Close or not?

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Frenchy Faith

WMMWM *poke* :)
Joined
Sep 27, 2003
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Location
Edinburgh
How physically close are you to people in general ?

We talked about this in the philo course & we ended up saying that distance between bodies is a social thing, as in society imposes the distance, & it changes along with your nationality. But I think it's also very personal & may come from how you were educated & grew up. & I know for experiencing it that you can change it if conditions are favorable.

So I wondered, since people are from everywhere in here, what about you? Are you the kind of person to touch people, like your friends... can be having your hand on their shoulder, laying the hand on their arms, things like that. Do you hug easily... things like that?
 
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elmo
Nice thread Frenchy!
Well, I'm a hug hussy! I love my hugs but I have to know the person doing the hugging!

I think I agree that society puts distance between people. It does it because people in western society are individuals. So they are less in contact with their community. However, it depends on how well you know the person. How well they know you and how they react to being hugged and so on. It also depends on the situation and if it calls for some sort of contact. I think that relationships and friendships are becoming more touchy feely.
 
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pyromaniac
lol! Yeah it's definetly a bonus if you know them.
I'm definetly not a touchy feely person. I like dishing out the hugs and kisses but I'm terrible at recieving them. :Bolt:
 
depends...i don't try to get touchy with my guy friends...cause then its weird...

but...with my friends that are gurls...yeah...i bump'em around a little...kinda hump them...but in a playful way...touch them...and they touch me...so...as long as their cool with it...it's cool with me...more the merrier...
 
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pyromaniac
'...kinda hump them...' I gotta get myself some friends like that!
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elmo
LOL - I know what you mean 'gasm.
Well, as long as you aren't overstepping a mark by being playful then that's fine.

Mike's friends are always putting their arms around me and joking about stuff. I don't care cos Mike and I both know it's not serious. That and I know them as friends of mine as well.

I also like to joke around with my girlfriends. Dance with them provocatively and stuff. Pretend that I'm taking one of them home instead of Mike. As long as it remains a joke then we don't care. It's a laugh.
 
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Soulgasm
dancing...is the easiest way to touch people...it's weird...
Has anyone else known a change about this?

I used to be very distant to people, even my friends... I dreaded showing to much affection, & now that I'm thinking about it, I guess it's cause I didn't want them to discover something about me.
But I was very lucky my best friend & a friend i have now at the boarding school are very "touchy" persons & therefore, they made me relax more. i'm glad that i've changed a bit now, I can hug & touch people with getting embarrassed.

& yep, I definitely agree that it depends on how close you're to people. & of course it's better when there is no ambiguity :spinface:
 
I am not much for the touching myself, I don't know why that's just how I am and I am too old to change. I am not too cuddly either because I cannot stay still long enough to do so.
 
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elmo
Everybody's different I guess. Some people are more cuddly than others.
Yup, like I said, relationships are becoming more touchy feely. I used to think that if I hugged a female friend people would think I was gay. Now that I've matured I obviously don't care what people think. The way I look on it now is, I like to show my friends affection. Unless they are uncomfortable with it, I'll carry on. I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay. They don't know me and they can't deduce what my sexuality is from seeing me hug a member of the same sex.

I have relaxed a lot more as I've matured. I'm more comfortable with showing my affections.

Wait a minute, now I'm thinking along the lines of "the more you mature, the more relaxed you become with expressing feelings".
 
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Frenchy Faith
Hahaha, you pointed out the very point why I was never close to people before ;@)
I keep the distance to people, I don't know why. If people hug me, it's fine, I like it (most of the time), but I'm shy and I don't hug people a lot.. except for really close friends of course. But well, I have no problem with it, at all, really, I like being close to people.. and of course it has a lot to do with the other person, for me..
 
I'm Kendra. I don't hug.

Besides there is nothing worse than fake hugs and closeness. So why not save the hugs and feelings for a time when we really need them. Otherwise we might waste the meaning of them and make all of it nothing but shallow things we do because we are supposed to. Not sure any of that made sense.
 
