Elderly Gay Couple Forcibly Separated

[Lyri]

PLEASE READ THIS!

Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place"”wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health.
One evening, Harold fell down the front steps of their home and was taken to the hospital. Based on their medical directives alone, Clay should have been consulted in Harold's care from the first moment. Tragically, county and health care workers instead refused to allow Clay to see Harold in the hospital. The county then ultimately went one step further by isolating the couple from each other, placing the men in separate nursing homes. Ignoring Clay's significant role in Harold's life, the county continued to treat Harold like he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf. Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold's "roommate." The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold's bank accounts to pay for his care.

What happened next is even more chilling: without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold's possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold's lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord.

Three months after he was hospitalized, Harold died in the nursing home. Because of the county's actions, Clay missed the final months he should have had with his partner of 20 years. Compounding this tragedy, Clay has literally nothing left of the home he had shared with Harold or the life he was living up until the day that Harold fell, because he has been unable to recover any of his property.

Elderly Gay Couple Forcibly Separated, Abused, Robbed By County Officials in California | Slog | The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper

Clay is now suing the county, the auction company, and the nursing home.

This deserves just as much, if not more attention, than the Constance thing. I'm so disgusted I'm sitting here in tears.

Imagine if this was a straight couple? There is NO WAY they would have gotten away with this. They shouldn't have been able to get away with what they did.

 

[Blondie Bear]

This was obviously too late to help that couple, but hopefully will prevent this sort of thing in the future:

Hospitals that accept Medicare and Medicaid payments must let patients choose which persons, including gay and lesbian partners, can visit them and help make critical health decisions, President Barack Obama said Thursday.

Newsvine - Obama: gay partners should have hospital access

 

[Professor Walsh]

To quote what kept my feet moving as I was exercising my trainers Asics yesterday:

No, it shall not be one law for the black, one law for the white
It shall not be one law for the man, one law for the woman
It shall not be one law for the heterosexual, one law for the homosexual
One law for the rich country, one law for the poor country
It shall be one law only
It shall be equality, equality of opportunity
Equality of healthcare, equality of power
Equality of civil rights

 

[Big Damn Hero]

I'm so disgusted right now.

How on earth did they get away with that?

Even if he wins the court case (which he should), nothing will be able to bring his partner or those last months they should've shared together back, which makes my blood boil even more.

 

[Mumrik]

Oh my God, this is awful. I can't believe the county just got away with going over the couple's heads like this. I just... I don't get, if they were in each other's documents like the article said, HOW could this have happened? I mean, these are legal documents and ... no. This makes me so mad I can't even think clear right now.

Even if he wins the court case (which he should), nothing will be able to bring his partner or those last months they should've shared together back, which makes my blood boil even more.

Agreed, a thousand times.

 

[pieceofgosa]

The disgusting & inhumane actions of the county in this instance just make me want to randomly & indiscriminantly hit people. If there was any justice the "people" who perpetrated this crime against Clay & Harold would have their dignity taken from them the way they took it from this poor couple. There are simply not words (well there are but I'm not allowed to use them here) to describe the egregious & blatant disrepsecting of this couple's basic human rights. I've never wanted to believe in Hell as much as I do now, because I'm sure that if it exists the county officials involved in this debacle will have a special place reserved for them next to the paedophiles & the rapists.

 

[Professor Walsh]

I recieved a well-placed kick on my shin for being so predictably easy to inflame. That made me realise that I'd taken all my very northern European assumptions into this, thinking that it would be handled differently had it been a man and a woman. Apparently, it would not. Is the crucial thing here their lack of marriage rather than their gender? (not that I would have reacted much differently, splitting up elderly couples is always bloody disgraceful.)

 

[Mumrik]

I recieved a well-placed kick on my shin for being so predictably easy to inflame. That made me realise that I'd taken all my very northern European assumptions into this, thinking that it would be handled differently had it been a man and a woman. Apparently, it would not. Is the crucial thing here their lack of marriage rather than their gender? (not that I would have reacted much differently, splitting up elderly couples is always bloody disgraceful.)

Well, if it indeed was their lack of marriage that caused this, it would still come down to their gender in the end, simply because they weren't allowed to actually get married. If these two men were a straight couple, I think they would have gotten married somewhere down the line.

Anyways, in my eyes, being partners for 20 years is nothing else than a marriage, whether you actually have it confirmed on a slip of paper or not - this goes for gay as well as straight couples. Of course, these are just my feelings towards the matter, and I know there come certain (legal) advantages with actually being married. As this clearly shows.

 

[Taake]

I'm so disgusted right now.

How on earth did they get away with that?

Even if he wins the court case (which he should), nothing will be able to bring his partner or those last months they should've shared together back, which makes my blood boil even more.

I second this as well, this is just... I'm sitting here Horrified right now! At a loss for words

 

[Washburne]

I'd taken all my very northern European assumptions into this, thinking that it would be handled differently had it been a man and a woman. Apparently, it would not. Is the crucial thing here their lack of marriage rather than their gender? (not that I would have reacted much differently, splitting up elderly couples is always bloody disgraceful.)

No matter what the action was a you put it bloody disgraceful and will/would be in any situation like this. But I have to admit that my mind went to the place of "it's because they were gay". If all actions are allowed just because they weren't married, and had nothing to do with them being gay, something is even more wrong than I initially thought (which wasn't nice thoughts to begin with).

 

[pieceofgosa]

I don't know much about legal matters, but I do know that if this couple had been a straight couple & they had been living together for 20 years, in this country they would be considered common law husband & wife with all the legal rights that come with it.

