Buffy Summers, the expectations you've bestowed in me ...

[Zeppo]

Hear me out, or laugh me out, either-or.

I'm doing a gazzilionth rewatch right now and a few days ago Buffy was flirting with Parker and I found myself laughing at what she was saying in a flirtatious way. I thought Parker was so lucky to have such a stable, attractive girl totally focused on him! I wouldn't give that up, no way. I'm so happy Buffy is right here -

Oh. She's fake. And in real life married to a Prinze ... Jr.

But really, I've never had a serious relationship because I've never found a girl that is driven and determined (BIG thing for me) that is attractive and sproadic with a sense of humor that can make a morbid man like me laugh. That's Buffy! A character I watched religiously starting at age 8, that's gotta affect my developement, no?

For real, Buffy the character is quite a catch, even post-Angel. She is mature, she had to grow up so fast. She's athletic and strong in every sense of the word and is loyal to her friends. She has the weight of the world on her shoulders and still has a mocha at the Espresso Pump. She loves to the very end and makes the decisions others won't. She'd be an honest girlfriend. Honesty = a must. Right? Am I right?

I think the point I'm trying to make is that I am doomed because of Buffy Summers. Doomed to a life of constant rewatches to fill my void of a lady. Sigh.

Anyone else feel like this character has changed their way of seeing people or things? Possibly other tough female characters on other programs? Anyone a single, self-proclaimed Buffy, 20-25?

 

[Ms.Trick]

I identify more and more to Buffy, she's definitely my model and my hero and I don't care how fictional she is :heart:

 

[THA]

I've got to admit, after watching through Buffy and Angel I have thought about how no girls in the real world seem to be as attractive as certain fictional characters. The same thing goes for friends - I don't think I've ever been in a friendship that's as close and loyal as those in the show. It's quite depressing, really.

 

[Ms.Trick]

Yeah, it's totally depressing at times!
I'm very close to my friends, they are a very important part of my life and even when I see them less, we keep in touch and don't lose it, but...
Sometimes I do envy the Scoobies. My friends and I are close, but I wouldn't say we are family. And we can't really go at each other's house when one is sad, because we live so far from each other! I'm actually the furthest from every one, it would take me one hour to go to the closest and two hours to go to the furthest. Sunnydale is smaller so it's kind of easier to go at your friend's or to meet them at a place like the Bronze... I love my friends more than words can say, but it's seems much more utopic in Buffy! And I'd like to have something like that. And, probably the worst tragedy, most of my friends are not hug-buddies and I sometimes would like to hug them or hold hands with them knowing in doesn't mean anything else than "We are close friends"(I sound like I terribly need affection, haha 😀). I want to hold them when they are sad but I can't because we took so different ways that we hardly see each other, we mostly text and chat and sometimes, being so far away from them kills me.

 

[mayfever]

I'd love to date someone whose expectations of women have been shaped by Buffy Summers 😀

in a million years, when I can see myself dating again, lol. And when it means that I can actually fulfill these expectations.

As for friendship, not so much. I really like the Scooby friendships, esp. season 1-3 and early season 4, but I'm perfectly happy with my friends, who I consider my family of choice. I sincerely hope that we won't drift apart in future (although I don't think we will) the way the Scoobies did during and post-season 5.

 

[Kana]

Why I wouldn't date Buffy Summers

1) First of all, as much as I love Btvs, I wouldn't want to live in their world. As much as serves as tool for escapism, I actually prefer the relative mundanity of my existence. Demons and vampires? That's her world and it a world I wouldn't like to live in even if they were to exist. It's one thing to acknowledge the evil, it's another to risk you life everyday to fight it.

2) I wouldn't like to live in the shadow of Angel or Spike. After her relationship with Angel, she seemed 'distracted' somehow, never really giving all of her heart and considering what happened with the guy, I'm not surprised. Since Spike, seems to be all about cookie dough. Cookie dough is tasty but it gets messy and I just got this shirt cleaned so....

3) I'd be worried sick about her running off into danger. She's an amazing Slayer but she's not invincible (is she? I forget with the comics) and like Virginia, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who dedicates their life to something like that. I admire her for what she does, but knowing that each time she goes out and fights, that the fight could be her last, I'm not sure if there is any romantic love that is worth that much pain.

