Buffy's leaving after "Becoming"

Chosen Enemy

Chosen Enemy

Losing my soul
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Aug 11, 2010
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Clearly Buffy was really really really upset after killing her lover, getting kicked out of school, getting kicked out of her own house by her own mother, and all that. So she left without mentioning too much, without much information on what happened or where she's off to (besides the little letter she left for her mum). The gang was really upset too. Because she left her duty, her friends, her family. Everything. And after she gets back everybody lashes on her.

I get that they're upset as well because she left everything that mattered, including her slayer duties that they had to take care of on their own. They didn't even know if she was okay at all, or maybe dead. But did they ever stop to think what she went through? Even her mother is mad at her. She was worried. But did she stop to think what her daughter's life seemed like that she had to take off this way?

So my question is, was Buffy's leaving justified? Was she selfish by doing that? Were they selfish?
 
I think that she needed time to deal with what happened, and that she probably wouldn't have got that had she stayed, but I think she should have at least the let everyone know that, phyiscally at least, she was ok.
 
I think that while it was selfish of her to leave without telling her watcher or friends, she was a 17 year old girl at the time who had just saved the world. If anyone is allowed to be a bit selfish, it's Buffy. She had to kill the love of her life which was clearly very traumatic, that's even before taking all the other crap that was thrown at her before she left. I think she needed to leave to clear her head and regroup, or else risk falling into a depression because of it all.

As for the others not taking her feelings into account, they kind of did at the end of Becoming, but all the horridness of Buffy's return sowed them to be a bit selfish as well. They seemed to forget about what she had to do and were just annoyed that she didn;t contact them and left them to pick up her slaying duties (which arguably they didn't have to do in the first place). But then, thinking about it, they were 17 at the time as well and had been through a lot too, so I can understand where they were coming from as well. As far as they were concerned, Buffy abandoned them because things got too tough.

I'm more on Buffy's side in this, but you can kind of see both sides.
 
O
OhWow
[No message]
I think that Buffy had a lot of baggage to work through, but yes she was a little selfish. However she did have reason to be, staying would have been a constant reminder of she had to do and what it cost her. I think at least a good portion of the reason she left and never tried to contact anyone has to do with what Xander told her, "kick his ass." It left her with the impression that none of her friends would understand why she had such a difficult time with sending Angel to hell, and why it was causing her such pain. She knew Xander was always contemptuous about her feelings towards Angel, and Xander's lie gave her the impression that Willow felt more or less the same way. As for Giles and her mother, I think Buffy was resenting Giles for not letting Buffy tell her mother much earlier about being the Slayer. Joyce's words to Giles in Anne, I think conveyed something Buffy also felt to some degree. How many problems could have been averted had Joyce known about Buffy being the Slayer from the beginning.

As for whether or not her friends were selfish, the only one that definitely was was Xander. Because his lie was what truly led to the split and tension between the group. I always thought Joss and Co were wrong for not taking Xander to task about this. He never owns up to his part in all of this and that caused much of the rift between Willow and Buffy. Buffy had thought that Willow had wanted Angel to die and that was why Buffy never contacts her while she's away. Had Xander told Buffy what Willow actually intended to do, everything still might have played out the same. However I think Buffy would have stayed in contact with Willow at the very least.

---------- Post added at 06:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:08 AM ----------

Enemies agrees: the xander lie comes to light later on in the series I think around season 6!?!
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Its mentioned briefly in passing when Buffy goes to kill Anya in Selfless (season 7) but is only mentioned once and was never brought up again.
 
E
Enemies
the xander lie comes to light later on in the series I think around season 6!?!
O
OhWow
True dat.
C
caritas08
Excellent point about the Xander lie.
Kean
Kean
[No message]
In the end Buffy did do a selfish thing by abandoning her post and leaving her friends to assume her dead or hurt. It is understandable. She selfishly ran away after the most selfless thing she has ever done in her life.

As for the rest of the gang...

They judge like it's their freakin job. They lack the ability to see themselves in Buffy's shoes.

They can't see all sides of the story. They just need to realize that their lives are hard, so instead of screaming at each other they should just talk it out and put it behind them.
 
T
ticonderouga
Good point, though I think Giles can see Buffy's side at least to some extent
While I do mostly agree with Buffy, I definitely sympathize with her friends as they had been living in terror of Angelus for months and were still grieving over Jenny's death and then had to take over her slayer duties while she was away.

That's one of the things that makes Giles so incredible. He suffered the most over the whole Angelus ordeal and yet he is the most patient and understanding with what Buffy is going through.
 
