Did Buffy and Xander have the right to get mad?

[Chosen Enemy]

Buffy and Xander saw Spike and Anya have sex, so bad luck for Spike and Anya. The sleeping together came after Xander left Anya, and Buffy breaking up with Spike. Yet, they both got mad at the two, as if they were cheating on them. But neither were actually together. I know Xander and Buffy were hurt, but they were the ones who bailed.

So did Buffy and Xander have the right to get mad at Spike and Anya? Was that even cheating, or just felt like it?

 

[Joshua]

Xander doesnt because like Anya said "You left me Xander at the alter; I don't owe you anything!"

 

[Chosen Enemy]

Xander doesnt because like Anya said YOU LEFT ME XANDER AT THE ALTER I DONT OWE YOU ANYTHING

And Buffy left Spike. Does she have the right?

 

[Cast No Shadow]

In a black and white world, where everyone is always reasonable and acts perfectly, then no. They had no right.

However in the real world, Xander did have feelings for Anya, and Buffy did have feelings for Spike, even if they had walked away from them, and broke up with them then it's going to hurt.

Xander didn't leave Anya for spiteful reasons, so to see Anya and Spike having sex like that, for one, it would look like Anya was only doing it to get back at Xander, which would be painful.

For Buffy, after Spike had done so much to show her and tell her how much he loved her, the lengths he and gone to and the obsession he had with her, for him to seemingly just get over her so quickly would hurt as well. It would make Buffy wonder whether he was telling the truth the whole time.

 

[KellGreen]

Hurt: yes, mad: not really. No pain was intended, and they were both emotionally hurting and inebriated.

Xander: Yes, to an extent. He was scared of marriage, but I don't recall him ever stating that he didn't want to be with Anya, just that marriage was his fear. Anya had, prior to Hell's Bells, made it clear that she wanted marriage, to the point where it became somewhat of an ultimatum. It was my view, that there was no way he could explain this to Anya and her still initially stay with him. The end of what they had was at least partially each of their faults. So...yeah, because he didn't, from my point of view, ever reject her; he rejected marriage.

Buffy: No, not really. She rejected him outright, in no uncertain terms. It's neither fair nor mature to tell someone you don't want them and then expect them to still "belong" to you. The whole Ross/Rachel (Friends) "we were on a break" thing comes to mind. You can't emotionally devestate someone like that and expect them not to do something stupid like get drunk and find comfort elsewhere.

But healthy (and existing) relationships are not necessarily my forte, so....

 

[BuffyElevated]

They didn't really have the right to get pissed, but it's a pretty understandable reaction.

 

[Dagenspear]

Hurt: yes, mad: not really. No pain was intended, and they were both emotionally hurting and inebriated.

Xander: Yes, to an extent. He was scared of marriage, but I don't recall him ever stating that he didn't want to be with Anya, just that marriage was his fear. Anya had, prior to Hell's Bells, made it clear that she wanted marriage, to the point where it became somewhat of an ultimatum. It was my view, that there was no way he could explain this to Anya and her still initially stay with him. The end of what they had was at least partially each of their faults. So...yeah, because he didn't, from my point of view, ever reject her; he rejected marriage.

Anya said that she wanted to start over. And Xander was the one who proposed without any REAL intent of following through, when Anya made no push for any such thing. But, ya know, I can see how Xander would be confused. I mean, it isn't like an engagement is a promise of marriage or anything, right? Oh wait, it is.

---------- Post added at 04:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:34 PM ----------

So... Yes, they had every right to be hurt. And they should've been. And they deserved to be. But they had no right to be mad. They brought it on themselves. They deserved it. Karma.

 

[brinkster130]

Of course they had the right to feel angry, hurt, mad, sad...or any other emotion. They are humans and everyone is entitled to their own feelings. A persons feelings are always valid, even if you don't understand them. What they didn't have the right to do was to express those feelings to Anya and Spike in such jack ass ways. They were the ones who ended those relationships, it was immature for them to act as if they had been wronged.

Xander left Anya at the alter, she is no longer obligated to be faithful to him; nor should she be feel guilty about moving on with her life. They way he talked to her afterwards was disgusting (even if the feelings were understandable).

