Help Disownment

[Blair Waldorf-Bass]

A really close friend of mine who is aged 15 is being abused verbally, mentally, and physically by her parents. She went to the school counselor last year and although he promised to help her, he sided with her parents and she had to return to their house. The social worker that she got thought that she was the problem and didn't even help her. Late last year, things were getting worse at their house, so she ran away to her friend's house. The social worker came and called the cops and then she was put into a family reunification center. The other kids there told her that she should have been sent to a child orphanage center, because if she had gone there she would not have had to see her parents. She got this counselor named Noriko that she didn't like, and who, not surprisingly, also sided with her parents. The counselor didn't let her social worker see her until 5 weeks after she had entered the center. After that the counselor told the social worker that everything was her fault and she was sent back to her parents home. On Friday she was really depressed and crying and called me and told me that she very much wanted to get emancipated or disowned from her parents. Her friend's parents want to adopt her if she can get disowned. She already tried emancipation before and it never went through. She told her mother that she wanted her parents to disown her, and they got into another huge fight.

So my question is, what does she do from here? What is the whole process of disownment? What kind of papers do her friends parents need to sign? Does she need to get a lawyer of something like that? Can she do this without a social worker? Having been abused myself growing up, I really want to help her get away from her parents. I never got that chance when I was growing up and I sure as hell hope that she does.

 

[Bob]

when does she become 16? cuz if it gets worse (im sure thats not the whole story) she could take them to court...
you can do much more that sue in court, one is splitting with your parents, but then you'd need a lawyer, a case, yada yada yada...
i dont recomend it, but its a possability...

 

[Mesektet Ra]

Disowning is a thing the parents have to do. It's pretty easy for adults to walk into court and say, "Hey, I don't want my kid anymore, I'm gonna disown her." It's a completely different story altogether to get emancipated.

My advice? Tell her to get her shit HYPER together and try to get emancipated again. Have her gather evidence of her parents abuse - letters, e-mails, anything but recordings of fights [recording someone without their consent is against the law and won't hold up in court]. Tell her to get a job and generally prove that she can live on her own - even if her friends parents are looking to adopt her, the court won't be looking for that. They're gonna want solid proof that she can handle herself either way.

The sucktastic part? It's gonna take a while, and even then it might not go through. But if she gets enough evidence of emotional and ESPECIALLY physical abuse, she has a solid case of child endangerment or something of the like. If they hit her, take pictures of the damage for her with the date printed on them as proof [don't write the date, it can be forged]. If she gathers enough evidence, the courts might just either emancipate her just out of principle or take her from her parents anyway. The downside to the courts yoinking her from her parents is that she's gonna get stuck in an orphanage or assigned to foster home with no say in where she goes or who she's with. Her friends parents can go for adopting her then, but adoptions themselves are tetchy processes with mixed results.

This is going to take a few months, because it would be best if she proved that this is an ongoing problem and not just a one-time 'my parents hit me because I came home after curfew' kinda thing. Her parents are going to probably try and prove that she's a problem child in some way, and she needs to be able to counteract that on her own - getting good grades, getting a job, proving BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that she is responsible and level-headed and generally well put together. It's going to be tough going because of all the trouble at home, but if everything is solid, she won't have anything to worry about.

 

[Blair Waldorf-Bass]

when does she become 16? cuz if it gets worse (im sure thats not the whole story) she could take them to court...
you can do much more that sue in court, one is splitting with your parents, but then you'd need a lawyer, a case, yada yada yada...
i dont recomend it, but its a possability...

She turns sixteen in mid-June.

Thanks Meskreet and Bob! 🙂

 

[Professor Walsh]

If she gathers enough evidence, the courts might just either emancipate her just out of principle or take her from her parents anyway. The downside to the courts yoinking her from her parents is that she's gonna get stuck in an orphanage or assigned to foster home with no say in where she goes or who she's with. Her friends parents can go for adopting her then, but adoptions themselves are tetchy processes with mixed results.

I'm not going to pretend that I'm very familiar with American law, but wanted to throw a thought in: Could her friend's family be considered for a foster home? Would that be a faster process than adoption?

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Hmmm I don't know much of the case but to be fair, you seem to say that the professionals, that are trained to look at situations like this, are all siding with the parents.

If she wants emancipation, then she has to have a strong case and go through proper procedures.

 

[Blair Waldorf-Bass]

I'm not going to pretend that I'm very familiar with American law, but wanted to throw a thought in: Could her friend's family be considered for a foster home? Would that be a faster process than adoption?

If she was put in a foster home, wouldn't that mean that she'd be moved from house to house? Correct me if I'm wrong on this one.

 

[Professor Walsh]

Someone else than I must tell what's right where you are. Here, if a foster home works out well for both the child/youth and the foster parents, a foster child is likely to stay with the same parents for as long as fostering is needed. Sometimes it doesn't work out as it should, and a child is moved from home to home, but in the scenario you are describing that would not be likely to happen in this case. (Just be aware that I am choosing to accept your truth here. If the picture is in fact different, my answer could have been different.)

 

[Harley]

Do you know why it is that all these people that are supposed to be there for the wellfare of the child are siding with the parents?

 

[WannaBlessedBe]

It's definitely not an easy thing to do... believe me, I have been through all this. In order to be emancipated you have to have one hell of a case, and that means having the counselors and social workers on your side. Plus it costs money that most kids just don't have. I wish there was something more I could say, but in my case I just ended up spending the majority of my time TRYING to get kicked out... it did eventually work. If they tell you to leave, you can.

Again, I am sorry that I don't have more useful information, all I know is how I handled it.

 

[Blair Waldorf-Bass]

Do you know why it is that all these people that are supposed to be there for the wellfare of the child are siding with the parents?

They all want family reunification and aren't very interested in the problems. Heck, one of the girls at the center who had proof with pictures and videos of her parents beating her got sent back to their house. It sounds all screwed up to me.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

They all want family reunification and aren't very interested in the problems. Heck, one of the girls at the center who had proof with pictures and videos of her parents beating her got sent back to their house. It sounds all screwed up to me.

Which is 'evidence' but can I ask.
How much of this situation have you seen and how much has simply been told to you?

 

[Blair Waldorf-Bass]

Which is 'evidence' but can I ask.
How much of this situation have you seen and how much has simply been told to you?

I've mostly seen it. And I know that she showed the social worker the marks on her but the woman didn't even take pictures or do anything even though she said that she would.