Buffy's Feelings Towards Xander *spoilers*

[sosa lola]

I'm starting this post because of the freg's comment:

Buffy didn't really fall in love with him though. She was just searching for something or someone to love. See: Satsu.

I wanted to continue the discussion but figured the S8 section is the best place to do it because I hate spoiler tags. :tongue3:

I think Buffy had feelings for Xander since the beginning of the season. She had a dream about wanting to have sex with him, but obviously she's too scared to hurt him so she doesn't make a move. Instead, she asks him to date Renee so he'd be off-limits. She only gets the courage to tell him about her feelings when she lost her Slayer powers, she's normal again and won't hurt him, sadly she's too late. Her jealousy is so obvious and suggests that she does have feelings for him, not to mention, that during the battle the first one Buffy thinks about is Xander. Not Dawn, her sister. But Xander. "Where is Xander?" And that hug, very passionate.

 

[Kean]

Do I believe that Buffy was head over heels in love with Xander? No, however, I do believe that he was very easy to fall in love with this season and I do believe she had very strong feelings for him. I believe Buffy thinks she is in love with him but I also believe Xander when she says that she isn't.

I think Buffy had every reason to fall for Xander this season. He has been her everything and their relationship is absolutely one of the highlights of the comics but I don't think Buffy had gotten to the stage of full on, you jump-I jump, love with Xander.

 

[ToShanshuInLA]

I think it was telling that she only professed her feelings for him after she saw him kissing Dawn. To answer your question, no.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

Do I believe Buffy was in love with Xander? No. I think its easy sometimes to confuse friendship with love. Buffy was lonely and Xander has always been there for her. In some ways, she probably believed that he would be "best" for her - similar to how she felt about Riley. I do believe that Buffy and Xander have a connection, and I do believe he is her truest friend right now, but I didn't and will never believe that she was in love with him.

 

[white avenger]

I can suspend my disbelief a long, long way, but imagining Buffy ACTUALLY being in love with Xander goes beyond even my limits. More likely, it was the result of the Universe's manipulations, making her susceptible to the charms of any unattached male within sight. Lord knows, if Twilight hadn't showed up when he did, she would have probably been chasing Andrew around the mountain peaks before much longer.

 

[Big Damn Hero]

Can we please not have a spoiler as the title of a thread? Thanks. :/

 

[sosa lola]

I disagree with you guys. 🙂

I think the reason why Buffy loved Xander is exactly the same as why she loved Spike. They changed. She didn't love the insecure, foolish boy Xander used to be, she'd always been attracted to older, mature men. Now, that Xander had grew up and matured a lot, him being the only one of her close friends by her side, it made her see him in a new light. Sadly, she was so scared to open up to him, and tried her best to push him away; telling him to date Renee for example. When she finally found the courage to tell him, she was too late.

Buffy had a sexual dream about Xander, he was the only one by her side at the moment, the only one she talks to and train with. That ought to make her see him in a new and different light. We've seen so many scenes between Buffy and Xander in S8, working together, talking together, being there for each other, connecting. When she lost her powers, she thought it was time to tell Xander about her feelings, but she was too late, Xander already chose Dawn.

 

[crazysoulless]

I think she was in love with him.

Xander was partially right but in many ways wrong with his reasons for not believing her and turning her down.

Reason 1) “I’m on the list” “Dawn’s loved me her whole life”

Xander knew that even if her feelings for him were real he would never be The One for her. He may be one of the people she could love or be attracted to or want a romantic relationship with. But what happened when someone higher on the list showed up? Angel? Spike? Some new guy? Xander had been in her life too long and cared about her too much to ever risk it all by entering a romantic relationship that might not work out. To bring forth all of the unrequited longings and romantic love he felt for her only to be cast aside (albeit nicely) for someone else. He knew it wasn’t fair to either of them. He knew that it was better to be the love of someone’s life than to experience what Riley felt in S4/S5.

Reason 2) She “went through gay” to get to Xander

Buffy had a sexualized dream (that hinted at prior dreams) about Xander in The Long Way Home arc. She does not sleep with Satsu until post-A Beautiful Sunset. The reason she didn’t tell Xander how she felt was spelled out in her dream. “I’ll be gentle this time. I can be gentle” And she decapitates him with a kiss. She was afraid of hurting him both physically and emotionally. Buffy felt immense guilt over what Caleb did to him. She couldn’t summon the courage to enter his hospital room and comfort him because the guilt was unbearable. She was not being uncaring at all. She went to her empty office and sobbed while staring at a picture of Xander (and her & Will). She chose Xander to take Dawn out of Sunnydale for the battle against the Turak-Hans because she didn’t want him to get hurt anymore than she did her daughter/sister. She was traumatized by having her heart broken by Angel. She broke Riley’s heart. She broke Spike’s heart. And she ended up breaking Satsu’s heart.

Xander was the only Scoobie left in her life. Giles was still distant. Willow was staying away.

She warned Satsu that anyone that loves her will get hurt one way or another (sent to Hell, vampire suck-jobs, left in Hell). She thought that she was that lightning rod of pain that Dawn referred to herself as in Tough Love. Buffy blames herself for everything that happens and is her toughest critic. And her fears were reinforced when Willow admits that the reason she stayed away and kept Kennedy away had to do with believing resurrecting Buffy led to Tara’s death.

She was not trying to change her sexuality and she didn’t change it or even really question it. Sex with Satsu had nothing to do with going through “a phase”. It was all about emotion. And many of them were emotions she has had for years.

It’s the same with Buffy sleeping with vampires. She was not “going through vampires” to get to Xander. He didn’t go through “a vengeance demon” and “Inca Mummy Girl” and “Giant Preying She-Mantis” to get to Dawn. You can’t help what you feel and who you connect with or what seems right at the moment.

Reason 3) She waited until AFTER she saw him with Dawn

He thought that she wanted him because she knew he was unattainable. That she could feel content knowing she tried to connect and that not feeling the connection had nothing to do with her, that it was because he was taken and thus couldn’t return her feelings.

But he didn’t know that she was on her way to tell Xander how she felt and only stopped when she saw him with Dawn. It was a huge shock. All Xander would have to do is look at Andrew’s video footage to see what a sucker punch it was for her. The hope and blissful calm she felt evaporated in a matter of seconds. Even Andrew asked if she was okay. She was leading up to it before her talk with Willow by saying “there aren’t many people that I love”. She had assumed (as did the fans) that Willow was encouraging her to tell Xander how she felt by saying that Xander is a good man. But it turned out that Willow was talking about Xander/Dawn.

Xander believed that she was lonely and feeling disconnected and that becoming fully human after so many years brought back an emotional vulnerability she hadn’t been able to experience in years. He thought that she wanted him because he was one of the only men around and he was safe. “You have feelings…at me.” He thought that the feelings were real but that they were generalized feelings of wanting to feel love and be in love and have a romantic relationship. He didn’t believe that she actually wanted all of that with him. That she bottled up all of her love and lust and somehow aimed it in his direction.