Bullies!

[itsxpaperdoll]

Oh, about standing up to bullies, I think it really depends on the kind of bullying you get. If it is physical bullying, as in for example EB's case, standing up is relatively easy, because you have something to stand up to. If, like with me, or BB, or some others here, the bullying is mainly mentally, like with the ignoring and stuff, what do you have to stand up to? You can't say f*ck you to someone who doesn't say anything at all to you. And all your feelings of self worth and things like that, they are just completely shattered when people (especially 6, 7 year olds, or alternatively, when you're in your early teens, since both ages are incredibly important for personality development) make you feel worthless like that.

 

[anyatara]

I've pretty much been bullied my entire school life.
In Primary school, I was the 'smart one' or the 'fat one' etc etc. I had more friends back then, and I was too young to really give a sh*t, but it still hurt.
When I started at Secondary School, I was automatically labelled as a freak. I don't know if it's the company I keep, the things I like, or both. But it hurts A LOT. I find myself crying most nights, and I've never told a soul the things people say to me in lessons. It's not always that bad, but when it happens, I can't ignore it.
Nearly everyone in my year - not exaggerating there - give or take a few, has bullied at least one other person, and I think it's pathetic. I don't know if it's a cry for attention, or what, but it's hurtful, and stupid.

 

[Sweetescape]

I've been accused of being a bully 3 times in my life. The first 2 times was with this one girls that i'd known since i was 4, we get along but ever so often she'll go running and telling a teacher on me and mean please she's 18 now! The first time was way back in junior school, the second time was becuase i looked at some of her work when she'd asked me not to....I was just jokign around!
I guess i can see how she could think i'm bullying her but i'm blunt and say things i shouldn't sometimes and i think people can take that the wrong way. Strangely enough were friends when were not fighting i sat next to her today in a lesson,we have a weird relationship i always as were frienemines.
The third time was a few weeks ago actually i was talking about how much i dislike my form tutor and my sister said that my form tutor had said i was bullying her..this is a 40+year old woman. I don't even turn up to form! i just ignore her and hope she goes away. Again i think this could be down to my bluntness when i don't like someone i tend to let them now..rather bluntly.

 

[Professor Walsh]

This thread is fascinating. The stories several of you have shared are moving, I'm impressed by the strength you are showing by standing strong through such experiences. Yay for you!

Oh, but I said "fascinating". That can sound as if I'm viewing you as specimens or something. I'm not. I'm just fascinated by the fact that every single one of you who has shared painful experiences in this thread are posters whom I, during my week or so on this board, have noticed and liked. So, itsxpaperdoll, I can certify that you are neither uninteresting or unlikeable. It's really sad that people who need to make themselves appear important by belittling others are allowed to have such devastating effects on fantastic people's self esteem.

I'm tired. I'm on a train that's forty minutes late. I'm not entirely coherent. I'm wondering if this got all mushy and strange and am already considering to delete it. But I won't. Sometimes mushy is good.

 

[Vtheslayer]

Golden rule ive found with bullies, or when it feels like your being bullied by someone: Ignore them and they will go away. Rise above it.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Golden rule ive found with bullies, or when it feels like your being bullied by someone: Ignore them and they will go away. Rise above it.

2 things.
1) Easier said than done when someone is attacking what is probably one of your vulnerable spots and not quitting.
2) Bullies don't care if you ignore them, in fact in most cases they see this as you challenging them so not only persist in their bullying but raise there games.

So, for you your advice, while it might work some of the time, it definitely won't work most/all of the time.

The best thing to do is confide in someone who you trust, a friend, family member or teacher and they will help if they can.

 

[Angel's vision]

I feel for people here who were bullied. My story is this:
I was bullied at home verbally because my mother has MS and she took out her frustrations on me, like she was trying to live her life through me, whatever I do was not good enough, and I wasn't allowed to express myself at all. She never allowed me to mature either something I had to do myself after leaving home, At school people thought I was weird because I said little and didn't know how to cummunicate out of fear of people and shyness. They deliberately excluded me and verbally abused me whenever they could. I was made to feel thick and ugly.I coped by slashing my legs and wrists, and overdosing. Leaving home was the best thing I did.Also finding Christianity.

Now I have few friends but it doesn't matter, It is better to have few but love and respect you, then to have many who would drop you when you don't fit into their schedule. I love reading how people fight back and go on inspite of a few nasty little cretins.

 

[Vtheslayer]

2 things.
1) Easier said than done when someone is attacking what is probably one of your vulnerable spots and not quitting.
2) Bullies don't care if you ignore them, in fact in most cases they see this as you challenging them so not only persist in their bullying but raise there games.

So, for you your advice, while it might work some of the time, it definitely won't work most/all of the time.

The best thing to do is confide in someone who you trust, a friend, family member or teacher and they will help if they can.

No if you ignore them they will feel ignored and like they don't exist. They will try it again then give it up because they will realise its not working. Laugh it off.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

No if you ignore them they will feel ignored and like they don't exist. They will try it again then give it up because they will realise its not working. Laugh it off.

You are talking absolute nonsense now, there is no point in continuing this discussion because it is evident you are simply spouting the rhetoric of those who don't really deal with bullying OR have been a bully and make these claims as a means to salve ones conscience.

'If you'd just ignore me, I would have stopped'.

I've heard that before - thats called passing the buck. If a bully needs that to sleep at night, fair play but its complete bull.

 

[Washburne]

this is a 40+year old woman. I don't even turn up to form! i just ignore her and hope she goes away.

You think her age makes her immune to being hurt by actions even if it comes from someone more than half her age? If life just was as simple as that. One could think/hope that she´s strong enough to stand above it at that time in her life but not everyone isn´t no matter what people think about it. Should one think "If she´s that "weak" at that age she deserves that kind of treatment"?