Her strength and her heart is something I can admire, even if we were not to share our lives together. She's a Champion with a capital 'C. It's not that I wouldn't want a hero, but I don't need one. I could love someone who is determined, driven and brilliant, but I'd be afraid to give my heart to someone who was risking their lives to fight the forces of darkness. That's honestly how I feel.

 

[Ms.Trick]

As far as I'm concerned, if I was dating Buffy, I would be afraid to be not... needed enough. She's so strong and independant and giving herself to the cause that...what is left for the lover?

Sometimes I do feel like I need a boyfriend to protect me, to support me...Then I realize I don't need anyone to protect myself and that I already have friends and family to support me. So what use is left for a boyfriend, except pure lust?

And I think Buffy kind of have a similar problem in love. She doesn't need anyone to protect her, she already has support, and the mission is what matters so I think dating her just makes you feel completely useless. That's why even tough she's my hero and I love her to bits, I always see her as not such a good lover.

 

[mayfever]

And I think Buffy kind of have a similar problem in love. She doesn't need anyone to protect her, she already has support, and the mission is what matters so I think dating her just makes you feel completely useless. That's why even tough she's my hero and I love her to bits, I always see her as not such a good lover.

That's kind of my idea of the perfect partner for me - someone who is already their own person, with their own life and own sense of self-worth, who doesn't *need* me but *wants* me to be there.

It's kind of the same thing with happiness - you can't expect your partner to make you happy, you have to be able to make yourself happy, and then you can maximise each other's happiness. I don't want symbiosis, I want cohabitation of the same niche 😉

 

[Ms.Trick]

Well I hope one day I'll find someone who won't be scared by my own-personiness, someone I'll cohabite with like you say 😛

(And I like your post, it kind of rassures me, I'm sometimes afraid I have an anti-dating zone around me (my mum even says that I maybe send signal to boys that say "I so don't need you" and according to her, boys like to feel needed. Oh well, it'll come when it'll come!))

 

[Carrrrgh]

Well I hope one day I'll find someone who won't be scared by my own-personiness, someone I'll cohabite with like you say 😛

(And I like your post, it kind of rassures me, I'm sometimes afraid I have an anti-dating zone around me (my mum even says that I maybe send signal to boys that say "I so don't need you" and according to her, boys like to feel needed. Oh well, it'll come when it'll come!))

Haha I feel your pain! My mom says the same thing because she says I am too independent and I need to let the boys take care of me not to take care of myself! I said I like working and I like paying all my own bills and having my own life you know? When someone comes along that can handle that I am independent and don't need taking care of, then ill settle down, until then I love being able to take care of myself and you should too! It's a good quality to have! 🙂

 

[svp]

Well I hope one day I'll find someone who won't be scared by my own-personiness, someone I'll cohabite with like you say 😛

(And I like your post, it kind of rassures me, I'm sometimes afraid I have an anti-dating zone around me (my mum even says that I maybe send signal to boys that say "I so don't need you" and according to her, boys like to feel needed. Oh well, it'll come when it'll come!))

I'm about to go all therapy-group on you, but that's exactly my problem. I'm perfectly content to be by myself. I love hanging out with friends and family too, don't get me wrong, but yeesh, sometimes I just need to be by myself. My friends constantly tell me that i'm too picky, but I'm pretty sure it's just that I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin and I don't feel like I need somebody else to *complete* me or whatever all that horrid Taylor Swift bullsh*t tells girls these days.

*my bad if I've offended anyone who actually likes Taylor Swift. I promise you can make fun of me for owning seasons 3 & 4 of Saved by the Bell on DVD.

 

[Professor Walsh]

There are tough, loyal girls out there, but I cannot promise that they all look like Sarah Michelle Gellar, particularly not like Sarah Michelle Gellar with her make-up done by a make-up artist.

@Ms.Trick: That's a good signal to send, if you ask me. That way you can find a boy who doesn't look for someone to need him.

 

[Zeppo]

Thank you all for posting in here months after I started this topic, it made me laugh to see it getting attention, haha. Seriously, totally gnarly.

As for afraid to be needed thing, I personally wouldn't want to be needed. I'd want to be wanted. I wouldn't want to need anybody in order to function so I wouldn't expect someone to have that for me. Maybe "love" means to need a person, I dunno, but two wholes make a super-whole. Though, two halfs making a whole is romantic.

