Does anyone actually ENJOY those family get-togethers?

Anyanka Bunny Slayer

Anyanka Bunny Slayer

✨ Hail Hydra ✨
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Black Thorn
I think we're all familiar with the concept. For some masochistic reason, we attend a gathering of our relatives....there's usually food, and sometimes, it's bearable. But usually it's not.

I've sworn off them. It's difficult to enjoy good food when there's constant pettiness, and unnecessary drama. That's approximately 90% of the time, and it's just not worth it.

So, who actually looks forward to these? Any of you? Or do you have any horror stories to share?
 
I don't mind them because I'm from a pretty small family and most of the time it's usually me, my girlfriend, my mam and dad so it's always a good time rather than bad lol. My girlfriends family is a lot larger and thankfully I get on with them well, so sometimes there is about 8 of us but again we have similar interests and are of similar age range through out (her two sisters & their boyfriends).

I've had some bad one's though, when I was younger especially. My grandma would often throw a New Year's Eve party so lots of food, lots of people, lots of drinking..., hence you can see the recipe for trouble lol. Often about 40 or so family members there from cousins to aunties and uncles, BUT, a lot of the family is fairly "fractured" for a polite term, this often ended up in some bad arguments and sausage rolls being flung around in random directions, pretty funny when I was little.., and the parties are no more, but safe to say I would use the "I'm fixing my bike tonight" excuse to get out of them now lol.
 
They're generally fine by me, but I only go once every few years. That's not to say they don't get rough at times.

Though a dream I had that made me laugh was that I'd gone back to Texas to find that my family arranged for me to marry a man. I pretended to be happy, excused myself, and caught the next train back to California. 😛

(I had another dream of vampires crashing the family gathering, so I went to California to get Buffy. I couldn't find her, but found Giles who came back to me and was commenting on the ordinary pests and plants of East Texas as being "signs of an immanent apocalypse" while I told him it has always been that way. 😀)
 
You really are a rare breed if you love family gatherings 😀 But tbh, I used to love it as a kid; it's just when become an adult or even in the process of it do you truly see picture. The abuse, the judging and the utter betrayal. Blegh.
 
I don't like them and there is too much tension between some family members to make such a thing happen.

On the other hand, Meeting up with my grandparents or with relatives I see often is nice when the opportunity arises.
 
I would say I only do it at weddings and funerals, but I've even managed to get out of those lately too! Although my nan isn't well, so I will have to go to hers if she dies.
 
It depends on which branches of the family. For reasons that will be obvious, I won't specify, but I have a huge extended family on both sides, and on one side, I am mostly delighted to hang out with the family. There's zero pettiness, and since we're spread literally on 6 continents, it's a delight to catch up with folk and their various progeny and learn who's doing what and marrying whom, having kids, etc. It's seldom particularly tense, except for one particular relative most people try to avoid.

The behavior of this individual is such that large numbers of the family do not speak to this person at all... I am one of a handful of people who look in on/look after their affairs as they are getting older... dealing with this person is an endurance and extreme sport, but the highlights of visits to where this person is, is that many other family live nearby and I get to visit with them and to be treated like 'family' -- something I don't get to have most of the time as I live far from most members of the family.

The other side of the family (my other parent's family) and I aren't that close. It's mostly not particularly tense, but it's also not that fun. I just don't feel as if i belong, and I so tend not to go to events to do with the part of that side of the family I'm most closely related to... I'm closer to extended family on that side, however -- I go back to some of the extended cousins (my grandparent's family) and I get along great and I go to all their events, even though they live further away (actually, in another country).

Family is complicated. I used to feel obligated. Now, I choose to obligate myself to my surviving parent, but other than that, I choose to associate with family b/c I like them. Those I don't like I don't associate with, though I would help them (to different levels, depending on who they are, and how I feel they've behaved).
Toxic family are to be avoided. For most of my daily life, my 'family of choice' is more important and more a part of my life than my blood relations. Mostly b/c of distance. It used to be because that one toxic person put their oar into relationships and told lies to everyone, creating distance. Since those lies were unraveled, that person finds themself on the outside, and the rest of us pretty much... we have fun. And we take care of each other.

