Boycotting the serious stuff.

[HalloweenRain]

I think it's great that a lot of you guys want to talk about the issues that surround us today. It's freaking great to care about societal problems as you see them. I am just having trouble with them on the boards.

We've been getting into these giant disagreements and it really makes me feel uncomfortable on the boards. I love a lot of you in very non-creepy way. I want to stay out of the newest discussions, but all of the sudden I see a member of my BB family getting ripped to shreds for an opinion...I don't like it. I can see that from many of the posts you are trying to stay civil, and that is great. I guess I'm just worried that even if the conversations stay nice, some of you will leave feeling less close to the people you disagree with.

I know we don't always have to agree with each other, and being diverse is amazing. I just feel that the boards have taken on this serious tone that isn't conducive to building a community. Even if we're nice to each other the dissension in these topics still breeds a certain amount of bitterness. I want to like all of you, but when I see someone I really love(in a not weird way) feeling hurt or like they have to defend themselves it makes me sort of angry.

I'm just trying to be honest, so if in the process of telling you guys how I feel I offended anyone, then I'm sorry. I just wanted to throw the idea out there that maybe we could just take a break from all the serious stuff for a while. Let me know how you guys feel about that idea.

 

[This Year's Girl]

I understand where you are coming from and I think you're such a sweetie for not wanting people to be angry or hurt.

This is how I see it: it's good to discuss and debate, it gives one a chance to challenge ones opinions and/or to get a clearer idea on where you stand yourself and why. However, when debating it is also important to keep a respectful tone and if you feel angry or upset take a step back and reflect before posting. When I see a thread that I know I feel to strongly about to have a respectful tone about it I usually stay away or think very hard and long before I post. 🙂

I think it's great that you're raising this subject and that you care about the enviroment on the board. :heart:

 

[Washburne]

Luckily for me I've missed almost all of this (I don't read as much on the boards that I used to.) and I'm staying out of the abortion thread.

It's not fun to see "friends" get ripped to shreads for their opinion but if it happen at all is the wrong thing. No matter who it happens to. It just don't affect us as much. The staff do the best they can but ultimatly it's up to us. How we act creates reactions from others. Sometimes it's better to stay away from posting even if you can keep a civil tone.

Now what's important. If you see a post you think is out of line, report it. Problems in the past has come from members not being able to let go and continue forever just repeating themselves.

Our personal tolerence levels are different so what you think is civil or our of line can differ to someone elses. So let the staff decide instead.

Having different opinions is a must if we aren't going to die of boredom. You should be able to express your opinion. Sometimes you just need to stop repeating yourself or drive yourself and others nuts trying to get others to change their opinion.

 

[brinkster130]

No one is forced to participate in the more serious topics being discussed, but if people what to engage and start these discussions then that is their right.

The focus of these boards is Buffy and Angel so we strongly encourage discussion about those shows as well as other Whedon related work.

I think it is safe to say that no one here wants to feel alienated and/or judged by others, and I can assure you that I, as well as all the other Mods, do as much as we can to keep discussions on here civil. I'm sorry to see people's feelings get hurt, and I hope that people are able to disagree with others opinions without taking it personally.

🙂

 

[Bexieh]

I pretty much agree with what the others have said. I think it's good to debate as long as it's kept civil. I personally prefer to avoid threads like the abortion one and whatnot because I don't want to be involved in arguments or anything. But I have no problem with others debating stuff so long as everyone remembers to respect each others opinions and be civil with each other!

If you're feeling stressed out by the topics, just take a break for a bit and stick to the not so serious threads for a while? 🙂 But if you're seeing people being insulted or 'ripped to shreds' I think it's a good idea to report it! I personally don't think debate threads are much fun when they get vicious!

 

[Kean]

I agree that it certainly gets heated in some of these threads. Not just the ones based on aspects of our society, but some of the Buffy and Angel threads can create quite the little tempest. However, I don't think simply not having these conversations is the answer. There's a quote by Gandhi that I love; "Nobody can hurt me without my permission". At the end of the day, if we feel offended by another person's opinion, then we have chosen to feel offended by it. One of my very favourite things about BB is that I can have a raging argument with a member here in one thread, and in another we can be the best of pals. I'm not saying it is easy, or even all that enjoyable, but we can't simply wish the uncomfortable conversations away. We have to be able to speak and hear each other. Even when someone's opinion on something makes your eye twitch 😉

We can't base our opinions of each other on our opinions on any given topic. BB is about discussion, not competition. There is no unequivocal right or wrong answer. Even to the questions we believe we are completely right about 😉 And like Brinkster said, we don't have to participate or even read these threads. If you know it is going to be upsetting, or that you will not be able to remain civil, then do yourself a favour, avoid the headache, and just let the thread be. 🙂

I know this is all easier said than done, but it is the only way I know how to exist in an online community without losing my mind 😉 🙂

 

[Harley]

I just want to say that the more serious topics we've had lately have gone a lot more smoothly than when I've seen them debated in the past, specifically the abortion thread. While they haven't been perfect, I think they've gone pretty well.

