depression

I'm so sorry Michelle. That's awful! I'm glad you are working with some sort of outlet for that.

Wow...lots of crappiness for people around here...everybody hold on ok? At least we have each other...I'm here if anyone wants to talk...and I'm always fun to point and laugh at...😛 Big Hug to all of you.

trustno1, maybe you should go to her family with this. If you're that worried...maybe she just needs someone to care...
 
Polexia, I so feel alike with u. When u talk about ur mom I feel like u'r talking about mine. I just wanted to tell u I know exactly how u can feel, coz mine had probs with pills too (and still have).
& ditto for school. It just start again today & I feel worst than ever (except that I still didn't do the cutting again which is a good start for being better I think)


Doesn't it make u feel better to come online Pol ?
I mean, it's silly but it can make u feel better to come online & talk with ppl u met there. I'm telling this coz u told u didn't have anyone to talk to about u, and sometimes, online u can meet the ppl u r looking for, plus it's easier to talk here I think.

Trustno1, it's so great to look to ur friend. I have a friend who was more depressed that me last year, & she told me after that it helped her to have me & some other friends around. she did try to kill herself but I think she was more looking for attention, & didn't really mean to die.
It's so great what u do, but just don't let urself be too affected by ur friend. I know it's so hard to do so, but I just wanna warn u coz I didn't do what I said & I was so affected by her behavior, worrying all the time, that my study was affected by that.
 
frenchy faith: I totally am with you, when im on the net im the happiest and im always wanting to go on, you get to talk to people who dont hardly know what your really like so they like talking back to you . it kinda brightens up my spirit a bit.

trustno1: yea i have had that problem to, my freind millie, she was way worse id seen her with drugs and stuff and she would write poems and stff about what would happen once she dies and she said she hated her life, everyone at school hated her But I helped her I told her to move outta town so she went to stay with her coisens in another town its been over a ear and she really is happy there and doesent even think of suicide anymore it was like she started a new life.
 
My friends two of them both used to cut themselves badly a couple of years back and it really really really hurt me so much to see them like that. One is still incredibly depressed and went to a consellor but it didnt help and she still self harms, cutting bruning, banging her head anything she can find to do and it really made me feel I was such a crap friend that all this stuff is going on in her head and she has to resort to that other than tell us to possibly help her, just makes you feel pretty crap, then of couse I was afraid of saying something to her that would eventually lead to her doing it more.

Now I've pretty much became a victim to it myself... I don't think I'm depressed but one of my friends is completely convinced of it and made me take some online tests and all of them say I have very high borderline personality and bipolar deisorders but how reliable are they really? Theres only one friend who knows I cut when things get down and I can't bring myself to tell my friend who does it herself because I'm such a hypocrite and told her there are more constructive things todo and I'm doing it myself. I think she knows though, shes dropped hints but maybe I'm paranoid. Thankfully my friend says noone would ever know I feel so bad because when Im around people I always seem so happy go lucky and funny and a happy sort of person and I like keeping it that way. I dont think I have the disorder, I just think I'm self involved but I do pity anyone who does have the disorder and has the serious problem because its hard to get out of.
 
Depression is good for art, so I try to keep a good amount of it in myself. Call me emotionally masochist if you like.
 
Frenchy faith: yeah it does make me feel better to come online and tell you guys! your mom also has a pill prob... i feel with you as well!!! my mom is still on it as well, i don't know how it is for you, but at my moms house she can be "clean" for the longest times, and then suddenly she has probs with herself, and then she is back on some pill "adventure". do you live with your mom FF? i don't know how much this helps but: i have been a bit better after i moved out! then you don't have to stand in the middle of the crapola when she's on pills... (BTW: thanx for telling me!! it's wired and all, cos i don't want anyone to feel the pains i've felt over the years! but it does feel abit better knowing that i'm not the only one!)
Do you and your mom fight over the pill taking FF? Cos we jused to fight alot... i used to hate it! she was so mean, and she would always say really controling things. the sad thing is that i never had the guts to take the pill prob up with her when she had a nice period, cos i was always afraid that she would get really angry(my mom has a very deep voice, and it's very scary!)

LORNE THE HOST: i feel like that too, at this point in my depression i want to be depression free, but at the same time i'm really scared. cos i don't know what i'm really like... i don't know where the depression starts, and where i start... and what if i can't write without it....
 
Darn, I just made a long answer & the post didn't work, I have to retype everything grrrrrrrrrrr anyway :

Polexia : my mom can be ok as well, the prob is that when I'm around it never last. She can't bear me I guess.
I don't live with her really, coz I'm in a boarding school, far from home, & i go back to the house only a weekend every two weeks, & during the break. The last break for x-mas was so bad tho & I had to go to my dad's house.
I do fight with my mom, or more exactly she fights with me, but not over the pills tho, coz doctors ordered her to take them & i have nothing against coz when she doesn't take them, it's worst.
& she wanna control me as well. Particularly when it's about my father. She wanna me to be against him. & I hate that so much.