Just because Buffy can kick physical ass doesn't mean that fills a testosterone void in her when she is single. I, too, have always taken care of myself and am very independent and know what I want, realizing I am the only one to make sure I get there. If anything, I'd want someone whole alongside me to inspire me while not getting jealous of them at the same time.

Of course, when I started this topic, I wasn't thinking about dating the televised Buffy cause that isn't plausable but her humor, personality, loyalty, strength is all something to be admirable about. Her specific combination and how she uses it is prime, almost perfection for me.

From a guy perspective, how fun would it be to be Riley and spar with your girlfriend? Ha, I know he got hurt and had problems with her being stronger than him but come on, it was probably fun for him too even for a bit!

 

[This Year's Girl]

Well I hope one day I'll find someone who won't be scared by my own-personiness, someone I'll cohabite with like you say 😛

(And I like your post, it kind of rassures me, I'm sometimes afraid I have an anti-dating zone around me (my mum even says that I maybe send signal to boys that say "I so don't need you" and according to her, boys like to feel needed. Oh well, it'll come when it'll come!))

Sending out independent signals are a really good sign! If someone wants to feel needed I think that means (or at least should mean) wanting to be able to support ones partner if it is neccessary, not wanting the partner to not be strong or in need of saving. It has nothing to do with paying bills, having your own friends, being your own person and stuff like that and you should never feel afraid to show those side of yourself! And yeah, like miromurr says, if a person would want you to be less than what you are, that's not someone you would want to attract anyway, right?

---------- Post added at 10:54 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:53 AM ----------

It's kind of the same thing with happiness - you can't expect your partner to make you happy, you have to be able to make yourself happy, and then you can maximise each other's happiness. I don't want symbiosis, I want cohabitation of the same niche 😉

This. A 1000 times this.

 

[mayfever]

I'm about to go all therapy-group on you, but that's exactly my problem. I'm perfectly content to be by myself. I love hanging out with friends and family too, don't get me wrong, but yeesh, sometimes I just need to be by myself. My friends constantly tell me that i'm too picky, but I'm pretty sure it's just that I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin and I don't feel like I need somebody else to *complete* me or whatever all that horrid Taylor Swift bullsh*t tells girls these days.

There is no such thing as "too picky". You have your standards, which is a good thing, and if you start ignoring them, then you end up settling and while that might work for a while, it most definitely doesn't in the long run.

Everyone on here sounds like they have A VERY HEALTHY ATTITUDE to dating. I know it stinks when everybody else is paired up and you're the only one who isn't, especially when you're young and you haven't been in a relationship before. But let me tell you, it's worth the wait, because that person you'll end up with is going to be truly spectacular.

Personally, I don't think a relationship is a good relationship unless you can imagine spending the rest of your life with that person (talking full-blown commitment here, not random dating though), and let's face it, most highschool romances don't survive, well, highschool. I'm not saying a relationship that ends can't be a good relationship, but if you think about it ending from the start, it's probably not worth your time.

 

[Kean]

That's kind of my idea of the perfect partner for me - someone who is already their own person, with their own life and own sense of self-worth, who doesn't *need* me but *wants* me to be there.

Oh woman, this is becoming embarrassing. You must stop robbing my mind of its thoughts! 😛

Basically, this is how I feel too. I don't want someone who needs me to get through the day/week/year whatever, but I want someone who would view their life as one better spent with me than without me. I think that is a much more powerful thing than need.

I've been called independent to a fault and my friends have declared that "standards" be my middle name. Both have been said with an air of reproach. But, you know what, I know my own mind, more than that I know what would compliment my life and make it better.

On top of that I do not want the responsibility of being someone's everything. I don't want anyone to live for me. No more than I want to live for another individual. If either of us aren't living for ourselves something has gone massively wrong.

As for the friends thing I think there are levels of friendship. Even those at the very pinnacle of that bond can fall apart. What I will say that I have some incredible friends. Truly amazing people that I love and adore. But I have only one best friend and the loyalty I feel to her and our friendship pretty much outstrips everything else.

Whether that is a good or a bad thing is another question, but what I will say is that my life is far richer for that bond.

 

[Kana]

On top of that I do not want the responsibility of being someone's everything. I don't want anyone to live for me. No more than I want to live for another individual. If either of us aren't living for ourselves something has gone massively wrong.

.

Not to incite a shipping war but this was one of the issues I had with some of the elements of Spuffy. This whole, I'm going to change, all for you, because I think that's what you want.

