Don't Know What to Do!

WillowTaraHolic

WillowTaraHolic

Novice Witch
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
170
Location
West Coast, USA
Today I was walking from class to my dorm when I got a text from my sister, who still lives at home, which is more than 2,000 miles away from where I go to college. It said (I had previously asked her how her day was):

Today was terrible. Everyone is calling me a dyke at school. (╥﹏╥)

Does anyone understand how scary it is when your fifteen year old sister (She's also practically my best friend) texts you that everyone at her school is calling her a dyke? (She does actually have feelings for girls, but I'm the only one who knows that, according to her, which just makes things a whole ton worse) I'm afraid of how she's feeling right now and I'm not sure what to do, since I am many many many many miles away from her. I tried to call her like twenty times, but she didn't answer.

What do I do? She'll probably get mad if I told our brother or parents, since they have no idea what the hell is going on. At least, not to my knowledge, anyway. I'm just so scared for her. My best guess right now is to keep talking to her and maybe she'll open up a bit more when I come to visit later this fall. But should I be talking to someone? Should she be talking to someone?

I've never been involved with something like this, (Mainly because I was the introvert of my school back when I was that age and no one knew anything about me, much less paid attention to me) and I'm afraid that she'll take all the mean comments really to heart and hurt herself or something.

Anyone know what I should do, or has anyone ever been in this position?
 
nancylives
nancylives
be your sisters rock
You can tell your parents you have concerns without going into details. That would be my advice. Hopefully she's not taking it quite as badly as you think she is, but telling someone who is in a position to look after her that she seems really down is the best you can do imo.
 
It's okay to reach out to someone, anyone you're comfortable with. This includes parents, teachers, and if you're getting really desperate, even the police if you think there's any chance of self harm possible. But no matter what you do, do not "out" her. She'll do that on her own when she's ready.

Aside from that, all you can really do is support her. Be there whenever she needs you to be, and everything will be fine.

And no sure if it'll help at all, but from personal experience, and I do consider myself a fairly brave person, but growing up queer is the scariest thing I have had to go through. And it's not even having that many bad reactions, I'm not scared of those, but it's when people you love treat you like shit that is really scary. There's nothing worst than having someone that you love think that you're a monster. So it's super important that you're sister has support from the people she loves. The rest will get better on it's on.

Of course, bullying friggen sucks, but one suggestion I would have is for you to try and convince your sister to talk to someone on her own. Preferably someone that could help her at school, like a close friend. Her friend might already be defending her, but what even worst is that they might make comments that are equally homophobic (eg: "Oh, don't worry, we know you're not like that and could never be like that"). It's challenging, and scary to deal with. I spent my whole highschool being scared of coming out to my group of friends, even after they asked me if I was gay or not. In the end I had nothing to fear, my friends were awesome when I finally did tell them (in university), and I've had very few bad reactions with friends since then (family is a different matter). In the end, just try to make your sister understand that things do get better.

If you suspect self-harm, reach out to her. Self-harming is really, really prominent in gay youth, it's important to raise awareness and support her.

Does your sister know anyone from the LGBTQ community that she can reach out too if she needs help? It's already great that she's talking to you about it, but talking to someone outside of the family can't hurt either. Growing up in a small town, I know that sometimes finding support isn't always easy.

As for the bullying itself, I don't have any specific advice. I've never been bullied myself, but I've stood up for others. And I find being outspoken really helps.
 
Thanks so much! I'll try to get in touch with her again tomorrow. The reason I'm REALLY worried about self-harm is that my sister has done it before, around three years ago, because she was at a breaking point in insecurity. (It sorta runs in the family, I guess, but my insecurity never went that far) She's had a tough time with bullying, but this is the first time I've heard anything about bullying against her sexual orientation.

I'm gonna shoot my brother an email tonight and see if we can get together in a few days and talk about it. (Without giving anything away, most definitely) I don't know much about my sister's social life, but I do recall her spending a few nights at some friend's house while I was visiting over the summer, so I know she has at least one friend that's her age. (But then again, I wasn't paying attention to her social life because I wasn't worried about her)

I'll wait on making my parents aware until my brother and I figure out what to do next. Though I will contact my sister often enough to make sure she's not going off the deep end. Whew, this is stressful. *grabs chocolate bar* Maybe some chocolate will make me more relaxed.