 

[SlayerFest]

I try not to take anything that is said here too seriously, it's just a forum and we don't have to boycott serious topics in order to remain civil. As long as no one resorts to personal attacks or name calling, we should all be good.

If you know it is going to be upsetting, or that you will not be able to remain civil, then do yourself a favour, avoid the headache, and just let the thread be. 🙂

I agree completely.

 

[caitaintdead]

I don't think the threads should be banned. I think it should be up to each individual to make their own choices regarding what is best for them.

As I mentioned in the check out thread, I have decided to stay away from majority of threads for awhile for the sanity of other members. It never seems to phase me when things get a little... angry. I'm hardly someone that is going to get off the computer and cry over a political disagreement, but I know for a fact that some people get so hurt by things that are said online so decided to step back and just speak to the people that are on a similar wavelength to me... Okay, so my wavelength is a little crazy, but at least I know that right?!

 

[BuffyElevated]

No one is forced to participate in the more serious topics being discussed, but if people what to engage and start these discussions then that is their right.

The focus of these boards is Buffy and Angel so we strongly encourage discussion about those shows as well as other Whedon related work.

I think it is safe to say that no one here wants to feel alienated and/or judged by others, and I can assure you that I, as well as all the other Mods, do as much as we can to keep discussions on here civil. I'm sorry to see people's feelings get hurt, and I hope that people are able to disagree with others opinions without taking it personally.

🙂

Hear, hear. Very well said, and I completely agree. No one here wants to feel like they can't express their opinion.. It makes us feel horrible when we feel bullied or judged because of our opinion on something, and that is definitely something we want to avoid here at Buffy Boards. However, this is a discussion board and sometimes people are going to butt heads. I hope we can all take a little breather in the future when things get too heated and either wait til we cool off to post, or just avoid topics that may ruffle our feathers a little too much, so to speak.

 

[HalloweenRain]

This is how I see it: it's good to discuss and debate, it gives one a chance to challenge ones opinions and/or to get a clearer idea on where you stand yourself and why.

I didn't think of it that way, thanks a lot. When you say it like that I guess it is fine. I was just worried that one day there wont be a BB🙁.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I don't think the threads should be banned.

Don't worry, they won't be. 😉

 

[HalloweenRain]

I wasn't even suggesting that the threads be banned, I just thought that there has been thread after thread of controversial topics posted. I was suggesting a break for just a while so we maybe could have a chance to cool down. Obviously it's not up to me, I was throwing it out there to see how everyone else felt.

 

[Ripper666]

Very nice said. Sometimes I feel the same way. But I made the experience that the member group can controll themself very well. and if not you can simply post what makes you worring.
I like the way of discussing on the Boards. They are (mostly) on a very friendly way and I never really felt the way that someone wanted to offend me. I hope this keeps usual! 🙂
I think you did something very impressing, asking for a break because you felt unconfortable. And in my eyes such threads help us to keep calm, to get a new look on things we posted. To cool down. And I think a break is ok, even if this forum wouldn't be the same without discussions. Because everybody has a different opinion. 🙂

---------- Post added at 11:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 PM ----------

There is no unequivocal right or wrong answer!

Right. I mean wrong. I mean... oh... 😀
No serious very true words!

 

[Buffy Summers]

caitaintdead agrees: your av is perfection for you.

Why do you say that?

 

[caitaintdead]

Why do you say that?

Okay, well I don't quite want to do the same things to Rick Grimes that I want to do to you... I just don't like you that way. Just thought it was clever to have a leader as an avatar that has the reputation of Rick Grimes. I didn't know you were a big The Walking Dead fan at all. It's basically my favourite show of the moment.

 

[caitaintdead]

Darla agrees: So what you're saying is, you think I'm a dictator?

I don't know... You tell me right?! 😛