No.
Buffy dating advice 2012 edition
Buffy
No. No. No. No. She's a murderer. A rapist. She will never be truly happy again because she already was in heaven. She's immature and she will NEVER grow up because that would make the two most popular love interests IRRELEVANT. She's also pretty ****ed up, that's not really her fault, two deaths and years of slaying will do that to you, but still. She can't get over her exes. She doesn't know what to do with her life, she never learns, she pushes people away, she doesn't have any dreams or hopes, she can't even figure out her own sexuality. She's utterly boring, she doesn't even have a hobby and her life is basically a constant B-movie horror. That's way too much shit for any normal, healthy person to deal with. I'm sorry Buffy.
Willow
A mind-controlling rapist. A murderer. A sadist. A drug addict. Also, she kinda tried to destroy the world. She will cheat on you with her best friend and her crack dealer and/or a demon. Also, she's obsessed in an unhealthy way with Buffy Summers, her so called best friend, you will always be the second most important person in her life, always. Be ready to deal with her complexes, traumas and insecurities. Obviously she's hot but...No, just no.
Anya
Mass murderer, money-loving materialist and a massive boor. Mostly devoid of any personality. No way I would date her.
Angel/Spike
Murderers and rapists. Dead monstrosities. Immature and irresponsible despite being hundreds of years old. One of them is a borderline pedophile, the other had sex with a robot and build a masturbatory shrine, plus his poetry is rubbish. Did I mention they are dead? And...do you really want me to date a corpse, what is wrong with you?
Drusilla
Murderer, dead and insane, very high maintenance. No, thanks.
Riley
A boring yokel, also married. No.
Faith
A murderer. A rapist. Emotionally immature and practically incapable of love. Faith's a mess, she needs a therapist not a partner. I'm not fixing her, thank you very much.
Xander
A rapist. Other than that he seems OK, handsome, hardworking guy with a huge heart, you know, when he's not dating a 5 year old that's not even real. Will cheat on you and leave you at the altar. Obsessed with Buffy Summers, will always risk his life, health and eyeball for her. Sorry Xander, you're hot and I'm a fellow geek so similar interests but I don't want to be the runner-up in your life.
Oz
A musician, a werewolf and generally the coolest guy ever. Used to eat people alive at fool moon, fortunately was able to cure his condition. Sadly, he's married. Bummer.
Tara
Now we're talking! Tara's a responsible, caring and very loyal adult with a great, loving, quirky personality. Also, she is ridiculously hot and I mean ridiculously, even her somewhat questionable fashion sense doesn't tarnish her hotness. She looks like she's high most of the time because she probably is but she's very spiritual and again, responsible about drug use. Great gal. Sadly, she's dead.
Joyce
Beautiful smile and a great sense of humor. Utterly fearless artistic soul and a kick ass mom. Of course, she's dead.
Giles
A murderer. I notice a pattern here, all the good people are dead, what the hell? Anyway, Giles is a very handsome, analytical and intelligent guy with a classy musical taste and an awesome voice. Did I mention handsome, Rupert is just so hot. So would I? Nope. You know what's the problem with Giles, other than being a dead wanker of course? His relationship with Buffy Summers. Poor chap doesn't know if he wants to be her friend, her father or her lover. I'm not waiting for him to figure that out.
Dawn.
Four words. She is not real. Her entire existence is a cruel manipulation and that's all there needs to be said. Too bad because she's really attractive and not as crazy as her sister.
Wow, do these people suck 🙂