I understand totally that u didn't dare to talk to her about the pills when she was ok. I did same. I guess that when our moms r in a good period, we just try to make it last the longer possible. I hope u'll find a way to feel better & whenever u wanna talk, u can pm me.
Thanky for talking Pol btw

Jonut : I'm soz for u that u got into the cutting coz it's a thing hard to get rid of. U do it once, then another time & then, u just can't stop it. As soon as something go wrong, take the blade, & even when u don't wanna do it, u still do it coz u don't find another solution. It's how it works for lots of ppl tho.
If ur the kind of happy person with ppl & that u like it, the only advise I can give u is to be alone the less u can, & so, u won't find the occasion to do it.
Just don't feel responsible or a 'crap friend' because u can't stop ur friend to do it. Just be here, it's already a lot, & if we cut, i mean if ppl cut, it's into their head, & there is nothing u can do but showing them ur friendship. Maybe talk about it to make ur friend wonder the real reason why her/she do that. & meanwhile, it'll maybe make u think about it. Don't mean that u'll stop, but find the real reason can be a good beginning to work on what's wrong. Since I've really thought about it, I cut not so often & try to work on the wrong things.

Trustno1 : U seem to be a really good friend, good lucK with ur friend. Being here for her it's already a lot I think, she might be glad to have u around.

Alyson : It's weird how internet talk make feel better. I donno whether it's very good tho, coz it's virtual, no contact with ppl & all. But a world of no for me stopping it, lol
It's just working sometimes so I guess it can't be really bad.

Michelle : I feel soz for what happen to u. Writting is a really good way to get rid of strong feeling & it makes feel better sometimes. Do u share ur poetry somewhere ? I'd like to read it if u agree.
 
Those online tests are intended for those that can sense there may be something that needs to be dealt with. Most of them, if not all, say that if you score a certain percentage that you should go see your doctor about an evaluation. But if you FEEL that there is a problem you should go see your doctor anyway. And don't put it off. It may seem scary but for your own health it's the best thing to do from the begining.

Those of you that fear for your friends the only things to do are go to someone in their families that you can trust, be there for them where you can and/or visit your school counselor and, without naming names, explain the situation and they can further advise you of any options that may be safe to follow. Don't feel like bad friends if they keep harming themselves despite your efforts. Sometimes the problem is beyond your abilities. But there are other ways to help...although that's up to you and your judgment. But if you find yourself getting to that point as well just remember how it makes you feel when they hurt themselves...self mutilation and other such actions don't just hurt the person that's doing the cutting. It tears the people around them apart.
Although self mutilation isn't always an indication of depression, it isn't the healthiest form of self expression there is and DOES indicate some psychological need or suppliment.
 
I just reread what I wrote and I apologise for all the spelling errors, im the typo queen but I'm sure you got what I meant.

Thank you to everyone whos given advice, sometimes I just need to hear someones neutral opinion to ground me a bit, cos when i read other peoples views I begin to realise that what i do is not normal and that maybe I have a problem. I dont seem to want to face those facts and try to logic my way out of it and say I could stop anytime. I tried that and was able to stop for a whole 3 days, yea, I suck at stopping. I guess Rayne, you'e right and I should think of how much I hurt at the thought of anyone close to me doing the same thing and try to think of others. In my case though noone knows so maybe what they dont know wont hurt them...

I dont know what to do about my friend though. She has a boyfriend at the moment whos making her happy but im a pessimist and I fear her reaction if they spilt up because having talked to her she said that she tried to hang herself when there had been a big argument between me, her and our other friend and had contemplated taking an overdose when her last boyfriend cheated on her. Im so scared she'll do something serious. I've talked to 3 different teachers and asked them what to do without telling them who its about and they all have told me to tell them who it is and they will deal with it but I cant give names because we did before and it didnt work and she was more miserable and felt betrayed. I've told her that if she ever needs to talk that I'm here and try to be posistive and say well its going better, thees no new cuts on your arms and hands and her response is 'just because you cant see them doesnt mean Ive stopped' which is true but I just want to help her stop and feel helpless.
 
My dad has depression. It was pretty bad for a few years. He was completely closed off. I'm 20 years old and I've never seen him cry, not even when his mum died. Me and my mum know he took it really well, he reacted to it better than he has with anything. He is getting better. The rest of our family, especially his older sister tried to get a reaction out of him when my grandma died at the hospital. She was screaming at him and hitting him, telling him it was ok to show he was upset. But later he talked to my mum about how he was feeling...and he's never done that before. So, he is getting better, he laughs and jokes a lot more...he still has his moods but they aren't as frequent.
 
Frenchy faith: thanx i will do that 🙂 (btw my mom tries to turn me agianst my dad as well, she tells me so much lies about him...)
 
I've been struggling with depression since I was a teenager. (I'm in my mid-20s now.) I've talked to councelors, but no one has ever put me on medication. I'm just struggling with my own personal problems though. Maybe one day I'll be free from depression.😕
 
I hope so for u ED, & if councelors was unable to help u, maybe talking to friends will?

