Article Child Abuse

[Doppelgang]

I know this is quite a serious topic to be discussing, but after one of my sisters recently found out she was sexually abused when she was about 5 by our Dad, and she's now 36, I've been trying to understand the subject a bit, and I found this basic article on wikipedia:

Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation. Forms of child sexual abuse include asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities (regardless of the outcome), indecent exposure of the genitals to a child, displaying pornography to a child, actual sexual contact against a child, physical contact with the child's genitals (except in certain non-sexual contexts such as a medical exam), viewing of the child's genitalia without physical contact (except in nonsexual contexts such as a medical exam), or using a child to produce child pornography.

The part that really shocked me was the following:

In North America, for example, approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as 'friends' of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases.

And, the statistics are similar for many parts of Europe. Now, granted wikipedia may not be very accurate in its numbers, I still find it shocking that such a high proportion of people are sexually abused when they are young, and a fair proportion of that by relatives.

I am interested as to what other peoples experiences and knowledge of this subject are, and what people think of these figures?

I'm personally not sure what to make of the numbers, or of my own families experience at the moment, so that's why I thought I'd ask other people..

 

[Cast No Shadow]

Thankful never to have experienced anything like this, however the majority of children I work with have been abused and exploited in some way, often sexually.

So sorry to hear about your sister.

 

[Goby]

I am so sorry to about your sister's abuse. I am sorry for both her, and your family.

Unfortunately I am very knowledgeable about childhood sexual trauma. I have taken college courses and deal with it far too often (as a family law attorney, and working in a battered womens shelter for almost 4 years) It is horrific beyond description. I personally think the figures are quite low.

In the US, the first thing a person should do is see a therapist. These are not easy things to deal with. Your sister needs your support, and you may be quite lost on how to offer it. Be kind and loving, and listen to her. Don't force her to talk.

There are some terrible dynamics here. First, sometimes family members won't believe the victims. This can be so traumatizing for the victim, and can actually be yet another violation. Second, you or your sister's siblings may want to continue their relationship with your father, thus alienating your sister. Third, there may be a criminal action filed against your father.

This is my advice: This is much too big to handle by yourself. Your sister really needs to see an expert specifically trained in childhood sexual abuse. You may also want to talk to someone, because this is your father. My heart truly goes out to you and your family.

 

[arabella]

As a child/adolescent therapist, specifically trained in trauma counseling, I highly recommend TF-CBT as a method of treatment. When I worked with foster children over the last 3 years, I can honestly and accurately say that 9/10 of them had been sexually abused. I hope that anyone who has been abused or has been affected by the trauma would seek counseling. I'm biased, obviously.
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[Skanky Vamp]

I hope that anyone who has been abused or has been affected by the trauma would seek counseling. I'm biased, obviously.

No doubt.. certainly having a little mini-nervous breakdown with a side of disassociation is not the recommended way to deal with it. But hey, if it works. I'm fine now though, really...

 

[Goby]

I hope that anyone who has been abused or has been affected by the trauma would seek counseling.

I hope the same thing. It is such a terrible trauma, but there is help. There are professionals who are specifically trained in childhood sexual abuse. They are constantly learning new and better ways to deal with it. If you are reading this, please think about seeing someone. (BTW, I do not advise dealing with this on the internet. It can make things worse. And unfortunately there are sexual predators on sexual abuse website/forums)

 

[BuffyElevated]

I was sexually abused by my babysitter's son and my older brother as a child. I can tell you that it royally messed up my perception of men and my relationships for a very long time. I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I hope your sister will get the help she needs to move past it.

 

[zobothehobo]

I have a personal experience with sexual abuse in my family, but it's one of the few things I don't feel comfortable putting out in the open on the internet. If this site wasn't so good with Google and so easily searched, I might share it... but for now... if you want to know really bad, PM me and I might tell you. It's just too personal to put here.

I do feel really bad for your sister and your family. This kind of thing can completely tear a family apart.

As for those statistics, I'm not surprised. Sexual abuse is covered up very well in our society.

 

[KellGreen]

I've been lucky in that I have no personal experience with child sexual abuse, but I have known many others who were not - in line with numbers you referenced (about 1 out of 6 of all of my female friends/acquaintances throughout my life).

The single most important determinant of dealing seems to be good family or other outside support. When there is constant shame, disbelief, and victim blaming things will be even harder, in that this serves as a re-victimization. I've had friends and acquaintances who were abused by various people: fathers, step-fathers, mother's boyfriends, uncles and older brothers.

Some have dealt ok in the long run, while others have pretty much irrevocably lost themselves in the pain and subsequent substance abuse trying to hide it from themselves. Only 1 that i know of has managed a long term healthy relationship. The shame and loss of sense of self and dignity is another big obstacle.

I think the best thing you can do is to support her as much as you can, and make sure she understands that it is not her fault.

 

[PrincessBuffy16]

I'm really sorry about what happened to your sister.

For me, the most shocking fact is that people who know and "love" the child, are most often the ones who abuse him/her. That's really sad.

