Buffy + Xander = BIG FAT NO!!!

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sosa lola

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I've been reading through my old entries in my LJ, and found an angry post I've written when S8 just started in 2007.

I was caught by the comment that annoyed me back then and it still annoys me now.

This person talks about why they don't Buffy and Xander to be a couple:

"I personally find it insulting to Buffy's character. Xander's always been so judgmental about her past relationships -- ending up with him is almost like she's caving to the misogynistic and belittling view that she was all wrongheaded for choosing these doomed relationships with Spike and Angel over a nice, safe relationship with him."


I can understand why some fans don't like the idea of Buffy and Xander together. Some think they have no romantic chemistry, others love their friendship more, and some don't like it because Xander isn't physically as strong as Buffy... etc.

But I don't understand how a bunch of disagreements between Xander and Buffy over the years can be an obstacle when it was okay for Spike who tried to kill Buffy many times to be with Buffy. It's kind of hypocritical to think Xander shouldn't be with Buffy because he used to be judgmental over her relationships and yet think it's okay for Spike to be with her even though he wanted to kill her.

It just bugs me that even though Xander had matured a lot, people still can't forget his immature self and view him by that self, instead of the mature man he is now. It's also funny how some people are annoyed because Xander couldn't see how much Spike grown and changed and they do the same with Xander.

Oooh and one more thing. Xander is a misogynistic??????
 
I just had to look up what misogynistic meant, having temporarily forgotten. hehe.

So that person really think Xander is a misogynist? That he hates women? I don't agree with that.

And I personally see nothing wrong with Buffy and Xander becoming romantically involved, though I am perfectly happy for them to remain best friends. Indeed, I'd much rather Xander be with Buffy than Dawn.
 
Buffy and Xander - no, no no.

Not for the reason stated by the mystery person though. I just don't buy it.
 
Spikefan31 said:
So that person really think Xander is a misogynist? That he hates women? I don't agree with that.
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I've read comments about Xander treating Buffy and Willow like his harem. Ooookay...


caitaintdead said:
]I just don't buy it.
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I get that. There are many popular ships I don't care about, like for example, Buffy/Faith. But to say that dating Buffy is insulting to Faith because Buffy didn't want to invite Faith to her house for Christmas? That's how this person sounded like.
 
My objection to any sort of romance between Buffy and Xander is the same now as it was when I first knew enough about the two characters to form an opinion. Namely, given the relationship that they have shared throughout the series, any kind of romantic/sexual relationship would be, at least to me, bordering on incest.
 
If it was handled the right way, I think Bander could have been the greatest thing to ever happen to Buffy. I have read a couple of really great fics about them coming together as a couple that grew out of their friendship, and it was very believable and even talked about the whole "Becoming" "Kick his ass" moment. I think if the show had gone on and the writers wrote it as this beautiful, organic thing where it just happened naturally, it would have been totally believable and beautiful.
Xander always knew his place with Buffy. Unlike Riley, he was completely fine to stand up to support Buffy, bu also to stand down when the time came for it. He knew he was physically (and maybe emotionally) weaker than Buffy, and both of them know each other to the depths of their souls. It could have worked, and it could have been perfect for both of them.
 
white avenger said:
My objection to any sort of romance between Buffy and Xander is the same now as it was when I first knew enough about the two characters to form an opinion. Namely, given the relationship that they have shared throughout the series, any kind of romantic/sexual relationship would be, at least to me, bordering on incest.
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I can understand that, though I don't agree with it. IMO, I consider a relationship incest when it's between two characters who are really related: Buffy/Dawn, Buffy/Joyce, Angel/Connor.

But I get how uncomfortable fans get around ships like Cordelia/Connor and Xander/Dawn -because we were shown Cordelia and Xander taking parental roles to Connor and Dawn.

However in Xander/Buffy's case, Xander had feelings for her -he fell in love with her- in high school, and some still claim he still got feelings for her. Buffy saw him as best friend all these years, and then had feelings for him in S8 -I just can't see it as brother/sister.
 
