I'm very sorry for you. I know I'm kinda late in posting this, (sorry if it upsets you again) but I kinda wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry. It's really hard when you lose someone like that.
I came home one day from school (two years ago) and I immediately noticed that my mom and my dog weren't there. My dog was 12, he had been sick for awhile, he kept vomiting all the time and he was drastically losing weight. We thought it was just something like a virus or something. But that one day when I got home, I saw my mom left a note on the counter. My brother and I read it. It said that she went to the vet with my dog, to see what was wrong with him. About 20 min later, she called and said there was a slight possibility that we would have to put him down. Then about 20 more minutes later she called again. My brother answered the phone, and went into his room. I figured it was one of his friends. Until after awhile, I went to walk past the stairs and I saw him sitting there, tears in his eyes. He didn't even notice I was standing right in front of him. I immediately knew what had happened. I kinda went into a state of shock. About 5 minutes later, I heard my mom come throught the door. And I didn't hear my dog's claws clicking on the floor. I walked over, and just completely broke down, and my mom just handed me his collar. It turned out that he had a tumor crushing his esophagus, and his food would get lodged in his throat and then he would make himself throw it all up. I couldn't bear to think that he was gone forever. I cried for days. Especially knowing that I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to him. My last words to him were while I was leaving for school that morning, and they were "ill see you after school".
I realize now that putting him down was the best thing we could ever do for him. He couldn't stay in this world suffering like that. Especially since he had gone from weighing 67 pounds to 48 pounds.
Anyway, I'm sooo soo sooooooo sorry to hear about your loss. It gets better, though.
Stay strong 🙂