DDLM

[Edmund Blackadder]

Ok....ive always been told to start off with Good things if im gonna critique something....so here goes.....your spelling.....its ok

Ok now the Bad....what the FUNK is this crud....It is really bad...the Characters are appalingly done....When has spike EVER said Darn...

The Offices were crubling at the end of Not Fade away...how are they back in shape and WHY are they now Angel Investigations.....

and there is no justifiable reason why you have made Spike Hostile towards Buffy.

and Buffy would not say this line...
BUFFY
Well, I hate him, and Giles...
mostly Giles

and why is Angel intorducing Spike
ANGEL
Right uhm. Buffy this is Spike,
Spike this is... awkward.


and what the funk.....Spike and Harmony....Angel and Nina...Buffy laughs and says 'oh how cute. do you have a picture?'
this is utter TURD.

And when the Hell did Street Gunn turn into a character from Happy Days...
I'm gonna be okay. It was pretty
close, but a cool cat like me
doesn't have nine lives for
nothing.
Gunn would NEVER refer to himself as a "cool cat"


why would Lilah be included in this
ALLAN FRANCIS DOYLE 1972-1999
LILAH MORGAN 1971-2003
CORDELIA CHASE 1981-2004
WINIFRED BURKLE 1980-2004
WESLEY WYNDHAM-PRYCE 1975-2004

she was a bad guy.

No seriously i normally encourage people to write...but i think in your case i will make an exception....never.... and i mean for the rest of eternity...ever, ever ever ever do something like this again...and if you get the urge stab your self in the eye......seriously....its beyond crap.....the idea is shite...the characters are wrong...no similarity between the actual versions and yours.....and on the basis of this you will NEVER be a pamphlet writer let alone screen writer...i think you should take a job better suited to your talents...and ironically where this stuff belongs.....a Garbage Collector.

ohhh and i would also suggest that the site that this is for be taken off the net before more people read it and laugh at you..

Do you write in this style because you think Joss or someone might accidently stumble across it and say wow this is good......because trust me they wont.......They have high standards....heck Pornography scripts are of a higher standard then this..

Please for the love of Jeh-Hesus stop now and delete the rest

Alleycat....Are you a Homosexual.....i have no problems with Guys who like to, you know, swing on a flag pole while excavating masculine mine shafts.....its just this is totally and utterly gay. and not in a Im Ian McKellan and im great way....its crap.

 

[Willow Rosenberg]

Dia Dela Muerte, your post is completely and utterly rude and meanspirited. Please refrain from treating other members in this manner. If you need help understanding what constructive criticism is please see Old Master's post: https://www.buffy-boards.com/showthread.php?t=19281.

Also, please read the FAQ as you obviously haven't done so already. I don't understand how anyone would think it would be OK to talk to another person in this manner.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

I can give constructive critisism where its deserved...But this piece of tosh if from someone who claims to have written a fair few....obviously no one else has told him how BAD it actually is.....all the regulars probably cooing..."ohh thats really good" or "ohh thats so believeable and you got everything just right"....well it isnt....its utter crap....Alleycat should take it my comment on board rather then claim its cruel......fact is not 1 of his characters is believeable as the one they have protrayed....not one of the ideas really works at all....OHHH and heres a point....when Joss and Co. write an episode they DONT put a disclaimer at the end of the show explaining MAJOR inaccuracies with the plot.....they work it into the STORY...
This whole piece is laughable and should be taken away due to the shite that it is.

 

[Willow Rosenberg]

That's not constructive criticism when you're being cruel. Please refrain from doing so again, before further matters are taken.

You're obviously more concerned with coming off as a "literary critic" rather than observing the rules of this board. I don't know who you are that makes you believe you have the right to critique others in such a nasty way, but it will not be tolerated on this board, so PLEASE refrain from another post of this sort.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

You dont HAVE to be a literary critic to see how bad it is....you just have to be able to read and have a good understanding of the show and its characters.