Hmmm. I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of them being together but it's like what was pointed out, Buffy is too strong for him, and Xander is way too judgemental. Their friendship was awesome which could lead anyone to believe that they probably would have had a shot at taking the next step forward. Personally, I'd rather see Xander with Dawn, which, thank goodness for season 8. I understand how people think it could seem like incest, but in reality, Willow and Tara were there for her more as a parent than Xander was. He was more like the understanding friend that could eventually blossom as a bf.
 
msfantastico87 said:
and Xander is way too judgemental.
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I think "was" is the more accurate verb to be. 🙂 Right now, Xander is one of the most understanding characters in the verse, it's started in middle S7 when everybody was wary of Spike killing again except Xander -and Buffy- Xander was the one who thought about the situation objectively and figured out that Spike was triggered -also you see Xander being more understanding to a lot of Buffy's choices in S8, while Willow isn't.

As for strength, Buffy is stronger physically, but Xander is stronger emotionally, they balance each other.
 
white avenger said:
Namely, given the relationship that they have shared throughout the series, any kind of romantic/sexual relationship would be, at least to me, bordering on incest.
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I agree, which is why I could never buy into a Buffy + Xander storyline. The mere thought makes me shudder.
 
I don't hate Buffy + Xander, but I prefer them as friends.

I know my logic doesn't always resemble Earth-logic, but I have a theory about Bander. During the show, I believed that Xander sabotaged his relationships with Cordelia and Anya because he was secretly in love with Buffy, and Buffy and Xander ending up together would prove my theory right. And, I don't want my theory proven right. Cordelia and Anya didn't deserve that.
 
sosa lola said:
Oooh and one more thing. Xander is a misogynistic??????
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No, Xander was jealous. At worst he was hypocritical (considering his relationship with Anya), but he most certainly was not a misogynist.

We all know what I think, if Buffy is going to have a long haul guy then I want it to be Angel.

However, if Buffy doesn't get to be with the love of her life, than I think Xander, and I mean S8 Xander, MAN-Xander, is probably the next best candidate. I think his infinitely better for than Spike (suprise suprise).

Also, I reject the claim of them being too good friends to be a couple. Yeah, I used it for C/A but if that story is sold properly and developed in a real way and not half arsed (as I think C/A was) then I think it can definitely work.

Although, in saying all that I really hope that Bander doesn't happen because I don't want Buffy to settle for second best and I equally do not want Xander to have to live with being second best.
 
Although I don't like the idea of them as a couple, I have to say this is a little too harsh on Xander's character. Sure, they have some fights, she made bad decission, so did he. But I don't see why she couldn't be with him. Angel could hurt Buffy 10 times more, and she knew there's always a chance for things to get out of control, but she continued their relathionship. Spike tried to kill her million of times, and yet, she was willing to ignore all that. It's understandable that people love them more as friends, 7 years of friendship is not little and a lot of things have happened, but there's no need to trash Xander as a character.
 
I really don't think I would have a had a problem with Bander before S7. Before that they weren't very close, they did love each other but not that strongly. During S7 Xander became Buffy's rock. She trusted him more than anyone else at that time. Even though Buffy was always the strong one she really grew to depend on Xander and still does in S8. Since Joss Whedon doesn't believe in a couple staying together any romantic relationship would destroy their friendship. And even if somehow they made it, I'd still find it creepy. They are very much brother and sister.
 
I hate them together, but not for this reason. I hate them together because they are best friends and it's creepy and weird to think of them differently. Just because he's a guy and she's a girl and they're close doesn't mean they need to get romantically involved.

As to Buffy lowering herself to be with the misogynistic Xander... wtf?? Xander may have been a jerk in the past, but he's never been misogynistic. He's treated Buffy (and most women) with due respect and when he doesn't, he has a pretty good reason (to him, anyway) that is in no way related to the sex of the person. And he does the same for the men in the show. I find claiming otherwise to be sexist because it's establishing a context in which women are seen and treated differently because of their sex. Xander shouldn't have to treat people well *because* they're women. And I've seen Xander be judgmental and an asshole to both sexes. Just because Buffy's a woman doesn't mean his treatment of her is misogynistic.

Whew... that's kind of a pet peeve of mine. 🙂
 
Xander loves women. I echo faeriegrrl's comment that he isn't misogynistic. He gets on better with women that he does with men, hence his two closest friends are Willow and Buffy. He has always treated women with respect and always looked out for Willow and Buffy. How anyone can say his misogynistic is beyond me.
 
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