ILLYRIAN
Druish Pervonian Wizard
BLOODY PEAS AND CARROTS
PG1000 You have to be under 1000 years old to read this. All
characters of Buffy The Vampire Slayer property of copyright holders
"So here we are then it is two days before," Buffy stops and looks
at Willow, apologetically smiling at Willow. "That day, I've got four
nicely wrapped pressies under the christmas tree. Willow has got
four equally magnificent pressies. Giles' gifts have been wrapped with
great care, Spike has got four food vouchers for the abattoir and
Xanders gifts, well Xander hasn't got any gifts, not one, nothing."
"Not a sausage," said Giles.
"Bugger all," continued Willow.
"Poor Xan man," stated Buffy.
"Buffy? if there was two Xanders could they be X-men?" asked Willow.
"That depends, would you call him a man Willow?" asked Buffy.
"I was trying to be nice to him," said Willow, "What about you Giles?"
"I was being nice to him as well."
"But you didn't say anything."
"I know! nice of me wasn't it?"
"No, because you didn't say anything," said Willow.
"Oh, alright then. Predominantly."
"What?" asked Xander
"As I was about to say, predominantly I was considering the multi-
faceted primary recepticle, of unfounded congratulatory performed
inexactitudes of a congratulatory nature. Supposing that such an
unquestionable knowledge of unsurmountable procurement. How-
ever I disagreed with that, so referring to him as a man wouldn't be
high on my agenda," said Giles.
"What?" asked Xander.
"What is that in Xander speak?"
"Giles wouldn't refer to Xander as a man."
"Ok."
"Why were you just looking at the fireplace Will?" asked Xander.
"If your father christmas was to come down the chimney, how
would he get past that fire place?"
Buffy looked at Xander, they look to Willow, then they all look to Giles.
"She's got a point," said Xander.
"That depends on your beliefs. According to some he is directly
linked with the baby Jesus. You hear them every year. There are
some who see him as a good excuse to buy things for other people.
"That's the capitalists," said Xander.
"Buffy?"
"I told Xander to get me a big Christmas pressie or I'd fix him up in
a three some with Spike and Dru!"
"That leads me onto the other beliefs, that he was a lover of children.
As Anya said he loves them, and he'd like to eat them all up, literally."
"Oh yes, that was gross then, it still is," said Buffy.
"There is another theory, that is, as father christmas he is some-
times referred to as Uncle Nick.
For the rest of the year he is known as Old Nick. The name of Santa
isn't far removed from Satan, just move the 'n' two letters back. Santa
with Satan's power isn't going to be slowed down getting into a room."
"I don't think I want to believe in it anymore," said Buffy.
"It shouldn't matter anyway, you need to patrol Buffy," said Giles.
"But it is Christmas day tomorrow!" exclaimed Buffy.
"So? it doesn't matter, the vampires aren't bothered, to them it is
just another day to have a drink," said Giles,
"And you just said about not believing in it."
"Hey Spike! come here," said Buffy.
"Oh love of my life, yes my dear," said Spike.
"Don't say that."
"Yes my love, oops. Willow!"
"Hello Spike."
"How are you on this happy time of year? When every one is meant
to be pleasant to each other," said Spike.
"And not put sharpened Yule tree logs into Spike, I agree, we are
meant to be nice to each other."
"That as well, so tell me Willow, how does it feel to be such a
gorgeous hunk of womanhood?" asked Spike.
"What can I say? it's a cross I have to bear, it is one of those things
I just have to put up with, but thank you for saying it Spike,"
replied Willow, trying not to smile too much.
"And you Xander, how are you?
"I'm good, thanks Spike."
"Giles, mate! it's that time of year, I'm even going to be nice to you.
How's it go again, nearly had an ag, nearly had an ag, cup of tea,
nearly had an ag."
"Ooh! I know what it is!, I know!," shouted Xander.
Spike put his finger against his lips.
"Xander sh, ag what comes before ag?"
"Thank you Spike, I think. But what I was going to ask, what do
vampires do at christmas?" asked Giles.
"We have a special meal of course. It can be a chicken or a turkey,
it depends what size oven we can use.
We kill the bird, gut it, pull out it's feathers then put it in the oven
adding carrots, potatoes, yams in a large dish."
"Really, I'd never have guessed that you'd have a proper meal."
"Oh Giles! you doubter you, well alright, we sometimes eat it, but
normally the blood mixes with the juices from the potatoes, carrots,
peas and yams then when it cools down we have a Christmassy
flavoured drink!"
"Peas? where dids come from?"
"I don't know?, but if you never eat peas or carrots, every time you
throw up there's bloody peas and carrots in it," said Spike.
"He's right an' all," said Xander.
"Yee haa, got "˜im."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, how would you know about the peas and carrots if you didn't
have a good look?" asked Spike.