Again, thanks for the advice everyone! I shall let you all know how it goes! 😀
 
I hate homophobes. They disgust me. You want to hate people? At least find a good reason you lazy pathetic assholes. Hate them for something they can actually control, their choices and actions.

Tell your sis to hang in there. Being fifteen sucks enough without dealing with bullshit like this.
 
Be aware of one thing: the phenomenon of the automatic reporter. There are some professions such as medicine, teaching, the ministry and a few others that are required by law to report to police if a person intends to harm himself, harm others or is abused. This creates a social services file that will NEVER GO AWAY. Sad to say, but in this circumstance, do not set into motion anything you cannot stop. Before you tell anyone anything, determine what you would expect their response to be. If it is not helpful, keep your mouth shut until you run into someone that can help.
 
I really hope that your sister is going to be ok. High school sucks and people can be mean. I remember having friends that had a hard time coming out to friends and family and like Blaze said it hurts when the people you love turn on you. Every one deals with these issues differently. It's stupid to hate people for who they like, we can't help it even though I wish I could sometimes.Just let your sister know that high school is not forever and things will get better. It kind of relates back to what Buffy was telling Jonathon in 'Earshot'. Everyone has problems and their own issues they are dealing with. Unfortunately it makes them feel better or distracts them from their problems when they pick on people. This is why I tend to keep my personal stuff on a need to know basis, it's no ones business who I like except mine.
 
The best thing to do if you're afraid something might happen is to tell your parents. You don't have to tell them everything that's going on, you just have to tell them that you're afraid for her. That should be enough. Parents are like bears. You tell them you think something is wrong, and they will rush to comfort. At least most parents that are good do.

Other than that, the only thing I think you can do is just show her that you're there for her. While I never had to go through anything even remotely similar to what she's going through (Being a straight male), I have been bullied, and it takes a big toll on your mind. Just let her know you're there for her and that you love her <3 🙂

Hope I made some sense. Running on only a few hours of sleep.
 
I managed to get in touch with meh bro and we're going to get together on Tuesday. I let him know (DISCREETLY) that our sister wasn't feeling too great and that we should be aware of that as her teen years go on.

It's late at night where my family is, so I think I'm just going to worry about my parents tomorrow.

I'm gonna go and eat dinner... I haven't eaten anything since this morning other than that chocolate bar that tasted like shit.
 
Don't get the idea that parents will automatically help. They may be homophobic and you don't know, since the subject would never be allowed to come up. In my experience, parents will panic over the slightest thing. Their reactions may make matters worse. And their belief that they own their children combined with their ability to exact punishment means they should be the last to know. It is not your place to speak for her unless she has granted you agency to speak in her behalf and then only to the people she allows and only under circumstances she can control.
 
^ I actually retract my statements because of this post. I totally forgot about that possibility. I mean, you should let someone you know trust, in order to get someone else's second opinion that would have a good idea of what to do. But unless you're a hundred percent certain that your parents won't freak out about this kinda of stuff, it would probably be best to wait a while before letting them in on anything.
 
Of course you don't go into details with the parents but if you are as concerned as WTH sounded in her first post and with the added information from her second, you definitely have to say something. Just something vague like "lil sis seemed upset when we talked earlier, I'm a bit concerned, does she seem ok to you? Don't say anything but maybe you should keep an eye on her"
 
I agree that it's possible to talk to your parents without going into details. Some parents can suck, but the majority will be concerned and will try to help if you tell them something is wrong. No need to go into details, but as Still a Scoobie said, you can just ask if your sister seem normal at home and if everything is okay.

Also, you're the one that knows your parents best. So I'm sure you'll know how to deal with all of this. Best of luck, and keep us updated 🙂
 
Sis said everything was fine at school today. Not sure if she's telling the truth, but I'm just gonna go along with it anyway.

I'm still not sure about my parents. I don't think I'll do anything until tomorrow, when my brother and I are going to meet up and talk about it a little. (He lives like an hour away, so it's never too hard to visit with him)

Meanwhile, I'm just gonna sit here and work on homework. (Ugh, I hate Mondays.) My dorm mate is going to have a party tonight (Oh joy. Plus, why did she choose a MONDAY of all nights to have a party? I mean, seriously) and I have to get all this done before all hell's loose and I have to crash at my friend's dorm to escape all the craziness. Not too much of a party girl here.
 
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