 

[BuffyElevated]

OH my God... That makes me so sick! 🙁 Those poor men... Awww...
I really hope Obama's new law prevents this from happening to anyone else in the future, and I hope that Clay wins his lawsuit!!

 

[Lyri]

I recieved a well-placed kick on my shin for being so predictably easy to inflame. That made me realise that I'd taken all my very northern European assumptions into this, thinking that it would be handled differently had it been a man and a woman. Apparently, it would not. Is the crucial thing here their lack of marriage rather than their gender? (not that I would have reacted much differently, splitting up elderly couples is always bloody disgraceful.)

It doesn't matter if they were married or not. ALL their legal documents were in each other's names, they were each others legal next of kin, power of attorney and that sort of thing. Had they been a straight couple who were not married, but had all their documentation in place, then there wouldn't have even been a question.

Although I'm loath to give these disgusting people the benefit of the doubt, if these health care 'professionals' were doing the only thing they could do in the situation, and the problem was because they weren't married, then shouldn't this story be used in the fight for same sex marriage? If the problem was caused because Clay was not Harold's husband by law, then the law needs to change.

And one other thing I think needs pointed out.

Why the hell was Clay confined to a nursing home if he was in good health? There was no reason for this, other than the people working for the county wanted their greedy little hands on as much money as they could get. And I would LOVE to know what happened to the money they got from auctioning Harold and Clay's possessions. I'll bet Clay didn't see a penny of it.

 

[Professor Walsh]

Well, if it indeed was their lack of marriage that caused this, it would still come down to their gender in the end, simply because they weren't allowed to actually get married. If these two men were a straight couple, I think they would have gotten married somewhere down the line.

Actually, a lot of couples choose to not be married to each other for the rest of their lives. I most countries the vast difference between a heterosexual and a homosexual couple is that the latter have no choice. Any part of a couple who chooses to share their economy needs to be extremely diligent in looking after his or her rights should something happen. A typical example of a situation where things go wrong in my neck of the woods is that one part owns the flat/house and pays the mortgage, whereas the other part pays electricity, food, new tiles for the bathroom floor ... y'know - everything but the kitchen sink. If the relationship breaks apart or the owning part dies, things can get difficult.

It seems that in the case of the residence, this may have been the case here. Still, the way their relationship has been handled is a disgrace.

It doesn't matter if they were married or not. ALL their legal documents were in each other's names, they were each others legal next of kin, power of attorney and that sort of thing. Had they been a straight couple who were not married, but had all their documentation in place, then there wouldn't have even been a question.

From the link Blondie Bear posted it may seem that there have been all kinds of problems with people not being allowed the visitors they wish to see, particularly - but not only - for homosexual couples.

Although I'm loath to give these disgusting people the benefit of the doubt, if these health care 'professionals' were doing the only thing they could do in the situation, and the problem was because they weren't married, then shouldn't this story be used in the fight for same sex marriage? If the problem was caused because Clay was not Harold's husband by law, then the law needs to change.

Yep. To me, the benefits of a gender neutral marriage act far outweighs the counter-arguments I've heard over the years.

Why the hell was Clay confined to a nursing home if he was in good health? There was no reason for this, other than the people working for the county wanted their greedy little hands on as much money as they could get. And I would LOVE to know what happened to the money they got from auctioning Harold and Clay's possessions. I'll bet Clay didn't see a penny of it.

Do we know that he was in good health? I don't doubt that there have been clear wrongdoings in how he was sent to a nursing home and held there against his will, but we don't have a full picture of his health.

All that said ... I'm nonetheless fuming.

 

[Lyri]

Do we know that he was in good health? I don't doubt that there have been clear wrongdoings in how he was sent to a nursing home and held there against his will, but we don't have a full picture of his health.

This is from the main article:

Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place"”wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health.

It states that Clay was in good health, which to me means he was perfectly capable of living in his own home. He was 77. My grandmother is 77 and still lives alone. There's nothing to suggest he needed to be in a home.

 

[InsaneMystic]

This whole story is way beyond wrong, way beyond messed up. If I had a say in the matter, everyone involved in this would be looking for a different job (preferrably with colorful enough testimonials that they'd have just about zero chance to work in their previous line again, ever).

 

[Professor Walsh]

"Lawyer Says Concerns About Domestic Violence Prompted Separation of Gay Partners"

Judging from what I've read, I still believe that this would have been handled differently had we been talking about a man or a woman. I really hope someone can get the facts of this case out in the air, though, because no matter what's truths and what's lies here the deceased part has been wronged.

 

[pieceofgosa]

Hmm, it seems terribly predictable that this "excuse" has been rolled out. I echo commentors on NY Times site who ask why no charges were brought against Clay with regard the accusations of domestic abuse, however I am willing to admit that domestic abuse cases are frequently the hardest to prosecute. This is in the hands of the courts now & any further comment from anybody would be pretty much pointless. We're not able to make any judgement on this case & I will reserve my own until the full facts come out in court.

 

[Lyri]

I agree with pieceofgosa. Why wasn't this brought to light at the time? It seems a little late in rolling this out now, when everyone's talking about it. Covering their asses, maybe?

Like pieceofgosa said, we don't know what went on in that house, and neither do those health care people. We're all just making assumptions based on the stuff we know.

 

[Wild At Heart]

Yet another reason why I am sometimes ashamed to be a part of this country. There is just so many digusting things that people are getting away with, it's so sad.