"OH Xander!, eeeuuwwwwww!" exclaimed Buffy, "Gross."
PG1000 You have to be under 1000 years old to read this. All
characters of Buffy The Vampire Slayer property of copyright holders
"So here we are then it is two days before," Buffy stops and looks
at Willow, apologetically smiling at Willow. "That day, I've got four
nicely wrapped pressies under the christmas tree. Willow has got
four equally magnificent pressies. Giles' gifts have been wrapped with
great care, Spike has got four food vouchers for the abattoir and
Xanders gifts, well Xander hasn't got any gifts, not one, nothing."
"Not a sausage," said Giles.
"Bugger all," continued Willow.
"Poor Xan man," stated Buffy.
"Buffy? if there was two Xanders could they be X-men?" asked Willow.
"That depends, would you call him a man Willow?" asked Buffy.
"I was trying to be nice to him," said Willow, "What about you Giles?"
"I was being nice to him as well."
"But you didn't say anything."
"I know! nice of me wasn't it?"
"No, because you didn't say anything," said Willow.
"Oh, alright then. Predominantly."
"What?" asked Xander
"As I was about to say, predominantly I was considering the multi-
faceted primary recepticle, of unfounded congratulatory performed
inexactitudes of a congratulatory nature. Supposing that such an
unquestionable knowledge of unsurmountable procurement. How-
ever I disagreed with that, so referring to him as a man wouldn't be
high on my agenda," said Giles.
"What?" asked Xander.
"What is that in Xander speak?"
"Giles wouldn't refer to Xander as a man."
"Ok."
"Why were you just looking at the fireplace Will?" asked Xander.
"If your father christmas was to come down the chimney, how
would he get past that fire place?"
Buffy looked at Xander, they look to Willow, then they all look to Giles.
"She's got a point," said Xander.
"That depends on your beliefs. According to some he is directly
linked with the baby Jesus. You hear them every year. There are
some who see him as a good excuse to buy things for other people.
"That's the capitalists," said Xander.
"Buffy?"
"I told Xander to get me a big Christmas pressie or I'd fix him up in
a three some with Spike and Dru!"
"That leads me onto the other beliefs, that he was a lover of children.
As Anya said he loves them, and he'd like to eat them all up, literally."
"Oh yes, that was gross then, it still is," said Buffy.
"There is another theory, that is, as father christmas he is some-
times referred to as Uncle Nick.
For the rest of the year he is known as Old Nick. The name of Santa
isn't far removed from Satan, just move the 'n' two letters back. Santa
with Satan's power isn't going to be slowed down getting into a room."
"I don't think I want to believe in it anymore," said Buffy.
"It shouldn't matter anyway, you need to patrol Buffy," said Giles.
"But it is Christmas day tomorrow!" exclaimed Buffy.
"So? it doesn't matter, the vampires aren't bothered, to them it is
just another day to have a drink," said Giles,
"And you just said about not believing in it."
"Hey Spike! come here," said Buffy.
"Oh love of my life, yes my dear," said Spike.
"Don't say that."
"Yes my love, oops. Willow!"
"Hello Spike."
"How are you on this happy time of year? When every one is meant
to be pleasant to each other," said Spike.
"And not put sharpened Yule tree logs into Spike, I agree, we are
meant to be nice to each other."
"That as well, so tell me Willow, how does it feel to be such a
gorgeous hunk of womanhood?" asked Spike.
"What can I say? it's a cross I have to bear, it is one of those things
I just have to put up with, but thank you for saying it Spike,"
replied Willow, trying not to smile too much.
"And you Xander, how are you?
"I'm good, thanks Spike."
"Giles, mate! it's that time of year, I'm even going to be nice to you.
How's it go again, nearly had an ag, nearly had an ag, cup of tea,
nearly had an ag."
"Ooh! I know what it is!, I know!," shouted Xander.
Spike put his finger against his lips.
"Xander sh, ag what comes before ag?"
"Thank you Spike, I think. But what I was going to ask, what do
vampires do at christmas?" asked Giles.
"We have a special meal of course. It can be a chicken or a turkey,
it depends what size oven we can use.
We kill the bird, gut it, pull out it's feathers then put it in the oven
adding carrots, potatoes, yams in a large dish."
"Really, I'd never have guessed that you'd have a proper meal."
"Oh Giles! you doubter you, well alright, we sometimes eat it, but
normally the blood mixes with the juices from the potatoes, carrots,
peas and yams then when it cools down we have a Christmassy
flavoured drink!"
"Peas? where dids come from?"
"I don't know?, but if you never eat peas or carrots, every time you
throw up there's bloody peas and carrots in it," said Spike.
"He's right an' all," said Xander.
"Yee haa, got "˜im."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, how would you know about the peas and carrots if you didn't
have a good look?" asked Spike.
"OH Xander!, eeeuuwwwwww!" exclaimed Buffy, "Gross."