depression

Originally posted by polexia

LORNE THE HOST: i feel like that too, at this point in my depression i want to be depression free, but at the same time i'm really scared. cos i don't know what i'm really like... i don't know where the depression starts, and where i start... and what if i can't write without it....
Click to expand...

I completely understand, I have this weird cicle in me... When my depressed-like thing wears off, I can't write anymore, not even about un-depressed topics, and if I can't create I feel completely useless since it's the only thing I care about, which leads me to self-loat and pathetic-ness which returns to depression and me writing something... The weird thing about the cicle is that in the uselessness phase, I end up re-reading what I have written, and I reach the conclusion that it is worthless and destroy it, so sometimes I don't even see the point of it all...
 
Wow, a lot of us are depressed on here.

My friend used to be really depressed as well, so at lunchtimes we would sit in a library and see how many pins she could stick in her arm, i don't know what she's like know tho.

I may be depressed but i'm a happy depressed lil gal. lol
 
Originally posted by Frenchy Faith
I hope so for u ED, & if councelors was unable to help u, maybe talking to friends will?
Click to expand...

Sometimes my friends are the reason that I go and talk to someone. 😀 Actually, part of that is true. Plus, there are things that you just don't feel comfortable telling your friends. I would rather talk to a professional about it.
 
ED : Yep right, it can be better to talk to a professional. I just said that about friends coz u said they didn't help.
Btw, I hope u could get out from this btw, take care
 
Im to bubbly to ever be depressed...IM ALWAYS HAPPY..HAVE NOTHING TO BE DEPPRESED ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
My friends are never depresed eather, they have all that they ever need or want.........Ive never met a depresed person but if i do i will do everything to help. But I feel a little depresed sometimes thinking about my brother and boyfriend graduating anf moving to the other side of the world to go to college but im happy still cuz im happy for them!!!
 
Well guys ive not been on here for about a week now due to the fact that one of my best friends hung herself last week outside my house...
I found out that apparently she had feelings for me other than just being friends i had no idea, she was a lot younger than me and was confused by her feelings. if only she had talked to me maybe i could have stopped her.
Although im hetrosexual (except experimenting with girls when i was younger but who doesnt) i maybe could have helped her to understand what she felt, i feel so confused/devastated about the whole thing. the only reason i found out the way she felt was because she sent me a letter that arrived the day after she died..
I still dont understand why she did it and why she did it out side my house, she never suffered from depression as far as i knew and we talked about everything..
Anyway her family dont know why she did it either and i dont know weather to tell them about the letter plus the police are asking me loads of questions..
I miss her so much and feel that its my fault. her name was cadence and it hurts thinking that i will never see/speak to her ever again...
 
I'm so sorry hon. That's beyond words kind of awful. If the letter is post marked right then I don't see why you should be afraid to tell them. It's not your fault. If you ask me I think there was probably a lot more going on behind the scenes. If it was just the feelings she was having then she probably had a lot of preasure coming from somewhere in her life that would make her feel WRONG for feeling what she did. Maybe some strong religious factors. I would share that with the police. If anyone gives you trouble then don't listen. You aren't responsible for everything someone else feels in that situation. But maybe it would help put closure on things.

Jonut, I get what you're saying. I've been there. Both sides of the coin. It's like being lost in the middle of the ocean in a boat that's sinking fast into waters so black you fear that once your under you'll fall forever into some empty untold hell.
I understand you want, NEED to be there for her. Maybe that's got something to do with you in itself. I know I always hated myself and I couldn't deal with my own sinking ship so I was constantly trying to patch up others so I never had to deal with my own. And I would feel better for it...for awhile...but in the end, when there was noone left to save, I realized that I had sunk so far that all I could seem to do was just struggle to hold my head above the crashing waves. It's hard. It's cold. It's lonely. Every cut is another hole in the boat. Then it's just a matter of time. Don't drown trying to save someone who doesn't try to swim. Cause then you'll go under and she will just sink anyway. You can't save others if you can't save yourself. If anything happened to you then think of how many others would capsize. I know it's hard to actually DO but as you said that you were to busy with your own stuff to really notice her, well, obviously she is guilty of the same thing. Maybe, you need to decide that you love the people in your life more and make up your mind to get help. Sit her down and share what you're going through with her and how much it hurts. Let her know that you get it and ask her if maybe you both could help eachother. Go through it together. Get help together. If she doesn't except the help and doesn't understand that your hurting is being intensified by her actions then hey, you've done all you can and she needs to find salvation on her own. You aren't living her life for her. You can only do so much. I'm sorry but it's time to fire off the flares, and put up the sails...you need to find help now before you go under. If she doesn't want to be a part of that then YOU aren't the one to blame.
 
