I'd like to think I've changed for the better. I guess I'm still changing for the better if I'm doing this life thing correctly.
In my early to mid childhood, up to the point I graduated high school, I was pretty mild mannered, quiet, kept almost everything to myself that bothered me.
I went to school in a small town and got along with everyone from hood to jock; I had only a small number of close friends though.
One friend went haywire and got into drugs bigtime, when he came back from visiting his Dad one summer he was just totally different. He was still my friend, but I kept him at arms distance for the most part.
The other really good friend/cousin I had decided to drop out because he'd have to do some summer school. He ended up going the route of the GED.
This all let me start my senior feeling kind of alone in the crowd while I was at school. There is one shining example of goodness my senior year, and it was when I did that craddle robbing thing with that gorgous freshman girl that eventually turned into my wife. She did alot of work that started me on my way out of my shell.
Flash forward to community collage days...not so fun times for a multitude of reasons, mostly I was away from my wife...but back then she was my girlfriend.
I'm not proud of the person I was back then, my parents went in halfsies with me for tuition and man did I ever slack. I was just biding my time there. I also got involved with drinking and smoking a varity of things from cloves to canasomething or other and was turning into a waste of space. I got into arguments with my girlfriend often because of what I was doing, and how different I was from the guy she knew in HighSchool.
Then one of my friends fom highschool, the cousin, was killed in a car accident- thrown from the vehicle. Dumb-assery was involved, from what I understand. That served as a wakeup call of sorts for me and changed me alot. I became really disgusted with the person I was and entered a self loathing stage.
A combonation of things pulled me from that, family and Terra mainly. I got a job at a department store (also good for my social skills) while going to school for an associates degree in applied science, basically the xray tech program. I was too busy working both at my job and internship, plus trying to find time for my honey and our wedding plans to brood all that much. A wonderfull thing happened to me without me realizing it at the time, I found a measure of responsibility.
Latter that responsibilty turned into a degree, a job, and turned me into a husband. Getting married changed me in a way I can't explain and gave me goals and worries and hopes much different from ones I had valued before. I like this new stuff much better, too. Also, added bonus for having a wife who's as understanding as mine but still keeps me in line, is beautifull and tries so hard to make sure everyone is happy, who loves me so much that I know its both because of and inspite of what I do and who I am.
Its easy for me to have confiedence now because of her, so much so that we had children!
Children, what can I say,. Simply terrifying and terrific all at the same time. My daughter put a fear into me that I could not explain when she came out early and smurf colored. Now to see her run and play and be cute like she is...oddly it's made me alot more rough around the edges. I worry about her and this world she's setting out in.
My son is a total clown with a big heart I think were doing a decent job on them both. Becoming a parent certainly squelched any form of personal wrecklessness I might have once entertained. My family is now my life, and I could not be happier.
I changed jobs right before we had our first child, that too played a part in who I have become. As a second and sometimes third shift xray tech, I worked with the coroner alot. I remember this one child they brought in who had drowned in the bathtub under mysterious circumstances. I had to do a full body and facial bones study to check for signs of abuse. I don't think I was the same after her, I had scanned burned corpses before to look for foul play, and that sort of thing never bothered me, but she did.
She changed my taste in music, alot of media for that matter. I use to love heavy stuff and still like it, but I like fast rock better that has a promising message or a funny chorus, or at the very least just talks about getting away from a bad situation. I'm not a seeker of the meloncholy like I use to be, I guess is what i'm getting at.
Wow, sorry for the Godzilla sized post. Hurry, destroy it before it attacks Tokyo:fighting1
I think I replaced my melancholy with dumb humor, for me it works out better. (I just feel sorry for all of you!)
