights himself on fire, carries knives, and picks fights with people I was going to give him a chance because I didn't want to judge someone before I met them. So, obviously I can be the bigger person. And I don't play on anyone elses terms but mine. LOL. I'm usually the one that psychologically destroys you and you don't know about it until it's too late.

I don't think her decission will be good though. She also lied about her last boyfriend. He was a POS too and she'd cry all the time. I got tired of it and said if she had half a brain she wouldn't stay in a relationship with a guy that makes her cry every night. She agreed, stopped talking to him for a while, and now they talk again. For some reason, girls don't have a brain when it comes to dangerous relationships. They'll stay with anyone just because they want to feel loved, I think. I just wish she'd wake up to reality and see this guy is going to get what he wants from her, and then leave, while he screws up her friendship with me and everyone else in the process.
 
I whole heartedly agree with what OM and 'Gasm have said. Let things slide and be the bigger man, but if he wants to come up on you than :Astalavis .

The problem is that this little turd thinks he's a man (Me carry knives... me very cool... me like fire...). While I know your not a violent person, there are times (imho) that a man has to stand up for himself cause he can only take so much.

To be on the safe side there are a few other options that you have:

1. You could inform your school of this moron's behaviour and have him banned from your location. This probably won't do much except to fuel his "I'm a badass" complex.

2. If this situation continues you could call the police, what he is doing is harassment and abuse. At this point though I don't think this step is necessary.

In the end it's all up to you, make him act under your terms and he won't know what hit him. Plan you actions around him as much as possible (even try to plan what you'll do in "suprise" situations). If in the end you have to thump him than make sure he doesn't have any friends and you do (but don't let them get involved unless he pulls some s**t, more than one on one is bad form).

Good luck and if you need anything else don't be afraid to ask!
 
H
Hero
[No message]
Beer Nut - He doesn't live in my town. He lives a town or two over from mine. He wanted us to take him and his friends to Devil's Tree. That's private property so when you go you have to be very careful and very quite. I've gone there like 5 times and I'm not smart enough to do anything to get myself caught. This kid wants to go up there with a baseball bat and illegal fire works to set off. He says that if they hear the fire works and come to arrest us than he'd beat the police with the bat and then we'd run. So, not only would he get us caught, but he'd expose illegal fire works, trespass on private property, assault a police officer, and then run from arrest. Aren't 15-year-old supposed to have a brain? Maybe his is still developing...
 
B
Beer_Nut
lol... he'd also get shot by the police...
don't do this...but...take him to devil's tree...and ditch him...it would be funny...

do what beer nut says...you plan for situations...

brawling are very sticky situations....there's allot of unknowns...you gotta assume the worst possible out come...which is usually death or maming or something....so...if you would die over him talking shit about your uncle...then...so be it...but for me....that's not something i'd die for....that's not something i'd kill for either...cause you also take that risk whenever you brawl...that you could take a life...so make sure its worth it in your mind...and if it is...you have my blessing...and if it isn't...you have my blessing...

this guy is just a hater...falk him...he's going down fast if he wants to setup cops like that...cause that's the dumbest idea i ever heard...he's going to get shot...end up tried as an adult and pull a sizeable sentance in prison...lol...what a dummy...
 
I don't think I'll fight him. Thinking rationally and as an adult, I know I would get in trouble if I was the one who started the fight. I just want to hit him so bad. My Uncle died 15 days ago and for him to start saying stuff about him is pretty cruel. That's what has me the most upset. But, then again, if he was ever to hit me then it's self defense and the police would have a hard time identifying the body by the time I was done with him.
 
Re:

Alright hun..This guys obviously immature and dosen't know any different. You'd think all people were blessed with the ability to judge right from wrong....and actually give a ****. But this isn't always the case. All I can say is remember one thing.....it takes a bigger person to walk away. It's always more fun to pile drive em, and make em your prison b**** for a lil while, but in the long run....this never pans out well. Listen to FB, take some breaths....he's just trying to get at you...and if you let him succeed...then bad on you....And I truly am sorry to hear about your loss hun ...*hugs*
 
It's always more fun to pile drive em, and make em your prison b**** for a lil while
Click to expand...