If you´ve read the thread being ignored is one thing that can hurt. It makes you feel unwanted (unloved). I´m not saying you´re bullying with purpose (one don´t have to love everyone) or that what you´re doing are bullying in my eyes since I haven´t seen the situation for myself. But imagine her having lived her life being "bullied", having low self-esteem and a thing like this doesn´t help at all and can feel way worse than anyone not in her shoes can imagine. You might mean no harm but that doesn´t mean it isn´t experienced that way. She might be overreacting but that doesn´t change that this is how she feels.

 

[Vtheslayer]

You are talking absolute nonsense now, there is no point in continuing this discussion because it is evident you are simply spouting the rhetoric of those who don't really deal with bullying OR have been a bully and make these claims as a means to salve ones conscience.

'If you'd just ignore me, I would have stopped'.

I've heard that before - thats called passing the buck. If a bully needs that to sleep at night, fair play but its complete bull.

You are a rude idiot. Im not a bully. Im just giving constructive advice and I have if you must know been picked on at school. Quite alot. Often bullies are just jealous. My advice worked for me. Stop being so sensitive and grow a pair. jeez.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

You are a rude idiot. Im not a bully. Im just giving constructive advice and I have if you must know been picked on at school. Quite alot. Often bullies are just jealous. My advice worked for me. Stop being so sensitive and grow a pair. jeez.

I didn't call you a bully, I said that it was the same rhetoric used by them.

And I think you're a liar to be honest.
You've blatantly used the 'I have been bullied too' because someone has called you on your pointless advice.

 

[Blondie Bear]

Alright, now, children. Kind of ironic having a fight in a thread about bullying, innit?

 

[Vtheslayer]

I didn't call you a bully, I said that it was the same rhetoric used by them.

And I think you're a liar to be honest.
You've blatantly used the 'I have been bullied too' because someone has called you on your pointless advice.

Cynical much?! ha ha. You don't know anything about me. Youre bullying me right now id say.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Alright, now, children. Kind of ironic having a fight in a thread about bullying, innit?

You say 'fight' I say showing ignorance.
But you're right, I won't say anything more to this 'person' and will keep on topic.

 

[Vtheslayer]

But you're right, I won't say anything more to this 'person' and will keep on topic.

So you are following the ignore go away advice! See?

 

[Washburne]

You've blatantly used the 'I have been bullied too' because someone has called you on your pointless advice.

Pointless? You don´t think it ever works? Bullying isn´t just one kind of bullying and different solutions can be needed depending on a lot of factors. In some cases I´m sure this works but not always. Far from it. But the same goes for all advice. If there was one solution that always worked I think the world would have known it by now. You don´t like that advice? Fair enough but that doesn´t mean it´s worthless. Why not leave it at that?

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Pointless? You don´t think it ever works? Bullying isn´t just one kind of bullying and different solutions can be needed depending on a lot of factors. In some cases I´m sure this works but not always. Far from it. But the same goes for all advice. If there was one solution that always worked I think the world would have known it by now. You don´t like that advice? Fair enough but that doesn´t mean it´s worthless. Why not leave it at that?

No I don't think it works because I have seen the fall out from many attempts of it.

The reason that bullying would never be eradicated even IF there was one solution is because there will ALWAYS be differences between people which will in turn give someone something to poke fun at.

Peer pressure will also always be there as will internal issues.
The bully is not doing this simply to be seen, they are doing it to prove something and IF you ignore that person you simply exacerbate the situation because then they REALLY have to prove something, be it to themselves or others.

 

[Vtheslayer]

Pointless? You don´t think it ever works? Bullying isn´t just one kind of bullying and different solutions can be needed depending on a lot of factors. In some cases I´m sure this works but not always. Far from it. But the same goes for all advice. If there was one solution that always worked I think the world would have known it by now. You don´t like that advice? Fair enough but that doesn´t mean it´s worthless. Why not leave it at that?

Well said. That 'guy' :iamwithst was totally rude to me just cos he didn't agree. Its not worthless at all as Kinslayer has proven. Thank you for that, Kin!: king :

 

[sk]

I had it worse when I started school in first grade. Nothing close to some of yours stories though.
There was one kid that made my life unnecesarry hard. He chased me around the schoolyard most of the time.
He was a stupid kid though, had no idea what he was doing and whenever he managed to catch me I ended up beating him every time.
Not that it stopped him... as I said, he was a very stupid kid.
He moved after a year and things got a lot better.

Later on in eigth and ninth grade I had a few problems again with a few guys.
They was mostly extremely annoying though. It seemed that they somehow had decided that they would do anything to get some kind of reaction from me and tried their best to get me into situations that made me feel uncomfortable.

Was able to pretty much laugh it off this time though. I felt so more mature than them and I found them rather laughable.
Sometimes I even provoked them. Just to see how predictable they were and I kinda made it into a studie. It could be quite fun actually.
I guess it was a defense mechanism of some sort, putting myself above them or something... but it worked for me. 🙂

What I feel most bad about though is this other guy that was in my class for a few years. He had it much worse than I ever had.
I didn't bullied him myself, but I sure didn't helped him either.
Thing was that I didn't really like him, he could be rather annoying and needy.
But I do think that he was desperately looking for a friend and turned to me because I was one of few that didn't bullied him.
I did kinda turn him down though. Not because I was afraid of what the other would say, I just didn't liked his company as I didn't liked anyones company really. I prefered to be by myself mostly.
Still, when I think about it now I think that I could have done some kind of effort just to be kind to the poor guy...

/SK