Bring up your own child, sane/insane..?

[eponinethen]

Ok, I'm tired, that's why I'm posting this now.
I'm weird and this is a thought I've always had. The thing is I've only discussed this with other weird people.. So I'd like your sane view on this (no, just kidding, I want your insane views please)..

Thought(s):

1. How can you let whoever wants to get children? Anyone can get their own human being and do almost whatever they want with it. Anyone can get the responsibility to decide what a new person is going to be like. It's really hard to be allowed to adopt, and you need an education to take care of children at kindergarten or in school.. But anyone can have their own child and mess him/her up in any way they want. Is that in any way healthy?

2. If you do get children. You'll have to really isolate them. I mean seriously put them in a nice room and lock the door, so that they'll never meet anyone but you. Because how can I trust people to treat my children right? What if a grandmother/friend/neighbour tells my child something I don't want them to hear? What if they give my child a gift that is something I don't want my child to have? You have to be mother/father/grandparents/teacher/friend everything, to be able to control that your child isn't brought up wrong. Mistakes are easily made! It's hard enough to trust that I would make the perfect parent to my child, but how could I trust someone else to treat my child right? Seriously, no-one's getting anywhere near my kids!

 

[doppelgänger2]

Haha, I really do love you paranoid take on this issue.
And as I've said when we spoke about this a while ago, I pretty much agree with you.
At least point nr1 cause I'm not obsessing that much about nr2.

But I've met some people (for example my girlfriend) who's parents have been the biggest jerks on the face of this earth. It's like so chocking how people can treat their kids, what they do to them.
And I dare to say that not everybody can/should have kids cause I really don't think bringing children to this world to mistreat them is a good idea.
But, who am I to say who can and cannot have kids? Who has the right to decide who is a fit parent?

But if I ever have kids, I'm probably gonna be so scared. Cause it's impossible to isolate them from the world, from society. And since I'm claustrophobic, I couldn't stand being in a locked room with my kids for 18 years. But I really want them to turn out right...
Aw damn, I'm just blabbering here.

It would be nice to know what people here with kids have to say about this.

 

[eponinethen]

But, who am I to say who can and cannot have kids? Who has the right to decide who is a fit parent?

You're right of course, who are you to decide? I am the one to decide of course.
(Seriously I'm too tired now.)

I don't know who should decide, but as I said we have rules regarding everything else when it comes to children. What you need to be able to adopt, what you need to know to be a teacher adn take care of children.. Shouldn't be that hard to come up with a bunch of rules about bringing a new person into this world..

 

[Utopia]

But you also have to understand that blocking your child from the world will greatly damage his/her ability to fully grip and understand it. A child needs to make mistakes, or else it will grow up in fear of the world around it. It's one thing to be a cautious parent, but it's another to be an over-protective parent. I don't have kids, but I know from experience that the more you shelter your child the more they will regret you for it.

 

[KarrinMurphy]

Thought(s):

1. How can you let whoever wants to get children? Anyone can get their own human being and do almost whatever they want with it. Anyone can get the responsibility to decide what a new person is going to be like. It's really hard to be allowed to adopt, and you need an education to take care of children at kindergarten or in school.. But anyone can have their own child and mess him/her up in any way they want. Is that in any way healthy?

2. If you do get children. You'll have to really isolate them. I mean seriously put them in a nice room and lock the door, so that they'll never meet anyone but you. Because how can I trust people to treat my children right? What if a grandmother/friend/neighbour tells my child something I don't want them to hear? What if they give my child a gift that is something I don't want my child to have? You have to be mother/father/grandparents/teacher/friend everything, to be able to control that your child isn't brought up wrong. Mistakes are easily made! It's hard enough to trust that I would make the perfect parent to my child, but how could I trust someone else to treat my child right? Seriously, no-one's getting anywhere near my kids!

First:If you mean how can "society" allow people to make that most personal and private decision to bring life into this world I ask you how can "society" think we have the right or knowledge to make that decision for anyone else. It is not only healthy for individuals to make that decision, it is the only sane way. Will there be some people who probably will mess up ? Yes. Can we try to to help with damage control when things go wrong ? Yes. Will this ever be a perfect world ? No. But imagine a world without children. It would be a sadder world than even the one we have right now.

Second: Children do not grow if they live in a bubble. They don't learn. They can't become empathetic. Mistakes can be made, will be made, deal with it.

How can you trust......fill in the blank. You trust certain persons or you don't. I understand that sometimes even trusted people can be somewhat disappointing but not to the point of genuine harm, at least if they have previously shown themselves to be trustworthy. If there are no people in your life that you can trust with a child then perhaps there are more serious issues in our life than wether or not to have a child. I hope I'm not being too harsh. If or when you are faced with how to raise a child, methinks that nature will kick in and you will do the right thing. If you have gaps you'll seek help. The joy and love between parent and child makes all the trouble worthwhile IF indeed you have a deep longing to have a child.

 

[eponinethen]

First of all, you take me way too serious. These are just thoughts not my real opinions.

First:If you mean how can "society" allow people to make that most personal and private decision to bring life into this world I ask you how can "society" think we have the right or knowledge to make that decision for anyone else.

Yes, sorry for not using the right word, I did mean society (but we are socirty more or less so..).
The thing is, society has the right to decide a lot of things about how you're allowd to live, what you're allowed to do, what children are supposed to learn and so on. But the most important thing in this society is how you bring up your kids, they are the next generation (blablabla). If you screw them up... I'm not saying your whole personality depends on your childhood, but a big part of it does, and I know a lot of people who are totally messed up cause of how their parents treated them.. (I mean a nazi is allowed to have kids and put whatever thought they want into the children's mind.)

How can you trust......fill in the blank. You trust certain persons or you don't. I understand that sometimes even trusted people can be somewhat disappointing but not to the point of genuine harm, at least if they have previously shown themselves to be trustworthy.

But do you trust that society makes the right decisions when it comes to your child? Do they know what's the best? Does anyone except you?
What you said about trurtwourthy people, that's how I think about myself, how can I trust that even I know how to do this, how to treat my child.. But if I'm not sure about myself in this how can I be sure of anyone else..?

 

[Buffy Summers]

I'll give a little quote from Parenthood and the immortal Keanu 😀

"You know Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to own a gun....you need a license to drive a car...hell, you need a license to catch a fish, but they'll let any asshole be a father."