We've gotten closer, though maybe not as close as we might have been had there been no crazy person lying and cheating. Took us a while to unravel the con artist's mess, and there was a lot of unnecessary family time missed b/c of it, but now there's been a great deal of healing, and we've decided that inviting some people to family events simply is not worth the misery. Since we're all in accord, even the closest members of that person's family, it becomes less and less of an issue as time goes on.

It's really helpful to talk honestly, to own your own side of any conflict with people who are able to be honest and get through it.... but if you have tried, or realize that trying is only going to cause pain? It's time to move on. We only got the one life. We only have the one family, but some of them are simply not worth it.

Make peace with those you can. Walk away from the rest and don't beat yourself up if you know you've done what you can. What you can may change. Until it does, don't carry around misery. It's pointless. This is what I've learned.

So: to answer the question, yes, I do enjoy family get togethers on the whole. As a childless only child, family get togethers are the only time i'm around people I'm related to. But, people I don't like or trust, I don't hang out with, even though some people may think I'm a bit ruthless because I cut some people relatives out of my life. But life is short. Crazy toxic liars don't make me feel good. So I avoid them.
 
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MarieVampSlayer
MarieVampSlayer
Same here, life is too short for toxic people even in the family!
Unfortunately, many of my relatives live in Los Angeles. Where I am. And my mum is really into family gatherings, like for nearly EVERY holiday. (The fact that all of her children are adults makes no difference) Plus, she's really, really into laying on those guilt trips; "After your father left, there were times I went without eating so YOU wouldn't go hungry. The least you could do is have a meal with the family!" Yeah, that story got old a long time ago. Nevertheless, I would occasionally attend...but no more.

My sister would ALWAYS bring her current boyfriend, and she'd baby talk to him, wipe his mouth with a napkin, and sometimes they'd cuddle. Blech! Why is that even necessary, in front of everyone else? And once when it came time to clear away the dishes, she remained seated, saying, "I'm a guest." I kid you not.

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Fuffy
Fuffy
Your family is crazy...
There are eight siblings to my family, combined with several in-laws and the nieces and nephews. Together with our mom that makes 44 (I think, not sure if I got the right number of nephews and nieces). Needless to say we can't get together on a regular basis due to time and, more importantly space...(we tried to gather for Christmas a few years ago at my sister's but as there was room for just 20 in the living room that kind of didn't work out.)
We have an agreement that works out pretty well. Three times a year we try to get everybody together. That is for my mother's birthday, my father's deathday and Christmas. Usually some 40+ people turn up and we all get along pretty well as every time it's a reunion of sorts. My mom's birthday and Christmas we gather in a local church and for the deathday we pick out a location, e.g. a zoo or an open air museum.
It seems we all get along well since none of us feel the need to be a part of other people's lives. We try to enjoy our time together by letting each and everyone free to pursue their own lives.
My guess would be that this formula works, as the younger nephews and nieces all try to show up for those days, even if not told by their parents.
 
Amber Bunny Slippers said:
Unfortunately, many of my relatives live in Los Angeles. Where I am. And my mum is really into family gatherings, like for nearly EVERY holiday. (The fact that all of her children are adults makes no difference) Plus, she's really, really into laying on those guilt trips; "After your father left, there were times I went without eating so YOU wouldn't go hungry. The least you could do is have a meal with the family!" Yeah, that story got old a long time ago. Nevertheless, I would occasionally attend...but no more.

My sister would ALWAYS bring her current boyfriend, and she'd baby talk to him, wipe his mouth with a napkin, and sometimes they'd cuddle. Blech! Why is that even necessary, in front of everyone else? And once when it came time to clear away the dishes, she remained seated, saying, "I'm a guest." I kid you not.

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Definitely has the crazy and toxic part of the triad down. You'll have to decide about the 'liar' part of it.
 
It depends on which members of the family are gathered, but I generally enjoy it, especially when there are a few people. Almost every week my aunt and my cousins come to my grandma's house (since I live with my grandparents) and I always have a great time. So I do enjoy family gatherings.
 