Thanks Rayne the only problem is, is that i wouldnt want to upset her family by showing them whats in the letter the part about her feelings towards me. I know there was more to it than that, but i just feel they might blame me.
 
Awww, Akasha and very sorry to hear about your loss, don't blame yourself you had no way to know that she had those kinds of feelings for you and theres no way to have realised what was going on if she didnt tell you.

Thanks for the advice Rayne, and may I compliment you on your writing skills, I love the boat metaphor, even though I don't know how to sail or swim haha but i understood it so all is well in the world. I think I'm going to take your advice and tell her about what I have been doing and see how it goes. I had sort of tried to back away slightly and not be so involved with her life over the last week and she phoned me on saturday night and asked me if she had done something wrong cos I seemed to be avoiding her and she has cut herself again, over that or something else, I dunno. Maybe if I say what i've been doing it'll hurt her and she'll realise that what shes doing is hurting the people around her or shall I say shattering them. That's pretty much what I'm afraid of though, I know I'll hurt people by telling them and I really dont want to do that as I know how much of a blow it is but on the other hand i really do think im spiralling downward and really think i'll end up going way out of my control and if I dont talk to somebody or get help in some way i'll end up being in to deep and with nowhere to go but down...
 
Originally posted by Frenchy Faith
ED : Yep right, it can be better to talk to a professional. I just said that about friends coz u said they didn't help.
Btw, I hope u could get out from this btw, take care
Click to expand...

Thank you Frenchy Faith. 😀 I can only take things one day at a time. Most of the time I'm okay, but there are other times that I'm not and I still pull myself through it. I'm a tough chick or so I think, but thanks again for the encouragement.😀 😀

Edit to say: Akasha, I'm very sorry for your loss. I really don't know what to say since I've never been in that situation, but you have my sympathy.
 
Akasha I'm very soz for what happened, and her death, but as Jonut said, don't blame urself.
There r two kinds of 'suicidal' ppl, the ones that don't really wanna die but tell they want, coz they need ppl care about them, & they don't find another way to grab attention.
& unfortunately, even tho they don't really wanna die, they try to kill themselves so that ppl know they r serious. sometimes they r saved, sometimes not.
But there r another kind of person. the ones who don' tell to anyone. They've made up their mind & it seems that nobody can prevent them to die.
Seem that ur friend was in the second category. U couldn't help her. & this letter was prolly bound to come to late.
Or if it was not, she would have wait for u, coz she knew that u would have come.
I donno if what i say make sense.

Rayne, u'r way to explain amaze me. U'r so great with this. Seem that u might go trough all of this **** & that u r able to learn lessons from it.

Donno if it's the good place to post this, but I wrote it thinking to persons who had written in her so :

Cutting girls

Nobody can understand
The puspose of this cutting
Do ourselves really know why
We injure ourselves that way

We try to explain these acts
And the same words still come back
What worth can we give to them
Aren't they just fake reasons ?

Do the scars mean we hate us ?
Or that we just can't fight more ?
No one can struggle for us

But yet we fight with ourselves
To bring peace and quietness
"¦ just got scars and loneliness
 
Thanks Frenchy Faith. 🙂
I loved that poem very much. Do you write a lot? Seems so...keep it up...😉 Great stuff...

Jonut, I hope things work out better for you and your friend. Like I said before, just sit her down and tell her what you're feeling. If she can't get the big picture then she needs to walk it alone. Just try to get help for you. Your energies would be best spent on healing yourself for the sake of those that truely care for you. You seem like a great person with a big heart and it would be a pitty to rob anyone in your future of all that you would have to offer. Don't feel selfish in taking care of you. 🙂

Miss-world, use your better judgment, if you think it would be more harmful to them in the long run then maybe you should keep it to yourself...but if it might bring them closure or understanding then, as a parent, I would say that knowing what was in my childs heart would help me in understanding and healing...but you have to make that call...weigh all the factors. 😉
 
Yw & Thanky to u Rayne. Yep, I do write a lot, lately, no so much poems cuz I'm working on a story, but I still write some when I feel in the mood to write or such.