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elmo
Hug never get old for me! I need a hug at least once a day!
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eponinethen
[No message]
I hug with my close friends.. I have a few (or actually only one or maybe two that I can think of now) that I'm close in a physical way with. I like beeing close to people that I like and trust, but otherwise it can feel really awkward.And sometimes I really need my space, and really can't handle beeing close to anyone except myself..
 
I'm so a toucy feely person-to the point where I've found it gets me misunderstood at times...but it's totally innocent, I don't even think about it.
 
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Frenchy Faith
I know someone exactly like you about this :-p
For me it depends on the person. I know that when I first met Jacklyn I was thinking, do I hug her? Will she think its weird that I go to give her a hug? So although I had spoken to her online for a long time I was still not sure. Although by the end of the day it wasn't like that.

I have different groups of friends who behave differently. With one, every time I see them doesn't matter where I get a hug and a kiss from the guys and the girls hug. And there is another that is much more open and we walk around arm in arm.

Body language is important as its a major form of communication, and it projects your feelings to others. I always find myself watching others when i'm talking to them to see how they are, its a bad habit. I'm quite animated when I talk so I use my hands a lot, touching an arm or a leg. I've also got a bad habit to hit/swat people. Like if they were teasing me and being sarcastic, its second nature for them to get a swat. I try not to do it as some people can interpret that as aggressive. But if I was mad at you I wouldn't hit you, smart mouth and sharp tounge are my weapons of choice.
 
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Jacklyn
Oh hugs were SO okay :)
I hug its fun.. specially when you get a pick squeeze hug.. or lifted up. sometimes im not so touchy feely.. depends what mood am in..
 
I don't let any friends to hug me or even kiss me..I prefer to keep my personal space safe,even tho I do love hugging. ut can only let do it someone, who I really trust and whn I'm ina really abd mood..

Otehr than tha..I'm a brave girl..come to close and I'll scratch ur face
 
elmo said:
Well, I'm a hug hussy! I love my hugs but I have to know the person doing the hugging!
Click to expand...

OMG you just described me to a tee. LOL I am such a hug hussy! Girl friends, guy friends, family, whatever. I'm ALL about the hugging!
 
Faith
Faith
lol, sorry hon that just sounds too funny!
Yep, I am a hugger! I love physical closeness. I hug, I kiss, I hold hands, I touch while I'm talking, I lean, I swat...But it does depend on who I'm with. I have a few friends (mostly back home) who are the same way and I will automatically hug them. But here at school, most of my friends tend to be slightly less physical...probably because I haven't known them my whole life, or possibly something to do with the atmosphere here....At Hollins (which is an all-women's university) there are a lot of gay women here, and as a consequence, a lot of the straight women feel the need to...assert their straightness(?) And the three girls that I'm closest to happen to be straight. I have noticed, however that when they come to me for advice they aren't adverse to a hug every now and then... I dunno, I don't get it. I'm straight, but I never though of hugging and touching and stuff as a sexual thing...except with Jim. But the two people here who do indulge in my "hugging thing" are a straight man and a gay woman...Doesn't bother me, they know I'm getting married, and they don't care...

The only person that I feel like touches me nearly enough is Jim. He hugs, he holds my hand, he holds onto me when there are no seats on the streetcar and we have to stand (cause I have really bad balance) he kisses me...he does this thing in crowded public places where he both holds my hand and puts his hand in the small of my back...sigh. I miss him!

Ok, time to wrap up this very long ramblin' thing...
 
ehh...anchovy...that's the good stuff...not rambling...

you know how insane I'd be if I went to an all male college??...i'd be a recluse...and totally weird...women keep me on an even keel...

closeness is weird with my friends...cause by accident....like a couple of times this year...i get too close...and then they kind of get too close to my special area....and it's always laughs....i don't know if they are laughing at me...i'm sad now....lol
 
I'm also a hugger, but it's strange because it's the only way I express myself. I can't tell people how I feel as easily as I wish I could, and my friends don't know everything about me although they think they do. The only way I can show how much they mean to me is by hugs and kisses. I'm more of a physical person.
 
Im *totally* a touchy person!

Only problem is cuz Im a touchy person and my friends arent...so...Im all touchy...and they dont like it...so yah...I dont get my full touch...

Does that sound wrong?
 
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