Well I can say I like going to them but then I not expecting a lot to happen at them & if something weird would happen then I'm having fun seeing people run around . You got to laugh.
 
I pretty much moved here to get out of family gatherings haha. I can only stand blood family.

My dads wife and stepfamily are pure awful people. Have you ever heard the saying "before you get diagnosed with depression, make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by arseholes". I really, really was surrounded by arseholes in that family. Every gathering was blooming huge, and there were many every single year. My father forced me to go. And I do mean forced me, turned up at my home and dragged me. I hated those events and now no longer celebrate holidays because of the ugly consumer culture I experienced there. The smallest get together was 15 odd and the largest up to 60 people. And they were all obese. Just casual displays of excessive money and hate for the poor, unemployed and "uneducated". I'd be given expensive gifts of no use to me and then called ungrateful for asking my father to help me buy shoes for my back rehab rather than expensive toys that I cannot use. They put my grandmother in a carehome last week. The house she lived in is in one of the most expensive areas to live in, in the entire country. Its likely to sell for a lot and I can near on guarentee that my grandmother will NOT see any money from its sale. I wish she could have come to live with me. Just goes to show the mentality of that family - "we cant be bothered to care so we'll pay someone else". The townhouse is not easy to get around, I wish they had just brought her a more simple home instead of deciding its time for her to get locked up and die.

My mums side was usually plesant, but my science sister hated me taking antidepressants. I see why now. Those drugs changed me, and my sister couldnt deal with seeing me like that. My other sister was mad because hospitals would not stop calling her as next of kin even though I specified doctors not to. Mum stopped inviting me as she knew how stressed I got being forced to attend the stepfamily events. It was a relief and now I catch up with them individually, less stress on me and them, more time to connect as family. The science sister doesnt know I am off meds, she works over east.

An example of how different the families are - I did not attended my stepbrothers wedding (mums side) i did not even rsvp. I was too unwell in withdrawal at the time. No fuss was made, no hate thrown at me, no one got angry. I missed my stepsisters wedding on my dads side and all hell broke lose. I copped a lot of abuse for not travelling a 1000km round trip to attend, not one, but 2 weddings for the same couple. I could not even afford sanitary care and these people were mad I didnt contribute to their travel fund. It disgusts me to think of I am so glad to be FREE!!!

Lol.cant believe i typed all that on a phone. I need to get up off the couch now haha
 
ChaseRules
ChaseRules
Now that Drama there . Ever think you were born in the wrong family ?
Yeah my family is great. I count my brother and cousins amongst my friends. My mum, aunt and uncle are all great as well. We live near each other, see each other often and had a nice time over Easter.
 
I'm having one today! But then my family gatherings aren't the same as others. I can't give details in case I warp the minds of the young, but it's different. Having @GwenRaiden as your sister is an experience in itself. 😉
 
I love my family gatherings and look forward to each and every one. Of course, it's easy to do so, since my dad stopped talking to his sister eight years ago, lol. I should clarify; I love my family gatherings on my mother's side.

I've got 3 uncles (and their SOs), 5 cousins (and their SOs), 3 grandparents, 1 sister (and brother-in-law), 1 niece and 1 second-cousin. That doesn't include my mom and stepfather. I'd say there are about 20 or so people at our family gatherings and it is always so much fun. There's literally no drama involved on that side, everyone gets along perfectly and I come home with a big smile every time. Guess I'm just lucky 😛
 
Yeah see my mother is one of 7, so that side is big, and when we were young we would do big family events.

My dad is one of 11, however it was a lot rarer for that side of the family to have big events
 
I used to enjoy my mom's family getting together when I was younger, but over the years there's been a lot of falling outs and drama. Right now, I'm like totally done with my family. Now my dad's family gets together every year, but I've never been close with them, so it's a bit awkward. Sounds bad, but I don't really have any interest getting to know them. I'm talking like beyond my immediate aunts, uncles, and cousins. So no, I don't look forward to these, in fact I skipped the gathering this year, mostly because I had to work that day. But I made no effort to get the day off either.
 
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