Thanks, you made me laugh with that. I needed to laugh today.
 
I went out to a play at my High School tonight with some friends. When I come back home I find that this a-hole has been going around posing as me again. So, I decided I was going to end it one way or another. I typed up this email and sent it to my "best friend." it says:

Ok, Dennis is posting as me in your text box again. I posted my proof with another inside joke that we have. Ya know, how Katie Noonan already had boobs in 1st grade? I'm starting to get pissed off now, and not at him. At you. I'd think you'd have the common sense to take the text box off your site already because it keeps using it as ways to post as me and say mean things to you. I'm getting sick and tired of it, because it's not something I should have to deal with nor something I'm going to put up with. He IS putting a strain on our relationship and I've pretty much had the last straw.

You know that he's a bad person and that he's been cheating on you and flirting with other girls when he was dating you. He poses as your used to be best friend and says hurtful things to you and talks about your used to be best friend's recently dead Uncle. And it doesn't bother you? I heard you when you called him today. You were being nice. Why are you letting him walk over you? I wrote you that letter on Christmas telling you how strong and independant you were. Do I need to take back what I wrote?

I'm having some serious problems right now. You're acting like Gina. Instead of solving the problem she pussy footed around it and made it worse, and that's what you're doing too. You're a smart girl. I don't understand why you won't cut him off. You make fun of those people that "love" someone they've known for a week, but is that what you're doing now? Why would you love this dirt bag anyway? You CAN do better. I've always told you that and I've always meant it too. You say you have to take what you get, but you should never settle for someone that's under your expectations. You deserve the best in life, and he is not the best.

I'm not telling you that you have to choose because I always told you that I'd never do that. But, just know that you staying with this basterd who treats you so badly and is starting trouble with me hurts, and it pisses me off. So, you may not have to choose. I might get fed up and walk. I'm done with the drama. The past two years have been chalk full of it and I'm not about that anymore. I want to avoid the drama as much as possible, which I'm sure you want too.

Reply and let me know what you think. And keep in mind that none of what is said in this is being said in an angry way.

She replied that we're not friends anymore, which I knew she'd do. So, oh well...
 
That seemed like a really tough letter to write. I'm sorry to hear her response to it. I wanna say that she'll come around to, but you never can know with people in her position. She apparently enjoys being around this jerk so your best bet is to just keep your distance, both from her and him.

At this point you need to just let it slide and pretend nothings going on. I know it will be hard, but you'll be the better man for it.
 
So you mean to ignore her too? I don't have to worry about it. She's going to ignore me enough as it is.
 
I sense a note of sarcasm in your message. Do not feel bad about it, you certainly will miss your friend, but you did what you had to do. Therefore the consequeces were expected. What I meant was for you to ignore anything that she will say that is hurtful, because she was probably upset about losing your friendship and will lash out at you if she gets the chance. That is the stuff I urge you to ignore.
 
Well, everything worked itself out. He swung at her today, and her cousins beat the holy Hell out of him for even trying to hit her. So, she's done with him. She apologized for being so stupid and told him to stay away from her because if he came near us again she'd kill him herself. So now, not only will I be keeping her away from him, but her family will too. Good riddens to bad people. Thanks for sticking around for the situation, Beer Nut. You seem to be the only one who's shown interest in the situation. lol

And thanks to everyone else who's posted in this thread. You guys have helped me out and probably kept me from getting arrested on assault charges. lol
 
B
Beer_Nut
No worries... anytime!
He swung at her? (i know, perfect timing... Right when the problem ends... Good move!) But he swung at her? What a prick... I'll tell you what I'd do... Wait until he gets arrested, then visit him and laugh at him. Sure, it's cruel, but it sounds to me like he deserves it. Glad to know everything worked out, Hero!
 
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