Cheating

Washburne said:
I think [MENTION=9799]Taake[/MENTION] gave a good enough answer. I might have one answer now but if it ever happen to me I can't guarantee that the answer will be the same.

I know two women that have stayed with their partner after they got cheated on. Since they stayed I hope they think it was worth it but I doubt any of them would say that it's been easy. The thing is, if you stay in a relationship long enough there will be hard times. No matter if anyone's been cheating or not. If you're only thinking with your brain when it comes to relationships I think you're way off. That comes from me that love logic. Love isn't logic, it's a feeling. You (general sense) don't go round deciding who to fall in love with do you?

As för staying together because of children it doesn't matter if there's cheating involved or not. The cheating part is personal. It how the relationship in general that matters when it comes to children. No matter what causes it. I always say that kids notice how their parents feel no matter how much you try and hide it. Two happy parents living seperately is way better than two sad/angry parents living together. Although it's not as simple as saying that the parents will get along just because they split. I think the chances increase by it though.
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I agree about the last part. Sometimes kids are better off when their parents aren't together (I know from my parents' seperation that I was okay with my parents divorcing. It's much better now. I got hurt too from the living together).

About the other part... no, love isn't logical. But when people get hurt, you should be logical and stay away from the person who hurt you or might hurt you again in the future. It's true that everty relationship has ups and downs and that sometimes you can work it out. But when a person starts disrespecting you and hurting you, because they weren't considering of your feelings, then why? Would you even start dating someone who doesn't respect your feelings? Hard times is one thing. But cheating is a much more serious deal of betraying a person, betraying their trust, their feelings for you, your relationship.
It doesn't matter if it's already a long term relationship. If someone cheats on you, why stay with them? And if it's already a long term relationship, it makes the cheating even worse. And if they're married, it's even worse, and if there are kids the act is ever worse. By being together, you're agreeing to some kind of commitment, from both sides.
Getting back together after cheating is the beaten woman syndrome, where the man keeps hurting the woman, says sorry and she comes back to him, over and over again. Why? because she's thinking from her heart instead of her brain.
 
I can't answer your questions. Hopefully I'll never be able to. Because I don't want to get cheated on. Maybe if you're lucky (?) someone that has been cheated on can come and explain. Wouldn't hold my breath though.

It's not like we're disagreeing. From (others) experience I just know that many leave but some stay after being cheated on.

---------- Post added at 01:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:37 PM ----------

Chosen Enemy said:
Getting back together after cheating is the beaten woman syndrome, where the man keeps hurting the woman, says sorry and she comes back to him, over and over again. Why? because she's thinking from her heart instead of her brain.
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There's many similarities but I think you're simplifying a bit. I think being scared can have just as much impact if not even more when it comes to stay in a relationship that isn't good for you. Can be about being hurt even more ("If you leave me I'll kill you" etc..) or simply being afraid of being alone. That last part may sound silly but I get the feeling that it's more common than you think. Then there's the repeating behavior. Forgiving once is one thing, doing it multiply times something else.

Also, even if it's not as common there's women abusing men as well.
 
Taake
Taake
[No message]
I know, and and I agree. But does the fact that some people do, make it logical or any more logical?
I know it's very very very common. The reasons such as being afraid isn't logic. It's human nature, but it's not really staying together because you actually want to stay together and work it out. It's a whole different thing. And honestly, being together because you're afraid isn't a relationship. And afraid of being alone? Would one rather being with someone that hurts you than being alone and safe? If they would, that's stupid.

And I know women abuse men too, I was talking about the name of the dyndrome and it's connection. I wansn't saying that only men abuse women.

Washburne agrees: I know. Just felt I wanted to bring it up. Wasn't meant as critizism.
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Oh, I know. And I responded to what you brought up, not exacly to you (as much as I love ya) 🙂
 
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Washburne
Washburne
I know. Just felt I wanted to bring it up. Wasn't meant as critizism.
In my opinion. There is absolutely no reason to cheat. Sorry there just isn't. If you wanted to be with 50 different women, then just say "I like you, I do but i'm not ready for the commitment, we could still date around and hang out if you'd like but otherwise i'm going to be a douchebag and cheat on you and break your heart Kay Thanks." or something to that equivalent. Its disrespectful and hurtful. You either love a person, and want Just that person. You make time to sit down, figure things out, talk about whats going on, and try to compromise like ADULTS or you split ways and do things different but you dont cheat.

No reason. I'm a mom of a four year old boy, we live with my mother in law right now because of issues, its not always easy to have alone time with my fiance who is the father of our son, and it was harder when Jonathan was younger but even though we dont always get parent time or 'smexy time' or whatever. Even though sometimes i feel to hideious from over exhaustion to even look his way or try to... I would NEVER consider cheating, if it came to that, i'd talk to him (when it does come to things are too bad we talk) and if some day it turns out talking doesn't fix or amend things a bit, then i'll take a different route, but sure as heck wont be cheating. NEVER OKAY.
 
Chosen Enemy
Chosen Enemy
[No message]
D
david4wt
[No message]
I think I would be able to forgive. It would take a lot of hard work, but if it was a mistake and if my husband wanted to put in the effort and stay in the relationship even if it might be hard on him a long time I would try to work on to forgive and move on. Things are rarely black and white and I could see worse things than my partner getting drunk and making out with someone.
 
Professor Walsh
Professor Walsh
[No message]
I see a lot of you have been talking about a couple staying together after cheating for the children. Here's my personnal opinion on that:

My parents divorced when I was 3, and it wasn't for cheating, but my father wasn't in love with mom (my mom don't think he ever was in love with her, but that's another subject). I didn't feel much of that because he was so frequently away for his work, but I'm glad they divorced at that time. Because I pretty sure that if they had decided to stay together for my sake, I would've felt at won't point that they couldn't stand each other anymore...

So when one of the partners cheats, unless the other has one heck of a forgiving personnality, I don't think it can work, especially if there are kids involved. Kids feel and see everything, so at one point they would see their parents have something to hide or some subjects they try not to talk about. And on that I would add a joke about La Petite Vie, but that show was only in Quebec so no one would know what I'm talking about XD
 
Cheating is a big no no in my books. I've never been cheated on by a partner but my dad cheated on my mum (before they divorced) twice and then he cheated on his ex girlfriend with his wife (current). The moment he told me what he had done it turned my world upside down. I felt like I had been cheated on too because my dad had hidden the truth from me. I don't trust him for that, especially when he's around other women. I will always be wondering if he'll ever do it again, I hope he doesn't though, but I just don't know if he can ever stay fully faithful.
 
Mr Giles said:
In a relationship, how do you veiw it? After reading the DB thing, it got me thinking.
To me its the ultimate slap in the face, just no going back from it.
If you got cheated on, do you think you could find it in yourself to forgive them?
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It depends on so much. I've been with my partner for more than a decade. Sometimes things have been great; sometimes we've had to work to find our way back to each other. When I was very young, it was a very good year for redheads, I was head over heels in love for the first time and could not imagine what being in a relationship and not being head over heels could feel like. I don't think I would want to find whatever it takes to forgive a betrayal that had gone on for a long time, as in my husband having a lover (or lovers) on the side. To do something stupid once, though, on impulse, is different to me now. We have a lot in common, but we also lead lives that are our own. Looking back, I can see that there have been times where we have not been there for each other the way a couple needs to where I can see how good times with a colleague or a friend could have turned into a very bad aftermath if we were not both aware that at the end of the day, what we have together is not worth risking.

I'd certainly not be impressed, if my partner came home with a confession to make after doing something stupid once. But I don't think I'd start packing my boxes, either. If the betrayal in question was a relationship that had gone on for some time, on the other hand, I don't think I would be willing to find the strength needed to rebuild the trust.

As for what women who chose to stay say, I remember discussing it with a woman in her early sixties who said: "When you've been involved with someone for so long that you're even a part of the lives of each other's grandchildren, walking away from it all is not a decision to be taken lightly."
 
Right now, cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me. There is no way I can see how I could stay in a relationship that my boyfriend/husband had tainted. Maybe I would get to a point where I wouldn't be angry or hurt. Maybe I could even get to a stage where I could be close to him again, but I could never trust him. I'd always be wondering what he was doing, why he did what he did...is he doing it now? That's no way to live.

However, I'm sure it would be a much more complex decision for me to make if kids and a lifetime together were involved. I'm still inclined to think I would seek to end the relationship, but I'd hope I could keep it amicable. At the end of the day, I have no desire to hate anyone or hold grudges, if kids were involved I'd have even less desire to do so. It's strange to plan for the break up of a relationship that I'm not even in yet, but if it did end up that way for me, I'd hope for a Bruce Willis/Demi Moore kind of thing 😉
 
M
Mr Giles
Exactly, once the trust is gone, its over.
I think this is one of those issues where it's really easy to make blanket statements..but I don't think it's for me to judge anyone else.
 
SlayerFest
SlayerFest
[No message]
I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who betrayed my trust, so no, I wouldn't be able to forgive.
 
Once the trust is gone, its over.

---------- Post added at 12:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:09 PM ----------

If you stayed with the person that cheated on you, would that make you weak and desperate?
Or if you cheated, and they stayed with you, would you respect them even more?
 
Mr Giles said:
If you stayed with the person that cheated on you, would that make you weak and desperate?
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No, I don't think staying with someone after they've cheated makes someone weak and desperate. It all depends on the situation. Staying with someone after they cheated on them might just be right for some people. They may want to put in the work to get past it. They may be a perfect couple and don't want to give up on that. Some might not want to forgive or forget. It all depends on the people involved and the situation they find themselves in.
 
T
This Year's Girl
[No message]
If your a perfect couple, would you cheat? Raises the Question, are there perfect couples? I believe yes, there is.
 
...I mean, what is cheating. Is it sleeping with someone else, or just a kiss? Or something else?
 
When I said perfect couple earlier, I didn't really think of it as 'the perfect couple' I just meant as in they go together really well and compliment each other well. I don't think there's such a thing as the perfect couple, as in a perfect way to be or anything because every relationship differs from the others slightly. So I think the idea of perfect shifts from couple to couple as some may find one thing works for them but others may find it doesn't work for them at all. I'm not sure that made any sense at all 😛
 
Mr Giles said:
...I mean, what is cheating. Is it sleeping with someone else, or just a kiss? Or something else?
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I think it's up to the persons in the relationship and the situation how cheating is defined. Sometimes a kiss between two friends are totally ok and not crossing any boundries. Sometimes just texting romantically with someone can be a huge betrayl.
 
This Year's Girl said:
I think it's up to the persons in the relationship and the situation how cheating is defined. Sometimes a kiss between two friends are totally ok and not crossing any boundries. Sometimes just texting romantically with someone can be a huge betrayl.
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I agree so much with this. Mental intimacy can be a violation of trust just as much as physical intimacy can be. At the same time it's important to give each other enough space to have close friends.
 
I think it depends on the situation. Idk if I could forgive it it would depend on the situation and if I felt the person was truly sorry. But I think in some situations over time I could forgive it and move past it. I dont think its the worst thing you can do to someone honestly there are things much much worse.
 
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