Dander

[palabravampiress]

I didn't see a thread dedicated to the potential pairing of Dawn and Xander, so I thought I'd bring it up.

Dawn has a longstanding crush on Xander. He basically looks at her as a little sister, but we know that as she matures, he at least finds her attractive (Season 7's "Him). Also, they have a lot in common, being the non-superheroes of the group. Xander appreciates Dawn in a way that no one else does because he's been there.

So this brings about the question: Would a Dander pairing ever come to pass? If so, what would Buffy's reaction be?

Obvious factors are:
1. Age and Maturity. How old is Dawn when the series ends? Xander wouldn't dare touch Dawn until she was 18, at least. Buffy would hurt him. Of course, that could be an interesting fight, what with Buffy having dated dead boy when she was Dawn's age. Also, maturity is a factor. Dawn matured a lot in season 7, but could she handle a relationship with an older man who was nearly married?

2. Risk. If it ends, which it almost inevitably will, it would really rock the scoobies. A rift between Dawn and Xander could make for permanent awkwardness between more than just the two of them.

3. Anya. When the series ends, Xander is still distraught about Anya. He's still in love with Anya. It's going to take a long time for him to move on from that.


I don't know what I think. What do you guys think? Could a Dander pairing ever really happen? How would Buffy feel about it? How would the rest of the scoobies react?

 

[Wanabee-slayer]

1. I can't answer the maturity factor but I can account for age. In Season 6 when Buffy came back and Dawn was trying to talk Tara into letting her do research (can't remember which episode but it was early) Dawn mentioned she was 15 which means in season 5 she would have been 15-16, in Season 7 she would have been, 16-17 and it means in Season 8 she should be about to turn 18 or already have reached that age.

2. Who says it has to end. I think Dawn and Xander has a possibility to last the distance. They have this love and understanidng that not many people do and I think that in itself gives them much more chance of lasting than other relatioships.

3.I don't think it would take as long as you think. I mean by the time she died they were already broken up and had settled their differences. And as hard as it would be to lose someone like that they didn't have any unfinished business between them anymore which would make the transition easier.

 

[sosa lola]

I can see it. But after S7. I've read some lovely Dander fics post-Chosen, which got me interested in the pairing.

 

[Kean]

I've read some Dander too and they have been very sweet. However, I wouldn't over-estimate his ability to get over Anya, they may have broken up but they had started to get close again towards the end and well when it comes down to it she was the love of his life. That isn't just going to go away cuz she has. All that said I think they would be good together but later on. Dawn still strikes me as a child, which I suppose she is, giive it another few years and then maybe.

 

[tommy]

Makes sense for Dawn to start dating Xander, because how often would she get to see anybody outside of the scoobie group? Xander is the only guy in her life right now, but she would be competing with Renée for his affection.

 

[Angels baby101]

Honestly i've liked the Idea of Dander for a while now Jess actually got me really thinking on it when we decided to use it for an RPG idea. Honestly i dont think the age thing matters much i mean look at Buffy and Angel for instance... i mean even in the real world you see things like that happening everyday between someone whos 18 and someone who's like 26 as for the maturity level honestly Dawn matured alot like you said and honestly Xander really is about as mature as an 18 year old sometimes so really they're sorta on the same level.

Also i mean they fit each other i mean really neither one of them have great strength or are magically inclined really so they can talk with each other on their own level and see eye to eye they both know what its like to basically just be normal

Like Jess said i mean who says they couldn't last... Eventually all the scoobies have to get married or most of them anyways its human nature even though Joss may love to split people up eventually someone has to live happily ever after.,. why cant it be Dander? Theres still alot of high school sweethearts that are together 50 years later... Xander could just be Dawn's...

as for the Anya thing... Yes it takes time to heal after loving someone so much but in the same right to have someone who's there for you no matter what and helping you through it... you see them in a new light and easily begin to fall for them yes theres still that pain of is it too soon but you cant live your life morning something that you just cant get back either....you'd be amazed at how easy it is to fall in love with someone so short after a loss...

 

[palabravampiress]

Good points, everyone. The consensus seems to be that the obstacles that I presented are obstacles, yes, but that Dander could surmount them. I think I buy that. The obstacles would make for more interesting viewing (or comic book reading, anyway).

What do we think Buffy's reaction would be? This part really interests me. I'm 5 years older than my sister. When my 20-something-year-old friends started sniffing around my sister after they saw her at my wedding, I told them all to back off. She was a kid to me, even though she wasn't a kid anymore (to be fair, she was 17 and in high school, but about to turn 18). Granted, she wasn't interested in any of my friends. She had (and has to this day) her own boyfriend. I am very protective of my little sis. Even though she's an adult now, I still don't want her seeing any of my loser friends. Buffy is Dawn's protector in just about every way. I think Buffy, who has been hurt so much herself in relationships, would be overprotective when it comes to Dawn and relationships. This could set up some interesting Buffy and Xander fireworks. Xander has always opposed Buffy's choices. She listened to him yell, but did as she chose anyway. Xander would almost definitely be on the receiving end of that this time around. Anyway, would Buffy eventually get used to it, or would long-term animosity develop between Buffy and Xander?

 

[Kean]

There is five years between me and my two sisters. I'm in the middle. My older sister never really minded who I went out with once I was happy. Which was great for me! but i'm really protective of my younger sister. I have my very own Xander but if he tried it on with my baby sister I'd kill him! I think Buffy will be wary of anyone who makes a move on Dawn, she's like that with all her family. I think she would freak but eventually get over it once she saw they were happy and I think she knows Xander would never do anything to her Dawn if he could avoid it.

Oh this reminds me of Friends! when Ross is on 'sabaticol' and sees Chandler and Monica together...Ross: GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!:lmao:

 

[palabravampiress]

There is five years between me and my two sisters. I'm in the middle. My older sister never really minded who I went out with once I was happy. Which was great for me! but i'm really protective of my younger sister. I have my very own Xander but if he tried it on with my baby sister I'd kill him! I think Buffy will be wary of anyone who makes a move on Dawn, she's like that with all her family. I think she would freak but eventually get over it once she saw they were happy and I think she knows Xander would never do anything to her Dawn if he could avoid it.

Oh this reminds me of Friends! when Ross is on 'sabaticol' and sees Chandler and Monica together...Ross: GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!:lmao:

You're right! Another Chandler/Xander connection!

I can totally see a similar "Get off my sister!" moment, but with more pummeling. lol.

 

[Kean]

Haha! Maybe it's becuase they are the two show's I watch the most but I'm always finding little things like that that remind me of the other!

 

[Joyce Summers]

I think Buffy would definitely have a 'Red Ross' moment. I mean even in All the Way when she thinks Xander is talking about Dawn she has a total 'don't even think about it' moment,essentially telling him to back off- that is, until she realizes he's talking about Anya.
But with Dawn becoming an adult, and if Dawn and Xander showed to be the real deal- that they did truly care for each other and it wasn't just a 'hey, why not?' thing then I think she would slowly come to accept it. I mean if Xander can eventually get over Buffy sleeping Spike, I think Buffy can have the maturity to deal with her sister and Xander dating.
Plus, she said herself that Xander is 'one of the good ones' so on some level I think she would be happy to know that Dawn was with one of the most decent guys around (abandoning anya at the altar aside.[Whoa check the alliteration there! Unintentional too!])

 

[palabravampiress]

I think Buffy would definitely have a 'Red Ross' moment. I mean even in All the Way when she thinks Xander is talking about Dawn she has a total 'don't even think about it' moment,essentially telling him to back off- that is, until she realizes he's talking about Anya.
But with Dawn becoming an adult, and if Dawn and Xander showed to be the real deal- that they did truly care for each other and it wasn't just a 'hey, why not?' thing then I think she would slowly come to accept it. I mean if Xander can eventually get over Buffy sleeping Spike, I think Buffy can have the maturity to deal with her sister and Xander dating.
Plus, she said herself that Xander is 'one of the good ones' so on some level I think she would be happy to know that Dawn was with one of the most decent guys around (abandoning anya at the altar aside.[Whoa check the alliteration there! Unintentional too!])

Nice alliteration. 🙂

I think the abandoning Anya at the altar thing would definitely come up in their confrontation. I imagine that would be a sticking point with her. Xander is one of the good guys. He is loyal. He always tries to do the right thing. He respects women. He genuinely loves Dawn even as things stand now when there is no romantic relationship. There's a lot to love about Xander. But, in relationships, he's sort of a loser. He cheated on Cordy and he left Anya at the altar. Who's to say the third time isn't the charm? But still, I think Buffy would worry that Xander would unintentionally hurt Dawn like he unintentionally hurt Cordy and Anya. Also, I think Buffy ultimately wants Dawn to have a normal life away from the slaying and the monsters and whatnot. Xander is part of Buffy's team. If Dawn and Xander do make a go of it, that means that Dawn won't be going away to college and having a normal life. I don't see Buffy supporting that decision.


Plus, there's the Jo March/Teddy Lawrence/Amy March vibe going here (from Little Women). Really, that always creeped me out. The scenario seemed incestuous the first time around. And in the later books, I was never really fully convinced that Teddy gave up his Jo obsession. She named her second kid "Teddy." Then, there was that scene with Teddy's head on Jo's lap and Jo explaining the story of her "first boy" to the kids who interrupted. Similarly, Xander's long-standing crush on Buffy does sort of add an extra weird little vibe there, doesn't it?

 

[Kean]

In fairness there is yet to be a character in the Buffyverse to have a succesful relationship that didn't end in tears so Buffy would find it hard to establish any sort of solid argument against Xander, she is far from perfect herself.

And another thing, why would she have to forget college because of Xander? people do the long distance thing all the time. To me that is not a reason for them not to work.

The incestuous thing...I see it but I don't think it's as bad as Cordy and Connor.