T
ticonderouga
especially about giles
I think it was justified...and.. yea they were mad, that she didn't say anything and she just left, and scared them and her mom, but later in the season when she explains what really happened, they finally get it. She had to do some stuff that was a little crazy, and shes young, and while shes suppose to have "super powers" and be able to handle this stuff.... shes young, and she couldn't handle it.
 
I think you have an interesting point of Buffy being very young. Because it's not only about the Slayer in her, it's about the person in her. The little girl, who even though is a Slayer, is very scared of life. Scared of dealing things. The girl who was in love with her boyfriend, just like many young girls, and she had to kill him as a Slayer. Worlds collide - the little girl and the Slayer. Her running away wasn't only the Slayer's running away, it was the little girl's in her. Who makes stupid things, who makes hard decisions. Look at her, a 17 year old who has been given the job of protecting the world from evil. It's a huge pressure on a 17 year old girl! They expected too much from her, thinking she's a Slayer and that's it! They expected her to be mature, but she's still a teennager who had to grow up too fast unwillingly. The Slayer duties were forced on her, she didn't choose it. And she hated that. She wanted to be that little girl. She wanted to do school stuff, gossip about boys, be with her friends, party. You know, normal teenage girl stuff. But it was sort of taken away from her. So I think that had a lot to do with her taking off.
 
Really great thoughts all around! I can see why Buffy left and I can also see why her friends were upset. I think what's important is when pressed they all came through for each other. In LA even though buffy's motivation was to run away from her calling, when people needed rescuing, she readily reassumed her role "class protector" indeed. She's a hero. Even if she tries not to be.

Also when she's in her room packing and willow confronts her...two things I like here 1) willow says "maybe I don't have to understand.". That's something I think Buffy really needed to hear. Also willow helped Buffy to see past herself by reminding her of all the things she had gone through that summer. Sometimes we really can't see beyond ourselves and we need a friend to open our eyes to the world around us....

And, of course, Giles and his fake spell to help Buffy say what he sensed she desperately needed to say so she could begin healing.

All in all I think it's something that helped them grow stronger individually and together .
 
ticonderouga said:
I think that Buffy had a lot of baggage to work through, but yes she was a little selfish. However she did have reason to be, staying would have been a constant reminder of she had to do and what it cost her. I think at least a good portion of the reason she left and never tried to contact anyone has to do with what Xander told her, "kick his ass." It left her with the impression that none of her friends would understand why she had such a difficult time with sending Angel to hell, and why it was causing her such pain.
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Aren't you forgetting something? Her friends had no way of knowing that she had to send a newly ensouled Angel to hell. And Buffy knows that, so it's impossible that that was a factor in her decision to leave. 'Kick his ass' was directed at Angelus, whose ass Buffy had been trying to kick for months. When Buffy thought she had lost Angel permanently in 'Innocence', her friends were supportive of her loss. She ran away in spite of their support, not because of a lack of it. The trauma of killing the love of your life will do that to you...

She knew Xander was always contemptuous about her feelings towards Angel,
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Would that be the same Xander who supported her quite a few times after Angel lost his soul, most notably in 'Phases'? He does it again in 'Amends', even after Buffy betrays them all by sheltering Angel after his return. Yes, real contemptuous, that one... I don't recall Buffy (or anyone else, for that matter) showing much concern for Xander having to stake Jesse.

As for whether or not her friends were selfish, the only one that definitely was was Xander. Because his lie was what truly led to the split and tension between the group. I always thought Joss and Co were wrong for not taking Xander to task about this. He never owns up to his part in all of this and that caused much of the rift between Willow and Buffy.
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What rift would that be, exactly? Because Buffy and Willow are pretty close after Buffy returns in season 3. 'Kick his ass' was an understatement considering Angelus had just murdered another one of their friends (Kendra), injured Willow, kidnapped Giles (and possibly killed him) and was about to suck the world into hell. Buffy had been trying to kick Angelus' ass for months, ever since 'Innocence', so how exactly did it damage their friendship when (presumably) Willow reiterated just that?

Not to mention that Angel was re-ensouled before Buffy's eyes - who else but Willow could have done that?
 
I can't help but be on Buffy's side in this. Whilst I absolutely understand her friends being hurt and worried, I also feel that showed almost no understanding of what Buffy was going through. You see a similar situation when she returns from Heaven. The Scoobies just want Buffy back, they take no time to wonder why she left? What happened with Angel? How has the last year affected her?

For the Scoobies the horrors were over, for Buffy they began anew. Not only had she been thrown out by her mother, she was wanted for murder, she was kicked out of school and her friends had been hurt (in her mind because of her). And on top of that she has sent Angel to Hell. I don't see how she could mourn him, her life, and that year, and stay in Sunnydale where the Scoobies need her to be Slayer!Buffy. Even without the other stuff, I think her trying to grieve for Angel when her friends are rejoicing his demise, would have been impossible for her.