Jonut, I so agree with Rayne, u seem to be such a great friend, just think to care about urself a bit more.

ED, I know what it is to be ok & then, then the day after, seems that everything is going so wrong. Hope u'll find a way to get rid of those bad period or to make them less harsh, coz I think everyone has bad times, it's just more or less strong depending on the person.
& u'r welcome for the encouragment, I'm not sure I'm very good at this, but I try to, coz I can't stand to just say nothing when I see someone is not very well. Btw, I think sometimes I should better shut up, coz ppl like better not to listen to me, lol
 
thanks for the vote of confidence guys, I appreciate it.

I took your advice and told my friend what has been going on with me and how much everything she says and does affects me, even if she doesnt realise it and she basically told me she had no idea how much i was hurting but it's how she copes and how she deals and I might as well just get over it sort of thing, well she didnt say it as bluntly as that but that was the basic message.

I guess she doesnt realise how much shes affecting everyone cos its the only way she can cope with her problems. I'm gonna try and sort myself out cos the more i think about it the more I think she is pretty much a lost cause which is an awful thing to say.I'm beginning to scare myself and I dont want anyone to find out about me and feel the way I feel when I think about my friend so I have signed up to see a consellor at my school, all my friends joked that i'd end up in conselling before shcool ends and I guess I just made it lol in my last year.

Hope everyone else is doing ok and learning to cope and just getting on with things.
 
Good to hear that u told ur friend about how much her behavior affected u.
For now, well u've tried & if she cannot understand & try to let you help her to find another way to deal with probs, so the better thing you can do is indeed to walk away from her, at least, take some distance, & try to deal with ur own probs first, coz as Rayne said, u can't help her if u don't help urself first (again I like the phrase).

quote : 'Hope everyone else is doing ok and learning to cope and just getting on with things.'
It's so hard to learn to cope... sometimes I can do it, & sometimes like last weekend, I fail, & back to cutting... I'm really not proud about it, I thought I would be able to stop this crazy thing...
 
Oh Jonut...I'm sorry your friend is kind of lost to her own cause...the sad part is how wrong she is...it ISN'T the only way but it's clear she isn't ready to take on the reality of her situation...but I'm glad that you are. Before you get addicted to it...once that happens...well...let's just be glad that you're getting the help you are. It's the smart, responsible and right thing to do. It's not very often that I see people so aware as you about their true needs and even MORE rare to see someone that is mindful of the ones they love and what it does to them. I give you massive props and say stick to it...you're on the right track by getting the help you need. So proud of you...it takes a lot of courage...A LOT... 😉

Frenchy Faith...definately keep up the writing...😉 I like your work. 🙂
 
Thanky so much again Rayne, & I do keep writing, sometimes I find it ok, sometimes not.
Btw, I'd like to tell u to keep up ur advise, coz it's really meaningful & wise & it helps.
 
No prob sweetie...no thanks needed...you're the one that creates the beautiful art. Give YOURSELF props! 😉 And thanks much for the compliment...I just try to help where I can...I just feel kinda bad because I can be a little overbearing with some things...when they are close to you it's hard not to. 🙂 And I really love the people here. It's like a family and even when I disagree with some people I still love everyone for all that they give to our "unit". 😛 Everyone here is special and individualy unique. YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL...no...I'm not high...I just get...mushy sometimes...kinda creepy I know...but it's nice when you can be that way with the people you care so much about. 🙂
 
Aww, plz, stop it, I don't like too much compliments coz I don't deserve them. I wish there would be more ppl showing what they wrote, & again, I advertise for Faithy's site, coz I'd like to read more things from ppl. www.angelfire.com/zine2/faithy/index.html & in the forum.
& I understand what u mean, with overbearing, but u do well. & I find ppl here nice as well, it's great to find a place where ppl r not fighting like silly persons. I mean, there different kind of arguments, the interesting ones, when ppl stand up for their idea, & the other arguements when ppl keep telling lies & being nasty for no reasons... it's so annoying. Ppl in here show respect, & that's what make the worth of this place.
& I don't think it's creepy !!! lol
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom