Bullies!

[Sweetescape]

You think her age makes her immune to being hurt by actions even if it comes from someone more than half her age? If life just was as simple as that. One could think/hope that she´s strong enough to stand above it at that time in her life but not everyone isn´t no matter what people think about it. Should one think "If she´s that "weak" at that age she deserves that kind of treatment"?

If you´ve read the thread being ignored is one thing that can hurt. It makes you feel unwanted (unloved). I´m not saying you´re bullying with purpose (one don´t have to love everyone) or that what you´re doing are bullying in my eyes since I haven´t seen the situation for myself. But imagine her having lived her life being "bullied", having low self-esteem and a thing like this doesn´t help at all and can feel way worse than anyone not in her shoes can imagine. You might mean no harm but that doesn´t mean it isn´t experienced that way. She might be overreacting but that doesn´t change that this is how she feels.

*sigh* I knew i shouldn't have posted in this thread. Its hard for me to explain the situation with my form tutor. We started off on good terms and our "relationship" has gone down hill from there. Yeah i agree that by ignoring her i might be hurting her feelings and i never intened that. she's an alright woman we just don't click.
But I'm trying to make it clear to her in the simplest way possible i don't want to speak to her and i want her to leave me alone. And its the only way i know how get her to leave me alone. Not that i ignore her all the time, i reply to all her emails and go meet her when she wants to meet up for a "chat" and talk to her in a sensible manner.
I like this with most teachers and have never been accused of bullying them. I'm the quite shy one in the lesson who some teachers seriously don't know my name. I tend to ignore them when they try talking to me which is what puzzles me the most why she's taken it so badly?

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Yeah i agree that by ignoring her i might be hurting her feelings and i never intened that. she's an alright woman we just don't click.
But I'm trying to make it clear to her in the simplest way possible i don't want to speak to her and i want her to leave me alone. And its the only way i know how get her to leave me alone.

She's your tutor not your friend or even your peer.

It sounds to me like she has a need to be liked by her students.

I wouldn't even consider what you are doing as abnormal for a student/tutor relationship.

 

[Sweetescape]

She's your tutor not your friend or even your peer.

It sounds to me like she has a need to be liked by her students.

I wouldn't even consider what you are doing as abnormal for a student/tutor relationship.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there! 🙂 She's always way over friendly always wants to know what your up to.

 

[anyatara]

I have a question; that I'm really not sure what to do; and not sure who to ask.
Is getting bullied and being picked on the same thing?
I get picked on and called names nearly everyday, even now, but I don't know if I should tell anyone, because I don't see it as 'bullying'. It hurts, and I'm shy enough as it is, people know that it really dents my confidence, but I don't see the point in telling people.
It tends to be different people saying things, but should I still tell someone?
I thought this would be a good place to ask advice, since you all seemed to go through some kind of bullying, you'd have better advice than my parents who seem to say 'Ignore them, and they'll stop' but in my school, if you ignore them, you end up getting it worse. Bullies really don't appreciate ignorance around here...

 

[Washburne]

*text*

Just to be clear. You did see that I never called you a bully right? And I did say that I didn´t knew everything about the situation. The second post helped a lot with clearing things up so thanks for that. I didn´t intend to make you feel bad about or anything and if that was what happened I apologize. I needed some things cleared up and that you did. It´s just that I´ve come across way too many people with the attitude "I don´t think it´s bullying/bad and therefore it isn´t and no one can take offence". And that attitude bugs me. Hence the rant in my post. It was me thinking more in general but not putting it that way. No I don´t think you got that attitude.

Is getting bullied and being picked on the same thing?

No, but the problem is that most people see it in their own way and discussions about the difference almost never leads anywhere. If it hurts you that´s enough and needs to be stopped. Simple as that. More difficult is how to make it stop. You have anyone to confide in? Your parents doesn´t seem to be enough help/support as it is now. Anyone at school you can talk to about how you feel? No need to call it either bullying or being picked on. Tell them what people do and how it makes you feel.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

BoF my simple advice to you is go to this website and contact these people
Bullying UK - We are here to help

They will give you the help and guidance you seek.

And I strongly disagree with Kinslayer. Being picked on is a form of bullying. It is someone attacking you.

Please view that website and then contact them, you can do it anonymously and you will get the best help and advice possible.

 

[Vtheslayer]

This is quoted from the site EB gave. This was what I was trying to get across. "If people are making nasty remarks about you then it may be because they are jealous. Perhaps you're better looking than they are or work harder or perhaps the teachers like you better. One way of dealing with remarks is simply to say ...yeah, whatever, .... each time so that you show them that it isn't having the effect of upsetting you in the way they think.

The bullies will have worked out what buttons to push to make you upset. "

I was simply saying this in its simpliest possible terms- Ignore it and/or laugh it off. Often they do it cos they are jealous of you and want to make you feel bad about yourself.

 

[Lindsey McDonald]

BoF my simple advice to you is go to this website and contact these people
Bullying UK - We are here to help

They will give you the help and guidance you seek.

And I strongly disagree with Kinslayer. Being picked on is a form of bullying. It is someone attacking you.

Please view that website and then contact them, you can do it anonymously and you will get the best help and advice possible.

Good link.

I would, however, say that Bullying and being picked on are different things. The first is a concentrated and consistant attack, but you can pick on someone once and move on. Neither are acceptable, and both should be dealt with, but there is a distinction.

 

[Kean]

I got more of the Marci Ross treatment. I was sick alot as a child with Asthma, my lung almost collapsed when I was eight and I missed the last 2 months of school that year. I had physical therapy and was on a nebiliser,antibiotics and inhalers for most of primary school. That held me back alot. I physically couldn't keep up with the other kids in my class and on top of that I was seen, as Al put it, as intelligent which to primary school children translates to swot. Nobody wanted to hang around with me and told me that to my face. I spent alot of lunch breaks just standing around the yard on my own. Invisible...just like Marci.

When I was eleven my older sister fell pregnant and our family went through a really tough time. It led to me being ignored both at home and in school. And that's when the trouble really started.

I found that I started believeing all the mean things people said. My mind would race with all these horrible thoughts, I would think the most terrible things about myself. Piece by piece I tore myself apart. I felt like I had no one to turn to and even if I did it would be a sign of weakness to ask for help. I wanted to be strong and felt so weak.

This bleak outlook stayed with me throughout my teen years and even up until last year. No bully could say anything more hurtful than the things I thought about myself. There was several times I thought I was losing my mind. Sometimes I wonder how I got through it.

I can't give an advice other than to hang in there and get help. While I feel pride that I was able to fight this on my own and eventually pulled through I didn't need to struggle so badly for so long. I should have sought out help, I should have trusted my family. I some truly fantastic friends now who I cherish dearly but I know there are friendships and relationships I sabotaged because of how messed up I was. That hurts and probably always will. No regrets though, I am who I am today because of that struggle but if you can seek out help do, this doesn't have to be a road to walk alone.
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Edit:
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Also on a more modly note.

There is no absolute answer to this question. Different people and different situations will be handled in a number of ways. What is right for you may not work for someone else.

Stop fighting of who is right and wrong. In a thread of this nature it is quite horrible to see. We all have varying view points, agree or disagree but do not bicker about whose is better.

I really don't want to have to close this thread because I think it is great outlet but if the nit picking and the he said she said continues I will.

Any issues you have with another member keep them out of this thread.

 

[Harm]

I don't think I've ever really been bullied. For a long time I thought it was kind of like a joke or something because I never really heard of anyone being bullied. People are mean to each other, people are mean to me all the time. But I'm also really mean to them so I guess it all evens out. To whoever is getting bullied I'm sorry.

 

[InsaneMystic]

I feel for people here who were bullied. My story is this:
I was bullied at home verbally because my mother has MS and she took out her frustrations on me, like she was trying to live her life through me, whatever I do was not good enough, and I wasn't allowed to express myself at all. She never allowed me to mature either something I had to do myself after leaving home, At school people thought I was weird because I said little and didn't know how to cummunicate out of fear of people and shyness. They deliberately excluded me and verbally abused me whenever they could. I was made to feel thick and ugly.I coped by slashing my legs and wrists, and overdosing. Leaving home was the best thing I did.Also finding Christianity.

A lot of that sounds much like a description of my own life. For reasons of their own, my mother and my sister decided early on that I was the "bad seed" in the family, and I got severely bullied by them - assaulted emotionally/verbally and physically on a pretty regular basis starting around the age of 6 or so. Worst time was during my puberty, around 13-16, when my mum's violence took a sexual spin, too, the details of which I'll rather spare both you and myself to tell.

I was shunned as the psycho/weirdo loner in school until around 11th grade (I have to admit, it's a quite fitting description - and it pretty much was a direct result from the goings on at home), and my resorting to the same coping mechanism EB mentioned didn't help my popularity either (eating tons of fat and sugar, and going morbidly obese as a result). Still, it was loads better at school than at home; at least there was hardly any open bullying there, let alone violence. I went to a Catholic school that actually did manage to instill us with values of respect for each other, thank goodness.

I also find myself in your "finding Christianity" remark. Though I've left the Church some years ago and I do not consider myself a Christian any more, my faith in God as I understand Him is what saved me from going under, and what made it possible for me to start around the age of 17, ever so slowly, to become capable of having some kind of constructive, loving contact with other people, even if I'll probably need medication my whole life to keep the background effects of depression and paranoia in check. Looking at the hell home I come from, that's still quite a miracle, and I'm very grateful for it. My sis didn't have as much luck, she developed schizophrenia over the years, and the psychs see no chance of recovery for her even with permanent medication. (Which, btw, I see as a case in point that the bully's life is not the better lot than that of the bullied. I truly don't envy my sister's fate.)

Fighting should be a last resort, but don't count it out as an option. Sometimes it's the only language folks hear.

I find it horrible to say so, but I can't help but agree. 🙁 The terrible thing is, if those folks in question are women in your own family, then even if you stop the bullying by finally physically lashing back out at them (and I did, much as I am shamed to admit it), you break something within yourself that never gets fully whole again.

If you have any choice in the matter, walking out of the situation, as far away as possible, is always the better idea IMO. I can't help but wonder about how much better my life could have been if social services had noticed the severe dysfunctionality of our family and broken it up in time, sending my sis and me off to foster care.