 

[Pike]

I would still say yes. Even if they are in the right or not, I don't think their behavior was over the top or wrong at all. Buffy did break up with Spike, and Xander did break it off with Anya- so on paper yes they were wrong to be mad. But considering Xander and Anya was together for so long and the two were about to spend the rest of their lives together only an episode or two before that. As far as Buffy and Spike goes.. Buffy never once treated him good, never like a man, never like she would want to be treated. She once she saw him with Anya, I think her feelings shot back at her that she really did care for him. Everyone was heart-broken, and everyone was acting on instinct and whatnot.

So yes they were okay to get mad, but were they in the right, not as much.. Still, it goes to show how soon after their splits how much they still felt for one another.

 

[SlayerFest]

I'm not sure if they had the right to be mad, but it was completely understandable. They were hurt. Xander's anger annoyed me more than Buffy's because he did leave Anya at the altar. I think he hurt her way more than she could have hurt him.

 

[PassionBecoming]

I don't think Xander and Buffy were mad and hurt because they felt that Anya and Spike cheated on them. I think they were mad and hurt because the people who had as recently as days ago professed their love for them turned around and slept with each other. And they had to see it (regardless that it was an accident. That would suck.) I think the point is exactly what Buffy said: "Didn't take you long, did it?"

 

[white avenger]

Neither Xander nor Buffy had the right to react in the way that they did in this situation, given their recent actions toward Anya and Spike. Xander told Anya, basically, that he didn't want to make any sort of permanent commitment to her, which severed any obligation on her part to commit herself to any sort of permanent, or exclusive, relationship with him. Buffy had told Spike that she "couldn't" love him, creating basically the same situation between herself and him.

In reality, both Xander and Buffy were saying, "I don't want to, can't, or simply won't make any sort of real commitment, but that doesn't mean that I don't expect you to be there for me whenever and however I want you.

 

[Ripper666]

YES they had the right. Both, Anja and Spike knew that it will hurt Buffy and Xander if they sleep together. Anyway they did. They didn't even loved each other, they just did it because of desire and lust and alcohol. The pain was not necessary for Xander or Buffy. So yes they had the right to be angry.

 

[PassionBecoming]

In reality, both Xander and Buffy were saying, "I don't want to, can't, or simply won't make any sort of real commitment, but that doesn't mean that I don't expect you to be there for me whenever and however I want you.

I don't think that's entirely true. Xander was upset because he and Anya's relationship really wasn't "ended" per say, especially after the conversations they had earlier. It seemed as though Anya would consider staying together with a hope of getting married; they're arguments up until now were kind of open-ended. Anya was obviously still hurting and still loved Xander. I don't think Xander expected her to just merrily let things go back to how there were, but he didn't expect her to sleep with Spike, a vampire and someone he has always hated. Xander truly thought they were going to work through their issues, but instead Anya slept with someone else. And the main point to me is that Anya knew it wasn't a good thing to do and she knew it would hurt Xander and not resolve anything.

As for Buffy, I think she reacted very appropriately. She was moving beyond needing/wanting Spike at her beck and call and wanted him to do the same. He kept telling her how much he loved and cared for her, and she obviously felt something for him and was remorseful for what she had put him through. I don't think she was mad at all, it was just a slap in the face for someone who constantly conveyed his love for her to turn around and sleep with someone she considered a friend.

And no matter what, I think the situation became way more intense because Xander and Buffy had so see it happen. I think that if they had found out about it afterward things would have gone a lot differently.

 

[shadcat]

Xander, in my opinion, had no right to get mad. Buffy was upset but she didn't do anything. So her being upset is perfectly normal. Xander being upset is perfectly normal too...but the way he lashed out at Anya ~ no.

 

[EvilWillow]

Continuously telling someone how repulsive they are to you, yet continuing to sleep with them. Take advantage of them because you know they'd do anything for you. Give them hope that you might actually care for them, and all of a sudden, I'm going to feel bad about it now.

Buffy shouldn't have been upset. Was he supposed to just spend his life waiting for her and not move on? That's kind of selfish, if you ask me.

Xander was also dead wrong in the situation. He dumped on Anya, and when she tries to find comfort, he treats her like a piece of trash.


Xander acted like a jackass. Buffy had a little class about the situation. That's the only difference in my eyes.