 

[Washburne]

For me, the most shocking fact is that people who know and "love" the child, are most often the ones who abuse him/her. That's really sad.

It is and also the reason why the numbers are so high (= easy access). I've known this for a long time. Just as what pedophile hates the most are people that hurt children. Hence they don't realise what they're doing is bad.

 

[arabella]

No doubt.. certainly having a little mini-nervous breakdown with a side of disassociation is not the recommended way to deal with it. But hey, if it works. I'm fine now though, really...

Oh, Sco. I love you so. Stop rocking in the corner and come lay on the nice comfy couch. We'll chat.
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[Skanky Vamp]

Oh, Sco. I love you so. Stop rocking in the corner and come lay on the nice comfy couch. We'll chat.
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Sheeeit... you could write a few papers on how messed up my mind is.. was! I mean was.. no, not really.. is. Told you that before. I mean.. seriously.. a 10 year old with panic attacks?

 

[arabella]

I hope the same thing. It is such a terrible trauma, but there is help. There are professionals who are specifically trained in childhood sexual abuse. They are constantly learning new and better ways to deal with it. If you are reading this, please think about seeing someone. (BTW, I do not advise dealing with this on the internet. It can make things worse. And unfortunately there are sexual predators on sexual abuse website/forums)

Yes, I suggest finding someone in real life to help. The internet is not a safe place to do it. The most I would recommend using the internet for is asking about different types of therapy and becoming informed about treatment options, which a good therapist should be able to tell you about in real life too- but just like doctors, we have our favorite treatment options and it is never a bad thing to be informed of all the options.
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[Harley]

Last weekend I went to an event called WAR (Women at Risk) International. There was some really shocking information about trafficking in the US. I know that's not the exact same thing as what you're talking about here but it seems to be a different branch of the same tree.

I found this quote on their website:

The U. S. State Department says that 17,500 people are trafficked into the United States each year. The CIA estimates a larger number of people trafficked into the USA each year, between 40-50,000 people each year, or about one person every ten minutes (Hylands, 2001). These numbers do not include intra-national trafficking. A 2001 study (Estes and Wiener) states that 250,000 children are sexually exploited in the USA annually. There are 100,000 teens trafficked in the USA between the ages of nine and nineteen (FBI).

The face of trafficking in the USA is children. Cybersex sells children as young as six weeks old to customers in the USA for sex. MSNBC aired "Sexual Slavery in the Suburbs" telling of a 16 year-old girl sold on Craig's List for $300,000 as a virgin after going to a "harmless" sleepover. There are 300 children a month commercially exploited in Atlanta, Georgia, alone.

The U.S. government signed the Trafficking Victims Protection Act in 2000 and reauthorized it in 2003. This act emphasizes the prevention of human trafficking through education and awareness; the prosecution of traffickers through increased legal enforcements; and the protection of victims by providing more services, creating a special T-visa for them. However, these services are dependent on the victim's cooperation with law enforcement to prosecute the trafficker. The Dept. of Health and Human Services launched the Rescue and Restore campaign, which distributes materials in order to raise awareness of trafficking and supports various local anti-trafficking coalitions. Homeland Security also works closely with our office to follow up on leads, tips, and evidence that come to our attention through a number of ways.

Outside of government activity, there are 30-40 national coalitions that are teaming up to fight trafficking in their community. The Polaris Project, the Salvation Army, Shared Hope International, Standing Against Global Exploitation, and WAR, Int'l are a few examples.

Also, I don't have a source right now but according to WAR International, teens in MI are more likely to be trafficked into the commercial sex industry than to die in a car accident.

 

[Marisa]

Trust me I know these kinds of situations are hard and it is just so sad. I like many people hope your sister gets the help she needs.

 

[arabella]

I joined the human trafficking task force when I was in Jacksonville. Sexually abused children, specifically in Foster Care, are a high risk population for trafficking. I'm glad that people are becoming more aware of it. Girls are being victimized by these monsters and are being traumatized (or for many re-traumatized) by the experience.

Everyone may not be directly involved in treatment, but YOU CAN be on the look out. If you feel like something isn't right, it probably isn't. Be open to listen and willing to act on what you hear.
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[Doppelgang]

Thanks for the advice and support 🙂

I won't go into much more detail as others have advised. What I can say is that my sister is coping okay so far, she is in a happy relationship, and has kids who she loves and treats really well which probably helps a bit, and she has been seeing a counsellor and has said to my mum that it has helped to be able to talk to someone about it.

She, obviously hasn't been speaking to my Dad, whilst we have, which makes things a bit akward. And, although one side of me is angry at my dad, and worries that this could tear the family apart, on the other side we are all adults now, me being the youngest, and I find it quite difficult to be angry at my dad as he is quite old and frail now.

Perhaps I do need to find someone to talk to about it, as I don't know what to make of it all, I'll try PM'ing a few of you for information about treatment options and about TF-CBT method that was mentioned as that may be helpful to me 🙂