 

[palabravampiress]

In fairness there is yet to be a character in the Buffyverse to have a succesful relationship that didn't end in tears so Buffy would find it hard to establish any sort of solid argument against Xander, she is far from perfect herself.

And another thing, why would she have to forget college because of Xander? people do the long distance thing all the time. To me that is not a reason for them not to work.

The incestuous thing...I see it but I don't think it's as bad as Cordy and Connor.

Nothing is as bad as Cordy and Connor -- except maybe Oedipus Rex.

You're right. Buffy wouldn't have a solid leg to stand on, but that never kept Xander from criticizing, did it?

You're also right about the college thing. I did the long distance thing, myself, in college, so I really should know better. My hubby went to a 2-year program. He graduated from high school a year ahead of me. So he was working in another state for 3 of the 4 years that I spent in college and we still made it work. Granted, his job fixing computers was a lot safer than Xander's job as the slayer's right hand man. But even if Dawn did go to college, would she have a normal life? Would she be able to "get out of the business" so to speak? Of course, the better question is: does she even want that? I think Buffy wants to protect her from the things that go bump in the night, so I'm thinking of these things as concerns that Buffy might have. Dawn would probably not see her relationship and her life as incompatible.

I guess I think Dander could work. I even think it would be fun to watch the rest of the gang react. I would especially like to see what it would do to Buffy and Xander's relationship -- in both the short and long terms.

 

[Kean]

Again that would all depend on how it played out. At the end of the day Buffy doesn't have a say in Dawn's love life, no more than Joyce had a say in Buffy's. I think if it did happen it would kinda be a surprise to everyone including Xander and Dawn.

Oh and by the way..nice Xander in the RPG! your kicking ass!

 

[Angels baby101]

Honestly i think Buffy would freak out too but in the end she would get over it as most big sisters do and will be happy for them... Buffy knows Xander wouldn't hurt Dawn intentionally he loves her too much to let that happen and just because if that love turned into romantic love doesn't make it any different..

Theres alot of relationships out there that occur between an older siblings best friend where they've thought of the younger one as their own sibling till one day they realize that they're little "Sibling" isnt' so little and innocent anymore.. they become avaliable and attractive....

Honestly its not really incestuous i mean in season 7 they showed more of a friends who understand each other then really brother and sisterly in my opinion

 

[palabravampiress]

You guys are right. It could totally work. The big sister in me just has the grumblies, though. We big sisters hate those silly boys who mess with our sisters' hearts. My mom is always trying to talk to me about my sisters' love lives, and I'm always trying to change the subject in this oh-so-uncomfortable manner. I've got two: a real little sister and my "fake" sister, who is my little sister's best friend. Our families are really close. In my family, "the girls" means those two, not my sister and me (because they're the youngest and they always played sports and stuff together, not because my family doesn't like me. lol). We go on family vacations together. New folks have a hard time figuring out which kids belong to which parents. So we're talking close family friends here. Anyway, try hearing about your little sister's pregnancy scare and then see if this Dander talk doesn't give you the wiggins.

I knew Dander had a following, but I didn't really think about it at all until last night when it came up in the RPG. Then I was like, "Hmm... I never thought about this, before. I wonder what other people think." Big sister wiggins aside, I I think you guys are right that Dander could work. But poor Buffy! If that day ever comes, she has my sympathies.

 

[Kean]

You guys are right. It could totally work. The big sister in me just has the grumblies, though. We big sisters hate those silly boys who mess with our sisters' hearts. My mom is always trying to talk to me about my sisters' love lives, and I'm always trying to change the subject in this oh-so-uncomfortable manner. I've got two: a real little sister and my "fake" sister, who is my little sister's best friend. Our families are really close. In my family, "the girls" means those two, not my sister and me (because they're the youngest and they always played sports and stuff together, not because my family doesn't like me. lol). We go on family vacations together. New folks have a hard time figuring out which kids belong to which parents. So we're talking close family friends here. Anyway, try hearing about your little sister's pregnancy scare and then see if this Dander talk doesn't give you the wiggins.

I knew Dander had a following, but I didn't really think about it at all until last night when it came up in the RPG. Then I was like, "Hmm... I never thought about this, before. I wonder what other people think." Big sister wiggins aside, I I think you guys are right that Dander could work. But poor Buffy! If that day ever comes, she has my sympathies.

Imagine looking at it when your little sister is pretty much the clone of your older sister who's pregnancy scare was REAL and then have said baby sister tell you how nice and cute my Xander friend is!! So I get it believe me! but I still think they would work.

 

[Wanabee-slayer]

LOL!!! See I think Buffy loves Xander and she knows he would never hurt Dawn. I think she'd be mad at first but I know she'd get over it and I don't think she'd pummell Xander that much. I mean she loves him and I don't think she would be able to hurt him unless he was EVIL and dating her sister doesn't really scream EVIL to me and I don't think it would to Buffy either. Maybe it would scream WHAT THE HELL? but not EVIL! lol