There is definitely two sides to this, but I really feel the Scoobies needed to step up and be there for her emotionally. And they weren't.
 
Chosen Enemy
Chosen Enemy
Totally!
T
ticonderouga
Good point
ticonderouga said:
Had Xander told Buffy what Willow actually intended to do, everything still might have played out the same. However I think Buffy would have stayed in contact with Willow at the very least.
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I don't think Buffy would have stayed in contact with Willow. First of all, we see from "Lie to Me" that Willow is a terrible liar and would never have never been able to keep her contact with Buffy away from the rest of the Scoobies - and I don't think she would have even tried! As soon as Willow would have heard from Buffy, I think she would have told Xander and Giles and they would have had to tell Joyce. Buffy was a minor and legally, if anyone one of them had known where Buffy was and didn't tell Joyce, there would have been legal consequences (of course, being generous that Sunnydale PD would actually do anything about it).

That said, while I have never been in the situation of being kicked out of school, my boyfriend turning evil then good again and then I have to kill him to save the world, kicked out of my house, my surrogate father possibly being dead, but his girlfriend already been killed, and all my friends either hospitalized or otherwise unable to assist me, I think Buffy's choice to leave while completely understandable for anyone, especially a 17 year old, was still selfish by definition and wrong.

It's selfish by definition because Buffy left because she felt it was best for herself. Yes, Joyce kicked her out, but Buffy knows that her mother loves her and probably said that out of anger and probably didn't mean it. But even if she did mean it, her mother would still care about whether she was alive or dead. That was horrible to do to her mother. I completely agree with Xander in DMP about what Buffy leaving did to Joyce.

Either Giles was alive or dead at that point. Buffy knew that either he was dead and Xander and Willow would have been grieving, or that he was alive and Giles would be flipping out about what happened to her.

Willow was in a coma and while Buffy probably figured out she woke up and was ok (who else would have done the soul restoration curse?), her best friend was in a coma. You come around and are there for them when that happens. Not to mention Xander had a broken hand and maybe would want to talk to Buffy about telling Willow that he loved her at the hospital bed.

The point I am trying to make is that while again, I have no idea how Buffy felt and it must have been so difficult to go through, the way she decided to handle it was immature, selfish and gave no consideration to how the events of Becoming affected her friends, mom, and watcher - not to mention how her leaving would affect everyone.

She was only 17y/o and most 17y/o's run away for far less than that, so again, I can see why she did it. But it didn't make that choice and less selfish.
 
I feel like all the pressure from being a slayer, Kendra's death, and the Angelus/Angel thing just got to her. She couldn't handle it, and her mother kinda gave her a reason to go with the "don't you come back" moment. She always was just running away from the fact that she killed Angel, and she knew that if she returned back to Giles and everyone she would have to answer questions and relive the whole ordeal.
 
I think if I'm being totally honest, they were all selfish... but I'm on Buffy's side. I think her leaving was completely justified and the way her friends and mother reacted when she got back was inexcusable and unacceptable. I've talked about how much I hate everyone but Buffy in Dead Man's Party so many times... and I'll never change that opinion. Her friends didn't think about Buffy at all. They thought "WE needed her and she wasn't there" and not "we need to be here for her."
 
Honestly, if I was her, I would have done the same thing. Only I probably would have left something for Giles so he could tell everyone what was going on. She needed the time to herself. And that's something that I really understand.

Her friends should have understood it too but! A lot of times that isn't what happens in real life either. So I don't agree with their responses but it would have been much less realistic if they hadn't done and said the things that they did.
 
[MENTION=10046]BuffyHead[/MENTION], thanks to your banner, I discovered Bandwagon, watched all 10 episodes of Season 1 which were awesome, and now I'm so excited for Season 2, so thank you! 😛

Anyways, I think it was selfish for Buffy to skip out of town without letting anyone know she was okay. I mean, I understand why she left, but it was wrong to just leave like that expecting no one would understand without giving anyone a chance.

I understand the gang's reactions to her coming back. They were glad to see her, but at the same time, they seemed mad that she came back and expected everything to be the same without any consideration of what the gang had to go through.
 
Was it irresponsible? Yes.
Was it selfish? Yes.
Was it a wrong thing to do? Yes.
Was it justified? YES.

She's a human being. She has a right to feel. She killed the man she loved.. she did something most of the people probably wouldn't have any courage to do in the first place. Her life was kinda messed up. Maybe running away wasn't the best thing to do, but at the moment, for her, it was the right thing to do.
 
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