I'm not saying that you cannot learn from the person you're with or form anyone for that matter, but from the outset it helps if you are both complete people. Now complete doesn't for me mean perfect, it just means that you both people on a journey and if your journey and the journey of your partner coincide then, as far as I'm concerned, you're on to a winner.

Now to make myself clear I like my indepedence however, but with Buffy, slaying is more or less her world, a world I wouldn't want to be a part of, so I couldn't see the two of us being compatible. In fact I'd rather settle or Joe or Jane normal than be with be with a superhero.

One area I do relate to her though is not defining myself through a significant other. Buffy tended to be hard on herself because she couldn't make it work but a lot of the problem were mainly circumstancial.

All in all it's a weird one, because we can admire characters we see on TV but in reality would the relationship work?

 

[Kean]

Not to incite a shipping war but this was one of the issues I had with some of the elements of Spuffy. This whole, I'm going to change, all for you, because I think that's what you want.

I won't say anything more than I agree.

I'm not saying that you cannot learn from the person you're with or form anyone for that matter, but from the outset it helps if you are both complete people. Now complete doesn't for me mean perfect, it just means that you both people on a journey and if your journey and the journey of your partner coincide then, as far as I'm concerned, you're on to a winner.

Absolutely. There's a big difference between your partner inspiring you to be a better person to/for yourself and changing who you are because you think it will make you more lovable to your partner

I agree about the journey part too. I don't need anyone to live my life or to become who I want to be. However, I also believe that a life shared with someone else is a beautiful thing. As happy as I am on my own I know there is a wealth of joy to be found in life by taking the journey with someone by my side. I just wanted to point that out because I know I can be so independent that I can isolate myself too. To me that is just as damaging as being dependent on another person.

Now to make myself clear I like my indepedence however, but with Buffy, slaying is more or less her world, a world I wouldn't want to be a part of, so I couldn't see the two of us being compatible. In fact I'd rather settle or Joe or Jane normal than be with be with a superhero.

One area I do relate to her though is not defining myself through a significant other. Buffy tended to be hard on herself because she couldn't make it work but a lot of the problem were mainly circumstancial.

All in all it's a weird one, because we can admire characters we see on TV but in reality would the relationship work?

I don't think the OP meant Buffy and her life literally, but rather her best human qualities i.e. her will, resilience, intelligence, humour and courage.

 

[brinkster130]

This thread is funny; I just had a conversation with my best friend about the unrealistic expectations so many of our favorite tv shows gave us when it came to dating and love.

We had just finished watching an old re-run of Saved By The Bell where they all go to Hawaii for two weeks on summer and Zack meets a girl and falls madly in love with her. The two of us laughed because not only was our high school experience nothing like Kelly Kapowski's but of all the vacations we've been on together we've never come across a Zack Morris and been swept off our feet after a couple dates and walk on the beach.

There is no such thing as "too picky". You have your standards, which is a good thing, and if you start ignoring them, then you end up settling and while that might work for a while, it most definitely doesn't in the long run.

Word. As long as your standards don't include a prince charming slaying a dragon and riding away with you on the back of his while horse while vowing to marry you that night at sunset I'd say stick to your standards. 😛

Personally, I don't think a relationship is a good relationship unless you can imagine spending the rest of your life with that person (talking full-blown commitment here, not random dating though), and let's face it, most highschool romances don't survive, well, highschool. I'm not saying a relationship that ends can't be a good relationship, but if you think about it ending from the start, it's probably not worth your time.

Completely agree.

I'd say the high school romance is definitely a unrealistic expectation that BTVS (and many other shows) have created for people. The average person doesn't find their soulmate when they are fifteen/sixteen, nor is the average teen mature enough to deal with it....not to mention the fact that we change as people as we get older and mature. That person you love at sixteen probably won't be the same person at twenty or thirty; we are constantly growing or as Buffy would say baking.

 

[Chosen Enemy]

Umm... Buffy is attractive to me, inside and outside. I'd date her because in some way, it's gonna sound a little weird, I'm seeing things from Spike's perspective. And I see what he sees in her, and sometimes it's like I know how he feels. About Buffy, I mean. He sees a beautiful mature woman, and everything he sees in her he sees as good. Even when he knows she's not perfect, she's perfect to him. So I guess if it wasn't for Spike, I'd still like Buffy but I probably wouldn't have seen her the same.