Pol : Why the hell our moms tell us so much lies about our dad ? I mean, why they wanna us to hate them ? I know she had suffer with him, but I'm not the one to fight for her, I'm soz but I can't.
I could never understand.
 
Hmmmm...well, I'm not usually like this but I'm going to be for a moment given the seriousness of the situation...

Jonut, don't GUESS I'm right KNOW I am. Whatever it is you're doing...no better than your average person with a drug addiction. Sure it starts seemingly small and "harmless" but it most always escalates into much worse and the "user" very often doesn't even see. Just as ones tollerence and dependency for drugs could increase so could the self mutilation. In the grand scheme of things...not a big difference. It becomes an addiction and can very easily get out of control, please dear GOD listen to me on this one! SNAP OUT OF IT! GET HELP! Your friend, yes she is sick. But you know what else she is? Selfish. You aren't being a bad friend. She is. She may need help but she seems like she needs to get a hold of her self loathing issues and see someone who can help her get a grasp on where this crap began. But her saying things like that to you is just selfish. That's right, I said it and you can be mad if you like but it's just that. Selfish. She knows that affects you and yet she could obviously care less.
Sounds like you need to focus on YOU and let her do what she will. I know that sounds cold but if you can't get her help and she cares so little for those who actually love her then maybe she just needs to hit rock bottom and pray to God that it doesn't kill her.

I'm very sorry to sound so cold but this is serious. I take it very serious and I think you do to. You can only reach out to a person so much. If they choose not to take your hand...it's hardly the smart thing to jump in after them. If you can't tell someone more qualified to help, and being there is just dragging you down into this abyss then it may be time to distance yourself. The only other thing you could do for her is to pull her aside and try NOT being nice about it. Tough love hon.

Again, sorry for sounding like an evil banshee about this but the subject is too close so there it is. I will stop rambling on like an ass now.
 
No,you make good points,don't apologise........In the UK there's an appaling shortage of money being spent on mental problems and depression,if you're a teenager,you might as well forget getting any help,which is so,so stupid as these are problems are treatable given the right treatment and time......Oh bollix,it's such a waste of space me moaning,sorry...... 😱
 
Originally posted by Frenchy Faith
Trustno1 : U seem to be a really good friend, good lucK with ur friend. Being here for her it's already a lot I think, she might be glad to have u around.
Click to expand...
Thanks Frenchy.
 
No need to apologise Rayne, I appreciate that you took the time to reply and I respect anyone who makes a valid point and that you do.

Its just to me, I can see how she is selfish in a lot of ways, she can be a bit blunt about what she does sometimes and in a couple of cases I had to walk away because I didnt want to cry in front of her to make he feel worse and was bursting into tears. But no matter how much what you says makes sense I can't see her as completely selfish and end up thinking I'm the selfish one because she has been hurting for so long, going through so much and I didnt even notice for so long, or I've been too peoccupied with my own problems and issues to see how much shes hurting.I guess love is blind or something and so I dont see her flaws.

I've actually thought about distancing myself from her a few times because I really didnt know what to do, its bad to be alone but its bad to have too many people around too if that makes sense. Sometimes you end up relying too much on other people and relying on them to make you happy, to save you from your problems and its just doomed to begin with becuase something will happen with them and it would make things ten times worse.
If you're alone, you may feel down, but in time you learn to deal with things yourself and become a stronger person for it and in the long run its better. Trouble is, I'm afraid if I cut myself off from her she'll kill herself and then I would blame myself and everyone else would too probably, and I dont know if I can take the risk. God its such a screwed up situation.

I'm scared. Thats basically it. Scared to death of what she'll do and even more scared to death about what will happen to me if I dont get help because already I can feel the need to do it more and more and more to make me feel better and that probably isnt too healthy...

I'm sorry, I'm gonna shut up now, I've filled up this thread with my stupid problems and I'm sure you're not interested but I'm hitting the send button anyway...
 
Rayne, u haven't to apologize coz what u said was very very sagacious (hmm, I'm not sure of the meaning of this word, I mean wise kinda).

Jonut, first, stop to say u r soz & u wanna shut up coz this thread is about what u r talking, so let this out of the mesage oky ?
I think that u'r not selfish, it just wasn't easy to see ur friend's probs if she hid them from u.
U can feel guilty, but u'r not, & it wouldn't help u to think that way.
My best friend tried to commit a suicide, & she doesn't even call me be4 to do so. U can guess I felt so guilty, but I learnt that it wasn't my fault.

U say that u fear that she would kill herself if u cut urself off from her. That's right, it's a hard decision to make, & I had to do this myself. I was so concern by my best friend's probs, that I forget my own life. I did help her. I went to see her when she phoned me crying, I tried to find the good words & such. She still tried to kill herself after that. I cut myself off from her, not totally, but it was like I walked away, & I can say that it was really really hard. I feared for her life. Today she is alive. She is better now.
Well, she takes pills & she went to a shrink regulary, but it's not really bad, it helps her & maybe this would work for ur friend.
 
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